Help - traumatised by first stage of labour

[twinklemegan]

Hi folks - I'm new to Mumsnet and am very encouraged to see that I am not the only one feeling traumatised by my birth experience (12 weeks ago). But, whilst the second stage was pretty horrendous (baby went posterior and finally came out 3 hours after the head first appeared, not to mention a bitchy consultant who told me to stop making a noise!!), it's the first stage that is really bothering me.
Once my waters broke, my contractions were more painful than I could possibly have imagined, especially down my legs. I had read that you are supposed to get a break from the pain between contractions, but I was getting no respite at all - the MW's answer was, well of course you won't! I was told it was too early for gas and air, and was offered paracetemol! They sent me out for a walk with DH, which I will never forget as I could barely put one foot in front of the other, and then for a bath as it was too early to use the birth pool. I got in the bath and couldn't even lie back - I just knelt at the end of the bath and ended up screaming in pain with the contractions so much that DH had to pull the emergency cord.
I think I need to know whether this was normal - I don't think my pain threshold can be that low since as I said I did manage to get through labour with virtually no pain relief. But it was in those early stages, from 2 cm until getting in the birth pool, that I really needed the pain relief and didn't get it. I'm so scared of having to go through that again that it's affecting my relationship with DH. I'd really appreciate any advice - did anyone else have a similar experience??

That sounds horrific... have you tried councilling? I know it sounds... silly, but ive heard it can help, as some people can get post traumatic stress from childbirth. ((hugs))

so sorry you had a bad time.....

did your waters break spontaneously or were they broken for you?

did they refuse to give gas & air when you asked?

it is shcoking that your pain was not managed more effectively....and your needs were not met more adequately...

every woman labours differently...so can't say you had more pain than anyone else...just how your pain was dealt with

you clearly did not feel supported or helped by the midwives and fear & panic would have excacerbated the pain

that said,,,there is no reason your subsequent births would be like that...2nd labours often much more positive as your body has done it once and 'remembers what to do

how long did it take you to get from 2 cm to full dilation..and did you have the pool as pain relief or anything else...did youhave an instrumental delivery eg forceps / ventouse

This sounds like a very rough ride
Can I suggest you do look at calling birth crisis it is NOT councelling but it has helped many women through what they felt was a very very hard time. I have just trained with them and it is absolutely OK to call them and have a chat... no on will judge or tell you what you should have done/felt like...

Hugs to you!

Lulumama - it's all a bit of a blur to be honest, but second stage lasted 3 hrs 45 minutes, and active labour apparently started at 8am, so I reckon on about 9 hours from 2cm to full dilation. They let me in the birth pool when I was 6cm (had refused to check me any earlier), and then I got a new midwife who was SO much more encouraging. I think that's why the second stage doesn't seem so bad, even though it was! I don't think I was in the pool for more than a couple of hours, but as I said it's all rather hazy. My waters broke spontaneously soon after I got to the hospital. I asked for gas and air when the contractions started getting really bad and it was refused - they said it was too early, which really started me panicking as I didn't see how it could get much more painful (my contractions never actually got any worse through the whole labour). That was when I was offered the paracetemol - there's no way it would have helped (it doesn't even help with period pain) but I didn't dare take it as I felt so sick. QuootieSpookypie - how would I go about getting counselling?

Sorry Lulumama - to answer your last question. I delivered naturally in the end, although they had to cut me twice to get baby out. My contractions went off so I was doing most of the work myself. They were talking about a drip at one stage to get things going again when little bub's heart rate dipped, but I managed to do it on my own. The head was crowning and disappearing again for nearly three hours. But my birth plan was to avoid interventions and I'm really pleased that I did. The only bad memory of that stage of labour, apart from the dreadful backache, is the consultant - she told me I wasn't pushing through the burning pain (I wasn't feeling any burning, only horrendous pain in my back), and told me I was making too much noise! But the MW later told me she thought the consultant was out of order!

Try birth crisis before counselling... well that's "my" opinion...

