to feel let down after DD's birth?

[princesseggo]

I'm a long time lurker and just wanted to get an outside opinion on how things worked out/were overlooked around the birth of my daughter. Sorry if it's a long post.

My pregnancy with DD was very straight forward up until around 34 weeks when I started measuring big at my midwife appointments. (35 weeks but measuring 39 weeks etc.) Because I was measuring big I had two growth scans. The first I was told baby was fine and was on track to be 7lbs at delivery. The seconds I was told she would be 8lbs on delivery.

I carried on measuring big at every midwife appointment and it got to the point where midwives would sort of laugh and say 'well you've had two growth scans and everything was fine so i'm sure it's nothing to worry about.'

DD was very overdue and I ended up being induced at 41+6. My waters were broken at around 3pm and I was told to go for a walk to get things going. I was only given an hour to start having contractions naturally which just didn't happen so I was put on the syntocinon drip after that hour. The drip made contractions extremely painful and I had no gap in between them so endured 5/6 hours of contractions before getting an epidural. Long story short, the epidural just didn't work for me and would wear off after about 30 minutes.

After labouring for about 16 hours, I didn't manage to dilate any more that 4cm and after being on the drip for so long, my only option was to have an emcs. DD was born after about 2 hours in theatre trying to get epidural/spinal block strong enough to start the surgery. She was 9lbs 12oz and one of the doctors in theatre said that I would never have been able to birth her vaginally as she was so big. (I know babies are born a lot heavier but I am quite petite.)

As soon as DD was born, the epidural wore off again which meant that I had to be put under general anaesthetic. I didn't hold my daughter until 2/3 hours after she was born.

AIBU to feel let down by midwives almost ignoring my big measurements during pregnancy and feel like a birth this traumatic could have been avoided? I can't help but feel like things would have gone a lot smoother if I wasn't left to go two weeks overdue and labour for such a long time. I know birth in general is traumatic for a lot of women in a lot of different ways but I am honestly terrified of maybe having to go through that again.

Firstly, congratulations on the birth of your DD.
I am sorry you had such a tough time and suggest that you request a debrief with a supervisor of midwives/consultant who will be able to offer you the answers to your specific situation.
With regards to the midwives - they did refer you for extra scans which were deemed to be OK (scans are notoriously unreliable for predicting sizes), I can understand why they thought you didn't need referring again given that you had always measured big but deemed OK on scans.
Unfortunately, inductions also increase the likelihood of interventions. I also think the doctors comments were unhelpful.
Hope you get answers and are recovering well x

I'm not a midwife, so can't tell you whether they could have known this would happen, but I'd feel let down, too!

I strongly suspect it could have been avoided, it can't have been the first time a petite woman was pregnant with a big baby.

The two growth scans you refer to were those your 12 and 20 weeks scans of extra scans on top?

Or*

Tbh petite ladies have big babies too. You had two scans, which can be unreliable but are the most reliable option. What else would you like them to have done?

My son was 9lb11oz so I'm not unsympathetic (he was born in under an hour and half, I still wince to think of it) but it sounds like they did everything right.

So sorry that you had an awful time and yes yes yes to a birth debrief.

Unfortunately scans have a huge margin of error I think it's 20% either way and again the measuring doesn't mean much in it's own right. I'm 5' and measured 37cm at 42+2, tiny size 6-8 hips and delivered a 10lb 6oz baby with no assistance.

Birth is far from an exact science unfortunately.

I really hope you start to recover soon, I'm not surprised you feel let down and please be assured they wouldn't let the same thing happen again

Poor you

I don't know if you are being unreasonable. On a thread here last week the OP had been warned by her midwife that she was measuring big for dates and was worried and dozens of people flooded on to tell her not to worry as they were always getting these things wrong. I was about the only person to tell her that it might be true. What i will say is that it is doubtful things would have gone differently if you'd been alerted sooner. I was measuring big, was sent for a scan and told all fine and to carry on. I went 10 days overdue. My midwife expressed her doubts saying she really thought it was a big baby but was ignored cause scan said no. She was right!

After the birth I was told that I wouldn't be allowed to go over 38 weeks in any subsequent pregnancy.

Have you asked for a debrief from tthe hospital following the birth? Please try that, you may find it very helpful. I certainly did.

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. Sounds like you've had an awful experience and I don't blame you for feeling let down. Speak to your MW or MW manager and hopefully they can refer you for a debrief to discuss your experience and investigate it.

Take care and give yourself time to heal both physically and mentally.

Congratulations on the birth of you DD. You do understand that medicine is not an exact science? They did refer you for 2 scans. But they're not 'magic' - they produce estimates. You can't weigh a baby until it is born. Was anything actually wrong with your care during the birth - or was it just unpleasant and difficult (understandably traumatic and worrying)?

You make reference to the fact you didnt get to hold your baby until she was a few hours old due to needing a general anaesthetic. But there was nothing the drs could do about epidurals wearing off.

Had you been booked for an elective c-section the epidurals would still wear off and you'd still need a general and you'd still not hold your baby for hours.

A friend of mine was told an early induction was needed as her baby was far too big already. Induction failed, emcs to have a 7lb baby. They could have just let her be as her baby was a normal size. Growth scans arent accurate.

You're fine, baby is fine and if you ever have to go through it again you'd probably be looking at another c-section with a general anaesthetic as spinals dont work.

