What would you tell a first time mum about labour?

[LJHH]

I'm not scared of labour as I'm more excited to meet our DS, but I think (with 6 weeks til due date) it's time to start thinking about it and not having my head buried in the sand anymore...

Soooo, as a FTM, what do you wish somebody had told you or you that you had known before you gave birth for the first time?

(I'm thinking the books will give a rosy outlook with lots of smug looking couples and I'd rather be a bit prepared)

I realise a birth plan is just what happens in an ideal situation and can be thrown out the window in an instant. Was hoping to go into the midwife led unit, at the moment I don't want a epidural, not because I'm being brave and can take the pain and all that rubbish but because I'm a bit needle phobic and the thought of it already panics me. Again appreciate I may change my mind on that as well but am I right in thinking that you cannot have one in the MLU and need to go to the "proper" labour wards?
Trust me, I want drugs just not that!

Wow this turned out to be a massive post!

[JoffreyBaratheon]

Forgot to say - I was very hospital and needle phobic. Right up to being in the delivery suite having Son No 1. Then, they could have used a telegraph pole on me as a needle and I'd have been happy so long as the pain ended... Truth is, though, none of those needles hurt. You wouldn't care if they did. But honestly, they don't hurt.

Giving birth to my first son cured me of needle phobia forever. I realised there was nothing to be scared of and the benefits of any needles outweighed the downside. Plus you will get so caught up in the whole thing - you honestly won't care.

I had one epidural that worked brilliantly, and one that didn't as it only worked down one half of my body. That was bizarre feeling the labour on just one side... But the process of them doing the epidural isn't bad at all. You shouldn't feel a thing. Once I had to have some sort of canula (drip) and even that was utterly painless. But a bugger to try to get to sleep with a big plastic thing in your arm.

[SouthDerbyshireMamma]

I gave birth to my first on Saturday. I made the decision not to make a birth plan and i'm really glad about it. I was Midwife lead however the MLU was at capacity when I got there and my contractions were so close together coupled with being 6cm dilated I was given a bed on the consultant lead to get our baby out. I was under the impression i'd be sick from any drugs however I was sick way before I even got gas and air (I threw snickers up all over the bed and midwife)

I went into labour in a relaxed state of mind which definitely helped things progress quickly and efficiently. From first contraction to holding him in my arms was 8.5 hours and only 2 of those hours were spent on labour ward. My best advice is to go in with an open mind, stay calm and listen to your own body. Don't waste your energy screaming labour ward down..its way too muxh effort.

[DoJo]

Whatever kind of labour you have, it's worth it.

[harryhausen]

I found the later contractions more painful than the actual pushing and crowning.

Trust the gas and air. My sister told me before my first that g&a was a bit like this - It's a bit like being really drunk and believing you can do anything. You end up climbing a wall thinking you're superman. If you fall off, it still really hurts but somehow you don't care!

I had an edpidural withy first for lots of complicated reasons, but with my second the g&a was a huge comfort to me.

[MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom]

To add to Joffrey's post, if you're needle phobic or finding that they can't get the needle in, ask about the possibility of it being done by a consultant or anaesthetist.

I was quite happy to let the midwives poke away at my hands trying to get a cannula in, but on the fifth try they caused a blood clot in the vein in my wrist and it had to be flushed. A consultant came in and couldn't get a vein either. By the end, I was getting upset because it was so painful, and they called the anesthetist in who used local anaesthetic and then managed to get it in first time :)

[lifeafterthebigsmoke]

Gas and air is definitely effective. I used it in my (long!!) labour, even when on the (evil!) pitocin drip. You need to use it properly for it to be effective though and practising breathing exercises in advance will help when the time comes.

[squizita]

The woman next to me said to me quietly: "Shall we tell her?"

We decided against it.

...and yet you're saying panic causes problems. I hope she didn't freak out because you both looked at each other and clammed up!

[Tortoiseturtle]

Just don't take it for granted that pain relief will work. In my 2 cases, 1) I took in one of those little battery operated machines you hire from Boots, which supposedly makes the contractions less painful. It broke down almost immediately. 2) The only effect the gas and air had on me was to make me throw up immediately. 3) I begged for an epidural as was in a lot of pain despite having the luck to go in the pool, and had to wait for hours as the one person who could give epidurals wasn't on duty. The epidural did work, but made it harder to know when to push.

[micah]

I was fearless, I had a relaxed frame of mind. I was going to stay at home labouring until the last minute (I couldn't have a home birth as I'd have had to change hospitals due to my address being in a different LA, despite being walking distance from the hospital!)

I was strong. Physically I knew I could handle anything labour threw at me. I wasn't going to need pain relief, but I was open minded and would take it if I did need it. My body could do this!

In the end my waters went prematurely. I stayed at home, but went in for a check after 24 hours (because of infection risk). Foetal distress, sudden onset of immense pain, immediate emergency section before I even got to 3cm and established labour.

Cue PTSD and a whole lot of issues about having a crap body that didn't work properly and do what is natural. 9 years on and I still cry when I hear of a straightforward labour or someone says "if you have a positive frame of mind…..". I find people nearly always assume my section was due to failure to progress. Not helped by at least 1 person telling me I should "do it properly this time" when I had to have a section with DC2.

It hadn't occurred to me that things can go wrong outside of labour/progression/coping/pain. It can, and your state of mind is irrelevant in those circs.

