to feel let down after DD's birth?

[princesseggo]

I'm a long time lurker and just wanted to get an outside opinion on how things worked out/were overlooked around the birth of my daughter. Sorry if it's a long post.

My pregnancy with DD was very straight forward up until around 34 weeks when I started measuring big at my midwife appointments. (35 weeks but measuring 39 weeks etc.) Because I was measuring big I had two growth scans. The first I was told baby was fine and was on track to be 7lbs at delivery. The seconds I was told she would be 8lbs on delivery.

I carried on measuring big at every midwife appointment and it got to the point where midwives would sort of laugh and say 'well you've had two growth scans and everything was fine so i'm sure it's nothing to worry about.'

DD was very overdue and I ended up being induced at 41+6. My waters were broken at around 3pm and I was told to go for a walk to get things going. I was only given an hour to start having contractions naturally which just didn't happen so I was put on the syntocinon drip after that hour. The drip made contractions extremely painful and I had no gap in between them so endured 5/6 hours of contractions before getting an epidural. Long story short, the epidural just didn't work for me and would wear off after about 30 minutes.

After labouring for about 16 hours, I didn't manage to dilate any more that 4cm and after being on the drip for so long, my only option was to have an emcs. DD was born after about 2 hours in theatre trying to get epidural/spinal block strong enough to start the surgery. She was 9lbs 12oz and one of the doctors in theatre said that I would never have been able to birth her vaginally as she was so big. (I know babies are born a lot heavier but I am quite petite.)

As soon as DD was born, the epidural wore off again which meant that I had to be put under general anaesthetic. I didn't hold my daughter until 2/3 hours after she was born.

AIBU to feel let down by midwives almost ignoring my big measurements during pregnancy and feel like a birth this traumatic could have been avoided? I can't help but feel like things would have gone a lot smoother if I wasn't left to go two weeks overdue and labour for such a long time. I know birth in general is traumatic for a lot of women in a lot of different ways but I am honestly terrified of maybe having to go through that again.

Congratulations on your baby.

I was overdue with my first and ended up being induced, I was in labour for 16 hours and it was horrific, and I hated all three sets of midwives that I had contact with that day. I was badly torn as after 16 hours I still hadn't dilated much despite being told 10 hours earlier that I was nearly fully dilated. Got told different stuff by each set of midwives.

But you just have to forget about it and get on with looking after and loving your baby, you're okay and your baby is okay and that's all that matters.

If the scans said baby was ok there's not much else they could have done.

You aren't being unreasonable to be upset about the birth or anything that came with it. You are being unreasonable to feel let down by the midwives; they're not psychic and did what they could. We're lucky to have any of that western modern medicine. I had a bad birth experience myself, but was let down by midwives not checking me hut that's another story. I think you perhaps need a debrief and to come to terms with what happened. Congratulations and enjoy the fact baby is here safely

I think if they sent you for the two extra scans they did their best on that end.

I don't think you should have been given the drip without an epidural though. However I'm in Ireland and they are a bit free-er with the epidurals here from what I can gather.

I had a bit of a weird experience with DC3, (he was 9lb9oz) he came very quickly and I knew he was about to be born but they wouldn't believe me or give me any pain relief. He was born so quickly then that I just put it behind me but really I was in shock for ages afterwards. It does fade with time. Don't let this get in the way of enjoying your lovely baby.

I disagree with the posters saying you shouldn't have been given the drip without epidural. It's perfectly possible to labour successfully on the drip without one - I did for the whole of my 10 hour labour with DD with no pain relief at all, and found it totally manageable. Everyone's different, you don't know until you try, and I wonder whether the practice of putting them in automatically from that start contributes in so many inductions ending in C sections.

But if you wanted one at the start, you of course should have had the option..

@aurynne in fairness to the OP and to support her comment about the constant contractions on a syntocin drip, I wanted to write that I have had exactly the same experience.

