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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

How much does it really hurt?

100 replies

Hellloooooo · 09/03/2017 16:28

I'm 28, married, DH and I are thinking of children.

I am in love with the idea of a family. I am good with kids and have always wanted my own. But there is one thing holding me back, and it's birth. Sad

I'm terrified of the pain. So terrified.

I've heard so many people say it is the most painful experience ever, etc. My mum says it will always be absolutely worth it. I am just so scared!

Can I get some honest realistic opinions, please, on how much it really hurts before I scare myself further into never having children! Thank you.

OP posts:
grace9892 · 09/03/2017 18:56

I too had lots of anxiety. C section advised bc of large first baby. I had some bad shock in recovery so I told my second c section anesthesiologist to make sure they had the drugs right second time around ! No shock reaction second time around. I literally said to the nurses b4 going into the theatre "don't fuck it up"This was in US where they r csec happy FYI!!

grace9892 · 09/03/2017 18:57

The pain was worth it for my girlies

FlossieFrog · 09/03/2017 18:57

I found contractions about the same as period pains. In fact the midwife I spoke to on the phone couldn't tell I was having some while speaking to her. It was more uncomfortable and short bursts of pain than anything really terrible.

Didn't get any pain relief until the pushing stage when I had gas and air. Immediately after giving birth I wanted to have another baby! Didn't realise I had a second degree tear and needed to be stitched back together, and didn't find it particularly painful afterwards.

TheTartOfAsgard · 09/03/2017 18:58

I loved giving birth. As soon as I had my dd I wanted to do it again, and had ds 16 months later.

NavyandWhite · 09/03/2017 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

inthekitchensink · 09/03/2017 19:05

You asked about instant love, well many lucky people get an instant rush of love but I didn't. I felt relief and exhaustion but had to get DH to take her off me almost immediately after she was placed on me - I was being stitched up and was beyond shattered but I just wanted to look at them both together. We stayed like that for a good long time and then I just cried because I wanted to sleep and go home.

The love comes, but the urge to protect her was there along with a weird primitive understanding she was part of me, she is me. It's a strange feeling but undeniable.

Bloggybollocks · 09/03/2017 19:05

Honestly? I knew it was going to hurt but sweet Jesus I had no idea how much, and I really wished someone had fucking told me!! It was the most horrendous, gut wrenching agony I have ever felt, I didn't think anyone would be able to feel that pain and survive it, it was monstrous. It was like being disembowelled. I was spectacularly unlucky because both my babies were back to back births so all the pain was in my side and lower back. Both were long labours, 40 hours and 16 hours. Both labours were psychologically scarring and very near the knuckle in terms of survival and I would NEVER do it again.
Bet you're sorry you asked now?!

TabithaBethia · 09/03/2017 19:06

Honestly epidural was invented for this! And thank goodness for it.

I do have friends who claim a quick and easy birth too. You don't need to decide too much in advance, if you can't cope then epidural is a wonderful lovely thing.

Cinnamon2013 · 09/03/2017 19:14

To a large extent it's the luck of the draw. But go on, do it. You sound like you would love being a mum.

Asking a question like this is a bit like saying - how do you afford it, how do you cope with the worry about them etc - think about it enough and no one would do it.

Good luck.

crazycatbaby · 09/03/2017 19:20

Contractions are vile. Felt like they were in my whole body, tummy, back and legs. I went from 1cm to 2 cm in 24 HOURS HmmIt turns out labour wasn't for me GrinI had the drip to dilate me and a lovely epidural so the rest was manageable and ended up with an EMCS. Under a general anaesthetic. Nothing was as bad as I thought it would be, and I'm a massive wimp. I would definitely do it again, I'm going to bypass the first bit though and just have an elective next time GrinI felt like I missed out a lot having a general and don't want to risk it again, took me a little while to bond with my baby, I felt

InteriorLulu · 09/03/2017 19:29

Throughout my first pregnancy I was very scared of how much childbirth would hurt as my pain threshold was quite low. I won't lie, it was painful, but it wasn't intolerable. After labouring for a long time ~24 hours I stopped progressing so opted for an epidural. Turns out DD was back to back and needed a little bit of help getting out (ventouse).

My second and third labours were managed with gas and air. I was offered a sedative and morphine for the pain with my second (sadly we had lost him), but I decided I wanted to be aware of everything that happened - didn't want to miss anything. This helped me to make the decision to have as little pain relief as possible with my third. Painful, yes, and at times excruciating, but you know that you are getting closer with each contraction. I found if you 'ride' the contraction rather than fighting it the pain is less.

To put it into perspective, I had two teeth extracted and I'd much rather go through childbirth again!

MrsCobain · 09/03/2017 19:32

I have a VERY low pain threshold. I'm also massively squeamish and terrified of blood, needles and hospitals.

Childbirth really wasn't that bad. And I had a homebirth in the States so wasn't allowed any pain relief, not even gas and air.

Was there for sil's baby being born too and she also didn't find it that bad.

I'd take it over earache or toothache any day.

MrsCobain · 09/03/2017 19:33

Lulu Flowers

CatsCantFlyFast · 09/03/2017 19:35

2 painful contractions at transition as a back to back baby turned. Otherwise manageable and more intense than painful. I've had worse toothache

OohNoDooEy · 09/03/2017 19:37

Not that bad for me. I read a lot of birth stories and really worried about it but in the end it was fast and nowhere near as bad as I anticipated. I had planned an epidural and ended up drug free - I didn't get on with gas and air.

