First thoughts after childbirth?

[PRoseLegend]

I'm curious about what went through people's minds when they gave birth/had a c-section, particularly with your first children.

For me, I remember being in excruciating pain as the baby's head came out, the midwife said "one more push", and the shoulders came out, and they said "You have a son!", popped him on my chest, and I looked into his eyes (wide open) and instantly the pain of birth was forgotten, I was just amazed at finally meeting this little creature that was from me,
I hardly noticed the team of people stitching me up, didn't notice I was haemorrhaging, I was just lost in his eyes.

Then that night as he truly woke up he began to cluster feed and cry a lot, and I remember thinking "Is this real? Am I really a parent now? Are his real parents going to come along any minute now and thank me for looking after him?"
I didn't really feel like a mum. Now I have a 2 month old and I've settled into the role much better.
But I still keep looking at his head and thinking "Golly, I pushed that melon out of me."

Honestly? I remember thinking my daughter didnt look like I thought she would and was disappointed because I didn’t feel any love for her like I thought I should. Speaking to other people, this isn’t particularly unusual - not everyone gets that rush of love.

I grew to love her very quickly over the following days and weeks but initially I just saw a weird looking new born and felt like the worst person in the world.

Also, that toast was nowhere near what I was after. An extra large dominos would have been more like it’

Posted too soon!

• I really, really want to feed him. I had planned to bf but wasn’t that fussed either way. But he was rooting like anything and I had such a primal urge to feed him straight away, which took me by surprise.

‘I’m so glad he’s here and safe’ at the end of a bloody long labour that I felt might never end. Then ‘Bloody hell he’s massive’.
Then I started mentally calculating what time I could order a pizza 😬😂 And then I started feeling them stitching me up and they had to give me some diamorphine and I thought my legs were floating away 😂

I remember holding DD and thinking "what am I supposed to do with this then?"

And with DS "i am never ever doing that again", followed by me saying "i know i should care less about this, but is the mattress ok?" (home birth, and i love my mattress... It was ok!)

It's been over 6 yrs and it's still a very vivid memory and I really most definitely won't be doing it again.

Difficult pregnancy
Prolonged labour.
Gas & air made me sick.
Pethidine made me feel so fucked up.
The insertion of the epidural was frightening.
Epesiotomy made me gag.
Having baby dragged out of me by ventouse was appalling.
I couldn't stop farting for the whole last half of my labour, and even farted in the face of the poor young doc who was stitching me up after the epesiotomy...God I wanted to die!
Horrible midwife (for the first 8hrs anyway, the next two to follow her as shifts moved on were great).
Distressed baby, nearly rushed for a CS, but the whole hand of a doc up my foof to give baby a wiggle brought baby back!
Bled a tsunami for days after birth.
Had to be helped on/off the loo for 2 days after as my legs would buckle when I went to sit.
A piss hurt like hell.
The first few poo's after birth felt like I was literally going to lose my colon!
I struggled hugely with breastfeeding and got hounded by midwives each giving me conflicting advice, non of which worked.
The first few attempts at sex after brought on labour-like contractions.

Nah. It's just not for me.

First one I was in awe/worried that the woman next door needed more looking after than me.

We were in a midwife led unit that only had two rooms and was otherwise empty and the other occupants had a horrendous time (kept screaming she was going to die). Her other half almost immediately knocked on the door asking for help and I was so chilled I sent them to sort them out. I then spent the next 6 hours just holding my dd.

Second time was relief and trying to work out if I could have a good sleep. Didn't sleep after my first. BIG MISTAKE.

I delivered DS standing up and leaning on the hospital bed with my foot on a chair. I didn't even look at him, just collapsed on the bed and said to DH "I am so glad that's over". Then I turned around to look at DS. His head was badly bruised and like a cone. I was shocked and I got upset and was asking the midwives what was wrong with his head 😂🙈 I think I was out of it on gas and air and morphine. Poor baby.

Why isn't baby crying.
My heart dropped and broke within 10 seconds. When I asked what was wrong, they told me baby was beautiful and pink and they don't always cry.
Relief then came, the biggest relief in the world!
Then, they handed a wrapped up baby to me, I realised I didn't know if I was holding a girl or a boy! My eldest DD is 11.

Dd2, Looonnnng labour, I think I thought, oh good, we can rest now! Little did I know, she wanted to feed for 12 hours straight!

DD3, its her 3rd birthday tomorrow!
My miracle baby! I was told the longer the pregnancy goes on for, the more dangerous for us it will be and labour was not going to end well.
The first words I uttered to my beautiful, healthy but stubborn baby were 'we did it'

Then with all three it took about 5 mins for the 'my god I need a coffee' to come in!

DS2 had tongue tie. When they put him on my chest I looked down, said hello and commented that he had a forked tongue just like a snake.

I just remember feeling relieved that I wasn’t pregnant any more! And telling DH I bloody well deserved a push present! He promised me diamonds and all sorts if I could just stay calm and avoid dying. Didn’t die and never got any diamonds yet

I was mentally not prepared and didn't have the rush of love for her I do now. I just felt numb and very aware that there was a room of people looking at me so my first thoughts were to pretend to be overwhelmed and kiss her before begging dh to take her off me so he could have skin to skin (but really it was because I was grossed out by the slime and just wasn't ready to accept responsibility yet.)

I just wanted coffee and a big bar of chocolate.

