C-section 19th Dec, Christmas Day guests?

[RedPandaFluff]

Hi everyone, I have an elective c-section booked in for 19th December (first baby). DH is very keen to celebrate Christmas by having his family (MIL, PIL, and his two siblings) over on Christmas Day for dinner.

DH would do all the cooking and arranging and I know he'd work very hard to make sure I have to do as little as possible beyond looking after our new arrival, but I'm still uneasy about it. I don't know how much pain I'll be in and therefore how keen I am to be around people, I don't know how breastfeeding is going to go, and I also think if we're having people over I'll end up trying to cover DH's blind spots (trying to make the table look nice etc.)

What do you reckon - ask DH if we can just spend the day together ourselves as a new little family, or try to do as he hopes and have his family over? They live an hour and a half away if that makes any difference (probably not). My family live in a different part of the UK so we won't see them until January.

There's no pressure from DH - if I say I really don't think it's a good idea, he'll be fine about it, I just know he would love to have them over and if it's realistic then I'd like it to happen!

@doodlejump1980 you can't categorically state that the op will feel like she's been hit by a bus. You just can't.

I suppose it depends on the family too. I host every year and it is a team effort. Some years, I do v little. My Mum and brother like to do a lot of it and they would never outstay their welcome. I've done it whilst pg and with a baby and those times, I did fuck all. My bottom line was that I preferred to have them here than not.

I would advise against this. I think you will still be recovering and adjusting to becoming new parents. I think, based upon your DH's plans here, parenthood might be a bigger adjustment than currently expected.

I had a Christmas baby and was massively relieved to still be in hospital on Christmas Day! I was tired and teary and visitors were exhausting even though they were all nice and considerate. When they come in larger groups, there are a lot of people waiting to hold the baby which can be a bit stressful for a new mother. I would say it’s better to keep everything low pressure - no making Christmas dinner for guests, no rigid timings on anything and try to get people to visit in small groups rather than en masse.

Noooo. I had DS1 by emergency section on 5th December a couple of years back and christmas was a huge struggle. I can't imagine what it would be like with less recovery time!

Don't forget it's major surgery and you will be in pain, exhausted and pretty immobile. There will be midwife checks to organise and you may even have to go back to the hospital (ds was slightly jaundiced so we were back in after 3 days).

That Christmas we went round the corner to the PILs for food and it was awful. We had to take turns eating so our food was cold, baby wasn't happy, I was bf-ing, we were massively sleep deprived, we really didn't have the time or attention for presents, we just wanted to go home! And that was a couple of weeks after the birth. Please put yourselves and your new baby first. It's a huge shock to the system.

Also sorry if my post sounded negative. Having a baby is the best thing in the whole world, it's just not the time to be hosting Xmas dinner!

I think I would invite them over for late afternoon/early evening for drinks and mince pies, that way if you feel up to it you get to see family on Christmas day but if you don't you are only cancelling drinks, you won't mess up anyone's lunch plans.

You can have a really quiet, chilled day just as your new little family unit but your husband will potentially still get to see his family for a bit. I've never had a baby that close to Christmas so don't have any experience of that I'm afraid but have had a planned c section and felt okay afterwards, but it is so different for everyone.

I've had 3 sections and wasn't trying to scare to OP. I had my in laws over for soup sandwiches and cake on about day 5, they brought the food and washed up, had a cuddle of baby and left.

That's manageable but a full Christmas Dinner is a different experience with added pressure.

You could offer that if you want to see people but you may still need to travel to see a midwife.

Suggest popping round for nibbles instead for an hour or so depending on how you feel.

Hosting Christmas dinner is tiring, ye need all that energy for healing and minding a baby.

Not a good idea OP

I think you need to just write Christmas off this year. Your recovery and bonding time with baby are what’s important. There will be many more Christmases for you to enjoy.

Also, as well as the pain, breastfeeding etc, the baby blues are really not to be underestimated and they will be due to arrive around Christmas. I was a mess with mine, cried hysterically for a couple of hours. If you are the same, you really don’t want an audience of in laws.

Doesn't have to be a full Christmas dinner. My best friends are having pizza and tapas respectively. All v laid back. And on years when I've not been up to it, people have brought different elements with them and I haven't lifted a finger.

I have agreed with the majority, the op doesn't seem happy with the plan and therefore, it's best not to host. But it isn't categorically a terrible idea. If she'd posted "I really want family over for dinner on the day, they're all lovely and respectful and DH will do everything, any tips for the day?", the responses might look v different.

Just speaking from experience @ShowOfHands 🤷🏼‍♀️

What would be nice is if one of those members of the family offered for you to go to them for dinner or tea if you wanted to go and then said of course they understand if you don’t want to.