There are very few women who don't choose to have another because of the pain of childbirth. Birth trauma is also not usually pain related.

RockyBird · 09/03/2017 19:43

My contractions hurt a lot. Like period pain cranked up to the max, and then some.

My pushing stages and ejection of small people was completely pain free.

I'd happily do it again but won't

GirlElephant · 09/03/2017 19:49

I was induced and found contractions very sore. However an epidural plus some has & air helped a lot. My DS was then in distress so I had to have an EMCS. It went well

It was all absolutely worth it though! I adore my DS more than life itself and somehow DH & I love each other even more now we're a family. All super cheesy i know but true. Yes to it being an immediate and intense love when you meet DC regardless of how much you thought you loved them in utero!

Remember people have very different pain thresholds and some women manage without pain relief or have water births, everyone is different. However if it was that bad for everyone no-one would plan more than one child

Peterprinciple · 09/03/2017 19:54

1st labour had an Epidural -all fine-despite baby being over 10lb & back to back, forceps, lots of stitches etc.

2nd birth-exact same clinical scenario but no epidural -😮-just local anaesthetic into my nether regions before forceps applied. Utter agony during the whole, much shorter -10 hr labour (thank god) . All pain instantly disappeared as soon as baby was out. In my experience labour pain incomparable to any other.

It's a means to an end, have an epidural if you can & it'll all be over within 24-48 hrs.

Robinkitty · 09/03/2017 20:06

I've been through it 3 times with no pain relief, first part the contractions started like bad period pain, getting worse and worse but at the point where it became unbearable it was nearly over and only a few minutes until the pushing started which was almost a relief. The bit where the baby head starts crowning and I started tearing hurt like sharp pain and then it's over and it's worth it

SpookyPotato · 09/03/2017 21:15

I had a c-section with both of mine due to fear of birth, which still has all the recovery afterwards but the pain is manageable. I did experience contractions though before my op and it was really painful.. within an hour I went from nothing to being on all fours mooing and grunting, massive pain rippling through my back and whole abdomen. It came in waves though so had a little break between each one!

Three weeks ago I was not able to walk properly, hooked up to all kinds of stuff, sore... but holding my baby made it all worth it.

MissJC · 09/03/2017 21:53

You need to be more concerned with the haemorrhoid you are left with after. My DD is 15 days old and I am currently sat on Loo in agony scared to death of anything passing over the threshold and touching my pile** --tmi I know but true!

Childbirth did hurt. A lot. I had a back to back labour that lasted 4 days before I got to 3cm, had forceps delivery and Episiotomy but I can say with my hand on my heart that I would do it all again this second. Its not unbearable pain, plus I had an epidural which was a godsend. Don't be frightened of accepting pain relief either. I was all "oooo i'm going to have a nice birthing pool experience" but the reality was after 4 days of howling like a dying dog round my living room that when they offered me the Epidural I nearly cried with relief.

Your body is made for the moment! Go for it!

Thecomfortador · 09/03/2017 21:56

I told dp that the pain of the worst contractions was like someone holding a hot poker to the spot (he then proceeded to tell me why that was a bad analogy and I was wrong...Hmm)

It was bad, I cried, gas and air was great though, before they hooked us up to it I was mentally planning a cs for baby no.2. The pushing stage was much more bearable, needed episiotomy and stitches but I don't particularly remember that part. No rush of love, but was happy to see ds and have cuddles and glad it was all over and new beginnings were starting. Definitely worth the temporary pain of contractions.

Girlsworld92 · 09/03/2017 22:01

I was terrified of the thought of labour and the pain but I just got on with it and your body takes over and does what it needs to do. I thought I'd need every pain relief going but I've had 2 children using just gas and air. It's an amazing experience....I'm no earth mother. Try not to worry. Dont be rigid in your birthing plan just go with it. Good luck.

Jenniferb21 · 09/03/2017 22:01

Mine was absolutely horrific my Labour lasted 40 odd hours I lost 2 litres of blood and had a 3rd degree tear. I was prepped for an emergency section but fortunately they ended up doing a forcep delivery with an episiotomy. My best advice is if you have a low pain tolerance or are overly fearful I would just have it in your birth plan that you want an epidural. As soon as I had one I was at ease it completely numbs you from the waist down. There are risks you will need to weigh up but I was so tired and in so much pain by that point after having other pain relief and diamorphine (that slowed my Labour down) I was happy with this option. It was in my birth plan to have gas and air only a water birth and to avoid an epidural. So either way... have an open mind.

The pain was worse for me immediately after the birth really and I was very weak after blood transfusions. However I want another few babies and it hasnt put me off there's nothing more satisfying than having a baby (if you want children) and I'd go through it all again if I had to. But I'm hoping my next one won't be as bad!

A few of my friends had much better birthing experiences but others had negative parts I didn't... everyone is different aren't they so it's hard to judge how bad labours are in general terms. The most important thing is its a means to an end and the end is magical.

Good luck xxxx

Girlsworld92 · 09/03/2017 22:02

Disclaimer....it does hurt a lot and randomly my second seemed to hurt more. Well worth it though.