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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

has anyone had their ex at the birth?

74 replies

hurtandconfued2016 · 09/02/2016 19:04

okay this is going to be very strange but need some advice...
my oh walked out for another woman at 32 weeks pregnant and I'm due to go in 3 weeks for a section.
my ex still wants to be at the birth? has anyone had this before?

OP posts:

1fedupmama · 14/02/2016 17:03

Just read some more of the comments (they wouldn't load before) I probably wouldn't have him there, he doesn't sound very interested if I'm honest.
If u have other people to support u then ask them, I.e mum or a good friend, they are more important than him right now.
Good luck for the big day.

Original poster

hurtandconfued2016 · 14/02/2016 17:35

1fedupmumma
that is my main thing is I hate the thought of him not having that moment when his daughter comes into the world :/

OP posts:

timelytess · 14/02/2016 17:38

Get over it. For the rest of your life you'll be thinking 'Why did I let that loser spend hours looking up my chuff, when he's got another one at home to stare at?' The phrase you need for him is 'Fuck the fuck off to the far side of fuck', to which you add 'and before you go, give me the money!'

Helmetbymidnight · 14/02/2016 17:43

You are being silly.

The first meeting with a baby is special but honestly, unless you're a total twat, it makes no difference whether it's the moment it's born, one hour or one day later.

He's happily missing out on the lead up to the birth, isn't he? Having a lovely time, shagging and taking his gf out for dinner...

Helmetbymidnight · 14/02/2016 17:46

Anyway I thought all contact was through his parents from now on- so kind of impossible, no? Unless you want them all there, watching you at your most vulnerable, and sending photos to his gf...

lunar1 · 14/02/2016 17:54

Fucking hell the way he's behaving I wouldn't even tell him when she's born. His mummy and daddy will have to find out for him!

Original poster

hurtandconfued2016 · 14/02/2016 18:04

well I am booked for a section on the 1st and he was there when it was booked.
yes he is missing everything in the run up to baby being here even not showing up to a scan on Wednesday there.
I would have to let his parents know what time I am going to hospital at and they will let him know and then he would come to the hospital.

OP posts:

wallywobbles · 14/02/2016 18:13

He's got nothing to fight for so it has no value in his awful morality. You and the kids are worth nothing because you are throwing yourselves at him. It makes him feel like The Man.

Keep doing what you are doing if you want to never see him again.

FellOutOfBedTwice · 14/02/2016 18:39

I'm sorry for what you're going through OP and I know how dreadful the pain of being left for someone is when you're not in the third trimester of pregnancy so I can only imagine the extraordinary pain you're in.

But I'm saying this for your own good- he doesn't love you and he isn't coming back. By the sounds of his actions he's a cruel and disgusting human being. Do not entertain another moment of the idea of having this fucking despicable cunt back in your life. He doesn't care about you and it doesn't sound as though he cares a jot for his own children. Get angry and use hat anger to your advantage. You are worth so much more than this.

1fedupmama · 14/02/2016 20:29

If he can't be bothered to support u when ur carrying his baby then does he really deserve to be there for that magical moment? Really he only has himself to blame. If he knows when it is & he shows, & u actually feel comfortable with him being there then fair enough but if he doesn't don't bother chasing him. It's him that's going to miss out & no amount of nagging is going to change that.
He sounds a bit like my ds1s dad, he missed a fair bit of the pregnancy/scans etc & didn't seem to arsed but because I was induced he knew exactly when I was going to be in & my mum kind of made him show up, we all kept thinking 'nah he's not going to show' but he did & I soooo wish he didn't! To me that birth it was my mum supporting me threw the whole things while he sat on his phone posting Facebook updates like 'gas & air on the go now' 'baby be here soon' god how I wish I'd just told him to leave or not bothered letting him in atall. I don't want u to think like this after it so please think about what is best for u!

passmethewineplease · 14/02/2016 20:46

Don't do it OP.

By the sounds of it he probably doesn't even give a shit about meeting his new baby.

