C-section 19th Dec, Christmas Day guests?

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Hi everyone, I have an elective c-section booked in for 19th December (first baby). DH is very keen to celebrate Christmas by having his family (MIL, PIL, and his two siblings) over on Christmas Day for dinner.

DH would do all the cooking and arranging and I know he'd work very hard to make sure I have to do as little as possible beyond looking after our new arrival, but I'm still uneasy about it. I don't know how much pain I'll be in and therefore how keen I am to be around people, I don't know how breastfeeding is going to go, and I also think if we're having people over I'll end up trying to cover DH's blind spots (trying to make the table look nice etc.)

What do you reckon - ask DH if we can just spend the day together ourselves as a new little family, or try to do as he hopes and have his family over? They live an hour and a half away if that makes any difference (probably not). My family live in a different part of the UK so we won't see them until January.

There's no pressure from DH - if I say I really don't think it's a good idea, he'll be fine about it, I just know he would love to have them over and if it's realistic then I'd like it to happen!

Just to add - having a baby is fab and it's lovely spending those first few days together - you won't need your in laws visiting to feel as though it's special

Not a fucking chance this side of hell would I do this. This is prime sitting topless cluster feeding and weeping time. I wouldn't have guests for more than an hour at all. Let alone Christmas entertaining!

Your DH will have his hands full looking after you and the baby. It is far more work than you are imagining.

I'd absolutely not do it. I had a c section and ended up being in hospital for five days post section - I got a mild bladder infection and my DS dropped his birth weight, so you need to allow for any eventuality. Neither of those things were vastly uncommon or life threatening but the last thing I'd be wanting to do 5 days after a c section is hosting, even if someone else was doing most of the work. You'll be tired, sore, maybe establishing breastfeeding (if you're going to) but especially if it's your first, you are going to want space rather than hosting.

My very lovely mother in law visited me for a day, around 5 days post elective c section. I found it exhausting. After about 3 hours I really just wanted her to go home.

For fuck's sake, what is it about xmas that makes people go mental.
No, no, no, no you will feel weak and vulnerable and will be exhausted from having a new baby.
You don't need relatives everywhere, your husband trashing the kitchen and the noise and fuss. The house will be a pig sty afterwards.
He is being ridiculous for even suggesting it and his family are being ridiculous for accepting - they should know better.
Put your foot down.

What JasonPollack said.....

No way!

At day 6 after my planned c section I could just about pick something up off the floor but was still bleeding a lot, taking pain killers and self injection (they will likely give you an anti clotting agent to self inject for 10 days). I certainly wouldn't have been helping to host dinner. Also keep in mind that the sleep deprivation from having a newborn will be really setting in. You will be exhausted, foggy and in pain. Fair enough if people wanted to pop in for an hour but hosting xmas will feel like a very long day

Not a chance. Nope. Nada. Not gonna happen.

@JasonPollack - "topless cluster feeding and weeping time" . . . sounds truly magical 😆

Okay, I'm 100% convinced - no hosting, survival mode only!

MIL is a bit fragile but compensates by being very blustery and opinionated (ESPECIALLY in relation to childbirth and breastfeeding etc.),

^^

Oh god no

I'd do it. If your husband is as supportive as you say and willing to do everything go for it. I wouldn't let them stop over though.

After the first days you get the baby blues, you'll feel more vulnerable and can cry at the drop of a hat. It's your hormones resetteling. It's fine but combined with severe lack of sleep and inlaws that you find difficult and the pressure of having a magical christmas just sounds waaaay too much. I haven't had a section but honestly, you just want to do your own thing and maybe have visitors for a very short time just to show the baby off. Maybe it would be a better idea to try to suddenly drop by the inlaws for a short time at christmas so they can all have a look at the baby -IF you want that at that point.

Fuck, no.

With all due respect: No. Fucking. Way!

I had DS by planned section on a Tuesday and we weren't discharged until the Friday. Then back in overnight on Saturday due to his weightloss. On Monday (6 days) we took him to A&E as he wasn't feeding. He was then in SCBU for 8 days, so didn't come home for good until he was 2 weeks old.

I really don't want to scare you, but
it doesn't always go to plan (and until this happened to us, complications were something that only happened to people on Mumsnet, or so I thought).

