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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

How much does it really hurt?

100 replies

Hellloooooo · 09/03/2017 16:28

I'm 28, married, DH and I are thinking of children.

I am in love with the idea of a family. I am good with kids and have always wanted my own. But there is one thing holding me back, and it's birth.

I'm terrified of the pain. So terrified.

I've heard so many people say it is the most painful experience ever, etc. My mum says it will always be absolutely worth it. I am just so scared!

Can I get some honest realistic opinions, please, on how much it really hurts before I scare myself further into never having children! Thank you.

OP posts:

Cocopopsrule · 09/03/2017 22:02

My slipped disc was worse

BathshebaDarkstone · 09/03/2017 22:04

It is very painful, water really helped with DC4.

Oly5 · 09/03/2017 22:05

It's agony. Get an epidural if you can and make sure your doc and midwife know how anxious you feel. But it is SO worth it. I'm about to do it for a third time!
You forgot all about the pain. Love for a baby may not be instantaneous and the first few months are hard but I promise you this - the love you feel for your kids is like nothing else.
They are so worth it. It will make you feel complete

gincamelbak · 09/03/2017 22:05

My first labour started off with period pain type aches, they grew in sensation and intensity. The most surprising thing was my body pushing and there was nothing I could do about it. The most painful part without a doubt was crowning, that really did feel like the fabled ring of fire.

I was induced but only pain relief I needed was a tens machine (couldn't figure it out) and gas and air. Each contraction I knew was leading to birth. I also used pregnancy yoga breathing which helped me focus.

I forgot about the pain and intensity until labour #2. That was a back to back labour. Another induction (unstable lie) abut gas and air didn't cut it. My body also tried the uncontrollable pushing again, with a cervix that wasn't dilating equally (due to back to back labour) that was something I had to try and control but because of the pain I couldn't. Mum asked me a few months after I gave birth if that labour hurt. I told her that back to back felt like someone taking an angle grinder to the Base of my spine. I know I was in agony. But I had an epidural and it genuinely sorted me out. I could still feel to push and was able to walk to a shower about 2 hrs after giving birth.

Saying that, I find it hard to actually remember the pain, even of the second labour. I'm sure if I ever had a third I'd remember it all when labour started again. But I don't actually remember fully.

It's short lived pain. It culminates in your baby. It is absolutely worth it.

nookandcrannies · 09/03/2017 22:15

Pain - off the Richter scale!

Worth it - totally and then some.... It's pure magic!

Instant love - sure was for me

I was very frightened of child birth but the desire to have a child meant I just had to bloody crack on and get on with it. My 4 day, 2 epidural, induction and no gas/air ended with a 9lb 3oz little dude and no forceps/ventouse/cuts or tears and the midwife simply said I can't believe after the last 4 days etc you only have a minor abrasion inside .... And incase u r fearful of your bits not returning to normal.... Mine have and I can't believe I ever pushed a human out 4 months ago.

gameofchance · 09/03/2017 22:27

I had a good experience. Felt slightly guilty when comparing notes with others from antenatal group as many of them had harder times of it. Couldn't believe got through whole thing with a 10s machine until I needed an episiotomy and tore and then just local pain relief for stitching ( which was the worst bit for me by far). Amazed myself really as I am petite and had largest baby from my antenatal group and was oldest by some years!

spiney · 09/03/2017 23:00

I remember thinking during labour- I CAN NOT BELIEVE THIS! - because of the pain. But It's AMAZING what you can stand. You'd probably amaze yourself. If they were sawing off your legs and it was agony - it would ONLY be terrible but because it's all about this amazing outcome - your baby - it makes it something you can get through. And that's all you have to do - get through it. I can't remember the pain at all now. Genuinely.

Listen to your Mum. Look around. It hurts but it is totally achievable. Women do it every day and then go back and do it again. Forget about the pain OP. It's one day in a lifetime.

As an aside - My mum didn't have any pain! Get that. I didn't inherit that But some people do.

