The old partners on wards debate - a question

[Thurlow]

If your hospital allowed partners to stay on the postnatal wards overnight, how many women do you think actually made use of this?

I was debating this with DP the other day. Personally I hate the idea of partners being allowed overnight (and will pay for a private room on the unlikely chance one is available, as will be having an ELCS and so will be in for a few nights) but that's what is allowed now so I'll just have to put up with it.

DP wasn't keen on staying overnight and I can't say I'd blame him. I'd rather at least one of us got some sleep and was functioning ok the next day. Plus DC1 will presumably be returning from the grandparents after a day or so and will need taking to school and having some normality in her life, and I don't want both of us to be zombies. He would only stay overnight if my ELCS was bumped to very late in the day.

I was thinking that surely a lot of women will already have DC and so their partner won't be able to stay every night for a few nights. Or did most women have partners there all the time?

[DrWhy]

Sadly speak no, the next nearest hospital is around an hour and a half away in each direction. There was a community led midwife unit about 45 minutes away that I was planning to go to but guess what - it's been closed until September due to... lack of staff!!
Ideally I'd have a home-birth but I'm at somewhat higher risk of PPH and have low blood pressure already so the midwife has basically said she'd really prefer that I was in a setting where they could deal efficiently with major blood loss.

[LillianFullStop]

I'm terrified of the treatment i will get in post natal care too drwhy

i have lowered my expectation all the way down and expecting zero help or being treated rudely.

I wish i qualified for the birth centre so i could get my own post natal room but at the moment I have 2 risk factors that need clearing up (gestational diabetes risk and low lying placenta).

Would you considering hiring an independent post natal midwife or maternity nurse to visit at home? I'm thinking about it myself. Much as I dread being in a ward I do need support as a FTM without family living near me.

I'd be more comfortable fighting to get discharged from the ward as soon as possible if i knew there was someone i can rely on to help me at home, give 1 to 1 experienced advice, etc

[DrWhy]

Lillian fortunately I have lovely friends who already have babies/children - one of whom is a breastfeeding peer supporter already and if needed I'd be quite happy to get my boobs out in front of them for advice! Also our post-natal at home midwife care is meant to be quite good, so I basically just want to get out of the ward pronto but it will obviously depend on the birth, my health, babies health etc.

[LillianFullStop]

Oh that's great drwhy lucky you! Can they come to mine after?

Hoping you have a straightforward birth so you can go home asap

[DrWhy]

Thanks!

There was a thread in Sctive last night from a lady on a post natal ward, it sounded like exactly the hell I'm expecting. I realise not everyone wants men or other people's partners around the ward but they are desperately under staffed and frankly do sound like something from a 3td world country. Until that's fixed, which seems unlikely with dear Mr Hunt in charge, allowing partners at least enables women to get to the loo, have a shower, pick up or put down their baby and eat!