Possible complications aside, it is hard to imagine how having a baby disrupts your normal. I think your DH is lovely but utterly and completely naïve thinking he can cook Christmas dinner with a newborn in the house I felt completely overwhelmed for the first few weeks, there is no way I would have wanted to be left on my own for hours so DH could cook, even less so for it to be followed by hosting the in-laws.

OP, does your DH usually do the cooking. Does he know where the sieve and the carving knife are without asking you? Will his relatives mind if you hole up in bed and ignore them? I remember reading when I had DD that you should spend the first week in bed and the 2nd week next to it. No passing the mince pies or topping up your FIL's tea cup.

My sister and DM came to visit a couple of days before my DD was born, to do food shopping and cook. They sat on their backsides and watched TV whilst I did childcare and hauled a toad in the hole for 6 out of the oven, that I'd made. Even if they say they'll help / leave promtply etc. they won't, because it's not inconveniencing them.

Tell your DH to buy lots of ready meals, freeze them and wait on you hand and foot on Xmas Day. He can go and see his family at your in laws' house at New Year but they have no business being near your house that early on, expecting a prolonged "big lunch and buffet tea" visit.

I had DS2 the week before Christmas and honestly it was a good excuse to avoid people and just hole up with an M&S turkey dinner - no pressure. I couldn’t have imagined hosting anyone that year, I was so exhausted and sore. That being said my In-laws turned up two days later and stayed for HOURS - I remember mentally screaming ‘would you all get out of my house and leave me alone with my baby!’. Thankfully I didn’t say it out loud or I would have never been forgiven.

As someone above said - if you’re breastfeeding you’ll end up in your bedroom for half the day, and bear in mind you could be midway through the baby blues on Christmas Day which are utterly horrible.

So long story short - don’t do it. Your DH means well but has no idea. Also worth noting that the lack of sleep can sometimes hit fathers harder than mothers - he may well not feel up to it when the time comes.

My baby will be approx 2 weeks old during Christmas and DH will plan something similar with our family. I have just let him crack on with it and will focus on baby, eating, and trying not to bleed all over the place lol. But it’s quite normal in my culture for breastfeeding mums to not socialise.

I had a section on 19th Dec due to pre-eclampsia and was only discharged on Christmas Eve. There was no way I would have felt up to a houseful of people all day, regardless of who was cooking. I was really keen to see my family and my in laws, but after an hour of their company I was just...done. Fortunately they all understood and left after an hour!

If you feel up to it, having everyone round for a quick mince pie might be lovely. But I wouldn't commit to full-on hosting.

God no! I personally think your bonkers to even consider this.

Your still gonna be in your pjs, bleeding and uncomfortable and very hormonal. Your milk will probably just be coming in, you'll be feeding on and off all day - the last thing you want is guest all day.

I had an EMCS on 27th June and it took me at least 2 weeks to be standing/ walking properly, the last thing i would of wanted was people in the house all day x

I'm due the 15th dec, having a section the week before and I'm just hosting Christmas for the four of us (me, my partner, our 3yr old and our newborn), everyone else can visit when they like around meal times, because I know I won't want to go anywhere except maybe for a short walk, I don't want to host other people for Christmas lunch and I don't want to have to sit for hours feeling like crap in someone else's house 🤷🏼‍♀️

I had a November baby first time round and realised how hard it was in the run up to Christmas so I'm fully prepared this time with the baby being a December baby

Joining the choir to say no way, don't commit, no, no, no!

Hopefully your MIL wouldn't even allow the family to do this, having once been a new mother herself.

Host next year!

IME day four-six are when it really hits you! For me that was after our first stroll out for a coffee - and I basically retreated to bed with baby for three days.

Be your own parent here and give yourself a break and time to become a new family of your own.

Remember that ‘no’ is a complete sentence. You don’t need to apologise or explain

Your having major surgery. Yes it's so you can have your baby but with surgery carries lots of risks including bleed outs etc not to mention your abdominal muscles are being cut so lifting, moving etc is going to be a big change/hindered.
You want to entertain people on top of that? Hats off to you.

The thing is everyone recovers differently. But saying no and then thinking ' I reckon we would have been fine' would be 1000 times better than 'I can't do this'.

Not worth the risk in my opinion. Congratulations!