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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Reassurance for everone worried about childbirth

108 replies

Inchacha · 20/10/2006 14:41

Seeing lots of messages about being scared of the bit where you divide into two people

Just thought I would add a small bit of hopefully reassuring experience- yes it blimmin well hurt, yes it was a bit scary but it was the most empowering thing I have ever done in my life. Not because of the reward of my lovely little boy (who is now 22 months old and a huge joy) but because afterwards I had this feeling of "wow! That was really really hard but I coped with it!"

The thing I was designed for actually happened and it all worked.

SO if you're about to have your first (second third fourth umpteenth) baby and are worried, (I won't tell you not to be worried cos that's another thing women are designed to do I think)remember that you CAN do it.

And I can't wait to do it again, I am actually looking forward to childbirth! One small problem, I am not pregnant- will have to persuade dh that we should have another baby...

OP posts:
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kittythescarygoblin · 21/10/2006 22:34

Bragging????? Really??
How awful that that should even thought of.

EliBoo · 21/10/2006 22:54

Agree, very .

FWIW, I didnt' have the birth I (originally) wanted with dd1 - but I would not think of anyone as either smug or bragging who told their honest, happy birth story. It might have brought up some envy, sadness, or frustration that I couldn't have the same - at one time, not now - but thats not about the other person at all, thats about ME!

The only birth accounts that piss me off are the ones that somehow make it sound as though all women should be able to control what kind of experience they have - ie that blame or judge women for having a different experience to the one that the teller deems 'good' or 'positive'. Or just as bad, that assume that there is one sort of 'good' or 'positive' and that everyone feels the same. But then again, that pisses me off in any walk of life - not just birth!

wrinklytum · 21/10/2006 23:00

Was very lucky to have two straightforward natural births.The early labour with no 1 was arduous but full on pushing just 4 hours,just gas and air.No 2 shot out in 20 mins,no pain relief.Both big babies,and Im quite titchy.Yes its painful but nothing in the world beats the feeling when you first set eyes on your baby,the most intense and emotional moments of my life.Very lucky to have fab midwives both times too.

lulumama · 22/10/2006 08:09

morning.....bump

for anyone else who would like to add a positive birth story to this thread.....

MrsTittleMouse · 22/10/2006 11:53

When I hear a positive birth story it makes me sad. I would have loved to have had skin-to-skin and DH cutting the cord, the immediate breastfeeding etc, but I wasn't able to. In fact, I didn't even know that DD was OK until 10 minutes after the birth, and didn't hold her until 30 minutes after.
I don't begrudge anyone else that experience with their DC, in fact I'm really glad that some people do get it, but I can't help but be sad that I never will...

lulumama · 22/10/2006 11:56

mrs tm....

expatmama · 22/10/2006 17:11

I gave birth to DS1 in Belgium. Was taken in for induction on the Sunday night, failed to progress so was sent home on the Monday. Went back in on the Tuesday night, two lots of gel overnight, followed by syntocin around midday on the Wednesday. Contractions came on like a steam train so opted for an epidural (no G&A, pethidine etc in Belgium - epidural or nothing!). Had slight fright around 17.00ish when DS heart rate dropped and was prepped for emergency CS but it came back up and we carried on waiting to dilate. MW said she would check me again at 19.00 but at 18.45 told her I could feel alot of pressure (even with full epidural) and I was fully dilated, so off we went to delivery suite. Started pushing at 19.00, DS born at 19.11 (with episiotomy - they prefer to cut rather than let you tear in Belgium).

Not a positive birth story for some? Two rounds of induction? It was fine, I trusted my consultant. Panic when DS heart rate dropped and was prepped for section ? yes of course, but in the end it didn?t have to happen. Epidural slows things down? I dilated very rapidly towards the end and was only pushing for 11 minutes. What I am trying to say is that in the vast majority of cases it probably won?t turn out just like you put down in your birth plan but be flexible and go with the flow ? I had great intentions of bouncing around on a birthing ball and using breathing techniques to get through it ? but you know what, it didn?t turn out that way and it didn?t matter one jot ? I have never felt that I could have had a more positive or better birth experience.

