Terrified of giving birth, really struggling 😢

[Kelgriff8]

I am 31wks pregnant with my fourth child and am absolutely terrified of giving birth to the point of having regular panic attacks. I am in a constant state of fear and can’t even bring myself to look at baby clothes without bringing about an attack. I have been referred for CBT therapy, I was wondering if anyone else has suffered with this fear and if so how they managed to overcome it and get through the birth. Thank you x

What you are feeling is normal, do you have anyone in your family to talk this through with?

I do have a good support network around me and I have been talking through how I’m feeling but the panic attacks are still persistent.

Have you spoken to your midwife about this?

You need to speak to whoever’s providing your maternity care so they can offer you the best option and maybe organise counselling for you and talk thro your fears.

If you don't mind me asking , is this fear a result of traumatic previous births?

I have spoken to my midwife and they have made a note of my fears in my hospital records, I went and spoke to my doctor yesterday who is making a referral to a talking therapies service. My previous births were all normal vaginal delivery, this seems to have come out of nowhere x

Kel Your midwife should have offered you a referral to the perinatal mental health team, did she do that? If not, ask your midwife or your GP to do that - I'm fairly sure that all areas have one (and if not, they will be able to tell you that anyway). I have recently been referred by my midwife to the perinatal mental health team due to anxiety too. Mine doesn't sound as bad as yours as I am not having regular panic attacks - I only had one a few weeks ago which was my first for many months (I have a long history of generalised anxiety disorder) and unrelated to birth. However I have a lot of anxiety about giving birth, the immediate post-natal period, and just generally looking after a baby etc. As a result I'm booked in to see the specialist perinatal mental health midwife next week.

Can you sit down and super slowly, step by step, take time to think about each stage of Labour. It might help you identify which precise points are the most troubling to you.

Braxton hicks
Show
Waters breaking
Contractions (stop start)
When to call hospital
Contractions (continuous)
Examinations
Pain relief choices
Dilating
Pushing
Crowning
Delivery
Placenta delivery

This is by no means a complete list, just off the top of my head. But just wondered if it would help to think it all through.
All the very best.

@MeadowHay My midwife made a referral and at my follow up appointment said that she had received an email to say that the case loading team were inundated and I’d unlikely see anyone until after I have given birth. I’m sorry you’re going through this too, I didn’t even know Tokophobia existed until I started having regular panic attacks about giving birth. @Widgetbeana thank you for the advice, it makes perfect sense to go through each stage and see where my fear lies x

You're welcome to think I'm a complete wacko but have you considered hypnosis?

I had hypnobirthing after my first two normal births and it made a huge difference to my whole birth experience.

It's not cheap but worth a shot if you can afford it. A couple of hypnosis sessions and then you're left with a recording of your session to listen to at home as regularly as you can.

If it's something you think you'd like to try please look into it asap as the longer you can listen to the recording the better.

I hope this helps and wish you all the best X

Are there circumstance under which you could cope better with the idea? Induction with epidural in place if you went over? C-section? Neither of these are easy options obviously, but please don’t feel like you have to enevitably just deal with a normal vaginal birth if you can’t face it.

I did hypnobirthing and felt it helped enormously. I birthed at home (planned) but went in for stitching and the calm controlled feeling I had all throughout labour and delivery stayed with me. Had I gone overdue I had an elective section booked for 40+12 because I absolutely couldn’t come to terms with the idea of a hospital birth via induction on a trational labour ward with increased chances of an assisted delivery etc etc. Once I’d swatted up and felt confident to discuss my options, I found everyone really helpful and respectful.

@Kelgriff8 I gave birth 19 weeks ago to my 4th baby, the same thing happened to me - I had 3 normal natural births but this time I was absolutely terrified!!!! What is it you feel so scared of?

@socksonradiator @SundayLunchHappy I have started to read Fear Free Birthing and have been looking into doing a Hypnobirthing course. I’ve been reading that lots of women have found it really helpful. I have thought about talking to my ob gyny about a elective c-section but am worried about the recovery time after as I also have a 10month old daughter too. Prior to Tokophobia my only fear with childbirth was a c-section! Now my brain is telling me different! @Hotpinkangel19 I have had 3 previous normal virginal deliveries with just gas and air, all very straight forward. I have no idea where this crippling fear has come from. How did you cope when you went into labour? Where there any strategies you used? x

I felt the same when expecting my 4th after a traumatic 3rd birth. I would highly recommend hypnobirthing, I also listen to reiki music as I drift off to sleep, hubby found a very long playlist of it on ITunes which runs for hours, so my unconscious mind associates it with deep relaxation. Then listen to it in labour, also practice relaxing your pelvic floor and deep breathing when you have a poo (sorry tmi), tensing up during contractions is what makes the pain worse.

My 4th actually turned out to be a great birth and was very healing for me. Short, not very painful and I just about made it to the MLU before she was born, even left the bags in the car because I was convinced I was only just in established labour. Raced in when I started pushing on the walk from the car to the door, a few puffs on gas and air and she was out. My fifth was even better using hypnobirthing, next to painless and even quicker, hubby ended up delivering her on our bedroom floor while the midwives were breaking speed limits to get to us. Expecting no.6 any day now and hoping this time is similar.

I’m so glad you started this thread. I’m 39+4 with my 4th and absolutely dreading it. It has taken over the last few weeks and there is nothing I can think about. My main fear is around the last bit of giving birth. My last 2 were induced and nothing happened for 12hrs then suddenly it all got intense and baby’s head descending into the birth canal was very sudden and I felt like I’m going to break down there so remembering it being awful! Then the pushing out bit wasn’t too bad but just remember I was in a whole panic state. My breathing all over the place and there is nothing I could do about it.
I have bought a hypnobirthing cd which I listen to and able to follow it but I know as soon as the intense pain start I go into a manic state and forget it all.
More than likely I ll be induced this time too and I’m just dreading it and feel ridiculous for it as people must think, god 4th time around and you are still panicking?!!

Try Mindful Hypnobirthing by Sophie Fletcher

@Mumof3cheeky I’m sorry to hear you’re going through the same thing, it’s horrible isn’t it. I’m trying various things to try and keep myself calm. I have an appointment to see my midwife again today so hopefully she will be able to give some guidance and support. Have you spoken to your midwife? x

THanks @Kelgriff8 no i haven’t mentioned it to midwife as just feel a bit silly considering it’s baby no4 but to be honest if I could chose to have an outdrawn labour or sit around for days not seeing my other dc then I would still go with the intesity of prostin induction. I guess I can’t have it both ways. I’d just rather it happened sooner than later now as the anticipation makes it worse I think! X

Sorry that meant to say ‘if I could chose to have an outdrawn labour and having to sit around for days or have an intense prostin induction’

Hi , came across this in my "I'm on" how's things for you now?

@firsttimebabybirther Hi, I met with a Psychiatrist and a consultant obsteatrician who approved an elective c section. I’m 9 days post op and couldn’t be happier, I have a beautiful little girl 😊

You'll be just fine 😘

Was the baby planned. Im wondering if its a fear of having another child but your brain is focussing on the act of them arriving. X

Awww I'm so happy for you! Congratulations on your baby girl