Petrified of vaginal birth!

[Kittykat93]

Hi everyone, this is my first post so please bare with me!!

I have been a lurker on mumsnet for many years but have made an account to post about this issue. Hopefully someone can help and/or tell me to get a grip !!

I am 18 weeks pregnant, and so happy. Pregnancy is going really well, supportive partner etc. There is one huge problem though, I have an absolutely awful fear of vaginal birth. Before I got pregnant I had told myself I could push the doctors for a cesarean and this is what I have always planned to do. (Please no bashing !!)

However, now I am actually facing the reality, I know that I need to be brave and do the right thing for the baby and this is to have a 'natural birth'. So although the thought terrifies me, I am going to try.

I don't really know what I'm hoping for by posting on here, maybe some postive stories of birth? I will definitely be opting for an epidural so also any experiences of that would be helpful. I have brought some books on childbirth and am too frightened to read them at the moment as it makes everything seem very real

Thanks for reading all

You have to be comfortable with what you decide, what is best for you is what's best for your baby. I have had two vaginal births, it hurts, but there is pain relief and ultimately if you decide to go that route then it's what your body was made to do so you will cope. Have you looked into hypnobirthing?

Also look into seeding if you decide to go c section, might make you feel better if you go that way.

I look back fondly on giving birth. I walked away with only minor grazes and I was in control. I felt like a fucking warrior woman and the endorphins my body produced to manage the pain made for the most incredible euphoria afterwards. I felt so utterly present in my body, so alive and so content. It was like a runner's high x100. No drugs and I didn't get on with gas and air, just water. I actually look forward to doing it again.

I listened to hypnobirthing tracks which really helped and also managed to stay at home until I was more than 7cm dilated. I really liked the midwife-led suite where I had lots of space and control and think it helped. I also think staying fit through pregnancy, if you can manage it, is an advantage.

It hurts, but it can be a positive experience, even with your first.

Once labour starts its not actually that scary. Just take any drugs you are offered. dont let the fear take over your pregnancy, i did and it was a waste of time. The baby is going to come out one way or the other. A c section is major surgery. I felt the same when i was pg... that i didn't want a vaginal birth but i did have reasons why a section might have been medically the best option.

I ended up with a crash section under General anaesthetic and i was a fool to think a section would be the easy way out. I had a straightforward recovery but it was still very very difficult. I couldn't do anything for myself afterwards. I mean literally anything. I would never choose a section over vaginal now having experienced severe contractions without pain relief and a section. Hypnobirthing and breathing techniques would have been useful for me to learn but my baby was prem so didn't have a chance.

I was a bit like you and I did the NCT antenatal course. Half of my fear was not knowing what to expect. Ok I knew a baby would appear between my legs but the build up, active labour and mechanics of birth I had no clue. All these stages can be painful, but I found knowing what to expect meant I could remain calm and do things to help myself (remaining upright as much as possible) ultimately remaining calm really helps speed things a long. So I would check out any local courses and you can also meet other mums to be too.

Also please know that a vaginal birth is not always possible, so don't set yourself up for disappointment, no one really gives a damn how your baby arrives as long as you both make it through ok!

I didn't find birth the most painful thing to happen to me, the stitches were worse. Overwhelming as it does feel like your insides are going to force there way out of you. But if there are no complications you should come out of it a bit tired and grubby but ultimately ok.

I was scared too, but by 9 months I just wanted the baby out and I reasoned it isn't a very long time slot out of your life. In the end I had two emergency sections anyway.

And I had 2 epidurals. I was expecting pain but it wasn't really pain, just a really horrible feeling? I didn't get as far as pushing tho

I had an emergency c section and I hated it, I felt like I'd been crippled for months. Vaginal births are so much easier

Thank you for all your helpful replies. Think I will look into hypnobirthing, I am usually a bit cynical about these things but if there's a chance it could help I'll be willing to give it a go !!

No bashing!
Please discuss your fears with your midwife.
I was lucky. My first was a lovely calm
Water birth 2 and a half hours after I got to hospital. Second baby even quicker!
I found knowing all my options for pain relief and being prepared (visiting the hospital and knowing the midwives who would hopefully deliver my baby) really helped.
Good luck!

Hypnobirthing classes. I was exactly the same as you terrified after hearing other people's birthing stories.

I actually gave birth on my own in the hospital. The midwife done everything I wanted. Very little intervention and my labour/ birth was very quick. 1hr 20mins from my waters breaking. Gas and air was more than enough pain relief too.

Try not to worry. It's all worth it when you hold your baby for the first time

I think pp are right: mother nature makes the end of pregnancy such an arse ache that you don't care how it comes out.

Both my births were fine. Both babies around 9lb and left with 2 stitches, I think. Crowning stung like fuck, but doesn't last long-and they pour water over you to take the sting away.

I didn't remember any of the pain after dc1-until I got fully into labour with dc2.

I was frightened of giving birth and put off pregnancy for many years. It got to the point where me and DH woud have split up because he made it clearly from 2nd date he wanted kids.
Anyway I bit the bullet but i was scared.
However once labour started you don't have much time to do anything but go with it! Im not going to lie to you, it did hurt but i can't remember how!! When i left hospital i couldnt wait to get baby in the pram and show the world what i had produced (like i was the only mother on earth!!)
Seriously i lived to have another!

Don't think too much about it. The baby has to come out one way or another and the reality is it's either vaginally or via major abdominal surgery.

I had two really rough pregnancies, but two quite frankly textbook, quick and incredibly empowering "normal deliveries" I had no expectations, no real birth plan, I was induced both times and on the drip but even in the midst of agonising contractions I was amazed by how your body does this. Perhaps I was blissfully ignorant but it definitely helped me just get on with it. The only thing I didn't want was a forceps delivery either time. If you need pain relief take it. It you don't don't. We're all different but we all go through something incredible to bring our babies into the world one way or the other.

