Help - traumatised by first stage of labour

[twinklemegan]

Hi folks - I'm new to Mumsnet and am very encouraged to see that I am not the only one feeling traumatised by my birth experience (12 weeks ago). But, whilst the second stage was pretty horrendous (baby went posterior and finally came out 3 hours after the head first appeared, not to mention a bitchy consultant who told me to stop making a noise!!), it's the first stage that is really bothering me.
Once my waters broke, my contractions were more painful than I could possibly have imagined, especially down my legs. I had read that you are supposed to get a break from the pain between contractions, but I was getting no respite at all - the MW's answer was, well of course you won't! I was told it was too early for gas and air, and was offered paracetemol! They sent me out for a walk with DH, which I will never forget as I could barely put one foot in front of the other, and then for a bath as it was too early to use the birth pool. I got in the bath and couldn't even lie back - I just knelt at the end of the bath and ended up screaming in pain with the contractions so much that DH had to pull the emergency cord.
I think I need to know whether this was normal - I don't think my pain threshold can be that low since as I said I did manage to get through labour with virtually no pain relief. But it was in those early stages, from 2 cm until getting in the birth pool, that I really needed the pain relief and didn't get it. I'm so scared of having to go through that again that it's affecting my relationship with DH. I'd really appreciate any advice - did anyone else have a similar experience??

Twinkle that sounds AWFUL! I found labour v. painful and was put off having 2nd child for a long time. If I do it again, I will be demanding an epidural from the outset. I have theory that epidural is heavily discouraged due to NHS FUNDING and not because it is as massive a risk to the well-being of mother/child as I was led to believe. Whilst I believe in CHOICE I do think that the level of pain that labour involves for many mothers is played down in ante-natal classes. I know it is important not to freak-out first time mums about labour, but if even one midwife had suggested that, in some cases, pain relief is a GOOD idea it might have been a little more realistic. RANT, RANT.

i just wanted to sympathise with your traumatic birth, and vent a little rage myself.
When i had dd2 the midwife informed me that i was taking too long and my contractions weren't long enough. In deciding this they broke my waters and put me on a drip (syntosin is that right)anyway the pain was unberable and there was no "in between contractions" it was just like one big long horrendously painful one. eventually i felt the need to push only to be told not to as i still wasn't fully dilated, so in came the consultant who was foreign, i couldn't understand a thing he said to me. anyway dd2 born after an extremely traumatic time.
I am hopefully now expecting no.3 and my plan to avoid a repeat is to avoid our large hospital and attend our small midwife run unit (only 4 beds!)i hear such amazing things about them i wish i'd went there for the other 2!

Helen - had similar with syntocin (although waters had burst on their own my contractions were "ineffective" I was not dilating, but still no pain relief offered - my GP later told me that it was VERY rare for syntocin to be given without epidural - but this was not offered and I didn't know that I ought to ask.

wish i'd known at the time it was very rare to be given syntocin without and epidural. Our hospital will not give an epidural unless your having a c section, it's gas and air or nothing!!

i just wanted to agree with previous posters and say that your description - especially the strong contractions right from the outset and the back pain - sounds very much like your lo was posterior from the start. i had a 3 day posterior labour with my first, planned homebirth, transfered to hosp with eventual ventouse, a whisker away from a section.

while my experience was difficult, and certainly not one i'm in any hurry to repeat, i wasn't traumatised by it, and i think that came from several factors. firstly i had wonderful care in hospital and all the midwives were fantastic, especially one of the community midwives who was in theatre with us when dd was finally delivered - similar to the good care you received in your second stage.

but i think the main thing was that i went through my notes quite soon after delivery with the supervisor of midwives. i didn't make a complaint, but dp turned away the midwife who'd been with us at home when she came to do postnatal checks as i wasn't comfortable seeing her (for various reasons). so som came out to see me (at her suggestion) and we talked the whole thing through. i felt that my concerns were listened to, and i had the chance to reconcile myself to the whole experience.

even if you don't want to go as far as a making a complaint - especially if you're worried about being fobbed off - i think it may be worth you asking to speak to the head of midwifery about your experience. if she's not happy to see you it may be worth contacting your local nct as they usually have links with the hospitals and may be able to help you get your concerns heard.

I too had synotocin without an epidural and I wasn't offered an epidural 1st time around.
With my second labour, I did have an epidural as I was so frightened of suffering like I did the first time. Mind you, because the hospital didn't actually believe I was in labour when I first came in and sent me home, I didn't get it until I had been in labour for a good few hours.
With my third and fourth labours, I didn't have an epidural but I was glad it was there as an option. I find it shocking that hospitals are denying women this option on cost grounds.

