What would you tell a first time mum about labour?

[LJHH]

I'm not scared of labour as I'm more excited to meet our DS, but I think (with 6 weeks til due date) it's time to start thinking about it and not having my head buried in the sand anymore...

Soooo, as a FTM, what do you wish somebody had told you or you that you had known before you gave birth for the first time?

(I'm thinking the books will give a rosy outlook with lots of smug looking couples and I'd rather be a bit prepared)

I realise a birth plan is just what happens in an ideal situation and can be thrown out the window in an instant. Was hoping to go into the midwife led unit, at the moment I don't want a epidural, not because I'm being brave and can take the pain and all that rubbish but because I'm a bit needle phobic and the thought of it already panics me. Again appreciate I may change my mind on that as well but am I right in thinking that you cannot have one in the MLU and need to go to the "proper" labour wards?
Trust me, I want drugs just not that!

Wow this turned out to be a massive post!

-- hypnosis dvds are worth checking out
fear of needles disappears (i hate needles/faint at blood tests but didn't give a toss when it came to it didn't even mind the needle/catheter thing that stayed in wrist for a couple of hours afterwards) so don't worry about that.
-- linseed and water to prevent post partum constipation. VERY important.
good luck!

I found I was so focused on labour, I didn't have a clue about the 'immediately after' and wish I'd known more about that, because once labour starts then you're kind of on your way towards one goal, regardless of route.

So once you've reached your destination! Some silly things I wish I'd known/been told/had explained, some of these are stupid but I was so confused and tired:

Your milk will come in even if you don't get the colostrum out in the first few days. A pump will quite likely work fine from this point if breastfeeding isn't 100% successful.

Hand expressing colostrum is do-able, and you're only supposed to get out TINY drops! I was expecting like, a bit of a bottle full and started getting really upset! Then two weeks later I realised, oh... colostrum is literally a tiny amount for a tiny stomach!

Any breastmilk is good (1 day, 2 weeks, to 6 months or further!), but don't feel awful it if it's not for you. (I live in a very pro-BM area with fab stats for it, but it ended up contributing to my near-PND as I felt no professional would discuss FF with me AT ALL and I was terrified of getting it wrong and finding BF too emotionally turbulent. Was hurriedly given a scabby photocopied FF booklet on dismissal, with a 'well as you're bottle feeding you'll need this...', and no further conversation! Made me feel f'ing hideous).

They might not read your birth plan - you might need to be vocal, especially if you go to theatre and there's something important to your beliefs/anxieties.

The theatre team may be very different to the standard labour team. There should be at least one familiar face there though! Be vocal again about them staying near you if you're anxious.

You won't necessarily feel the need to sleep (hormones/adrenaline) but your birth partner/s will! Worth sending them to get some sleep whilst you ride out your new baby high. You'll need them when reality sets in and midwives are very happy to help immediately new mums.

Remember to feed your baby! Especially if it's a night birth - again a stupid thing, but I just thought, oh it's 2am time for sleep! Newborns will sleep... but you might want to wake them and try feeding before 9am!!! (whoops...)

If you want skin to skin but then end up going to theatre, don't let the midwives persuade you to dress the baby once you return. It's always warm enough on the post-natal ward to do some more skin time!

You might feel horribly sad and depressed quite soon, and for a few days. This doesn't mean you'll get PND for sure! Hormones can be bloody strong and your brain might be a bit sensitive to their presence/sudden change of them.

Hope this helps! Wish I'd known. x

It's not necessarily long so trust your gut instinct and go in (if you're going in anywhere. My midwife couldn't believe I was in active labour, let alone 9 cm when I got there an hour after first twinge....

Don't do what I did and wait until your waters break to finally read that birthing book on my kindle! ;) I speed read it and all I really grasped was something about using your voice to match the pain. So I was yelling for quite some time before the midwife (whose ears were probably bleeding by this time) told me to just breathe through the contractions and that I was just making myself hoarse. She was right. I actually handled the last half better than the first when I realised the pain (although very painful) wasn't getting any worse and I had coped up until then. I hope that makes sense! I didn't have a clear birth plan - just went in with an open mind. I hope all goes well for you!

I gave birth abroad and there were no such things as birth plans, homebirths etc. I was required to go to hosiptal and give birth as it was 'done' there, lying down, feet in stirrups. I didn't care, I was absolutely terrified of giving birth (never wanted any children because of this, DD was a surprise ).

