Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Thinking of having a sterilisation, has anyone ever regretted it??

94 replies

BobbieDog · 22/12/2016 20:42

So im 29 with dd who is 4 and currently pregnant with ds. Have been to see my consultant today about an elective c section which she has granted and i talked to her about sterilisation.

She has told me that they will do it whilst they do the c section if thats what i want but she has informed me that 1 in 3 people regret it. She has also explained that the nhs will not reverse it if at a later time i change me mind (very understandable).

My pregnancies have not been easy (awful SPD from 10 weeks pregnant with both) and dh does not want any more (he is 10 years old than me).

Dh has said he is scared of having problems after a vastectomy and doesnt feel he wants it done.

If i decide at a later date to be sterilised then it will be internal and not as straight forward as it would be if i had it at the time of the c section whilst everything is open and they can see exactly what they are doing.

The age limit has been lifted and there is now no minimum age at which a sterilsation can be done, its all down to personal choice whichever age you are.

So has anyone ever regretted it?

OP posts:

NapQueen · 26/12/2016 18:05

In your situation I absolutely wouldn't get the procedure done.

In the rawest and "worst case" scenario your dh could divorce you need 5 years time, and 5 years after that you find yourself married to someone else. With two older kids you may well feel better placed to go through another pregnancy and you would still be under 40. A time when lots and lots of women start their families.

I was pretty adamant until recently that I wanted my tubes tied. We are financially and emotionally at our limit with the 2 dc we have.

The thing that is holding me back is that if our financial situation drastically improved we would have a third. All it takes is one decent lottery win or a series of promotions. I'd hate in 2 or 3 years time to see the bank balance improve massively and know we could afford a third but not be able to have one.

Garion · 26/12/2016 18:26

My DW was sterilised after our daughter was born, she was 19/20 and has always regretted it. I'd recommend you hold fire until at least mid-late 30s, not because it's an arbitrary number, but because people over 35 regret the decision far less.

The Royal Society of Gynaecology suggests guidelines of 35+ too.

Original poster

BobbieDog · 26/12/2016 18:30

20 is very young to be sterilised. Was this recent as i know there used to be an age restriction on it.

OFFFS

I think you have misunderstood. Dh does not want to be the one who cant give me another baby if i decided that i wanted another so hes happy for me to have the sterilsation if its what i want but its my decision he says.

He doesnt want anymore children but wont say no to me if in afew years i decide i want another

OP posts:

Purplebluebird · 26/12/2016 18:38

I have considered this as I absolutely cannot have more children. I opted for the Mirena coil instead, as it has the same safety (even sterilisation is not 100%), but it's also made my periods far lighter. I'm very happy with it.

TimidLividyetagain · 26/12/2016 18:48

U seem set against a copper Coil because of heavy periods. It might not happen that way for you I found normal periods. Not heavy and I had it for five years and will be getting it again. Sterilisation is permanent having a coil is five to ten years at a time not having to worry then getting it replaced or being able to have it removed if you want to try for a baby. You don't know what the future holds and u don't sound sure. No need for sexless relationship. Try the coil and then if u really don't get in with it consider sterilisation again then. lots of people are fine on the copper coil

expatinscotland · 26/12/2016 19:23

Greetings to you, too, Pacific. I'm ever so glad DH had the snip (his choice). Does wonders for the sex life.

madgingermunchkin · 26/12/2016 21:37

The two women I know who had the minera cool both feel pregnant and were fairly far gone (one was 8.5 months and had no idea she was pregnant!). Couple that with the fact that some suffer horrifically on it, and it's the last form on contraception I'd try.

Garion · 26/12/2016 21:49

Hi Bobby

Not recent, there were(are) medical comorbidities. At the time, late 90s/early 00s another pregnancy would have placed DWs life at risk. She was requiring paramedic support, often multiple times daily. DW was strong armed by her Obgyn.

Whilst DW still has the underlying condition, medical advancements in the years following mean those risks no longer exist. Frustrating as even in these circumstances, reversal is never available on the NHS.

So, would definitely research and strongly consider your options. DW says she wouldn't personally recommend sterilisation under 40.

Timeforausernamechange · 26/12/2016 21:58

I regret not having asked for a sterilisation during my second c-section, but I am 39. However, like you I had terrible SPD from early pregnancy and am terrified that I might accidentally get pregnant again as I have some ongoing issues with my SPD 15 months after DS was born and I think another pregnancy could result in permanent disability.

I know I couldn't cope with another pregnancy but my last c-section was an emergency and I hadn't thought to put it into my birth plan, so I've not gone ahead with it.

I can understand not wanting to go through it again but at 29 I might think more about trying reversible alternatives like the mirena coil (although this comes with a whole load of drawbacks too...)

Good luck OP with whatever you decide.

Original poster

BobbieDog · 26/12/2016 22:11

I really need to give this some deep thought.

I have 12 weeks before the consultant wants an answer

OP posts:

sj257 · 27/12/2016 16:21

I would not do this. I am the same age as you, heavily pregnant with our third child. Our other two children are 8 and 10. My hubby also 10 years older than me. I'm fairly sure this is our last baby, however I still couldn't do this it's too final at my age.

Branleuse · 27/12/2016 17:43

tbh, you dont sound even nearly sure enough t be choosing something so permanent. Just say no. You can always get it done later if you want to then.

You sound a prime candidate for regretting it

SprogletsMum · 27/12/2016 17:58

If I was you I wouldn't do it.
I'm pregnant now with my 4th and if he is breech like the last dc was I'll be asking them to sterilise me. But, dp will be getting a vasectomy in the next couple of weeks anyway so it would be belthe and braces for us.
I'm only 27 but am close to my limit with 3 I know 4 will be more than enough (he was a surprise baby) I know that even in 10 years if I was somehow married to a millionaire I don't want to do this again.

Oblomov16 · 27/12/2016 18:07

Never regretted it. After dc2,I knew I wouldn't have any more babies, even if god forbid, I lost both of them. I was mid 30's.

Original poster

BobbieDog · 27/12/2016 20:13

One minute im saying 100% yes and another minute i dont want to regret it.

I cant go through another pregnancy. Im in constant agony, i can barely look after my own 4 year old. Im crying in the night with pain. I ve spent hundreds and hundreds of pounds on treatment and im still in pain.

I was the same with my daughter and it was a very dark and miserable time when i was pregnant then

OP posts:

Branleuse · 28/12/2016 11:22

if youre really sure you couldnt go through with another pregnancy, then what makes you think youd regret it? Is it because that some people do?

Original poster

BobbieDog · 28/12/2016 12:15

I think im worried about regretting it as after a few years have passed you forget the pain then it all comes flooding back to you once your in that pain again.

OP posts:

Barefootcontessa84 · 28/12/2016 14:36

You don't sound remotely sure. Not being sterilised doesn't mean you have to have more children...

Branleuse · 28/12/2016 14:53

well noone can predict the future for you. You wont definitely regret it, nor definitely not regret it.

If I regret mine later down the line, I will suck it up and get on with life. I dont think I will, but its always a possibility. Regretting something isnt the end of the world

Flip

1 2 3 4