Any family members where they (the man) tried to invite me to Christmas dinner after his wife had just had a baby would get a resounding no from me and I would probably ask him what he was thinking!!

I personally wouldn’t - not for the whole day. ILs visited us for the weekend 6 days after DD was born by c section. I was bleeding, leaking milk and washing by sitting on the side of the bath as I couldn’t lift my legs over the bath to shower properly. Everything takes longer and you’re sleep deprived anyway from having a newborn.

The easiest visits were those who popped in with a takeaway pizza/ready meal, cuddled DD for an hour and then left.

@ShowOfHands that's a point I hadn't considered . . . my motivation for wanting to invite DH's family over are for my DH's sake. I actually find them to be quite hard work sometimes - MIL is a bit fragile but compensates by being very blustery and opinionated (ESPECIALLY in relation to childbirth and breastfeeding etc.), FIL can be either on great form or very moody and morose on any given day, BIL is generally pleasant but a bit spoiled and I've seen him lose his temper spectacularly with very little reason (he's almost 31, by the way, not a child). SIL is lovely.

Another point is that they might not actually want to come - and this is a very real possibility; FIL doesn't like to be away from his own creature comforts and MIL generally goes along with what he wants.

So, in view of all that, there's absolutely no point, is there? Families, eh?! 😆

@doodlejump1980 yes your experience, you can't extrapolate out and say the op WILL feel that way.

@RedPandaFluff then change my response to HELL NO! Sit by the tree and the twinkly lights, cuddle your brand new human and let DH expend all that lovely and well meaning energy on you. Congratulations and all the best for December. I feel a bit misty eyed for you.

After your update it's a no from me. At 6 days post partum it's all about you and the baby not a bunch of difficult guests.

Good luck and enjoy the new baby

No guests. Quiet family Christmas. See people for New Year, on your terms. Don;t host. Don't travel. Let people drop in to bring you ready prepped food and see the baby. Nothing else.

No way would I do this. I was in hospital 5 days after mine. My DO barely slept he would not have been up for cooking Christmas dinner! Plus your milk may be delayed. Invite them for a mince pie for an hour but nothing more.

I have had 2 C sections, no, no, and no.

This isn't just major surgery and you recuperating, you have a baby to look after too, if you are breastfeeding then you are establishing your milk supply. Plus you are bleeding and fucking sore from the surgery. Hormones also play into this.

Due to discomfort from the first C section I remember showering, then having to shove a pad between my legs the second I turned the shower off to stop bleeding down my legs, get out of shower, lean over the sink as my milk is just flowing out of my boobs whilst I dry myself carefully. Dh then helping me into massive knickers with a sanitary pad in and helping me into a bra whilst I held breast pads on myself.

So yes, this year just have your new little family Christmas, next year you will sort out nearer the time.

My ds was elective. It was much better than my previous emergency c section but my god I couldn't have hosted Christmas on day 6!

I was bleeding heavily (often soaking through and on to the floor!) I was in a lot of pain and only comfortable in odd positions in certain chairs. I couldn't do stairs very well. Ds was nocturnal for the first few weeks so we were both completely exhausted. He was feeding constantly. I had difficulty bf so he was bottle fed, but I spent the first few weeks with my first with my boobs out bf all day! He wanted to be held constantly so eating together was difficult.

Just no, like a totally big fat no to doing a Christmas dinner!!!

DH won't have time to host others, he should be looking after you?!

Could they pop in for tea instead? Informal, play by ear quick type thing so he still sees his family?

I had my LO on the 23rd of December last year and I was discharged on the 24th and my first real day home was Christmas Day, my OH parents invited themselves over for the day although seeing them spend time with my LO was nice I felt like I should have had that time to bond and have cuddles specially at that time of year, I'm due again on the 23rd December this year and I've told people I want to spend it alone with my boys and OH I was just so exhausted last year and couldn't really relax and I still ended up doing most of the hosting anyway, I had an assisted delivery so not quite the same as a c-section but I was in a lot of pain

Personally I would have been fine but but everyone's different, I was out within 24 hours for both sections (one this year and one last year) went out for coffee/lunch within 48 hours and had visitors from the day we got home

You have to do what feels right for you.

That being said, as someone who has had two c-sections, if this was my situation I would be saying absolutely not.

I was still not particularly mobile, losing blood, establishing feeding, on a lot of painkillers and recovering from birth having only just been discharged at this point both times.

Don’t put that pressure on yourself OP. Save yourselves! Christmas Day feast can be pate on crackers and a cook in the bag chicken with fizz - no fuss or stress, it will be special.

I would have visitors for 1-2 hours max at that stage, and would not want the pressure of cooking. Cup of tea and mince pie yes, but not all day. You will both be exhausted and wanting privacy, you won't want to do food shopping in the Xmas crowds or do loads of cleaning. Perhaps postpone until new year?