Both my first two children were born via induction, first was great with pessary at 41 weeks exactly. Second syntocin drip at 39+1. I was labouring quite well but they turned the drip up to speed my contractions up. I am still not sure why as my waters were only broken at 3.30pm and this happened at 8pm.

I had wave after wave of constant and excruciating contractions, I was out of my head with pain and just clinging to the gas and air throwing up in between and barely able to catch my breath before the next one came. There was a period of time where the midwife got very concerned and turned the drip right down but it was too late. (This was all in my labour notes) my daughter's heart rate kept dipping for too long as there was no rest between contractions and we couldn't get a clip on her head, partly because she need out to have masses of hair but also because I was constantly contracting and couldn't be examined or have it inserted. I somehow managed to push her out quickly in the end
but it was a very scary couple of hours. My husband who is the most laissez faire person you could meet still thinks about watching me go through that.
I am expecting my third baby and the thought of that drip again does fill me with dread. I know it is likely too.
There is a thread on here started recently about this experience on a syntocin drip and it is more common than I realised

OP I'm sorry you're getting such a rough ride from some posters. I had three traumatic labours (in varying different ways) and all that I needed was sympathy and understanding not people saying I should be grateful I didn't die.

I agree with posters saying you should ask for a debrief- I didn't, but think I would have found it useful.

I'm sure in future pregnancies you will be given the option of a C-section so that could be another thing to ask about to out your mind at rest.

Sorry for your traumatic experience and congratulations on your lovely baby

Ps. I have asked for this thread to be moved to Childbirth as I think AIBU is not the place to post for sympathy and support - might be worth you reporting the thread and asking too

I've given birth three times none of my children or myself would be alive without help. I was far to close to losing DC3 when/if I have another I'll be having a c section in a private hospital!

toffee I read the OP as that the OP wanted an epidural but didn't get one for 6 hours. If she hadn't wanted one then of course that would be different.

I think also that the drip can be of varying dosage (could be wrong here). I seem to remember them increasing it at one point with DC2 which was a very long back to back labour.

After previous losses my DD was born by CS
I was really upset about this even tho I knew better than anyone that the thing that really matters is that the baby is healthy
I burst into tears at a breastfeeding support group when people were telling their birth stories
For a long time I couldn't even watch a birth on TV show
I felt I couldn't talk to anyone as I had received so much support with previous losses and it seemed silly to be upset this time

As pp have said ask for an appointment to discuss what happened and try and get a idea of what could be different next time if that is appropriate
If there is a good friend or sister you can talk to then do so
I did come to terms with it eventually All the best x

User148.. I'm just the same - when I hear about people having vaginal births or see them on the telly 9 times out of 10 I have to have a cry. It's daft, it's only a C-section, loads of women have them by preference every day, I know how traumatic vaginal births can be and how physically injurious - and yet I feel so cheated of the experience and like a fake mum because I didn't 'give birth', or even 'go into labour' naturally - didn't even know my waters had broken, it was discovered when they went to break them for me in her course of induction! I really hope one day I won't feel this way.

The worst part is I have a very tricky baby, and I can't help always wondering as she's screaming for hours / refusing the boob / thrashing violently the whole time she's in my arms whether the horrible birth and me not being able to hold and comfort her after the section has permanently harmed her and prevented her from bonding with me in some way.

What I hate most is the fact that when friends have babies naturally or straightforwardly (e.g. my best friends sister recently, who had the pessary induction and less than 5 hours later was holding her baby) my first reaction which should be happiness for them is this stabbing pain that it's not fair (and yes I know, vipers of AIBU, life isn't fair suck it up etc).

That and the fact I wanted another child, but now I don't dare because either I'll have another dreadful experience, or it will go well - which I can't help feeling would be so unfair on my poor DD! Which is of course ridiculous. But I can't seem to shake that in my head.