Am now 34+5, this time in Bahrain and looking forward to doing it all again ? whatever way it happens. It looks like it might need a section which I am a little disappointed about as I was actually looking forward to the whole labour thing again ? mad cow that I am!

We are all encouraged to write our birth plans these days ? and they are a great thing as they make you investigate, explore, consider your various options and try to make some choices before you go into labour ? but they have to come with a caveat ? labour and birth is not predictable, so you have to be flexible. It does worry me that they set so many of us up to ultimately be disappointed in our birth experience ? who in their right mind would write a birth plan that included labouring for 48 hours followed by an emergency section? But if that?s what ends up happening, and as long as you and DC are ok at the end of it, it?s the same outcome as a 2 hour, ?didn?t even realise I was in labour till I felt the urge to push and then DC popped out?.

I don?t post often and I might not dare to post again after this, but I feel very strongly that although childbirth is not a competition, it is often portrayed as such, or rather perceived as such. Whatever birth you have ? fast, slow, with or without pain relief, natural or section - you are the one who did it, you became a mother, and that?s the best feeling in the world.

lulumama · 22/10/2006 17:18

expatmama- what a fabulous post......especially the last few lines...and your points about birth plans too...

this thread is not a competetive one...but an antidote to some of the more horrigle, shocking and down right scarybirth stories that you hear, on MN & in RL...as you say...however we give birth ...we have done it...and it that how we perceive it is very important too...

a lot of women feel disappointed or like they have failed in some way if birth doesn;t go according to their plan.....and your post admirably demonstrates a more positive and empowering way of looking at the whole experience..

thank you for sharing that...and all the very best of luck with the birth of this LO........

lulumama · 22/10/2006 17:19

apologies for the horrendous typos!

steppemum · 22/10/2006 17:48

Expatmamma, that is a brilliant post. I suppose my 1st labour would be described as horrendous by most. I had planned all "natural" no pain relief, birthing balls and giving birth standing up etc etc.

In the event I was induced, in labour for days and had an epidural, loads of stitches etc etc.

The point is that I don't remember it as awful, I remember it as a very focussed time getting ds here in one piece, and I felt incredible afterwards having produced this wonderful child. To me it was a positive birth story, because I did it!!!
I have 2 close friends who have been pregnant since I had ds and I have tried to not tell my story as a "bad" one, but to try and get over that you just do it and get through it whatever happens and it really is OK in the end as long as the baby is OK. The thing is, that they both only heard it as a scary story, because they were scared.

Birth plans get changed, the most important thing is that the midwives (or whoever) don't take over but keep you involved in all decisions.

I remember suddenly thinking as I was lying there with the epidural feeling crap, that none of this was about the birth I wanted, it was all about getting ds here safe and sound, and in the end in his life what type of birth he had would be quite irrelevant.

I have since had dd, who (after a little helpful gel) was then a natural labour and birth, just as I had wanted first time round. It was brilliant, no pain relief, no tears or stitches, all textbook. Totally empowering to know that I could do it. But you know what? In the end I didn't feel any more of a success than the first time!

WeaselMum · 22/10/2006 17:51

This is a lovely thread to read through. I too was lucky enough to have a really good experience. I deliberately didn't write a birth plan because I didn't want to be disappointed if things took a different turn - but in the end it went almost exactly as I would have wanted. My labour was straightforward and progressed quite quickly (5 hours) and I was able to avoid pethidine and an epidural, which I was glad about because I wanted a water birth. I don't think I could have coped without more than gas and air for much longer, so it was just lucky for me that ds arrived so quickly. Labouring in water was great, it felt very private iykwim. It did hurt, a lot, but somehow it never felt more than I could cope with.

EliBoo · 22/10/2006 18:09

expatmum, exactly

Thanks for putting it into better words than I could.

PinkyRed · 22/10/2006 21:32

Positive birth story:

Gave birth to beautiful wonderful BabyRed one year ago tomorrow. She's brilliant.

