Husband being difficult

[Babybooboohead]

I'm due to give birth in 11 days. We have a 6 year old son too. I told my husband I was pregnant and he ignored the topic for two weeks and said his life is ruined. He has been a total nightmare ever since. He is down, i think low in mood - depressed. Today I got him to the GP to discuss. I didn't go in with him however when he came back he said that there is nothing wrong with him and he just needs more time to himself doing hobbies. Currently he wants to work 40-50hours a week, spend Thursday evenings at football, spend Sat morning at football, go to the gym every other day and now go fishing once a month and spend more time alone - according to the GP this is what has been recommended. He also has work meetings in the evening.

I've prepared everything for this baby and i can feel resentment building. I'm an independent capable woman but finding myself vulnerable and abandoned by his behaviour.

TBH I could tell you more about how he's been but I kind of bury my head in the sand and throw myself into work. I have a close knit group of kick ass friends who would always help me and an amazing family but this has to be my battle either way.

I make an effort to look good (I'm nearly 39) have a nice house etc etc and it's like we are just not on the same playing field. He's old fashioned, stubborn and angry with the world. I've told him the alternative and that we'd lose house etc but it doesn't seem to register.

oh god 11 days OP, sending you a big huge cuddle

So he lies to you, is difficult about the pregnancy, wants to spend his time away from the home on hobbies and fitness or working, never cuddles you, didn't buy you a Christmas present, feels like a dead weight round your neck, has ropey shadey finances...

You keep the all the balls in the air, sound financially stable with a good job, look after your DC and want him back?!

I think you know the answer

To me it sounds like maybe he's got financial issues / debt or something like that which he's trying to hide from you. That might explain why he resents your maternity leave (not bringing in as much money) and wasn't keen to have another kid (costs).
Have you had any indications there may be someone else? As in suspicious texts, missed calls, disappearing to take calls... Because if not, I'd be leaning towards my first suspicions.

Can you just be straight with him and ask him outright about the financial situation? Let him know that you're not stupid and he can't keep things from you anymore.

I really hope that he's being the way he is because of the stress of keeping some financial difficulties from you, not because he's checked out of the marriage.

yeah he's having an affair, I'm sorry

It could be debt. That links in with him being down. Best to get to a solicitor ASAP if that is the case, you dont want to be saddled with loads of debt and no CM.

Were you TTC?

I would be dragging him a marriage counselling session in you shoes.

He could be behaving like this so he can later say that he never wanted DC2?

You are a strong woman and your baby will be amazing but I would be nervous in you shoes.

WHat does he contribute to your happiness and wellbeing, apart from money? I really can't see any reason why you should try to hang on to an unpleasant, selfish man who doesn't want to spend any time with you or engage with you. You can divorce him and still get money off him (well, up to a point, a lot of these pricks are good at hiding their money, but you said you have some funds of your own.)

I’d do a credit check on him.

It does sound like your husband hasn't a secret and way he's been acting about your being on maternity and all the hours he's working and fact he needs to distress I would guess debt. I don't think he want you to know maybe he doesn't want you to stress with being pregnant even though him it being honest with you is doing that anyway!

has a *

not* sorry I have major baby brain and a dodgy I phone hence the typos!!

You sound lovely. He sounds like he needs to be asked to leave. What timing would work best for you? This way of life sounds abusive and soul-destroying.

Thank you girls for your honesty and openness I think I can gather my thoughts and plan ahead. I seriously doubt he'll transform in to a super husband once baby arrives. In fact I think I'll see less of him. I hope this baby is an easy one for my sake at least! I need to get me head screwed on and plan for mid summer I think once I'm more stable and could consider an early return to work if necessary.
If there is someone else I need proof and the debt thing would not surprise me at all. I know he doesn't declare some earnings so that will be another way to screw me over I imagine.

Xxx

Sounds like a plan. Start collecting evidence of his undeclared income. You can use it in the future to encourage him to pay the correct amount of child maintenance and you can use it to report him to the inland revenue and child maintenance service if he doesn't see sense. Keep your cards close to your chest. I hope you get a lovely, easy baby too.

Yes, start collecting the information you need, get a free consultation with a solicitor etc. And don't let this useless man wind you up: he's not a priority any more. Get support and company from your family and friends, and keep your interaction with H to a minimum - he may get careless, he may be around less and less, or he may make some gestures towards being a Good Husband if he realises that you may be planning to leave.

You need to plan your move OP so that you get your life back.
Seriously you and the dos will be so much better off without him.

Firstly congratulations on the arrival of a new soul in your life :)

I would suggest you to handle things with regard to the baby yourself for a while giving him sometime with himself as he says. However, he as a father should take some responsibility. You need to explain to him your situation and the need for support. That said, you never know he might get excited once he sees the baby :)