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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Do hospitals routinely ask the father to leave shortly after birth?

55 replies

nangnangnang · 13/08/2007 14:27

I gave birth to DS at 3.30 in the morning. At 4.30 the three of us made our way back to the maternity ward and, shortly after, my DP was asked to leave (in spite of posters everywhere saying partners had unfettered visiting rights). There was one other woman in the ward but she was awake and texting. Is this normal? Neither of us thought to question it at the time which I now regret.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

scorpio1 · 13/08/2007 14:29

it happened to us.(same time of day as you, too.)DP very upset.

exactly why we are having a home birth this time, me thinks.

doggiesayswoof · 13/08/2007 14:29

Yes, normal AFAIK. No night visiting allowed on maternity wards in my local hospitals - only in the delivery suite itself.

Sixer · 13/08/2007 14:30

My DP was asked to leave. Reason was so I could have a decent sleep after being up all night then giving birth a 5am. I think it makes sense.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 13/08/2007 14:30

not in my 3 exps.
dh had unlimited access to me and the bubba at all times, no matter where i was.

doggiesayswoof · 13/08/2007 14:30

I can see why - tbh I wouldn't have wanted other fathers present when I was on the ward at night with dd.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 13/08/2007 14:30

3? jesus? not yet!
2 experiences! lol

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsSOH · 13/08/2007 14:32

Happened to me. Just had a 24hr labour, bluelighted to hospital after a homebirth start, 3 ventouse attempts, extensive episiotomy and an emergency c-section. DH was unceremoniously asked to leave very soon after the birth. It was the last straw and I sobbed for a long time. I was told repeatedly that no fathers could stay overnight as it disturbs other women. The next night a father refused to leave and they gave in and let him stay. I was devastated.

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsSOH · 13/08/2007 14:33

Must point out that I accepted it was hospital policy but could have done with him staying for an hour or something. Never felt so alone in my life.

gess · 13/08/2007 14:33

yep- dh asked to leave after ds1 and ds3 (born at night). Unless you've got a private room I think its right- it was bloody noisy as it was on the ward.

Original poster

nangnangnang · 13/08/2007 14:37

Artist - how awful for you. I didn't have the trauma that you did but was annoyed to see the rule being applied unevenly.

I can completely understand if it would disturb other mothers but I got the impression that such considerations went out the window if people shouted loudly enough (we were meek!).

OP posts:

anchovies · 13/08/2007 14:39

Had both ds's during the night by c section and both times dh was told to leave within an hour. Was very upset both times. I understand the thinking behind it but I wouldn't be upset if someones dh stayed all night on the first night. Was left sitting up for 3 hours shortly after the emergency cs after feeding ds2 as midwives were "too busy". I really needed him there! Never having another due to horrific treatment after both c sections. Does anyone know if you have a private cs by the way?

NAB3 · 13/08/2007 14:42

Baby 1 born 7.01pm, hubby left at midnight and stayed well past visiting hours on most nights for the 5 days I was in.
Baby 2 born 9.25pm hubby went home at 1am.
Baby 3 born at 10.15am, we all went home at 4pm.

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 13/08/2007 14:44

my dh got asked to leave soon after dd was born as visiting ended at 6pm, she was born at 5.20........we were both very upset and i nearly discharged myself, hated hated hated it!!!

muppetgirl · 13/08/2007 14:48

Our ds was born at 4.05am and we had about an hour together then dh was sent home. I was in a private room and wondered why he couldn't stay but as it was our 1st we didn't question. He didn't come back until 10.30 ish that morning and I was desperate for him to be wiht me as like somenone else said I was so alone and still pretty shell shocked.

With ds2 I hope to have a private room if it means we can insist that dh can stay a while.

I like the way we are told it's so we can sleep -I couldn't have slept after that !!!!

harleyd · 13/08/2007 14:49

thats awful. all 4 of mine were born in the evening time. dh stayed until well after midnight.

purplemonkeydishwasher · 13/08/2007 14:50

my ds was born at 9pm. they had to take me to theatre to stitch me up so DH got the baby until i got out. i was out in my room at about 3am. DH had to leave and couldn't come back until 2pm the next day. by which time i was desperate to see him!!!

lemonaid · 13/08/2007 15:00

DS was born at 2235 and DH left around 0200, I think (mind you, my recollection isn't crystal-sharp, but it was around that sort of time frame). DHs and DPs weren't allowed to stay all night but they weren't kicked out either.

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsSOH · 13/08/2007 15:09

anchovies, I'm so sorry you had a bad experience too. My postnatal care was atrocious. They kept 'forgetting' to get me some paracetamol after the epidural had worn off. At 4am I was 6hrs post section, in pain, exhausted, alone and hallucinating. 12hrs after the cs my catheter bag was about to burst. I kept ringing for it to be changed or taken out and was told 'in a minute' repeatedly. Eventually I had to walk through the ward, bleeding everywhere, dragging the thing behind me just to go to the nurses' station to ask them to do something about it. They took it out and gave me a cloth to clean up the 'mess I had left behind me'. I have never been so humiliated. And breastfeeding help? When I asked for a bit of help- first baby who was jaundiced and sleepy, traumatic labour, no clue what to do- they said 'oh you'll have to have formula, we're too busy'. Next time I'm opting for another homebirth, despite what I suspect will be huge opposition. If I do end up in hospital I'll be out of there at the first opportunity. I still have flashbacks to that time and they marred my first few days with my beautiful dd.

emj23 · 13/08/2007 15:17

That's absolutely horrendous, Artist. Have you made any formal complaints against the hospital in question? If I was treated that appallingly I think I would want it on record somewhere.

I thought my DP having to leave really soon after the birth and me having to stay in a horrible full noisy room and not being given any food the entire time I was there was bad enough, but I think I had an easy time of it compared to that.

muppetgirl · 13/08/2007 15:18

Artist -That is awful...
Very sad for you and what you went through.

LIZS · 13/08/2007 15:21

We had similar. ds was born at 3.30, I went onto the postnatal ward at about 6 and dh had to leave until visiting hours.

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsSOH · 13/08/2007 15:22

I'm working on the complaint. I find it hard to think about it long enough to write down everything that happened.

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack.

muppetgirl · 13/08/2007 15:26

Artist -I can totally understand that. How old is your dd?

Phono · 13/08/2007 15:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

muppetgirl · 13/08/2007 15:31

I do recognise the 'what the hell do I do now?' feeling.
I remember the mv writing on my notes something about an independednt night. I was so scared of touching ds, still reeling from what the heck just happened and missing dh that of course I was independent -I didn't go anywhere near him!

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