Caesarean = Failure? Article in the Times...

[SweetyDarling]

Times article about feelings of failure after ceasarean birth
Interesting comments and countering article as well.

Hiya,

Not seen the article but had c-section with my twins, no choice, breach and transverse...

I didn't feel a failure at all, I was just relieved that they were ok, it was the pain that got me...

Nik
x

That's the gist of most of the comments I think. I was amazed that someone could feel guilt about how their child was born - as if the child will ever remember!
I can understand that women have irrational emotions after birth, but it annoys me that this writer tries to present her ideas as somehow obvious or a logical result of a c-section.

It amazes me that people dwell on the birth and not getting the birth they want, so they cant bond with the baby and stuff its crazy, I had a c.section and nearly lost my baby, she was also in SCBU ITU on life support, I couldn't hold her and she was paralised for a very long time so I couldn't even see her eyes, at the end of the day it happens how it happens, as long as everybodys well I cant see the problem

Strange article. Seems like she set herself a lot to live up to. Poor woman. I'm not sure you can blame c-sections themselves for that. I've heard that some women feel disappointed not to have given birth naturally but to feel a failure to that degree seems extreme.

ive not read the article but wanted to add:

hillary, its great to hear you are so 'together' after your babies birth, but for some it isnt like that at all. birth is an important transition into motherhood and for some its marks a significant right of passage which if they feel they 'failed' or 'out of control' this then affects there bonding and well being.

I think that this article expresses opinions and feelings that are quite common after c-sections. I have certainly heard them before, and experienced some of them myself. In fact that's my only surprise about the article - when my ds was born the majority of my anti-natal group had c-sections or highly interventional labours (just two went as planned). A non specialist hospital (don't think Kingston have a particular specialism in difficult births, but I could be wrong) with a c-section rate of over 25% is very concerning, and a syntocin labour followed by c-section is an unpleasant experience. The whole so long as the baby is OK then you have to feel happy about the experience line is very dismissive of how important birth is as an experience, I think. I have had 2 c-sections, and it wasn't the way I wanted to do it. I've got over the feeling of failure, I think, but then I don't know how much that's affected my decision not to have any more children.

Hi hertsnessex, I didnt mean to sound like I was having a go at those people, I'v had a natural birth and a C.Section, just when you have a baby & they are so ill & drs say point blanck to your face 'she probably wont survive' it brings it all home to you, what really matters.

I had a section with my first - just glad he came out tbh - but do have friends who have had sections who felt they had been cheated in some way - sounds a bit selfish I know because they all have healthy babies - think it is more of a state of mind and how we build up childbirth expectations to be.

I noted that the c section rates had risen dramatically - but the number of deaths in childbirth has fallen as a result of this - so not sure how valuable the article is.

I had practically the same experience as the writer of teh article and I never felt like I'd failed - at leats we were here - but I did feel a total failure for not bf - that seems far more of a taboo subject in RL.

Well, I'm sympathetic to her feelings. I went into childbirth knowing there was a high chance I'd end up with a caesarean (because of my age, and the hospital where I gave birth). I didn't, and don't, feel that women should feel guilty or failed for having a cs. I didn't, and don't, think that there's anything morally superior about vaginal birth. And yet I felt bitterly disappointed, shocked and failed when I ended up having a cs myself. Plenty of people said to me, "It doesn't matter as long as the baby is healthy", and I couldn't disagree, but that was about how I should feel, which bore little relation to how I did feel.