AppleYumYum · 09/03/2017 23:14

It depends on the birth, everyone is different and the birth itself is different each time. Size of baby, position of baby play a part too. I do think some women seem to have quick births and no tears, maybe it's the hips, who knows. It also depends if things happen naturally, which build up slowly, vs being induced which is like going from 0 to 100.

I've had three, I won't go into the first two, they were painful, but if I had my time again I would have done them all like my last! Although by your third you are more empowered and not taking any crap, I'd never have been so bold for my first.

I knew I was being induced by the dreaded drip and I demanded to have an epidural at the same time, so they wrote that in my notes and did as I asked and I couldn't feel any pain, I was happy and joking with the midwife, having snacks, and thrilled to hold my baby, after I felt the best out of all my births.

The other thing is, no matter how awful or painful it is, it's like that flashy thing in men in black, you can't remember the pain, only what you thought about the pain. It's a pain that stops too, the baby is causing it and once it's out the pain stops. By six weeks post birth you forget and can't wait to have another baby! I guess it's meant to be that way or no one would have another!

spiney · 09/03/2017 23:28

Sorry I forgot to say and I think some other posters have said similar- I look back on the births of my children with a real fondness. They were such powerful ( despite being painful ) experiences. I feel a bit wistful that I will never have that sense of achievement again.

One of my births was a CS and I feel the same about that.

ItsReginaPhalange · 09/03/2017 23:36

It was unbelievable pain. Even afterwards holding him I just thought, I am in so much pain still! But, manageable and there are pain relief options. I had just gas and air but not sure what I will do next time. You just cope. I didn't have instant love. I was pretty miserable for the first 6 weeks. However, my boy is 9 months old and the love I have for him I cannot describe. It is all consuming, unconditional and just amazing. I would do labour 10 x over just to have him. I hope to be lucky enough to do it again! It is so utterly completely worth it. I actually feel empowered by my labour. My husband is still in awe of it all!

MrsCobain · 10/03/2017 01:15

I'd like to add that I'm desperate to have a second dc. Mostly because I want to give birth again. So it really can't be that bad!

Positivitee · 10/03/2017 01:28

I had one back to back and one normal delivery and the back to back was horrendous and you couldn't possibly persuade me to go through it again.

Everyone is different and every labour is different it's realistically incomparable.

It's lovely that so many on this thread say that the pain isn't that bad but please do not discount the ones that differ. I certainly didn't forget the pain straight away, I can still remember how soul destroying awful it was years later.

Nelllo · 10/03/2017 01:43

I've had four knee reconstructions - I had proper, horrible aching pain right inside my bones (that would be the screws) and a long recovery from each.

Since then, I've had two babies with no pain relief except gas/air. It's such a different kind of pain, it surges and dies away, and when it's getting intense at the pointy end of things you know that baby is almost there so you can absolutely bear it. Then, when you are holding your dear little baby, all the happy hormones take over and it's the most blissful feeling you will ever feel.

PerspicaciaTick · 10/03/2017 01:52

One thing I did notice after having DC1 was that every woman I met with a small baby seemed to have a compulsion to narrate what they had experienced to anyone who would listen. Repeatedly. As though it was so monumental that we needed to keep re-examining and comparing our experiences to process them, place them into some sort of order and then tuck them away so we could move on into the next phase of motherhood.

Yolandafarthing · 10/03/2017 05:16

when you are holding your dear little baby, all the happy hormones take over and it's the most blissful feeling you will ever feel.

It really isn't, necessarily. It wasn't for me and nor for lots of other women I know.

ClemDanfango · 10/03/2017 05:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Imavinoops · 10/03/2017 05:45

Mine happened Monday so it's a rather fresh memory still. I found the contractions hurt a lot and we're by far the very worst bit, but I was induced slightly early tbf and I have heard induction makes it more painful. The childbirth part itself wasn't too awful but the contractions that came along with it were bad. But tbh as soon as she was out everything stopped and I couldn't have cared less at that point.

