No skin to skin after a c section?

[Chocolateoatmilk]

Dd is 3 months and I still feel sad ... is this normal?

Oh you didn’t Bertie it was lovely of you to tell me/ and hopefully someone will find it helpful as I would love to. It’s just I know it won’t work and will upset us both all over again!

Forever I didn’t have a birth plan at all. I did want one, not in a wanting jasmine candles and essential oils way but I would have liked to talk through options. As it was skin to skin was the only thing I wanted so I do feel a bit short changed I suppose.

I also come from a place of a traumatic birth with DC2, had a fully retained placenta, held her for about 5 mins and then was whisked off for it to be manually removed. The most brutal process EVER.

I was worried about bonding with Dc and also sad as I didn’t see her for the first 4 hours as DH was left with her...but those were elviated prettt quickly

I do feel that it would help to talk about it? Not on here... but as a previous poster has did maybe a debrief?

I never had sin to skin with my DD who is now 8 either. It does make me feel down thinking back but we have an amazing bond. We are like best friends.

I had a forceps delivery then a huge haemorrhage, I didn't hold DS for 2 hours, DH was though, and I then don't remember much of his first 12-18 hours, he's nearly 5 now and I still feel sad about it when I think about it.

@THNG5

I've had 3 planned sections and although baby wasn't placed on me until I was stitched up and back in recovery, I don't feel sad about it as my husband got to have an amazing bonding time of his own while I was being taken care of.

This. I had 4 sections. Dh had 2-3 hours alone with each of them, and I am so pleased for him. I had loads of time after that.

Having skin to skin right after birth shouldn't affect whether you can bf or not, so try not to worry about that. It may not have worked anyway.

Are you cross with your dh for not supporting you/for giving dc formula?

I didn’t have a birth plan at all. I did want one, not in a wanting jasmine candles and essential oils way but I would have liked to talk through options. As it was skin to skin was the only thing I wanted so I do feel a bit short changed I suppose.

Talk through options? Which options?

Why not have a birth plan? It sounds as though you felt that your feelings and wishes went unheard, and you're angry with your dh for that. But you could have made a birth plan, asked the midwife to stick to it?

I didn’t have an opportunity to make a birth plan.

I’m not angry: I’m disappointed. I’m not angry with DH, I’m a bit eye rolly but not angry. Why do you think I sound angry?

I didnt get skin to skin when I had my c section. Even though I told the midwife who was supposed to be looking after us that I wanted it, even though she told me not to bring clothes for the baby into the theatre so we could do skin to skin. When the time came, it just didn't happen. And I didnt feel confident enough to ask for it as the atmosphere in the theatre was weird and I already felt like the anasthetic person and her assistant were laughing at me. I understand why you are upset, it upsets me when I think about it as well.

I didn't manage to hold ds until a few days after he was born - he was born grunting, and struggling to breathe so was whisked off to NICU, and I was very unwell.
It felt wrong for a long while afterwards. Be kind to yourself.

I couldn't because of a bad birth and an extra large baby.

I had skin to skin as soon as I could and it was safe for me to do so.

I didn’t get skin to skin with my first who was born by emcs. They did give him to me briefly but I was shaking so much they took him back off me. We did do a lot of s2s later and I’d bath with him which was nice.
I had a VBAC Second time I was too knackered and didn’t want her for quite awhile afterwards, it worried the midwives. SHes had very little s2s I haven’t had time.
The births were still too fresh in my mind at 3 months. It gets easier to accept (even if it shouldn’t have happened) after a bit more time passes

S2S is important but not crucial when it comes to breasfeeding.There are many mothers who did not have S2S and still breastfed.
When I had my 1st DS 20 years ago and another one 2 years later no one was talking about S2S yet.When i had my 1st he was given to me 2 hours later,clean clothed and not very interested in feeding.He was taken to the nursery overnight and given a bottle(no one asked but everyone knew that it was expected to breastfeed so it was totally strange and counterproductive).Breastfed well afterwards for 12 months
2nd DS again,waterbirth,brief cuddle afterwards and given fully clothed but stayed with me all the time.Breastfed for 2.5 years
I had 2 more much later but never obsessed with skin to skin and they breastfed well for much longer than older siblings.
Please do not beat yourself, Dr's performing CS are still very much not familiar with S2S and many do not facilitate this unless you or your partner are very vocal about it.

Two emergency sections here. Dc1 went to Nicu and I had postpartum psychosis so I don't think we had any skin to skin ever. With dc2, I didn't want skin to skin because I had so much guilt but I had a scary (but lovely) consultant who had other ideas.

Dc1 is six, I still feel guilty. No skin to skin and it took me 6 months to accept I had a baby. Whereas with dc2, I saw her emerge and fell in love instantly plus she was on my chest within minutes.

I think it's natural to feel a sense of loss. I hated how passive and out of my control my experiences were, even the good one. I second a debrief, I got one when dc1 was 8 months old and it was helpful in understanding what went wrong.

What doesn’t add up please?

SKS for a brief few seconds straight after CS, then baby needed to be checked over. Bf & s2s in recovery room.

I had an EMCS followed by ELCS. DD was too poorly to have skin to skin, so it was never an option with the first section. I got a tiny cuddle before she went off to SCBU for a few hours.

DS, I was offered it, but I don't do very well when I'm being operated on, so didn't feel well enough to hold him. DH had skin to skin with him instead!

I don't think you're wrong or unusual to feel sad about this kind of thing. I do find that - as trite as it sounds - time has helped me get over issues like this, however. You're still in the newborn stage, so of course it's fresh for you. Take care of yourself.

Why did you husband give her a bottle of milk when he knew the plan was to breastfeed? Were you there at the time or was it because you were unwell?

I was there but unconscious. I’ve no idea why he did it or why no one told him not to, but it happened.

@Pootle40 my baby nearly had a bottle straight after birth because they thought she might have low blood sugar. I know this because the midwife checked with me it would be ok to give it. As it happened, when they checked her blood sugar, she was ok, so it didn't happen.

@Chocolateoatmilk three months isn't really very long, particularly if it didn't go to plan. DD is nearly four months and I still think about her birth a fair bit (didn't go to plan but not too traumatic, except for the bit straight after where everyone was stressing because DD was much smaller than expected). I think you're very likely still processing it. What helps me is to look at my lovely DD when I think about it and remind myself that she's doing brilliantly now. Although sometimes that makes me weepy with how blessed we are!

I don’t think she had low blood sugar but I don’t know. This is the problem: there’s a couple of hours after her birth that are just a blank for me. I know DH gave her a bottle because he told me. I mean, he could be lying in response to the ‘it doesn’t add up ’ comment but why would he do that? But I can’t say for a fact he did as I wasn’t with it at all. And I so wanted to be.

I think it’s normal to feel sad about this as it we are told how important it is for feeding and bonding.

Ds1 was a c section under GA so no skin to skin with me or DH, by the time I came around he was dressed and I was so out of it I didn’t really grasp that I had a baby. DS2 another c section but I was so sick I couldn’t have held him. Ds3 final c section and he was taken straight to special care,

I still find it sad but time does help.

I did so much skin to skin with my first and still failed at breastfeeding 😭. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. I was upset about it for months but honestly the feeling passes.

Dd2 was a section and I was offered but was feeling too rubbish so my partner did it. Its kind of nice we got to do one each I think.

I think what I'm trying to say is that these feelings do change with time, and it's ok to feel sad about it but don't let it ruin what you have now.

It is possible it wouldn’t have worked either way but there was no real reason why it didn’t so I do speculate.