Don't be afraid, it was the one thing that made everything harder! I was panicking, holding my breath etc and it made things worse. When DD was struggling something clicked in my brain and I just let go, my body took over and she was out!

It is the weirdest thing you will ever experience!

Top tips...just concentrate on doing the most massive poo you have ever done, if you do poo, no-one will care. That was the best advice that I was given, and it worked! I did poo, in a room full of men, and I didn't give two hoots! Once I got the hang of it, DD was on her way.
Once your baby is out, the feeling of relief is something that you will never have felt before!

Good luck and enjoy your beautiful baby!

Birth plan,is often a wish list.not a schedule of events
Buy big granny pants for post birth.ditch them when done with
Analgesia is a legitimate treatment and there's no need to deny self adequate pain relief

"Many, many, many c-sections and assisted deliveries are avoidable. If it's important to you to give yourself a chance of a straightforward delivery then you might want to think about whether you want to have your baby in a unit which has a very low rate of normal births. You have already chosen a birth centre over the labour ward so you're already giving yourself a better chance of an uncomplicated labour"

Mini fingers, comments like this make me so ANGRY! You have no idea whether the cord is around your baby's neck, or if it is in breech position whether it will turn...there is some sort of implication in a comment like this that somehow there is something "wrong" with a c-section or assisted delivery or that simply by 'choosing' a normal, event-free delivery it will always happen that way. The implication is that if the woman was just a bit of a better mother patient, independent, powerful woman that she wouldn't actually require any intervention at all.

I have a friend who required an emergency C-section or she and her baby would have died. She still (ridiculously) feels guilty about the fact that her labour was complicated and she required intervention and her child is now in secondary school. I also, sadly, have two friends whose DC were stillborn which obviously had nothing whatsoever to do with the environment in which they gave birth.

Similarly your comments that 'most can breast feed with the right help' seem to suggest that if you don't breast feed you have 'given up' either too soon or haven't really tried properly, and are therefore failing your child. And in no way does my observation that both Bottle/breast fed babies grow equate to a suggestion that breast feeding doesn't matter at all. If OP wants to choose either one, she should be happy with her choice.( and before you assume I am somehow a bit sensitive about this because I didn't breast feed and therefore am trying to make myself feel better about bottle feeding, I breastfed both my DC until around 12 months with no issues whatsoever...I feel very fortunate I was able to as other friends had such hideous mastitis they were crying in pain and the stress was simply upsetting their babies, while others did not have the milk to satisfy their babies demands, despite weeks of so-called expert coaching and help from breast feeding consultants to whom they paid rather a lot of money!)

You also suggest to look into the fact that 1:8 find pain relief ineffective. If we are looking at statistics, perhaps the mortality rate of those who give birth at home vs in a labour centre or hospital is worth looking at. Sadly, the statistics seem to contradict your assertion that a birth without medical support or done in a non-medical environment is going to be uncomplicated. How is avoiding the possibility of medical help should it be needed giving yourself a better chance of uncomplicated labour? No mother controls the labour process...she deals with it and responds to it.

OP - do what is right for you and your situation. There will always those who disagree with you and those who think you've got it spot on, so don't worry what other people think, and don't let other's negative opinions on any choices you make or don't make bother you.

Try things the way you would ideally like them, but as many others have sensibly said, don't beat yourself up about it if labour or after labour isn't going the way you expected, hoped or planned. Take each day and new situation at a time, and I hope you have lots of love and non-judgemental support from your family and friends. Enjoy motherhood as there is nothing like it and once DS arrives, your life will never be the same again!

For the pushing bit: the pain stopped as soon as baby was born. Worth remembering as something to aim for.

With both labours I definitely had a (guilty) point where I thought "I can't be bothered with this anymore, I don't want you baby, I just want to forget it and go home" - this was probably transition. I definitely did want them both!

And, if you're breastfeeding, the "feeding frenzy" in the first few days is not baby starving, it's totally normal and it's a good sign as baby is getting your supply up and your milk is on its way (up to that point you have colostrum for baby).

Amazing, thank you all Still not feeling scared, just want to get it out of the way now! (Although not quite yet, it's a bit too early and I haven't bought my giant hospital knickers yet )

Lots of fantastic advice on here (and some dodgy stuff too .