For context DD was born in the bath at home with NO ONE in the room, I ended up being very focused and methodical

• Owwwww
• It has hair, dark hair
• Owwwww
• Oh my god
• I need to lift her out of the water
• Is she breathing?
• That little sound means she's breathing
• Boy or girl?

(DP walks in, after calling ambulance)

• "We have a daughter"
• She's going to get cold, put her on my chest and cover her with a muslin
• She's pink, that's good
• The cords gotten wrapped around her shoulder, I should fix that
• Oh god she's crying, put her back on my chest
• God that was hard, I noticed I was breathless
• How much an I bleeding? Not that bad
• we're fine I think
• "DP, take a photo"

Erm... then the ambulance showed up... six strangers (5men) trooping into the flat and I'm completely naked, oh well 🤷‍♀️

I think that's about right

I had PPP with my first immediately.. so I just felt this rush of horror and confusion. I started crying and shaking and I thought I was on a TV show and it was all a joke. I thought my son was a rubber doll and just screamed when they tried to get me to hold him. I thought all the staff were actors and my husband too and I just screamed and cried. It was horrendous.

With my second I was fine (I had a care plan in place that time) and I felt a rush of joy and love when I saw her.

I had a planned section. When they took baby out and laid him on me whilst I was lying flat, all that was going through my head was why are you giving him to me? I can't hold a baby like this, I'm going to drop it.
I had an insane fear that I was really high up in the bed and was going to drop baby on the floor, it was terrifying.
Things got better when they gave him to me to me in recovery and I'd regained some sense of reality. Then I had the wow my little baby is here.
My second was also a section and they got whisked away, total panic when I couldn't hear them and no one was telling me anything. I was just relieved when she was finally given to me this time.

I had a section and they commented on her weight (almost 11lbs) and I remember thinking ‘are you fucking kidding me’. Then they brought the baby to me wrapped in a towel and I didn’t understand why I wasn’t having skin to skin (naive first time mum thought it would all be nice), or why I wasn’t allowed to hold her. I couldn’t even see her face in all the towels so I just closed my eyes and then they gave her to my dh who took her out. And then I thought ‘thank fuck that’s finally over’

Pain , Pain then Anger
I was so angry. Got given no pain relief (aside from gas & air) as 'no doctor on the floor to prescribe it'. Episiotomy. Distressed baby.
Thought I pooped. Maybe I did who knows. I was in chelsea and had some 19 year old midwifes calling me darling the whole time. Patronising. I hated every moment of it and took me a good month to actually realise what had happened and start to enjoy baby. it was really distressful and put me off kids which is a shame as would have liked more but can't do that again.

@olderthanyouthink wow!

DD1 (elective section) was surreal. I remember:
-waters going with such tsunami strength they had to pause proceedings to reposition sticky heart monitor things as they were all washed away (I remember my confusion during post birth shower when I found one stuck to my back still)
-DD confirming her weird position by sticking her foot out of incision
-evryone pausing (again) to listen to DD crying, while still in utero! Noone in theatre had heard this before.
-once given to me I was just fixated on one of her eyes being gummed shut

DD2 (difficult OP delivery with high forceps):
-'Oh, she's all covered in blood. Fucking hell, that's mine!'
-uncontrollable shaking
-being vaguely aware that a swab had been misplaced and was being somewhat frantically searched for
-hearing the consultant referred to as 'Miss Tibbles' (not quite sure if it was exactly that, but something similarly unlikely/Beatrix Potter esq) and having to fight urge to giggle

So yes, no textbook rush of love for either!

@stanski yeah I don't recommend the DIY birth. I'm sorry your birth wasn't a positive experience

He's ginger?! - both me and DH. Couldn't work out where that had come from - and he's now blond, so clearly the recessive gene wasn't that strong!

Shortly followed by falling asleep and leaving the cuddling to DH...

Panic. Is she ok? Is she ok? Is she ok? (They were putting her in my arms at that moment but I was so terrified about everything that I didn't piece together that this clearly meant she was fine.

After that the hormones totally washed over me and I was really chilled.

I was quite stressed about going to the bathroom quite soon after and the midwife was unsympathetic. But then when I passed out due to blood loss they moved me out of the natural birthing centre

I was in shock, I hadn't expected to have an EMCS, I was terrified, I'd had a massive PPH, had got pre eclampsia, had been in labour for nearly 3 days. I wanted to be left alone to die, I was really ill, had drips, drains & a catheter, my liver & kidneys were failing & the nurses kept on trying to clamp this creature on my boob, I hadn't slept for 4 days, was nearly hallucinating from lack of sleep, was gasping for a drink but they would only let me have 10ml an hour. I was frightened & just wanted my mum, I was too ill to take any interest in my baby, if anyone had offered to take him away, I would have let them. I didn't get any of the rush of love that everyone talks about, I just wanted to curl up & die.

DD: that was quick.

Midwife even told her student, they are not all like that. I'd been induced as I was 15 days overdue. They said it would take days, so basically ignored me until DH arrived in the morning and demanded that they check me.

Was then very quickly whizzed out of the ward and in to a room next door...5 pushes and she was out

DS: my family is complete,

Another induction, that did take days, so i couldn't wait to sleep!!

How soon can I sleep?

After 3 days of induction, 24 hours of established labour then an emergency c section during which i was wishing for toothpicks to hold my eyes open so as not to miss the birth of my first born.. shit i was tired.