For me, doesn't matter how - it did matter at the time, and for a few weeks afterwards, but later on, it doesn't matter to me at all.

lulumama · 22/10/2006 21:34

many happy returns to babyred......

PinkyRed · 22/10/2006 22:01

Thank you lulumama

I'm feeling quite emotional. Me and dh are sitting here knocking back the wine, and in between reading mn and watching Torchwood, we keep going "This time last year, you were doing this" and "This time last year, you said blah blah"

What an experience. I don't know about reassuring people just about to give birth - I just feel very of anyone who's just about to do it.

lulumama · 22/10/2006 22:10

i did that before babylulu's birthday...she was born at 01.15 am ..so i stayed up until then...!

i too am very of anyone about to give birth...!! glad it's not just me!

Beauregard · 22/10/2006 22:12

If pelvic can do it twice then anyone can
one of which was non assisted .

lulumama · 22/10/2006 22:13

bet that;s a story and a half....unassisted .....? midwife too late?

CountTo10 · 22/10/2006 22:19

I was very nervous about giving birth especially as all anyone wanted to talk to me about was their horrendous births!!! I think a close friend of mine was determined I would have a bad experience so that she wouldn't fee so left out.

I think I was incredibly lucky as I had what I could only say was the most amazing and problem free experience. I was 8 days overdue and had spent a few days in hospital with suspected pre-eclampsia. I was due to be induced on the saturday but my contractions began of their own accord the day before. By 5pm I was 5cm dilated and 4 hrs later, ds was born!!! I only had gas and air which made me feel very drunk!!! The midwives were great and I was on a total high afterwards. He had the chord round his neck which I was really worried about and as I was concentrating on that I didn't actually feel anything once his head had come out. I had my favourite cd's on and my mum and do coaching me on. I can honestly say it was the best thing I've ever done and I have no qualms about doing it again so that's got to be good!!!

Best of luck to all those of you building up to it and remember birth plans are just that plans - be prepared to do whatever it takes to get your lo out safely and you can't go wrong!!!

Beauregard · 22/10/2006 22:23

I was home alone and the pains and contractions went from zero to wham in literally minutes ,i was having a lie in as dp had taken dd1 out so i could rest and i felt a few pains so thought to myself oh ok this is it but got ages yet so had a quick dip in the bath,dressed ,went downstairs ,made a cuppa then BAM so i called dp to get back asap,put the phone down and felt like i needed the loo (knew was bad sign)then waters broke as i stood up ,crawled upstairs and sat on the loo.Dp got back 5 mins later to find me screaming"it's coming,my dad picked up dd1 and then whist dp was on the phone to emergency services i threw myself on the floor and pushed her out.Even the ambulance was to late ,from 1st twinge to delivery 55mins

lulumama · 22/10/2006 22:49

Bl**dy hell....i'm impressed !!!!! that;s a good one!

and thank you again to everyone sharing their stories....

Sakura · 23/10/2006 04:06

I agree about it being empowering. I had my first child 4 weeks ago, and it is easily the best thing I have ever done in my whole life! I feel like a new person.

Pruni · 23/10/2006 08:30

Message withdrawn

CarolinaMooncup · 23/10/2006 08:39

I had a caesearean (for arrest of descent after 50-odd hours of labour) and I don't mind hearing about good birth experiences at all - I'm really happy for you all .

It's reassuring to know that it does work 'properly' some of the time - would be bloody scary if not.

But I have to admit people (in RL) who say they don't understand what all the fuss is about, or who claim their babies popped out because they were so calm/relaxed/focussed really get on my t*ts .

Blu · 23/10/2006 08:49

Holliehobbie and Belgo - don't forget that TENS and water are pain relief! I managed to get my endorphins going v early by using Tens from the first twinge and then a pool much later. I could feel my endorphins making me sky high, and refused g&a through 3 hours of pushing because I thought it would be-fuddle me, and I didn't need it.

As soon as it was obvious we need a ventouse delivery I had an epidural because Ds was OP and i just couldn't lie on my back. Result - no pain anyway, and I could still assist with the ventouse delivery by pushing.