Growth scans are inaccurate. I ended up having one every wk from 30 wks as I'd measure big, mw would send me straight to hospital. I'd have scan and consultant would tell me it's going to be a big baby and Id go on my way.

There's no way really of knowing how your going to deliver until your at that point.

My first was 10lb and.they only got bigger.

I'd go for debrief and try and make your peace with what happened

There was nothing else the midwives could have done for you. They referred you for growth scans which is the appropriate thing for them to have done. Did you see a consultant/doctor at any point alongside those growth scans?

Definitely ask to have a debrief

congrats on your DD....

your labour sounds very stressful... however, it hormones are high, your probably feeling abit.l over whelmed and like u lost put nor getting to hold you DD instantly... but i think the only thing that could make your situation better now is be thankful both you and your beautiful baby were ok shes fine and healthy and you and other then sore and overwhelmed also fine. enjoy it cuddles... every single pregnancy is different. and when u look in her eyes I bet u would do it all over again for her. so if you are to have another baby you can bet that 1 the birth will be different and 2 whatever happens it will all be worth it.. stay positive and congratulations xxx

YANU. Birth is a strange thing. I had one perfect and one less perfect and still (years on) have a strange feeling about the less perfect one. If it totally normal for you to feel the way you do. You have been through something traumatic and you are responding to it as anyone would.
You can speak to the HV and ask for a midwife to review your birth with you. This will be especially helpful should you have more in the future and want to alleviate some worries. Take care OP and congratulation on tour DD.

YABU. You are alive and well, as is your baby, you are bloody lucky compared with millions of women who have a high chance of death in childbirth and /or losing their child.
Be grateful , you are lucky , and blessed.

I had almost an identical experience to you. Four days of inductions at 42 weeks (pessary then drip) followed by an elective c section as I couldn't dilate beyond 3cm. The difference is that I had been told at NCT not to agree to the drip without serious drugs so I had an epidural before my drip. London hospitals give you a button to top up the epidural yourself so I floated through it on a wave of white fluffy drug free cloud. It sounds to me like any fault is with the anethatist rather than the midwives.

Second time around I was told to have an elective as chances are it would happen again. Turned out (different hospital with different guidelines would you believe) that I had late onset gestational diabetes which meant that late growth was the issue despite having been cleared in both the normal GD tests early on in pregnancy. Meant I had my elective c section earlier second time around.

Worth having a meeting with the hospital to address any issues in the event you have a second and/or to get closure. But sounds to me like the issue is with anethatist and your NCT teacher for failing to discuss drugs with you rather than the midwives and their prenatal care

lily really? You think that's helpful?

My DD was 10lb 6oz and I was a size 8 pre pregnancy.

I was induced and also had no break in contractions. I didn't know that other people had experienced that.

Thankyou for sharing your birth story as it has been really useful for me to know someone else felt what I did. I also had a big baby-9 pounds 8.

^ as lily said.

Millions of woman don't have the perfect pregnancy and childbirth for whatever reason but you got the perfect result. Be thankful and move on.

YABU!

You decide to have a baby, you are choosing to go through the birth and they can't all be a two minute to push and its out style. Drs didn't make any mistakes, all sizing predictions can be off. You should be happy to have a healthy baby and grateful for modern medicine we have.

I do kind of think the culture within the NHS is "vaginal birth at all costs". You only have to read stories from women with very, very strong and valid reasons (both physical and mental) to request a c section, who encounter massive opposition and denial, to see that.

So, someone like you - petite but potentially large baby - really would never have been offered an elective section. But it's a difficult call, isn't it? Only hindsight can tell you whether it's right or wrong.

A friend of mine was expecting a large baby. Everyone agreed the baby was large. During an induction, with really poor progress, she begged for a section, but was refused. The baby ended up being dragged out by forceps, over 11lb, and she tore from her cervix all the way down the length of the vagina. I mean FFS.

Women birthing babies are expected to put up with a LOT of collateral damage.

Does your hospital offer a debriefing service? I had a traumatic birth experience with DS (12 weeks old) and all the midwives that attended me (the panic button was hit as DS got stuck and there were about 8 midwives in the room trying to get him out/holding me down) came back to see me after I'd recovered and advised me to book an appointment.

I was in denial about how much it had affected me until about 6 weeks ago when a thoughtless comment from my MIL ("Oh you both could have died then!") tipped me over the edge and I called them. Unfortunately they have limited appointments so I'm not seeing anyone until the next of August, but knowing I can talk it all through with someone has helped me start to come to terms with what happened.

I HATE the way we are expected to be thankful and move on.

No!

Like I said, mothers are expected to put up with so much collateral damage Our health matters too. It's not just about being grateful for a healthy baby, especially when we are traumatised and in tatters.

I do think YABU probably sorry even though your experience sounds horrible, apart from the fact that you importantly have a healthy baby. I don't think you can blame the midwives. I'm not sure the doctor's comment was that helpful looking at pp's experiences on this thread and my own (5ft 2, petite and two 9lb+ babies delivered vaginally).

However I do wonder about the accuracy and the usefulness of growth scans. In our area everyone has one at 36 weeks and mine predicted baby would be 8lb. She was overdue but much bigger like yours. However my bump was measuring small. About 3 weeks behind most of the time! Just shows you what an inaccurate science it is.