ELCS - do I tell DC1 that I’m going in on the day?

[MrsMummyBx]

Hi all

I’m having an elective c section at the end of the year so on the planned date of the op, I’m planning to send him to preschool as normal that morning and have his gran pick him up. But do I tell him in advance that I will be having baby that day? He is 3 and I’m worried that if I tell him he will just worry and get upset during the day and especially that I’m not there in the evening. Not sure what good it will do him to tell him. DH will have to come home in the evening and look after him - it wouldn’t be unusual for me to be away for a night anyway so we could get away without it being strange to DS1. Then maybe next day tell him and take him into the hospital to meet his new sibling?

Would really appreciate advice on how other ladies handled this situation. Thank you!

I had an ELCS last month and we didn't tell my 3 year old. My parents were with her for the day so she was excited by that and we told her that we were going to a doctor's appointment to check on the baby (she was very used to us talking about that by the end!).

Once we were back on the labour ward, my parents brought her to the hospital and she was the first person to meet him. I felt it was important to make her feel special in that way - my pregnancy was quite tough on us all and I was very conscious that the arrival of her brother had to be positive.

Dc1 was 3 when dc2 was born. He knew what the plan was and as it turned out that was lucky as I went into labour ahead of my elective and because we couldn't wake anyone up and my contractions were just getting faster and faster, we had to take him to hospital with us. I think he found knowing that the baby was meant to be coming less worrisome than just being packed up into the car would have been.

Part of the reason we told him was that my df had died 3 months before hand and he wasn't coping very well with unexplained absences but then he wasn't used to me being away for nights.

In the end, he ate half the hospital vending machine until his grandparents came and got him at 5am,. Then once dc2 arrived and we were on the postnatal ward, his grandparents brought him back to meet his new little sister which he took in his stride. Dh stayed with me as we had a private room and I was discharged the following day so we went and picked him up.

@Stroan thank you for your advice, I think it’s a great idea to make sure that he is first to see the bubba. Hubbys family is massive and with DC1 the world and his wife rocked up when I was on the ward

@Dinosauratemydaffodils sorry to hear about your DF. It actually worries me that I may go into labour early this time around! Can I ask how early you were? Did you labour with DC1? I’ve never laboured so hoping it means I don’t labour early with this one as it’s like my body still doesn’t actually know what to do!!

@MrsMummyBx 39 weeks exactly with dc2. Dc1 I went into labour at 38+4 and got to 10cms but his giant head was wedged. It is apparently fairly rare but I was told if I have a 3rd, it will likely happen again as they are really against doing electives before 39+1 here.

I would definitely make a plan for it though because I took my consultant at face value (she told me not to stress about it) so we hadn't really thought it through and it made everything that bit more stressful.