How much does it really hurt?

[Hellloooooo]

I'm 28, married, DH and I are thinking of children.

I am in love with the idea of a family. I am good with kids and have always wanted my own. But there is one thing holding me back, and it's birth.

I'm terrified of the pain. So terrified.

I've heard so many people say it is the most painful experience ever, etc. My mum says it will always be absolutely worth it. I am just so scared!

Can I get some honest realistic opinions, please, on how much it really hurts before I scare myself further into never having children! Thank you.

For me it wasn't so much pain, as a totally overwhelming and powerful sensation that I struggled to control or manage. I just didn't know what to do with myself. DS2 was rather large though, and in quite a hurry. Maybe it hurt, but I don't remember that.

It's a scary thing. There are no guarantees. Many women are fine. Many others have bad birth experiences with pain, fear, events, quality of care. Some women sadly have birth injuries that affect them forever. You just can't know in advance.

If you have anxiety about it that's affecting you a lot, you might want to think about counselling.

I had an unplanned C section for DC1: painful for a few days after but the drugs worked!

Induced for VBAC for DC2, but ended up with a section again, the induction bit hurt v badly in my scar but the recovery was much better and again the drugs worked!

In both cases, for me personally, the pain was nowhere near as bad as dental related pain!

I think I was really lucky.

I wish I could put into words the feeling that you get when you look into your child's eyes for the first time. You get this hit of just about every emotion known to man and I still feel that for my DDs now they're all grown up. Yes childbirth is not nice for all but it's the weirdest pain ever because at the time you feel you're being ripped apart and dying but the second your baby is put in your arms, you want to do it all over again. Having children has been the biggest gift of my life, and being a mum the most indescribable pleasure - hard work too, don't get me wrong but not something I'd have missed out on for the entire world. And as someone told me once when I expressed concern about labour and delivery, if it was that bad, every person on this planet would be an only child!!

Truthfully it is unbearable agony, its hard to describe. I wasn't prepared for how bad it was and it took a while to get over the shock. But I'm doing it all again! its only 24-48 hours of your life, don't let that stop you having a family. The love I get from my daughters' hugs and kisses is worth the pain 1000 times. Good luck. Ps try ju ju sundin 'birth skills' book which really helped me focus and deal with the contractions.

I recall the gas and air on mine and my sister asking me how the gas was. I was like 'It's like, I have a pain, but I don't care that I have a pain'. Then we broke into hysterical laughter. Her because she is a natural giggler and me because of the gas and air. Fun times.

It's not the worst pain you'll ever have. I can think of 3 worse pains.

1. a finger being slammed in a door
2. pancreatitis
3. blood clot on lung

Also, a lot of the discomfort of pain is because you know that something is wrong. Whereas with childbirth, as per a pp, you know that it's natural and there will be an end to it.

I agree with pp it's painful but it's not a pain that's telling you there's something wrong, it's bearable and if/when it becomes unbearable there's options to help. It's all forgotten and most definitely worth it though

I don't think it's one of those things anyone can actually tell you, as you can see by the replies everyone copes differently with pain or the level of pain could be completely different for each person. With my first I found it absolute fucking agony & for people saying it's ok because you know there's a purpose etc, if they could have stopped the pain there & then & me not be pregnant any more, I probably would have taken them up on that offer! No epidural so the pushing/coming out part was like a red hot iron being held to my bits. Second I had an epidural and while the contractions were painful up til the epidural, I could do that birth all over again

It was utterly unbearable and horrific for me, I genuinely wanted to die.

And it wasn't all worth it either - when DS finally emerged (via the sun roof after a 72 hour labour), I was so exhausted and doped up I barely even registered his existence. I did NOT feel any sort of euphoric high.

However he's a year old now and I wouldn't be without him but I really don't think it's true you immediately forget the pain of labour once your baby is there. I still remember it vividly.

Well I found it agonising. 3 times. But the PP who said it's not a bad pain is absolutely right. Objectively it is terrible but IN THE CONTEXT it's wonderful. I laughed and chatted and took visitors in between contractions.
The most spectacular, emotional, fabulous, fascinating, devastatingly beautiful moments in my life have been looking at my newborn babies. Just those moments complete my life. I feel so sad for anyone who wants a baby and can't have one because my life would have been diminished without these little people I birthed.
Don't fear the pain, see the pain as the admission fee for the best thing you will ever do.

The pain was horrendous, worse than I'd expected, throughout the first 20 hours of labour. No pain relief had any effect until the epidural. Even then I could feel the forceps delivery. That was 5 years ago and i can still remember it clearly! I did bond with dd fairly quickly but I did feel like I'm modern times to it shouldn't be necessary to go through so much to get a baby out. I can't see any difference between different types of pain - it just hurt like hell and was utter torture!

That's just my experience though - I may have a low pain threshold. Even braxton hicks were painful for me.

I wasn't in pain, uncomfortable, yes, in pain, no. Not like gastrointestinal infection, where I was fantasising about having a section of gut removed.
After pains following birth 3 were impressive though
Really, you will be fine. Get help with your totally understandable anxiety and crack on!

I laboured for over 72 hours (early labour) contractions going every 5/20 minutes, it varied day and night! The pain of the contractions wasn't that bad for me. I actually, in a bid to get the baby out googled ways to make the contractions more painful, last longer etc. Bouncing on a ball, walking, stairs, speed bumps etc etc. I wouldn't of done that if I couldn't manage the pain.
The worst thing was having to be in a car and not able to move with the contractions!