That's awful! People like that shouldn't be allowed to be doctor's and midwives! How dare they dictate your pain relief to you like that.
I started on gas and air really early and I think that helped me alot.
I had a really bad experience post natally in the hospital, and a few issues with mil after ds was born and it gave me really severe baby blues, I couldn't sleep or eat and I kept crying. I started writing all my feelings down, I wrote a letter to the hospital and to mil, I never posted them but it stopped things circling round and round in my head.
I would write a letter of complaint officially as the NHS have to act on every letter. XXX

That's awful! People like that shouldn't be allowed to be doctor's and midwives! How dare they dictate your pain relief to you like that.
I started on gas and air really early and I think that helped me alot.
I had a really bad experience post natally in the hospital, and a few issues with mil after ds was born and it gave me really severe baby blues, I couldn't sleep or eat and I kept crying. I started writing all my feelings down, I wrote a letter to the hospital and to mil, I never posted them but it stopped things circling round and round in my head.
I would write a letter of complaint officially as the NHS have to act on every letter. XXX

I had a similar birth to you twinkle. Not allowed any pain relief when in established labour, not even gas and air. Baby was back-to-back, and I was in agony. Pleaded for gas and air and was told by 2 midwives I was not in labour. In fact I was fully dilated and had been pushing for an hour. My 2nd stage was also nearly 4 hours and ended in ventouse and forceps.

I had numerous apologies from the Head of the Delivery Suite, which helped a bit. At least they admitted my care was sub-standard.

It has taken me a long time to get over the trauma of the birth. Even now I get the occasional flashback (20 months on). I am now pregnant again and dreading the birth already. I absolutely refuse to go into hospital this time. I would rather die than have the same experience again. I will never forgive the midwives involved. They were cruel and incompetent. I hope they enjoyed the power trip they were on. I hope they suffer one day at the hands of health professionals the way they made me suffer. As you can see it has made me bitter.

I really hope you manage to get over it. It will probably take some time. I would recommend a complaint letter to the hospital and ask for someone to go through the notes. I have had so much support and advice from mumsnetters that I have really appreciated and has helped me come to terms with what has happened. It makes you realise you're not alone. Good luck.

twinkle you poor, poor thing - I had posterior labour with dd and I will never forget the pain. It is unimaginable unless you've experienced it. Mine wasn't as long as yours - only about 4 hours for whole labour, but the pain was overwhelming. I had a midwife who preferred watching the tv to examining me and kept on suggesting that I stopped swearing. It was only when I screamed "get me and effing epidural you miserable cow"(Still can't believe I said that!!) that she stopped watching the tv to examine me, and decided that actually I was in labour (fully dilated!) when she had been refusing to believe me. I've thought about it a lot since and come to the conclusion that it was her attitude rather than the pain that made the experience so awful. I felt so completely powerless as I couldn't cope with the pain and felt noone was taking any notice of me. You do get over it eventually, and I've even started contemplating another dc. I also had a normally-lying baby before this one and it was a piece of cake, just felt like period pains, so I know that I was just unlucky in this instance. It sounds like your pain was made worse by their refusal to give you pain releif and the psychological impact of that.

Mumtoben, before you have your next one, do hypnobirthing. It really does work. Also, sit on a birthing ball or go on all fours and lean over a birthing ball for the weeks leading up to the birth, it will hopefully ensure that the baby isn't back to back. Hope (and am sure) that the next birth will be a lot better.

Twinkle, your experience sounds awful. I had a bad time too. I thought that because I have broken bones and done years of martial arts that I have a high pain threshold. What twaddle! I thought I was going to die in child birth, I simply couldn't believe how painful it was. I'm really scared about going through it again. My baby is now 13 months old but I'm still terrified by the thought of doing it again. Yet I do want another child. I am encouraged though by friends and sister's accounts of second births being much easier.

to everyone who has had a traumatic birth

make sure that you 'get closure' on it before you go for another child......birth crisis as pupuce suggested, counselling etc....

recognise why it was traumatic for you....if someone says,'well, that doesn't sound so bad..mine was much worse because.......'.ignore them!!! if yours was a bad experience for you....that needs acknowledging

write to the head of midwifery if neccesary where you had the baby , ask to see your notes..asl if they have someone who can 'debrief' you on what happened.

a lot of people say. as long as the baby is ok, what does it matter how he/she was born...of course it matters!! that goes wihout saying...but your health (mental & physical ) is important too.

there is a lot you can do to prepare for subsequent births, to make it more positive....

there is help and support......

hope that helps

PS one traumatic birth...one amazing , positive & healing birth!!!

twinklemegan, I also had a pritty awful hospital experiance first time round, was put on a ward full of other women at visiting time ! and told i had hours to go and wouldn't i rather go home and come back later ffs i could hardy move !