Lelaputte

I understand. I had similar feeling about not being able to breastfeed

I think you won't always feel this way. I have a lovely bond with DS1 (nearly 17) - it just grew slowly as I came to terms with the first birth.

It's good for us to talk about this stuff. It's what MN is good at

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness if they are really doing that, then you need to know that they are risking the lives of both mums and babies. More than 4 contractions in 10 minutes makes it very likely to cause uterine hyperstimulation, which reduces the oxygen to the baby and causes fetal distress, which sounds like exactly what happened to you.

I just hope the doctors did not brag to you about how "they had saved the baby's life" afterwards, as I have seen happening before. In fact it was the mismanagement of your induction which caused your baby's heart to decelerate, and some more minutes could have been fatal. It also increases the risk of bleeding after the birth, so it could have been fatal to you too.

Congratulations on having your DD OP. I'm sorry you had such a traumatic experience but I think the midwives and doctors did everything right in your case. You had two growth scans which showed an average sized baby. The only thing they could have done was induce you earlier but as you know induction doesn't always work and the contractions were hard to bare. It's better to give the body a chance to go into labour on its own.

Even if you were induced earlier you still wouldn't have responded to the epidural, there would have been even less chance of dilating further than you did and you still would have ended up with an emcs, just earlier. Unfortunately it's just one of those things.

My DS birth was also traumatic, 12 incidents of reduced movement, high resistance in cord and induction at 39 weeks that failed spectacularly leading watwrs broken at 1cm dilated and after 8 hours no progression. The midwife was trying to put a clip on DS head at still only 1cm and his heart kept stopping. There was no epidural as they wouldn't give it till at least 4cm. He was born by emcs and it felt like forever till they got him breathing. The trauma does get easier to deal with, I thought I could never go through that again and with hindsight think I probably had a bit of ptsd from that but it does get easier and DS is now two and we are trying again.
Be gentle on yourself. Request an after birth meeting to go through your notes of you think it will help but try to focus on the positive of your DD being here and healthy.

@aurynne I didn't need any medical intervention by doctors, it was all midwife led delivery and no stitches of anything afterwards, so I guessed I saved her life and mine by getting through those hellish contractions and delivering her in two enormous primal pushes. All 9lbs 8oz of her. I can vaguely recall the air of mild panic as the drip was turned down and I was told firmly to lie on my side so the monitor could be kept in place but that's it.

I am hoping to get away with a the pessary induction this time. They broke my waters as she was breech and had turned between 39days and 39+1 and they wanted to get labour going quickly so she didn't try and turn again.

I am hoping that I go into labour of my own accord but unless that happens by 38 weeks it's another induction for me

Sorry Gin, I had mixed you up with another poster who ended up with an emergency CS after an induction. Awesome job pushing your baby out! You probably did save your baby from a lot of distress and yourself from many more interventions :). Fingers crossed you will go naturally into labour this time!

It was certainly traumatic. Acknowledge that and ask for a debrief. No way to change what has happened, but it's good to get advice on how things could be managed differently in future should you wish for more DC.

I had a traumatic induction and managed to put it to the back of mind, but 2.5 years later and the imminent arrival of DC2 forced me to confront it. It was surprisingly cathartic to find out the reasons why certain things happened, when and why. Having a better understanding and a plan of action felt empowering at a time when I was clearly powerless. I highly recommend it.

lelapaletute
I was exactly the same. It did put me off having another child. In fact when I was pregnant I started to miscarry and just felt relief.
I did give birth vaginally - in fact three times after a cs. That was the most healing thing.

Had a terrible time myself. Would love another child but have no faith I/child wouldn't end up dead as a result of poor staffing and staff frankly not listening. So totally sympathise with you! Someone said complain- I did that but frankly there was no point. I didn't get the impression anything would change as a result of my complaint. Effectively they just said "oh yes sorry that shouldn't have happened." Might as well not have wasted my time or upset myself by re-living it.