I would second the part that Showy mentioned about not feeling yourself afterwards. I really think I was in shock. I think I had concentrated so much on labour and birth and pregnancy being over with that I forgot to think about what would happen after! Labour is the start of your new life.

For these reasons, I wish I had rested more in the latent stage of labour (Thursday night to Sunday morning) instead of trying to kick start things by walking miles, bouncing like mad on the birthing ball etc. Labour is hard work (understatement) and it's best to have as much energy as you can.

I had wanted a hb and stayed at home for as long as I could and recommend this as it's a far more comfortable place to be and I found it calming.

Agree with the birth plan being more of a wish list.

I normally love a good massage but, in labour, I went silent and didn't want anyone near me. This surprised me.

Anyway, good luck, put your feet up for the next few weeks and enjoy daydreaming about your baby. Oh, and first ones aren't always late, DS was 2 weeks early so prep your hospital bag

Don't be surprised if your bowels seem more in shock from the birth than any of the rest of you! Nobody warned me about the constipation/wind/tummy ache after the birth and I started to wonder if there was something wrong with me! Eat plenty of fruit - helps soften the stools and make the first postnatal poo nothing to be afraid of.

You may not have a choice over whether or not you want a managed third stage in the end. I was determined not to and it was the last thing I wanted, but I haemmorrhaged and the midwife just ran at me with a needle and I had no choice at all.

I forgot to add, and I know it sounds twee, but you'll have made a person at the end of it , which I think is important to hold on to throughout the discussions of pain relief, risk factors etc.

It's quite an amazing process. I'm still gobsmacked when I look at DD sometimes and think that 16 months ago she didn't exist.

Trust your instincts. If you feel/need something, say so. Just because the midwife thinks it's wrong it isn't. I recall calmly telling the midwife I needed to push, she didn't belive it and said I was a naive first time mother. She got a bit of a shock when I lost it completely and DS started crowning!

That not everyone gets that first rush of love instantly. It took a good 8 months for us.

That whatever happens, the midwife/dr etc have seen it all before. You might be mortified, they don't care. I apologised to the mw when DS peed over her whilst being weighed. She thought it was great as it meant his bladder was working fine.

You sound similar to me, get baby out, minimal intervention but keep us safe. Good Luck

Pain relief- take all the drugs they offer you! This is possibly the most pain you are going to be in ever. You could choose to have no/ineffective pain relief, or you could choose something that works. It seemed like a no brainer to me. Epidurals don't hurt. Especially not compared to labour. The only needle you are going to see is from the drip going into your hand/arm. The tiny needle used for the local anaesthetic for your back hardly hurts at all, and after that you don't really feel the epidural going in. For me- and I was augmented with syntocinon so had more pain than in a natural labour- the epidural transformed labour from being horrendous into being the joyful experience it is supposed to be. Gas and air did nothing for me btw.
Medical interventions- the Western world used to have a horrific mortality rate for both mothers and babies. Now it doesn't and that's not because of water births, it's because we're better at spotting problems and doing something about them. If you end up with a c section it will be for a good reason, so don't beat yourself up.
Your birth partner is in a good position to be your advocate at a point when you might not be expressing yourself very well. Make sure they are clear on what you want.

I think you'll be fine, you seem to have adopted a pragmatic approach which is all you can do really.
I was the same about the epidural, found the idea of it made me cringe a bit. I viewed pain relief as a ladder - gym ball/movement/bath/TENS/gas & air/pethidine/epidural. I climbed as far as gas and air. I found I coped very well with the pain, yes it did hurt but I always felt as though it was progressing. I was sent away from the labour ward at midnight when I was 3cm and was back at 5am and was 9cm! So I think I was lucky that the initial phase was quite quick for me. I had to push for 3 hours though which was less fun but it all worked out in the end and I have a beautiful little boy to show for it. Good luck!

Lots of good stuff on here. Birth plans are a good base to start from it helps you organise your thoughts on where you'd like to go from but they are not as important as people often make you think.
For all my 4 pregnancies I didn't have one on paper, I had a few ideas of what I would do in certain situations but didn't commit anything to writing. Maybe it's just me but i find if I've put something on a piece of paper then it's harder to change. All I did was speak to mw at the beginning about the things I was happy (or not) having done with regards to 3rd stage and vit k for babies.

I only had time for gas and air with my 1st 3, kind of new this would be the case with 2 & 3 but in the moment it didn't help when I was told it was too late.