Thanks Pupuce - I hadn't seen your message before I asked about the counselling. I've seen the Birth Crisis website and I'll seriously consider giving them a call.

Why are so-called medical professionals such absolute shits to women in labour? I decided that they were all traffic wardens in another life. I have never felt so despised in all my life. My labour was a lot like yours twinklemegan - A LOT. It's like reading my own story really, even the useless bath and the sodding paracetamol and that horrific agony in your back and legs. Except I was left totally on my own without my partner as I wasn't admitted to the labour ward as it was 'full'. I later complained and the reply was full of lies. It was a couple of years ago now, and I don't think about it much (if that's any consolation), btu when I do, I still burn with rage. I feel for you. I really, truly do.

Is it possible that your baby was posterior from the beginnign of labour having been through a 'back to back' labour myself, I know that i too found the early stages almost unbearable. I had previously 'sailed through' labour with a much larger but better positioned baby, so i know it was not necessarily about my ability to cope but the different level of pain that i was experiencing. I found birth crisis to be a fabulous resource, its important to debrief about your birth experiences and to understand what happened xx

I am sure mine was posterior. I hardly dilated which is a sign, apparently, so was told I was not in labour, despite being in appalling, traumatising, desperate pain.

think that birth crisis might have been the type of thing I was on about... not sure. Your GP should be able to put you in touch with relevant sources of councelling - ill stick this thread on watch, and have a look for you tomorrow - abit tired to hunt now x

Not sure Quadrofiendia - the baby had been ROA and I believe it was still like that when I went in. But it was only when the MW examined my really late on in the pushing stage that she suggested he had turned posterior and he finally came out LOA having done a three quarter turn. So I've no idea when he did go posterior - I guess it could have been pretty early on which would explain a lot. I'll probably never know.

i have a friend who had a terrible posterior labour, she was completely traumatised by it and told me that whenever she hears about people having 'okay' labours (like me, i should say) it's like a knife in her guts. she wants someone who will understand...

she was in first stage for days, it seemed, and the nurses were awful and refused to admit her or to concede that her waters had, in fact, broken.
then she had a dreadful time pushing and when she finally decided to have an epidural it didn't work, just paralysed her legs. it was terrible.

perhaps she'll see this thread, she posts here too. i can certainly email her about it. her child is about two now so she may have gained some useful perspective on it all.

in the meantime, you have my sympathy, it sounds awful.

All I can say twinklemegan is that you are sadly not alone by feeling traumatised by childbirth.

Keep talking about it to people who you trust or who can understand. The birth of my DS took me until about now to come to turms with (he's 18 months), but the more time when on, the less and less I thought about it.

The way we give birth now is very out of sync with our natural instincts IMO , and birth is a time when your instincts and feelings have the potention to effect everything. Our instincts say we should be somewhere dark, familiar, quiet with people we know and trust and that is quite difficult to achieve at a busy NHS hospital. Pain is made worse by fear and I was in a state of acute fear while in labour for many reasons. I think this lead to complications which fed a vicous circul of more intervention, more fear, loss of control and so on until my DS was pulled out via forceps.

There is lots of good reading on natural birth and I intend to read such things if I get pregnant again, to maximise my changes for a better borth next time. Most mums say each birth is different too, so thats worth remembering.

You will feel better with time. There's lots of help & support out there if you need it.
x x x x

I was shocked by the pain of labour ( had my first 4 weeks ago), but it really sounds like yours was much worse. Mine got unbearably painful around transition just before I had to push, but it sounds like yours went like that before you were 5 centimetres (when they let you in the birth pool, I think). Up until 5 centimetres, my pains were pretty manageable.

I just re-read my mail, and I wanted to add that the reason I posted it is to let you know that your birth was probably worse than average. So theres a big chance that your next birth will be much less painful.
Have you heard of optimal foetal positioning (I think its called that)? Its where you move your body into certain positions in the weeks before labour to try to get the baby into the best position. Some people swear that you can avoid a posterior birth using these methods.
But forget about your next birth, and just concentrate on this baby for now. You never know- your baby might complete your family perfectly and you might never need to give birth again. If not, then from what I hear, you might reach a point where having another child will become more important than what happened to you at your first birth.