Nobody can tell you what your labour will be like only share their own experiences which will either make you feel better or more terrified. Don't let it spoil your pregnancy. Definitely seek lots of advice and discuss your options.

I'm trying to remain calm this third time round, as ultimately what will be will be.

I meant to add -trite as it sounds - that you do just forget the pain. Eventually if not almost immediately.

Having Dd was so calm and controlled it was lovely. It wasn't the water birth in the midwives suite I'd wanted as I had to be induced on a drip. I was terrified as I'd heard this hurt like hell and I was also scared of the epidural having complications (I'm a worrier as you can tell). HOWEVER, the epidural was straightforward and meant I could calmly wait for the drip to work. I was actually a bit bored as I was just waiting. I felt what was going on when it was time to push but with no pain. Literally two pushes and she popped out. Don't let anyone talk to you about their birth horror stories. Its not always like that and people love to scare others about this topic!

Lots of women do it op!
I had a caesarean and it's not an easy option imo (I've never had a natural birth so maybe talking out of my arse) it's extremely long and painful. You can't even sit up on your own for the first 20 or so hours, it's not nice to have a newborn and not be able to move. If it's the best option for you, push for a caesarean BUT please look into it first. It's not an easy recovery at all!

I found that when it comes to it, you are ready for it.

I read my Sheila kitzinger book, which was very positive and looked at the black and white photos in awe (it was a while ago) and the lovely pics of newborn wrapped up in a cellular blanket with big eyes .

Then, when it happened (early) I just felt I had to go with it. TBH, I came out of it a bit anaemic and stitched up, but I had the best baby in the world, the best DH in the world and thought 'it wasn't that terrible after all' and at the time, I honestly thought I could go through it all again but I think I was on planet euphoria

OP I had similar issues with more back story which I won't go into but I was offered a CS as that was the right thing for me and therefore DD.

I understand so many women want to do it naturally but as someone who had a calm, stress free non-natural birth I can't say I'm in agreement with the whole "natural is best" in all cases. What's best for a baby is different depending on a range of circumstances and the best thing you can do is get as much information and support as possible so you have all the facts and can make an informed decision with your midwife and other medical professionals. In the same way women shouldn't be pressured or put pressure on themselves to BF, they should also have choice around birth imo. Good luck

Don't know if this is particularly helpful but I was the opposite to you with an absolute terror of having to have a caesarean - the thought of being cut open and the major surgery of it and the long time being stitched up really scared me! Luckily I had a natural birth but our fears are probably unrealistic - the caesarean probably wouldn't have been as bad as I imagined and a natural birth will probably not be as bad as you're envisaging!

I do know that there's a much quicker recovery time with a natural birth so you could take comfort from that maybe. And also there are lots of pain relief options with a natural birth - ones that you can decide about as your labour progresses.

Just to offer a different view- I had two sections due to fear of birth and I am so happy I did. Recovery was straight forward both times. But that's just my experience and it was the right decision for me. You need to pick the option you are most happy with and it sounds like that would be a vaginal birth.. I've heard great things about hypnobirthing.

OP why do you say that having a "natural' birth is better for the baby? This is certainly not universally true. The best thing you can do is get a midwife you trust, get t know them, go to all the antenatal classes you can. Then you will be in a position to make whatever decisions you need to be best "for the baby". And you of course! C sections save lives. As do the drugs and other interventions. That's why we have them. And are fortunate to do so.

Having said that I had dd at home, no pain relief and it was an incredibly powerful and positive experience. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Haven't read all the thread because I have literally just had a section (not by choice) but I came on to say that an epidural is never guaranteed so don't expect that it will be. Before my first I said the same and many people warned me that if I wanted one I must get one immediately because the chances are there wouldn't be an anaesthetist available when I wanted one. I did get one when required but I was induced so had plenty of time. Don't rely on it is all I am saying.

I can't really comment much on which type of recovery was easier because I only had section a few hours ago but I also had a very traumatic birth when I delivered vaginally. HOWEVER, if I had had a choice I STILL would have gone for vaginal despite what happened last time.

I hope all goes well for you. Whatever happens on the day you forget about it. Not always as quickly as some do, but that is just me being honest (which I hope you take the right way - Mumsnet doesn't beat around the bush!). Good luck 🍀

If you'd like a section, have a section. Who told you what "the right thing for the baby" is? Statistically sections are actually safer for the baby on mortality and major morbidity - they are riskier for the mother however. Remember also nobody is guaranteed a vaginal delivery - the most that can be guaranteed is to attempt it. In general, overall order of safety for both mother and baby if all else is equal is (1) uncomplicated vaginal delivery (2) planned CS (3) emergency CS (4) complicated vaginal delivery. The tricky bit is there is absolutely no reliable way to tell which vaginal deliveries will be 1 and which will be 4.

There is a ridiculous unrelenting pressure in British culture for unmedicated vaginal birth, preferably at home and it is absolute horse manure. There is no one-size-fits all for birth. There is no value whatsoever in women's pain and they should never be denied effective pain relief the way they are currently. You asked about epidurals; I've had two with no complications or side effects whatsoever. They were marvellous. I feel physically ill when I read about midwives delaying and denying patients epidurals in so many birth stories on here.

Please ask to see a doctor to discuss all your options. A section is a perfectly valid choice if you feel it is right for you and if you don't have any medical contraindications.

Best wishes.

Totally agree with what others are saying - you've got plenty of time to prepare. Don't ignore how you feel. Think about joining a pregnancy yoga class to learn some useful birthing positions as well as help when the pregnancy aches. You'll find you'll meet mums to be in same position and support each other.