[Showy]

I would also advise that you be careful with how you interpret the advice 'don't listen to the horror stories'. Because for a lot of women they aren't horror stories, they are the stories of how their babies got here. I had a v long labour with dd, 8hr second stage, three failed ventouse attempts, one failed manual rotation and an emcs. That isn't a horror story, it was just reality. Horror is designed to scare, birth stories are just that and it is important that we don't dismiss women who didn't have textbook labours and deliveries as 'witches'. First time round I was so determined I would have a home water birth that I had my head in the sand and did the lalala not listening thing over intervention. And of course I came out of it thinking why the feck did nobody tell me how it could be? All my problems with coming to terms with it were down to the gap between expectation and reality. I should have accepted that intervention and Caesareans and long labours aren't horror stories, they're brilliant, blessed wonders of modern medicine which save lives.

I had a 3 day labour and emcs with dc2. It was positive and lovely and I do talk about it because it is our story and dismissing it as a horror story just adds to the shame women feel if they don't achieve the perfect birth.

[FoodieMum3]

Great thread. Will read in full tonight.

I would advise any FTM to take it all in. Pause and reflect (in early labour and after the baby is born, might not be so possible in active labour). Take note of names of midwives, times, how you felt... THE FIRST TIME YOU SEE YOUR BABY. Take a mental photograph and treasure it forever.
Ask your birth partner to help you.
Maybe write it all down after the birth while it is still fresh in your mind.

It is the biggest, most amazing day of your life and you would be amazed at how much of it is a blur for so many people.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

That you'll forget it a lot faster than the horrendous hospital food

[lifeafterthebigsmoke]

Expect the unexpected. I'd hoped for a water birth but didn't even make it into the pool. Due to a small bleed shortly after being admitted to the midwife unit, I was transferred to the consultant ward where I was monitored and unable to use the pool at all.

[Scoobyblue]

I would say that it's not as painful as you think it is going to be and you get the most precious thing at the end of it.

[Tortoiseturtle]

Have to disagree with that. Unimaginably painful. Luckily, you forget the pain immediately afterwards.

[lola1980]

I thought I was really well read up on what to expect, and I was, apart from one weird surprise (you're going to think I'm an idiot here)... I thought once your waters broke, that was it, I didn't realise that the waters kept coming and coming all the way through labour! I was mortified when I had to bring my own towel to sit on in a taxi to the MAU... So that knocked me off a bit and I thought my god what else don't I know about?!

As others have said, it's nothing like you imagine. It does hurt but you know that anyway, and it's one day out of your whole life. And it's true that the second the baby comes out, the pain stops. And then they bring you toast! Good luck :)

[trufflehunterthebadger]

The one thing this shows is every labour is different. None of us can tell you what to expect because none of us will have experienced your labour

[ohtobeanonymous]

Showy and Micah - hear hear - enjoy some and for saying in a far more articulate and pleasant fashion everything I agree with!

[cherrylola]

Lola me too!!!! Abso-sodding-lutley no idea the waters just kept coming and coming and coming!

[lifeafterthebigsmoke]

Another 'yay!' for Micah and Showy.

With hindsight (that wonderful thing!) wish I'd not stuck to my 'gas and air only' guns after the syntocin drip went in after a ridiculously slow start to labour. Once fully dilated and shattered it was too late. An epidural would have give me much needed rest.

[BentleyBelly]

Relax and eat sweets between contractions. I had a jelly baby in my fist when my dd flew into the world. Also found moving around and swaying really helped. It isn't always horrendous, I didn't find it too bad at all! Pregnancy yoga is your friend. Good luck x

[ElizaB3]

And another applause for micah & showy - brilliantly put.
A successful birth is one with a healthy mum & baby at the end of it; how you get that result should not be subject to judgement or prediction. Wish I'd taken my own advice prior to my first labour, but I really think you can't explain it, you just have to experience it (with a very open mind!)
Your birth story will be as unique as you are; it is healthy to discuss all the realities of how we bring people into the world (whether deemed 'horror' or 'perfect') - it's an amazing phenomenon & achievement that we should all be proud of.

[Scuttlemum14]

Agree agree agree!

[Scuttlemum14]

Iv really enjoyed reading all the varied advice and that's despite being a second time mum.

What blew me away with my labour:

1 expect the unexpected, ten days early, waters went, eight hours total (currently three days till due date with this one and no sign of labour! Nothing is expectable

2 I didn't think about the pushing bit at all, I didn't get it at all, ended up with ventouse delivery and episiotomy (for some reason they kept asking if I rode horses/bikes?! Apparently my perineum was very 'tough' whatever!) turns out my mw thinks I had a latent end of active stage and should have waited for the 'urge' guess we will see if I ever get the urge!

3 I overdosed on gas and air, didn't know this was possible, but apparently buzzing on your lips and tingly hands means you have...but seriously for me the stuff worked, bit like coming out of a nightclub after a few too many!

4 I met my son and I didn't cry (wth?!) I was like uh who are you? My husband was in bits, I was more away with the fairies and kept thinking who is this stranger? Thought I'd be overcome with emotion!

5 my foof hurt a lot, I sat on a cushion, and my nibbles cracked and bled and hurt more than labour in the sense that I knew he needed feeding but I didn't want to latch him AGAIN!

Please know that everyone is different, EVERYONE, so are babies, who knows what my birth will be like this time?! It already has been an entirely different frustrating pregnancy!

[Scuttlemum14]

And same here re waters breaking! I was like why am I like a river that never runneth dry lol?!