What would you tell a first time mum about labour?

[LJHH]

I'm not scared of labour as I'm more excited to meet our DS, but I think (with 6 weeks til due date) it's time to start thinking about it and not having my head buried in the sand anymore...

Soooo, as a FTM, what do you wish somebody had told you or you that you had known before you gave birth for the first time?

(I'm thinking the books will give a rosy outlook with lots of smug looking couples and I'd rather be a bit prepared)

I realise a birth plan is just what happens in an ideal situation and can be thrown out the window in an instant. Was hoping to go into the midwife led unit, at the moment I don't want a epidural, not because I'm being brave and can take the pain and all that rubbish but because I'm a bit needle phobic and the thought of it already panics me. Again appreciate I may change my mind on that as well but am I right in thinking that you cannot have one in the MLU and need to go to the "proper" labour wards?
Trust me, I want drugs just not that!

Wow this turned out to be a massive post!

[bigoldbird]

Trust your body. It knows what to do. I have never met an animal that went to ante natal classes, and they do OK.

Don't scream and shout, it uses energy you could be using the push the baby out and end it all faster.

You may well be sick at some point (nobody told me that).

You may not feel a great love for your baby (nobody told me that either). It will come though, and there is no love like it.

It will connect you with all women of all nations throughout all time (sounds like hippy c**p but it is absolutely true).

[BornOfFrustration]

That 'push into your bottom' means try to do a massive poo. Things moved along quickly once I'd worked that out!

[Showy]

I think what most MNers actually say is hope and plan for the best but know about and plan for what you will do in all other eventualities because ultimately you cannot control it all. With a baby in a birthable position and good support, techniques like hypnobirthing and breathing and using water and staying mobile are all good, useful things which will help labour progress. If your baby or your body means that things aren't that easy, it is cruel to imply that that woman could have had a better birth if only x y or z.

I wanted a home water birth with my first and I laboured for 2 days. In water, upright, mobile. I used no drugs. I squatted, kneeled, rocked, swayed, danced, hypnobirthed, opened my pelvis, chanted and tried and tried and tried. I was blluelighted to hospital and ended up with an emcs. My dd was unbirthable and trying for 8 hrs of full dilation to get her out naturally, I ended up with a poorly baby (all fine now).

Of course you can have the birth you desire and you can do lots of things to help that happen. But you didn't have a home birth with just gas and air simply because you desired it and you were in control. You did brilliantly and should be applauded but you were also lucky.

At the same time as we must not tell women that labour is terrible and totally out of control, we must also tell them that the bits they have no control over are not things to feel like a failure over.

You can have the birth you desire, you can feel in control. But you cannot completely control it and sometimes you do have to relinquish the illusion of control over to the medical staff and accept help.

[LJHH]

Thank you all! So helpful to have advice from ladies that have already done this, I really appreciate it!!

[Showy]

I do know I'm being pedantic BTW! I just know from personal experience that you have to be careful about how you word things. I agree entirely with the majority of what you say. Women can have a desired birth, they can make a difference, they can maximise their chances, they can feel calm and in control. But you are never, ever in complete control because the baby might have other ideas.

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

OP the purpose of labour is to get the baby here with as little trauma to you and them as possible. Whatever happens, do not lay any additional guilt on yourself about the "method". The purpose and outcome is the same regardless.

[Showy]

LJHH, look forward to it. You might even enjoy it. I laughed from start to finish with dc2, it was pain free despite no drugs and even though I had a second emcs after three days, it was a positive, lovely, calm experience.

[micah]

Ignore anyone who says they avoided intervention because they thought positive/hypnobirthed/had faith.

Sometimes it just all goes to shit and you need medical help.

[PrincessTheresaofLiechtenstein]

Everything showy said. All the things she tried during labour would have been enough in the vast majority of cases, so they are wonderful things to know about and to practise prior to labour. Sometimes babies just don't get into the right position, which is when the medical care comes in.

For the parts you have no control over, you still have decisions to make and if you are informed you can at least be confident you have made the best decision you can at the time.

[LJHH]

@showy
In a strange way, I'm looking forward to it (I realise this sounds a bit mental) but for various reasons, this will be the only DC I ever have (my DP has DC's already plus medical issues which will make conceiving in future basically impossible) so this will be the only time I get to do this. I'm hoping to find it not traumatic and something to look back on positively. I think if I scare myself, I'll just worry and I want to try and enjoy last few weeks of pregnancy and not dread what's going to happen at the end.