They did finelly take me seriously when i started screaming. "i'm pushing ! i'm pushing" down the ward it was when the head was crowning that they took me on a mad trolley dash to labour ward three floors down !
The last two have been at home and were wonderful !

Lulumama, I think you are right about getting some closure afterwards. Not everyone likes the idea of official therapy though. I really wanted to write to my hospital to complain about the way I was treated by the staff in SCBU who did not support me in BF amongst other things. For a long time I thought I would get round to it but I didn't want to dig it all up again so didn't. Eventually I wrote a piece for the NCT magazine, describing my experience and that was very theraputic for me.

that;s great 009-- as long as you get some 'closure ' ( really don;t like that word..but it's the only one i know for this sort of thing!!) , doesn;t matter how or when...it;s what works for you...!

009 - I aslo wrote my experiences for a local magazine - it was also therapeutic to me - but it never got published as the editor said it was too 'frightening' for pregnant mums! . I'm glad to keep it for my own records even if no one ever reads it.

I think it's good to have it in writing even if it isn't published. You can always look back over it. And just writing helps you process your thoughts and feelings.

twinkle, haven't got time to read thread now as supposed to be working!! but just wanted to post as your OP really rang bells with me and I wanted to say how sorry I am that you had such a bad time, and well done for getting through it.

I had a labour that lasted 50 hours and my DS was posterior too. The contractions were agonising from the start and very regular too, about every 10 mins...from agonising they went up to what I would call brutal and unbearable.

The midwives sent me home twice from hosp, as I was not enough dilated to be in established labour...it took two days of this pain to get to 3cms dilated, when they suddenly decided to 'allow' me to be in labour! I was also given a bath and NOT allowed to get in a birthing pool as too little dilated, and I nearly cried when I read about you in the bath; it was so similar for me; they kept trying to make me lie back and it was agonising, I HAD to be upright or the pain was so much worse.

My labour ended up in a crash CS but DS was and is PERFECT

I definitely think you should talk about it as much as possible, to work on acknowledging your awful experience and accepting that it WAS horrible for you....and that your pain WAS bad and that midwifery in this country needs to be better funded and carried out, so that women like us can receive proper support in labour rather than being dismissed as "not even IN labour!"

xx

Ouch! I know what you're both saying. I spent 2 days in pre labour after my waters broke and didn't sleep a wink in 2 nights as I was timing contractions and so anxious for labour to start. When I went into actual labour there was no doubt about it and I spent 12 hours at home. When I got to hospital (7 am) I told the midwife I had been in labour all night, since 7 the previous evening. She said "at what point did the pain become really unbearable?". I said "around 3am" and she said "therefore you've been in labour for 4 hours not 12". I could have thumped her. I had been in pain from 7pm. In agony from midnight onwards (my baby was in a side to back position) if it had been at all bearable I would have slept - for I was truely exhausted by this point. It is so demoralising when they say things like that. It made me feel like I was being really weak. Fortunately another midwife came on shift and saw how much I was suffering. After 16 hours of near hell I had an epidural.

009, well done for getting through that 16 hours of hell - it's something you never forget, isn't it!

I saw a programme the other week on BBC4 about a french obstetrician - it was a repeat of a documentary from the early 1980's. I believe he was at the forefront of the natural childbirth thing in the 80's; there was a clip of one woman with the voiceover saying that she had been in labour since the previous day and was having a difficult time; was she at home on her own? Was she not being allowed to consider herself as in labour at all and made to feel that she was silly for thinking she was in labour? Was she not allowed anywhere near a birthing pool? Was she ignored by midwives?

Hmmm, NO! She was in the birthing centre, in a birthing pool, with midwives in attendance who didn't seem to have a problem with believing that she was in labour and in pain!

I've thought about it so much since and how differently I feel my labour could have been given different care.

I saw something on the news last night about midwife shortages and is sounds scarey. I didn't have a problem with that. My midwife (the good one) stayed with my throughout and was supportive. But I would have delivered my baby a day or 2 earlier if there had been a bed for me. 24 hours after my waters broke I was still not in established labour (which apparently presents a risk to mum and baby) so I was told that I should be induced. But I was sent home from hospital twice because there wasn't a bed so ended up having her 72 hours after my waters broke. This was madness I was so exhausted by then, it was horrible.

at 72 hours after your waters breaking!!!!

sunnysideup-

he is michel odent - lots about him on the web

pioneer of water birth and allowing women to 'be' in labour rather than follow what the books or midwives think you should be doing...

I know it sounds shocking but I think that the average labour used to be a lot longer than they are today. For e.g. two of my friends were given CS because their labours went over 24 hours and they were shattered. I don't think there were any other complications in either case. 24 hours is considered a long labour now. My mum had 4 of us and not a single 1 under 24 hours! I think perhaps in those days women just battled on, at home with a midwife.