SoulAccount · 10/03/2017 07:05

At no point did I view labour as anything more than high level discomfort.

It did feel like labour: your body doing this immense job. And working really hard.

I had a long back to back labour, TENS and pool.

But I wasn't frightened.

I took the view that if it was too much I would get an epidural.

BathshebaDarkstone · 10/03/2017 07:21

I wasn't sure how honest to be earlier.

DS2's head got stuck, and then his American footballer's shoulders! He decided to wriggle to try and get out, and I got friction burns on my labia! I recently told him that, he's now 5. He said "sorry Mummy!"

tankerdale · 10/03/2017 08:10

It's a funny old thing - I always thought of myself as having a low pain threshold and still do really. I've had 3dc naturally so I always think it can't have been that bad if I went back and did it again willingly!

Also I found it strangely comforting when I found out that apparently if you were in a coma, you could still give birth naturally, your body would just do it. (Could understand that a bit when got the urge to push, it was like my body just took over). [please can no one tell me if that's not actually true]

WantToGoingTo · 11/03/2017 20:54

Yes it's painful but it's a different type of pain, it's not like an injury. You feel it coming when the contraction statts, so it isn't a complete surprise like cutting your finger, it builds up, then it's gone completely (ok until the very end when one contraction is more or less the next). Honestly, the birth is so short lived in the scheme of things it isn't worth worrying about. Yes it does hurt. It is called labour for a reason! No pain no gain and all that. But it isn't constant pain, and you have a baby to show for it at the end a huge achievement. For me the recovery period was far worse than the labour and birth itself. But even so it is a speck of sand on the horizon when you look at the lifetime of a child. It changes when you are pregnant tho, I think most people worry, but near the end you are ready and you want labour to happen. And of course there are so many pain relief options these days that labour pain shouldn't worry you at all :)

WantToGoingTo · 11/03/2017 20:57

yolanda ditto. I felt like I was dying due to huge blood loss after haemorrhage and was too unwell to hold my baby. I was far too preoccupied with feeling awful (sickness/faint due to blood loss, not pain in my foo even tho I had horrific tear that took over and hour to stitch up) Didn't bond with him for about a month. But so in love now and it was worth it.

mrsBeverleygoldberg · 11/03/2017 21:02

I found my tattoo was a really dirty pain and worse to deal with than giving birth. I gave birth with gas and air and had two dcs. Yes it really hurts but there's a lovely baby at the end. Have an epidural?

SuperBeagle · 11/03/2017 21:05

It's the most pain I've felt, but the pain is short-lived. It's not the most uncomfortable I have been (that would be when I had a bad UTI, or when I sprained my ankle - the effects of which were still felt over a year later). So there are the pros and cons: it's bloody painful, but it's not long-lasting pain.

Plus, you do have the option of having any drugs that are on offer. I didn't get an epidural with any of mine (didn't have the time with two of them), but some of my friends said it made their birth experience completely different and that they'd never willingly go without an epidural now.

It hurt, but I went through it four times willingly, so it can't be that bad, right?!

breakneckspeed · 11/03/2017 21:36

My births were different in terms of pain, but definitely worth it.

DC1 textbook birth of 17 hours. I was terrified, but the first 12 were very manageable. Last 5 were extremely painful. But not a constant pain and with complete breaks from pain in between contractions. The 17 hours flew by. I didn't need painkillers.

Forgot all about the pain until 'BLOODY HELL how could I have forgotten what this feels like?' with DC2s first contraction.

DC2's birth took 3 hours and was utterly excruciating from start to finish. I would have coped much better if we'd known that it would be over soon. Was expecting another 10 hours based on DC1. They gave me drugs right before the birth but they didn't kick in until after the baby was there. However, recovery was an absolute breeze. Back to normal in 2-3 days.

DC3 was a non emergency CS. Birth itself was completely pain free and a fantastic experience. Recovery was awful. I needed the full six weeks.

Birth might be a lot more manageable than you anticipate, OP.

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