He seems to not care a great amount about his current children.

He's a scumbag. You and your children deserve better.

Original poster

hurtandconfued2016 · 14/02/2016 21:54

well I phoned tonight to say goodnight to my little boy. but worried as it's his first over night with his dad ever and did he answer? No took 5 phone calls for him to answer and when he eventually did I asked the normal questions.hows his cough? how's he been? has he ate? what did I get back he's fine he had lunch right bye! I mean he can't even be civil for the sake of the children?
I don't even know if I would want him back right now I would be happy with him just showing a interest in his children and being the dad that they both deserve instead of this!
I asked him what time he was bringing him home tomorrow and he said lunch! (btw he never got him till after 2 today because he didn't show) I said you can keep him a bit longer if you want? his reply
aye erm well I suppose I can keep him till 2!
he hasn't seen him in nearly 2 bloody weeks!!!!!!!

OP posts:

starry0ne · 14/02/2016 23:38

I know this is not what you want to hear.. You need to stop bending over backwards for him...

He is been a complete knob.... I would say she is very insecure...Simply because she knows he cheated on you with her...His fidelity is questionable...

Tell him collection is at ... from my house at ..... time... Return. at... if he is late he loses time.. Let him fight to see his kids.. make the effort you are very pregnant and need to focus on yourself and your children.. I suspect you will see a lot more of his self centred behaviour before DD is born..

I also think he is looking for an excuse to dump kids and blame you...

Original poster

hurtandconfued2016 · 15/02/2016 11:58

well everyone lawyers letter sent this morning we shall see what happens with that!
I think he is looking to use me so that he doesn't have to have our son he likes the title of daddy but I don't think he likes the responsibility of it!

OP posts:

Original poster

hurtandconfued2016 · 15/02/2016 14:58

well everyone he has made his choice I said to him about the birth today and he said that he won't be there as he can't stand to be around me or support me.
so looks like he has made his choice!

OP posts:

OhShutUpThomas · 15/02/2016 15:01

Hopefully you can start moving on now OP

Please resist the temptation to contact him at all.

Helmetbymidnight · 15/02/2016 15:03

He's a nasty pig.

Please don't do anything for him, ever.

Look after yourself and your little ones.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 15/02/2016 15:25

So now - stop chasing him - if he wants something/access he has to arrange it with you - not the other way round

starry0ne · 15/02/2016 15:57

I agree with Sally... Leave him to it...Make arrangements for someone to look after your DS during the birth and someone to support you...

Get out the house and be with other people even if it is just sot play to let your DS have a run round..

DO NOT contact this man... He is loving your chasing him and then putting you down.

1fedupmama · 15/02/2016 18:00

What a horrible horrible man! (If u can even use that word to describe him!)
I hope u r ok. U will have other people that will support u & help u out so concentrate on them. Look after urself & ur kiddies & move on. U deserve so much better than that 'man'
Sending u lots of love & hugs & a massive good luck for the big day

CityFox · 19/02/2016 16:09

No fucking way....!

CityFox · 19/02/2016 16:14

I read the first part of the thread and was thinking, hmm, she's hoping he'll come back. Then you said it.

I think it's going to cause you even more pain if he doesn't come back after allowing him back at such an intimate and important moment.

Just leave him to it, he may well come crawling back, but you should in. I way facilitate this, it's leaving you open to even more pain and right now you need to be concentrating on your DC and soon to be born

CityFox · 19/02/2016 16:17

P.s. He's a shitbag and you deserve better. I wonder how OW has justified his behaviour to herself

Original poster

hurtandconfued2016 · 19/02/2016 16:43

Yeah I was hoping that if he seen me bring his daughter into the world he would remember the feelings he had for me. But after the other day and the horrible things he said to be that's never going to happen.
As for her they said nothing physical happened with her whilst he was with me which I find hard to believe! Staying awake till 4am texting each other seeing each other at work and that I really don't believe nothing happened

OP posts:

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