overdue and really upset - i've been let down..

[miniegg]

hello
I'm really upset and looking for a bit of moral support! i'm 5 days overdue with my first baby and my doula, who is really important to me, just rang to say she's having a marital crisis and is going up to yorkshire to be with her parents for the next couple of days.
she was really, really apologetic and I was really calm and sympathetic at the time but when i got off the phone I just burst into tears.
She was going to be my main birth partner, with my husband in more of a back up role and I know she would have been (hopefully still will be) brilliant. she was the main reason i was feeling confident about childbirth.
Ironically, this morning I went for acupuncture to try and help move the baby along - now i'm wanting to hold it up until the doula gets back! I feel like I should have reverse acupunture to keep him/her in there!
the doula says she's coming home on Monday night but I can't help feeling that might not happen...so I am left high and dry.
I feel really upset as she was very important to me and my feelings about giving birth.
my husband is being really lovely and saying he can try and be like a doula but it's not what either of us planned. I've got to get my head round that possibility though..

Lulu, I liked the story in Birthing From Within where a lady terrified of a long labour made up a chant "I will only be in labour as long as it takes, to Make, Bake, Cool, and Frost a Chocolate Cake" She got a friend to make when she went into labour and gave birth twenty minutes after her friend showed her it was ready.

JoMa, I'm sure I'm not really a magic Doula finder but I have learned to listen to my instincts over the years and my initial thoughts were of Marsy but only because I know she's in London as is Miniegg, so they must know each other eh? LOL

I've been aware that DaisyMoo has been on her course but haven't had the chance to speak to her about it... I'm not on MN as often as some people (Lulu) so it takes me a while to catch up. Also I don't always remember everyone's details so well.. is Mears in Scotland? Where? Not near me I don't suppose....

So DaisyMoo, where are you so I can bear you in mind when we next have a crisis?

Thinking of you Miniegg!

I'm in Cambridge Klaw. Not listed on DoulaUK yet though as I need to get my arse into gear and send my paperwork off

Cambridge=DaisyMoo/DobbyMoo (mental note to self)

I'm not listed on Doula UK yet either as there is thought of a Scottish system being set up so I'm kinda undecided what to do for the best...

Definitely need to sign up to some sort of governing body to give clients peace of mind but then I'm still waiting for my course leader to OK my written assignment. I sent it off just as she was going on hols so she won't have dealt with it yet, mind you she must be back now so I hope to hear from her this week whether or not it needs any more work....

But my first two clients are VBACers and I will need to record everything for the recognition process, whether it's Doula UK or a Scottish national system. (whispers: one is a VBA3Cer which I'm extremely honoured to be able to support! And as you can imagine the HCPs are in a complete tizz!)

I also have a OFP workshop to go to next Sun with the great Jean Sutton

Well done on doing your course, keep up the good work!

slight hi-jack here while I see all you doulas in the one place....I've now had 2 c-sections.

My consultant told me that if I had another baby, I wouldn't be "allowed" to have a natural birth. Can they do that, insist I have another section?

NO!

they cant!

They are supposed to discuss all the pros and cons with you and allow you to make up your own mind,

It's worthwhile contacting your local Supervisor of Midwives, and if that fails go straight to the top and contact your Local Supervisory Authority Maternity Officer (Head of Midwives) and get support from the very top.

I have a VBA3Cer in the next month or so, so am finding out all about this first hand!

No one can force you to have a C section. I remember when I was pregnant with the twins being very pleased with a recent case on that. The hospital argued a woman in labour is not competent to decide things and the court disagreed. I think until it's born it's entirely your decision. Once it's born if you refused it life saving treatment that's a different matter but I think its rights exist at birth, not before, not that any parents are likely to risk a child's life but you can make informed decisions. E.g. locally our NHS hospitals induce all twins at 38 weeks. My private midwives were happy to wait until 40 weeks and the twins arrived at 40 weeks to the day and I was very pleased they safely had those extra 2 weeks of growing inside me.

Consultants, mw, gp etc ALL have to ask your permission to do anything to you.

They CANNOT tell you what to do and there are guidelines which state all this but they very often need gentle reminding of them!

no-one can force you to have a c.s...obviously it is illegal to drag you into the operating theatre and operate without your consent..

what you might find is, that you are presented with the information about the risks in such a way that you are unable to make an informed decision

obviously, some consults. are more pro vbac than others

it also depends on the reasons for your previous c.s

DaisyMOO had a home birth after 2 c,sections, so she would be good to talk to!!

No-one can deny you a trial of labour, you might have to fight for it..but you can change hospitals, change consultants, hire an IM etc

Daisy, did he say this on the basis that (in his opinion) women who have had two CSs can't have a VBAC (in which case you will find women here who prove him wrong) or was he refering to your individual situation?