Is she Nadine Baggots sister?
Seriously though I know exactly how she feels, however the feeling does go away after a few months when you realise theres more to being a mother than the way you gave birth.
Also hate when new mothers at the time said to me "oh you dont know what its like having never given birth"

My friend felt like her baby wasnt hers, she had emergency csec and so one minute she was pregnant, the next she woke up to find a baby. She found it incredibly hard to deal with and bond with baby and felt really detatched because she hadnt had the transition and it had all been taken out of her control.
I totally agree with you hertsnessex

I know how common these feelings are, but I also find it a little hard to understand them. Pregnancy lasts 40 weeks, and your baby (one hopes) is with you for the rest of your life (and beyond). It's one day, that's all, out of this relationship. I don't want to belittle the feelings at all - my inability to breastfeed has been the biggest heartache of my life, and I could make the same sort of argument about why that's not something worth being depressed about - and wouldn't believe me! But I wish I could make the women who had c-sections feel the way I did about them. Just grateful that the baby is safe.

Of course the related guilt I feel about my c-section (which was non-elective, BUT I remember being pregnant and thinking how relatively lucky I was that I wouldn't have to go through labour) is to do with the fact that c-section babies have more breastfeeding difficulties, and all the problems that spin off out of that. But as an emotional part of the whole lifelong process of having a child? No, I don't feel I've failed.

well i'm one of those women who felt a failure, like the writer said about herself, I'm not used to 'failing' at stuff for a start and don't take very kindly to the experience. but I identified a lot with her feelings about her c section, even tho without it one or both of us might have died, I suppose. and it really bl**dy hurt as well!

I had 2 c-sections. Syntocin, drugs and exhaustion I believe made first cs a nightmare - and feelings of guilt.

Going with the flow, no drugs, and own decision to go for cs after 7 hours stuck at 4cm meant 2nd baby was born by non-emergency c-section - much better experience and no guilt.

Main thing for me was dd2 had no distress, no drugs in her system (except short period of epidural), so was born calm, relaxed and happy. Cs can be positive (from someone who really wanted a natural birth both times).

Have just skimmed read that article because I couldn't bear to read it in depth.

I too envisaged a natural, only gas and air, aromatherapy oiled birth. What I got was an IUGR baby who stopped growing by 37 weeks so I was kept in at 37 weeks, had 72 hours of inducing including a syntocin level the anaesthetic had never seen and constantly being told my baby could go into extreme distress at any moment. Eventually we all gave up and I had a middle of the night emergency c-sec which I can barely remember as a result of being on my fourth night of no sleep, blood pressure v. low as a result of the spinal tap etc etc. DD was born, rushed to a paed, eventually given the all clear where DH got to hold her and show me. I then spent a very dozy few hours in recovery,dd was taken to SCBu to warm up, I slept. We never managed to breast feed. But, what is the point in dwelling on it. She survived, I recovered. Does it really matter how she was bought into the world ??

Quite honestly I think we should jsut be grateful we live at a time and in a country that can give us this opportunity of a successful birth !

Fondant's right about expectations. Yes, natural births, drugs free are great, but start out with the idea, even subconsciously, that c-sections = failure, and that's how you'll feel.

I think the feelings described in the article are probably quite common to one degree or another. Perhaps it is something to do with the huge emphasis placed on the process of birth in the ante-natal classes we all go to (relative to the more long-term stuff like babycare and what breastfeeding is actually like etc)?

Pregnant women spend an awful lot of time thinking about (and 'training for') the birth experience, and often don't give a lot of thought to what will happen if their pregnancy or labour doesn't quite go according to plan. We know that over 25% of births are by c-section, and yet we don't think it will happen to us. We imagine that these births all fall into the 'scary emergency' or 'too posh to push' (hideous expression, which I apologise for having used) categories. In fact, the 25% statistic suggests that in many many cases a fairly 'normal' (by which I mean, no indication that anything is going to go wrong in advance) pregnancy and/or labour will culminate in a c-section, just as in the article.

I believe that it is much harder to deal with 'traumas' (again, probably too strong a word) for which we are unprepared. (The death of a young, healthy person in, say, a hit-and-run incident may bother us more than the death of an elderly person after a long and painful illness. The former seems 'wrong' because we are so unprepared for it.) Thus, women who do suffer from feelings of 'failure' (and I don't think it's that uncommon) after a c-section may do so because they had never 'got their heads around' the idea of giving birth in that way.

