C-section 19th Dec, Christmas Day guests?

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Hi everyone, I have an elective c-section booked in for 19th December (first baby). DH is very keen to celebrate Christmas by having his family (MIL, PIL, and his two siblings) over on Christmas Day for dinner.

DH would do all the cooking and arranging and I know he'd work very hard to make sure I have to do as little as possible beyond looking after our new arrival, but I'm still uneasy about it. I don't know how much pain I'll be in and therefore how keen I am to be around people, I don't know how breastfeeding is going to go, and I also think if we're having people over I'll end up trying to cover DH's blind spots (trying to make the table look nice etc.)

What do you reckon - ask DH if we can just spend the day together ourselves as a new little family, or try to do as he hopes and have his family over? They live an hour and a half away if that makes any difference (probably not). My family live in a different part of the UK so we won't see them until January.

There's no pressure from DH - if I say I really don't think it's a good idea, he'll be fine about it, I just know he would love to have them over and if it's realistic then I'd like it to happen!

Most hospitals won’t let you out until the 21st. You and your husband will presumably then wish to spend time with your newborn. Even with an elective (which I found much easier than unplanned one), you may not be easily / fully mobile by the 23rd / 24th so you will need a lot of help just getting about, and you will not be able to carry anything heavy. You will be awake for long intervals during the night.
Taking all that into consideration, and your need to sit with your boobs out at least 6/7 times in each 24 hours by that point, I can’t imagine anything woslrse than also having a houseful of guests however well meaning. I can’t imagine they’d actually agree to come and be catered to under those circumstances.
Your husband is well meaning but clueless. Have them over for tea and a mince pie for one hour at most, unless you have enough space that you and baby can go away and be completely Undisturbed by noise / loo visits/ etc AND they’re the types to wash up / hoover / wipe down the house before they go.
(Has your husband ever done a Christmas lunch before or spoken to friends who’ve had newborns delivered by section?)

I was going to post but Attila beat me to it. Also bear in mind you will still be bleeding heavily at that stage and that a c section can sometimes delay milk coming in (usually happens around day 4).

Final point to make is that you may need a midwife visit that day/ go to hospital to see midwife so that will complicate visiting.

Agree with Attila 100% - Don’t do it!

No, don't do this.

I'd be happy with it as long as DH did everything.

No, really really really bad idea.

I had my eldest on 19th December by emergency c-section so a bit different from an elective, but still, I wouldn’t recommend having guests at that point.

No, no, no don't do it!!! I've had 3 csection, each one very different. You have no idea how you will be feeling and he may have his work cut out just helping you.
If he really wants to see them could they come for a drink and nibbles after lunch?

Holy crap! A categorical no way! Maybe if Christmas was 6 weeks after, not 6 days after

Unless you're the sort who can nonchalantly get your breasts out in front of your ILs, you will end up spending most of Christmas Day in your bedroom. Also, lochia. Can you compromise and have them over for a big celebratory family meal in the new year?

'What do you reckon - ask DH if we can just spend the day together ourselves as a new little family,'

Yes

exactly this.

My daughter was kept in for a week after her secretion as she had an infection so you may not even be home
Certainly won’t feel up to hosting and waiting on people

Did I misread the op? They're coming for dinner, not the day. I would have been fine with that. Not so different to them coming for a couple of hours and a mince pie. Give them all a job, get one to bring the starter, somebody else bring pudding, somebody else drinks and then all DH has to do is a roast. Couple of hours and then pack them off home. Sounds lovely to me.

But equally, you should say no if you want to. But it doesn't sound ridiculous to me.

Hell no. Reschedule Christmas for sometime in March.

These are some things to consider-

If there are any complications, you'll possibly still be in hospital
If there aren't, you may still have a midwife or similar appt (despite it being Christmas Day!)
You're likely to still be experiencing pain to quite a significant degree
You're likely be exhausted
Your milk may just be coming in which can be painful and is an adjustment for you and your baby
You might be having difficulties breastfeeding
You'll probably be bleeding HEAVILY
You'll be getting to know your bundle of joy and will need time and space to do this
You might be going through the baby blues at exactly this point post birth - this can come accompanied by a lot of upset

Agree with another poster that he sounds well meaning, albeit completely clueless

I wrote a long post explaining why this is a bad idea but it's just repeating Attila.

No, don't do it. And you may not be out until the 23rd

Honestly don’t do it. You will be trying to breast feed, trying to get to grips with it all, you will be in some amount of pain, you may feel overwhelmed with emotion or down- your hormones will be going crazy. For so many reasons don’t. Enjoy your first Christmas as the 3 of you. That itself will be really special and will take enough effort.

Having a baby is amazing but from the off it will not be as you expected so I wouldn’t make plans like that. I hope it all goes well for you.

Do. Not. Do. This.

They can pop over for tea and mince pie in the afternoon, nothing more! Have you or he any idea how intense and hard work the first week with a new, especially first, baby is. You will be sleep deprived, sore, bleeding and possibly emotional. This is not the time to host xmas dinner.

The problem is, they’re not coming for dinner, they’re coming for Christmas Dinner. All sorts of expectations and pressure, and its much harder to phone up on the morning and say “sorry, not feeling like it, lets do another day”.

If the ILs are up for it, they could plan to visit on Christmas afternoon, bringing cake and expecting to make their own tea / look after you and your dh. And knowing that you might cancel at the last minute. But don’t offer that if they’re the sort to settle on the sofa and stay for six hours.

No nope nope. You’re going to feel like you’ve been hit by a bus. C-section is major abdominal surgery! You’re going to be exhausted, flooding every time you stand up/ move/ cough. You might still be in hospital! You’ll still be establishing breast-feeding. I would seriously rethink your plans. Sorry.

Sorry I didn’t mean to come across as negative- I have 3 dcs. The last two were c sections. First time round I didn’t want anyone over for more than an hour and we certainly weren’t up to entertaining more than a cup of tea. Those first days were magical the last thing you need to be doing is stressing about entertaining for a heap of people. What about next Christmas for his first birthday instead?

Just in case this thread is now scaring you op...

I was discharged 12hrs after my first and 25hrs after my second, all midwife visits were done at home, BFing was a bit tough with my first but a doddle with my second and I was never in pain.

There are a spectrum of experiences. You've started this thread so you are having doubts about having people over for dinner. So say no now and concentrate on alternative plans.

But don't panic.

No, no, no, no, NO!!

Ahhh thanks for replying, everyone - the majority of people are saying it's a bad idea, so I think I'll go with my instincts and say to DH that I'd rather not.

I think part of the problem is that we're both a bit clueless, not just DH! And it will feel strange, not seeing any family on Christmas Day. But on balance, it's probably wise not to commit.

Echoing everyone else saying this isn’t a good idea. At that point after my c section I was still very sore and so hormonal I was crying at the drop of a hat. Cuppa and a mince pie for an hour at the most