overdue and really upset - i've been let down..

[miniegg]

hello
I'm really upset and looking for a bit of moral support! i'm 5 days overdue with my first baby and my doula, who is really important to me, just rang to say she's having a marital crisis and is going up to yorkshire to be with her parents for the next couple of days.
she was really, really apologetic and I was really calm and sympathetic at the time but when i got off the phone I just burst into tears.
She was going to be my main birth partner, with my husband in more of a back up role and I know she would have been (hopefully still will be) brilliant. she was the main reason i was feeling confident about childbirth.
Ironically, this morning I went for acupuncture to try and help move the baby along - now i'm wanting to hold it up until the doula gets back! I feel like I should have reverse acupunture to keep him/her in there!
the doula says she's coming home on Monday night but I can't help feeling that might not happen...so I am left high and dry.
I feel really upset as she was very important to me and my feelings about giving birth.
my husband is being really lovely and saying he can try and be like a doula but it's not what either of us planned. I've got to get my head round that possibility though..

Oh poor you! Doulas sometimes cover for each other, in case of emergencies. Does she have anyone who could step in for her, just until she returns? At least you wouldn't feel totally up-in-the-air knowing that someone was ready for you.

sorry to hear this miniegg and that you have to get your head around a possibly very different birth experience. Is there perhaps someone who can stand in, I mean does she know any other doulas who could take over her role?

I'm sure one of the MN doulas will be along with some wise words and encouragement soon enough.

I hope things work out and you have a positive experience watever happens.

Did she say that you could still contact her if labour starts before Monday?

It must be very serious if she needs to get away when she knows she's on-call...

where are you? are any Doulas on MN near you?

I was due to be in a birthing centre but went so overdue I had to go to hospital to be induced instead. I was in a strange place and had a completely different birth experience (emergency c-section rather than the water birth I had wanted!!) but it was fine. There is always a limit to how much you can plan a birth. I agree you have been let down but it's not her that will be giving birth, it's you! Have confidence in your own abilities and I'm sure it will bring you and dh closer together.

Good luck!!

i'm in London. she says she's "trying to get hold" of a doula who she has back up arrangements with. It sounded a bit vague but hopefully she will be able to make contact with the other lady and then perhaps I will at least have her as back up.
it did sound as if she was very upset and needed to clear her head. she stressed she takes her commitments very seriously and said she was dreading calling me. i do realise these things happen and it's just my bad luck. with any luck my LO won't appear till Tuesday!
it's just hard changing from wanting the baby to appear as soon as possible, to now wanting him/her to hold off! it's all such an exhausting emotional roller coaster!

miniegg - poor you, that must be very usettling.
What about starting another thread with 'urgent! doula' in the title, asking if anyone knows / can recommend a London doula as back-up? there are even a couple of lovely Mn-ers who work as doulas.

Don't worry - whatever happens you will be fine...but I know how each thing is of 110% importance in the run-up to birth.

Sometimes women go into labour when they're ready. There's a lot of anecdotal evidence to support this. Certainly it happened to me with dd. I figured that if she came no more than 1 day after her due date then I would be able to go to ds1's first Christmas show at his nursery (taking the new baby along of course). Due date came and went, with no sign of labour. I started hoping and hoping that I wouldn't go into labour, because I didn't want to miss ds1's show. When we returned from his show I distinctly remember saying to my bump "Thanks for letting me watch your brother's show. You can come now." and a few hours later I went into labour.

((((((((((((((((Miniegg)))))))))))))))))

We totally appreciate your feelings! Well, your doula won't be able to get back down if you labour this weekend but we do have a few Doula's who post on MN in the London area and one may just be in yours. Which area are you in?

I recently had car problems which meant I couldn't get to a meeting with client and HoM and I was gutted so I understand how bad your doula must be feeling!

Please try to relax and not stress too much, que sera, sera and all that! I'm sure that a suitably wonderful stand in will come forward and give you peace of mind to cover until your Doula get's back. Baby is not overdue till 42+1 so there's no rush.

Thinking of you!

Done you a new thread in case it helps

FA you're a STAR!

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you doula might have someone to back her up....you can ask...or go on to the find a doula service on Doula UK..and phone all the ones on your area!

mars & hertsnessex will help if they can no doubt !

also, i;m sure your doula would not back out so close to you needing her if she didn;t absolutely have to, no good her being there if her heart is not in it

i had the same experience as pottercandles - my dh was working in Italy when I was due. He came home for a few days 2 weeks before the due date, and ds arrived in that tiny and unlikely window. Maybe if you give that bump a good talking to, he or she will stay tucked up for a bit longer...
Trust yourself, though, and your baby. If s/he decides to come earlier you will manage differently but you will manage. I had a doula and tbh didn't really need her on the day - it turned out that the most important part of her role, for me, was talking to us before the birth about what we hoped for and feared. That made it possible for me to find my own strength - which I didn't know I had til the time came. If you can, try to focus on the positive stuff that you have found in your relationship with the doula so far - you'll probably find that even if she is not there in person, you'll be carrying her around in your head... if that makes sense.
GOOD LUCK! and a big hug

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i think spink has made a really good point !

the doulaing is not just being there at the birth, but the preparation and support she gives you before hand, to help you get ready , so try to focus on that too!

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Hi miniegg... I'm about and I'm free this weekend. Do you want to email me on

lovelymarslady at aol dot com

If you use Oops link to my website you'll see that I'm recognised with DoulaUK.

Unless of course you are already sorted.

hope your sorted now - but happy to chat or help if i can

p.s. (hiya mars!)

primalbirth.co.uk

Lovely website, marslady Your dc's are so cute!

Hope you get sorted, op.

hello again
thanks for your support everyrone, i really appreciate it. marslady, I will contact you later today!
thank you again everyone- I feel better. I think it was more the shock than anything.
whatever happens, doula or no doula, I can manage!

You are more than welcome. There's a contact number there as well.

miniegg, do do do contact marslady - I know her in RL and wish I could've had her as MY doula - you really couldn't do better, even at this short notice.

Best of luck

(and hi marsy )

yes yes yes!! contact Marsy - you will be glad you did