Certainly that was my experience. I had placenta praevia and was admitted to hospital at 27 weeks with bleeding. I knew from that point on that a c-section was almost inevitable. It took some time (and I did go through the 'I'm such a failure. My body has let me down' phase) but eventually I did (thanks, I must say, to the patience and understanding of a whole lot of midwives and student midwives who talked it through with me) come to terms with the fact that - as others have said - this was the only safe way for dd to arrive and to ensure my own safety too. DD1's birth was an amazing experience - a totally happy one and one which I will never forget. I wouldn't wish my 10-week hospital stay on anyone, but the upside of it was that I was totally prepared for the birth which I had, and didn't suffer afterwards from it not being the kind of birth (at home, no pain relief, etc.) that I had planned.

I had a VBAC with dd2, but I wouldn't say that it was a better birth... it was just what suited me at that time (without the dodgy placenta!).

I don't know what the point of what I'm saying is. Maybe women should be better prepared for the eventuality of having a c-section (which is, after all, more than 1 in 4) so that it doesn't come as such a shock if it happens? I don't know if that seems defeatist, though? My experience with dd2 suggests that you have to be quite single-minded to get the birth you want, even when all goes well. So maybe if women were 'trained' to 'half-expect' a c-section it would be counterproductive and the c-section rate would rise still further. Not sure what the answer is....

I had a very similar experience to that of the write of the article. I too had visions of a natural labour but ended up having an emergency c-section. Initially i was just glad that baby and I were fine, but gradually the feelings of failure did arrive especially as i had probs breastfeeding and that definitely did make me feel a failure!

Yes, 10 weeks of Natural Childbirth Trust classes, with hardly any mention of changing a nappy or sterilising a bottle (or course, only for the expressed milk!) Drives it home that this if you don't achieve this, you've done something inadequate.

octopussyintummy the c-section rate and falling deaths in childbirth are not directly related. Of course some c-sections are an absolute requirement for the safety of mother and child, but the very low number of deaths is mainly to do with good maternal health, whilst the reasons for the rise are to do with medicalisation of birth, risk averse maternity units and staff shortages (+ a small rise in maternal requests). I can't belive that at Kingston a quarter of all births would have otherwise resulted in death or disability. I think that one reason is that midwives no longer have the experience of managing things like breech births naturally any more, because c-sections have become so common. Of course I could have read too much Sheila Kitzinger!

ummm.. had a section for footling breech for which had planned a home delivery, followed by an almost section in theatre, baby flexed head, but bit of a push back and twist and hey ho...all systems go with the old suction vaccum device!. Followed by number 3 a planned but not expected to work home delivery..
of course the home delivery was best but..( my perineum was much more comfortable after the section!)
Why do we all set ourselves up.........there seems to be so much media and women hype to have "natural " deliveries, breastfeed constantly,get back to work, do everything.
I believe a natural delivery is one that produces a baby.That the most important thing is that a baby is fed and loved. Lets celebrate our potential children, and maybe be a little more flexible, not make so many plans re birth or what we want..because nature has a way of making its own decisions.Or if we make the plans be aware that they can never be set in stone..

I havent read the article.. but I did feel a faliure after my c-section.. which was necessary... my dd would not have with stood a labour due to probs in the preg...

I understand that c-section was the only option at the time.. but I still felt I had failed.. I bonded with her though straight away... I just felt like I had been robbed.. to me labour and delivery were the end of the pg and beginning of a beautiful new life... It is silly really but that is how I fought.. I oushed for a VBAC woith my second and managed it I was soo proud... and hoopefully this one will be a vb too..

Do you think we are our own worst enemies?

The conversations we have about birth, the tone of voice we use when relaying someones birth announcement "she had to have a c-section"

my 2nd birth was better than the first and, although I didn't have a c-section for either, I felt that I was able to get on enjoying my baby second time around