My 4 th pregnancy was twins and for the 1st time I had to think about a few things in more detail, like pain relief. Both were head down but with twins comes the added potential for the 2nd twin to turn once no 1 is out. I had never been keen on having an epidural, I'd managed to freak myself out about all the stories of people having to have an assisted birth after one. But I wanted to be awake if I needed a cs for t2, so went in knowing I was going to have one.
What I wasn't prepared for was to have the argument with myself about wether I needed one or not whilst in labour knowing I didn't have much time left to actually get one put in. It was very strange as I had decided I was having one for all the what ifs that comes with multiple births but struggled to admit that I actually want one. I was still hung up on me admitting I couldn't cope without one. Boy am I glad I went through with it, it helped reduce the contraction pain but didn't remove the feeling of needing to push or the pain of crowning (a little gutted I still felt that) it did help with the pain of the consultant constantly putting her hand up my bits though. I didn't go into my own world as I had done with the others I was fully aware of everything going on around me, which I was very grateful for. Lesson learnt, epidurals are good and nothing to be ashamed of.

Something I wasn't prepared for was the weirdest feeling ever, very hard to describe, but once everything's done and you stand up afterwards and your organs have suddenly got all this room, breathing was very odd it felt like my lungs didn't know what to do properly.

No matter what you were told as a child, peeing in the shower is a good thing to do.

I have had two DCs, one an 3 day induction, epidural and forceps, the second a 5 hour session in the pool and out he came.

They were both good experiences though very different. My eldest was a long and medicalised birth, with great midwives. I found the cx very painful with the drip, plus I was on my back for constant monitoring. It all made it difficult to feel strong and able to cope with the pain and also the length of time it all went on for. I felt like I couldn't handle it so I had an epidural and it was fine though a real marathon - was exhausted at the end though v happy too.

When I had my second I was surprised how strong i felt and how able to cope with the pain - it was sore but manageable. Part of it was that the whole thing was quicker and I was less tired. Being upright in water was BRILLIANT couldn't beat it for helping you feel you could cope and get into a good position, upright and rocking.

So I guess I would say births can be very different in terms of how you feel and how they pan out. Anecdotally I do think with your first you might well have a longer labour and more intervention - certainly with most of my friends people seem to have had quite a medicalised birth first time and then a relatively quick natural birth second time.

If you need pain relief, take it!

When you're pushing, it feels like you're going to push out your bowel.

You won't

(I really wish someone had told me that during 2 separate birthing classes. No one did! And I was TOTALLY freaked out)

Pushing must be very different for different people, Trooper - not to minimise your experience, but I wish someone had told me that it wouldn't necessarily be the way you're describing because I was terrified of it being the most painful thing ever and of, as a colleague charmingly put it, feeling like squatting naked over a lit candle for two days straight. For me, the pushing part was probably the easiest bit, and I didn't feel like I was pooing or pushing out my bowel (and nor did I actually poo). It might not be as bad as you fear, OP .

Agree, much excellent advice on here.

"Mini fingers, comments like this make me so ANGRY! You have no idea whether the cord is around your baby's neck, or if it is in breech position whether it will turn...there is some sort of implication in a comment like this that somehow there is something "wrong" with a c-section or assisted delivery or that simply by 'choosing' a normal, event-free delivery it will always happen that way."

There IS something wrong with major surgery if it's avoidable.

And read my post again. I didn't say 'choosing to give birth in a birth centre or at home guarantees you a straightforward birth'. I said "You have already chosen a birth centre over the labour ward so you're already giving yourself a better chance of an uncomplicated labour."

Note - chance. Not guarantee. And the OP IS increasing the likelihood of a normal birth by choosing to labour in a birth centre.

Honestly - if you want to maximise the chance of your labour not going shit-shaped then maybe try to make choices about where you have your baby which support that aim.

"Pain relief- take all the drugs they offer you! This is possibly the most pain you are going to be in ever. You could choose to have no/ineffective pain relief, or you could choose something that works. It seemed like a no brainer to me."

Well, it depends on your priorities doesn't it? My priority in labour was to minimise the chance of a forceps/ventouse delivery, and to maximise my chance of not experiencing complications. Which is why I avoided an epidural. I'm sure other people choose not to have one for the same reason.

Really - pragmatism is good. But it's also good to be clear sighted about what your priorities are, and try to plan your labour care around them.

Breathe through contractions, counting how many seconds it takes to finish. That's how I got through.