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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

I think my midwife missed tears ending in me losing a pint of blood during sex!

56 replies

Jessclarkky · 05/04/2019 20:00

Hi everyone. I gave birth a month ago to a beautiful girl! I didn’t have pain relief even though it was a horrendously long and traumatic birth, despite this I came out with ‘no tears’. However, recently me and my partner decided to have sex resulting in a tearing feeling up towards my clitorus so we stopped and saw I had bleeding. I thought the pain was probably normal as it had only been a couple weeks since birth, so we tried again. This time I at least bled a pint (it looked like a murder) and my partner began to panic. I became drowsy and dizzy so just went to bed (after cleaning up said crime scene) and waited to tell my health visitor. She was horrified with my story and said I should have gone to A&E at the time. My boyfriend believes our midwife missed some tears and having sex opened them up further. Does anyone have a similar story or have any advice?

OP posts:
Jakethekid · 06/04/2019 15:08

When you told the health visitor did she not tell you to get checked straight away? Or offer herself? Surely if you have a tear and it is that bad that you lost that much blood it would need stitching?

Have you had any infections? I had seccond degree that needed stitching, that got infected, but I'm not sure how serious a smaller tear would be.

64sNewName · 06/04/2019 15:08

What is it about the responses that has “shocked” you? Confused

53rdWay · 06/04/2019 15:09

Is it a GP appointment? Hope you aren’t waiting too long, waiting lists can be hellish for mine.

The recommendation of 6 weeks isn’t just about when you feel ready, it’s also about being physically recovered enough. Clearly you weren’t, which is why the blood loss. How long has it been since this happened? If you’ve lost enough blood to make you dizzy and drowsy you really need to get that seen to, sooner rather than later.

PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin · 06/04/2019 15:10

It might well have been lochia starting up again, which sex or overexertion can easily cause. Lots of tears aren’t stitched anyway and I think you and your boyfriend don’t understand how tearing works either.

53rdWay · 06/04/2019 15:10

It’s also a bit odd that you say “If myself or health professionals aren’t panicking then neither should any of you” - you have so far told this to one health professional (HV), who you say was ‘horrified’?

64sNewName · 06/04/2019 15:18

OP asks for advice

A range of responses follows

OP loftily announces that other people “truly know nothing” and declares herself shocked

Odd thread.

TwistinMyMelon · 06/04/2019 15:20

The op wanted everyone to get the hump with her midwife for "missing" a tear but everyone quite rightly pointed out it was probably due to her own and partners actions, so she got the hump. People like moaning about hcps when they have done a perfectly good job.

NorthernLurker · 06/04/2019 15:23

This is very silly.

cranstonmanor · 06/04/2019 15:27

First of all, people saying ‘you’re supposed to wait 6 weeks’ truly know nothing.

Those are the people that don't bleed a pint over the bed after sex though.

Wildboar · 06/04/2019 15:31

I don’t think you’d loose a pint of blood from a tear. Either you’ve over estimated the amount or the blood did not come from just the cut.

RepealTheGRA · 06/04/2019 15:32

WTAF? Why were you having sex so soon after giving birth? Shock Why did you try again if it hurt?

Your BF is a prize arse how dare he blame the midwife.

I hope you are recovered now, have RL support and congratulations on your baby Flowers

ABC1234DEF · 06/04/2019 15:33

If I had bled a "pint", the first thing I'd be doing would be having a shower down and looking with a mirror - have you looked? Tearing to cause that much bleeding would be obvious (and would have needed suturing when you gave birth).

SparklySneakers · 06/04/2019 15:46

A tear hurts like hell every time you pass urine so you'd know if you have one. It's not something you'd miss either at the time by the midwife or soon after birth by you.
If you're thinking of going for compensation, you'll get nowhere. I used to review medical negligence cases and I'd have thrown this one right out based on the fact you didn't seek medical treatment.

anamechangeaday · 06/04/2019 16:55

You need to wait until post natal for sex 2 weeks isn't long enough to heal

This isn't a midwives fault in any way!!!

Jesus Christ really??

Even without a tear you'll need time .

You do realise you just passed something the size of a melon through your vagina yes?

Wtf??!

No it's
Your fault not the midwives they credit people with some sense !

GregoryPeckingDuck · 06/04/2019 17:00

Well you’re not really going to know unless you get it checked. Lochia can restart.

ChristmasArmadillo · 06/04/2019 18:55

First of all, people saying ‘you’re supposed to wait 6 weeks’ truly know nothing. You should be having sex when you feel ready.

Yup. That’s how it works. Hmm Weird thread!

pisspawpatrol · 06/04/2019 20:04

Well it sounds like your HEALTH visitor was very concerned!

DobbyTheHouseElk · 06/04/2019 20:09

I was under the impression that you are supposed to wait 6 weeks and have a postnatal check to make sure all is healed enough for sex. I certainly wouldn’t have been up to it so soon.

Ginnymweasley · 06/04/2019 20:27

Either the health visitor was horrified or she wasn't concerned she can't have been both. For God sake don't try and have sex again till you have had a checkup and keep am eye out for signs on infection. You are not sounding very mature at all.

Ginger1982 · 06/04/2019 20:47

I'm amazed you wanted sex after 4 weeks...

Perty01234 · 06/04/2019 20:54

We waited three weeks, I had stitches and had stopped bleeding and these were healed.for those saying you should wait for your six week check up...
My six week check up...
“How you feeling” “Really good”
Have you thought about contrecpation... yes the pill....
Do you have any concerns? Nope all good

He took my blood pressure and boom I was done.
I had a spinal, epistomey forceps and stitches and not a single person checked them at any point after I gave birth!!!

My midwife said sex was fine after the bleeding had stopped and when I felt ready, I was ready! It was uncomfy for a good few weeks but peristance was the key!!!

Heaven forbid women want to have intimacy after child birth?!!!!

Ginger1982 · 06/04/2019 20:56

Good for you.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/04/2019 20:56

The NHS site says to tell the GP at your 6 week check up IF you’re having pain or any difficulties having sex, which presumes at least some people are, and doesn’t suggest waiting until you’ve been seen.

I’m 3 weeks PP after an EMCS and when I asked the midwife how long to wait when i was discharged she said till the bleeding had stopped and then when you feel ready.

Bittern11 · 07/04/2019 10:16

If myself or health professionals aren’t panicking but you said your hv was 'horrified*. Which is it?

Did you want eveyrone to say 'Wow, that's awful, yes the midwife definitely missed a tear, sue the NHS, your boyfriend is right'?

And now you're cross because nobody said that??

m4rdybum · 26/04/2019 09:01

In terms of waiting to have sex, my midwife actually suggested I try to have sex (if i felt up to it) before my 6-8 week check up with the GP so u could highlight any issues that had come up, if any.