I had a similar experience to you, except I was induced as my waters had broken 24 hours before. The doctor said I would have a few hours before anything happened but within 2 hours I was having full blown contractions, also with out breaks.... the only "break" was when my cpntractions went from sheer agony to just pain for a few seconds before siking up again. The doctor was worried that I was not getting enough breaks and was going to inject my urterus to "relax it". LO had also turned to posterior. Was shocked to find after hours of this that I was only 4cm dialated, and the MW said because he was posterior it would take a long time. I was also only on gas and air by choice as I wanted the pool. I was inhaling so much of it and was still in agony so asked if I could go in the pool early, which surprisinly, they let me. It was much better but still unbearable, so after what felt like ages I asked them to examine me so I could see if I was progressing. I wanted to know if it was going faster, as I could not endure it much more and I wanted to get out and have an epidural if I wasn't. The MW was so rude to me and said that she wouldn't examine me as they can only do it ever 4 hours!!! And my room had been given away so I couldn't have one anyway. Luckily I couldn't because I felt like pushing soon anyway. My MW said "You cant be ready to ush as you would be in more control"!! She looked completely bored by me and my pain, and offered ZERO support the whole way through. At that point I decided to ignore her and pushed him out within 10 minutes - was probably not fully dialated.I too have felt very traumatised by it - probably why I have felt the need to write this down now to you. When I feel very bad I focus on the good: gorgeous baby, no tearing. I too am scared for next time but so many people say subsequent births are easier, so trying to focus on that?
Sorry for dumping all this on your thread, just wanted to let you know that I had a similar experience and fully understand how you feel.

twinkle- give birth crisis a call.......sounds like the baby was not in a great position...and your labour should have been managed a lot better...

it is also only a few weeks ago..so give yourself time to heal....

it sounds as there are some positives buried in there....not to say the negative does not need dealing with..

although yo probably can;t begin to think about next time...it will be better!

OMG, I am so by the inability of some of the medical staff described to respond to human pain and distress with support instead of control/judgement. Really appalling.

Can I just say a big thank you to everyone who has responded to my thread. I think it's helped already just getting some stuff off my chest. DH tries very hard but he just doesn't really understand where I'm coming from and I think he's getting a bit tired of me going on about it TBH. Bibliophile - I'm sorry to hear you had such a similarly bad experience but I'm glad to know I'm not alone. SleepIsForTheDead - I'm pleased my experience prompted you to write yours down and I hope it has helped you. The medical profession needs somehow to be made to realise what an effect their attitude and behaviour can have on us, both during labour and afterwards. I have to stress, however, that the MW who finally delivered my baby was absolutely brilliant - I'm sure if it hadn't been for her things would have been even worse.

Reply to Sakura - yes I've heard of OFP. One of the community MWs encouraged me to try some of the techniques when she realised LO was ROA. She warned me that ROA could lead to a longer labour. When I later realised that there was a high chance of the baby moving to posterior I tried really hard to move him, but he didn't budge unfortunately. So I'm afraid I'm not convinced by OFP although I would try again in a future pregnancy since I now know how horrendous labour can be!

I had horrific 1st birth. Opted for ceasarean 2nd time. Best decision ever ever made. Absolutely amazing and fantastic experience, and pain free! Bit of post op pain, but totally bearable. Held dd 5 mins after spinal.

hi twinkle,

I had a pretty traumatic labour, all of 19 1/2 years ago. In hindsight, I also think that it was very badly managed and unfortunately, from stories like yours, it doesn't look as though things are much better now.
Personally, I found that writing down what had happened to me was very theraputic and I think that calling birth crisis as pupuce has suggested might do the same for you.
The main thing that I wanted to say was that although I had a horrible time first time round (my thoughts immediately afterwards were that I felt like I'd been put through a mincer ) I did go onto have 3 more children (admittedly no 2 was a mistake because after the first labour, I didn't willingly want to go through it all again) and these three labours were much more positive.