I was also worried about the pain, but it's a pain that you want at the end of 42 weeks of pregnancy! The end is near! Hurray!

During the contraction breaks I never felt anything, I found it so bizarre that I could be groaning in pain and then the next minute on my phone googling, texting etc. I ended up having an emcs and the recovery from that was much more painful and harder to deal with than contractions as I never knew when it would end, I didn't know if the pain was right/wrong if that makes sense. At least with contractions they're timed and you know what the pain is from.
Please don't let it put you off children as it is something that is manageable, there is things you can do to over-come the pain if it's too much and it really is over before you know it! I'd recommend a tens machine, that saved my sanity for those 3 days!

I'm feeling so much more positive, thank you to everyone who kindly took the time to reply. I can understand the sentiment that it's a purposeful pain and I can't imagine not having children. I do feel slightly reassured and uplifted. although ashamed I had to create a thread on a natural process

On we go!

I'll be honest, i found it hell. Both times. Second time was worse. It was the worst pain I have ever experienced. I cried for my mum like a little child does! I have broken bones in my life, if having a baby was like breaking my foot (did that last year) I'd have no hesitation about giving birth. But labour was awful. And it just went on and on and on. It felt like there was no end in sight and I had short labours! (12ish hours each) sorry, I know you want to hear that it's fine, and for some people it is fine. My cousin had a really easy labour and says she would do it again tomorrow. It's luck of the draw. I don't think you can know how you will find it until you've done it. But as much as I would love another child, the birth really puts me off.

PoisonousSmurf same here. 2nd degree tear being repaired was appalling. The midwife kept saying "nearly done, dear" which reeeeeally didn't help. Almost an hour of stitching. But out of three births only one needed stitching and that was because the (different) midwife told me not to push when I was already well pushing. Stopping that is like trying to stop the tide!

Contractions are defo worse than the actual pushing..
Once your pregnant there's not much you can do about it but you'll be amazed how your body works and how it copes since it's the most natural thing in the world..
Your be fine.. Don't let it stop you.. I survived it last year and I'm due again in May so it can't be so bad..
Best of luck xx

DD1 - it was bad, but more because I was worried sick (she was prem and in distress) than because of the pain level. It was painful but manageable, quite long and I did want gas and air towards the end.

DD2 - pretty quick and more very uncomfortable (cramps a bit like a nasty tummy bug) than ridiculously painful. No pain relief.

Trying to accept the pain and not tensing up really helps. A good tip is relax your face and jaw - it's hard for your body to be tense if your face is relaxed. Counting and pacing helps too, IME.

Ear infection beats both my births hands down for pain level.

It's fucking sore. But luckily, you have the option of doing it numb from the waist down

Being honest, it was absolute agony. Torture. I wanted to jump out of the hospital window and remember crying "I can't do this anymore". The minutes it took for the doctor to set up an epidural felt like hours and I begged and pleaded for the midwife to get him right NOW!

No one tells you they turn the epidural off to push in the final stages. I had a completely numb lower half yet could still feel the agonising pain. I didn't know how to push because I couldn't feel anything. My baby wouldn't come out, back to back or something and I needed a ventouse. Ended up with retained placenta and 3rd degree tears.

Baby 2 I insisted on an elective section. Unfortunately I went into labour 2 weeks before the section date. Agonising pain only in the last half an hour and baby popped out. No pain relief at all required.

I had the complication of a very large, back to back baby (which wasn't diagnosed before birth) so I'm not really representative. I found it so horrifically painful I will not have anymore. It's taken me 2 1/2 years to recover from PND and PTSD; if I were to have another, my therapist has written in my notes that I should have an elective c section as a natural birth could be too much for me.

Once I finally got an epidural everything was fine so if that is how you think you'll manage then don't be afraid of stating that.

Having said all this I love my son with all my heart and wouldn't swap him for the world.

OP, I felt exactly like you. I put off getting pregnant as long as I could and then, in my forties, thought "it's now or never". I asked for an elective C-section due to birth phobia and was granted one on the NHS (which I was suprised and relieved about). In the end I needed an emergency section anyway, due to complications. Anyway, the section was absolutely fine and my babies are just the best thing ever. I can't believe that I nearly didn't have them because of my terror of childbirth.

I've had two babies. First one was a level of pain I can't describe. It wasn't positive or different pain. It was FUCK I'M DYING pain. Second didn't hurt at all. Not even a cramp.

showofhands me too! Exactly the same experience.

I heard so many horror stories about giving birth I was petrified! When I got to the hospital with my DS they examined me, my waters went and he was there 12 minutes later and my face dropped when they told me I didn't have time for any pain relief. With DD she came out in 3 minutes from my waters going - it bloody
hurt yes but no where near as bad as I had anticipated and I am the biggest wus and have one of the lowest pain thresholds out of most people I know xx

It does hurt but it's kind of a satisfying pain because you know your baby's on the way. The worst bit is when the baby is crowning imo. Ring sting does not come close to describing it, I couldn't wait for the next contraction so I could push the head out!

I had pethidine and g&a with dd and a spinal block to be stitched. With ds I had g&a because labour was too quick for anything else!

My love for ds was instant. With dd I had a harder time so I felt that first rush of love when she was about 6 weeks. I love them both equally now though and I can't remember the pain.