Well that's my current thoughts anyway, we'll see how long that lasts

[Ratfans]

That first labours can take a long, long time (think days not hours).

[Showy]

Your attitude is just fine. And whatever happens on the day, there is nothing at all traumatic about feeling your tiny baby curled, snuffling into your chest while you feel amazed that you were the woman chosen to birth the most beautiful squashed potato baby ever seen.

[LJHH]

I can't wait for my squashed potato baby! Haha

[motherinferior]

Think about Caesarians. Read a bit about them; think about things you can do in advance (like sleeping with a muslin so it smells of you); pack big pants in your hospital bag. Do not just put them in the bit of your brain labelled 'options in case all else fails'. You may have to have one (sorry, Malory, but not all labours go even remotely to plan) and believe me it is absolutely terrifying to be rushed into the operating theatre with no preparation.

And do not, not feel guilty about anything afterwards. Do not castigate yourself for things you could have done differently.

[motherinferior]

Oh and don't feel bad if you are not l awash with sentimental joy at your new baby. Birth can take it out of you a bit.

[MrsPixieMoo]

I just want to add that it might not be 'just one day'. I was induced and was in labour for four days before having an emergency caesarian. It sounds awful written down, but it was fine. I had an epidural from the second day which was great and was relieved to have the caesarian as I could meet DD. Even if it all seems to go wrong, don't worry. Focus on the baby and that you will be ok. Don't be worried about throwing out all your plans and ideals. DD was meant to be a home birth.

[motherinferior]

Oh yes, my labour went on for days too.

[BeginnerSAHM]

Do not rule out epidurals. The 5 (out of 9) women in my antenatal group who did - and were very very keen to have just gas and air/hypnobirthing methods - felt really disappointed with themselves for having them and beat themselves up for ages for being so 'weak'. It was quite sad actually. It was actually the only instruction on my birth plan - to have one ASAP - and I didn't have time to get one for baby one or two. Not complaining though as my births were very quick so had their advantages... They also both came early - I wasn't at all prepared to the extent I thought I couldn't possibly be in labour (so something was seriously wrong with me and I needed to get to hospital fast...). So I'd say:

1. Don't have fixed views on what you want and be open to all forms of pain relief (as everybody else has said!)
2. First babies can come early.
3. First labours can be very fast - as well as very slow - so don't assume it will take a long time necessarily.

[pinkerson]

That antenatal yoga really helps.

That you need an informed person with you in case you get a crap midwife... I'd get a doula.

Wish you all the best.

[Bearsinmotion]

For me it was really important to know what all the options were. I'm disabled and knew that anything could happen - my disability is rare and there aren't many records of people with this condition giving birth.

So when I was in lab out the midwives / consultants suggested induction and epidural I knew roughly what would happen and that I was happy to go down that route - I never felt forced in to anything, it was always my choice. On paper it wasn't a great birth - failed induction attempts, edpidural at midnight, syntocin drip and eventually ventouse delivery and a lot of stitches. But when it actually happened, it was fine. Now expecting DC2 and hoping for a similar experience!

[Jenninlw]

I knew that all births were different so was completely up for whatever happened. I was one of the lucky few who had a straight forward birth with no complications, got to hospital too late for any pain relief and only pushed for 15 mins before dd came out. I was the only one in my Nct group though who had one like this! It was painful, though I couldn't describe the pain to you I just remember thinking omg this effin hurts! But that was only for the transition phase so I guess not too bad having read other stories!

I would say to get some really good thick pads to cushion your undercarriage for afterwards. After a couple if days get night time always pads and wear two pairs of knickers with a big thick pad in the second layer so you get good adsorption for the blood bug comfort from the thick pad. Also if you get some stitches take a bottle of room temp water out and about with you to squirt while you're having a wee!

Let your husband have a good long cuddle with baby after you've done skin to skin and first feed - it'll really help them bond. The love on my husbands face was incredibly sweet and I knew I was going to get her the rest of the night when he had to go home so wasn't too bothered about letting her go for a bit!

[callamia]

Antenatal yoga was incredibly helpful for me. The breathing was great during the early stages, and helped me and my husband have something to focus on. After the transition, all bets were off, and I had excellent guidance from the midwife.

My labour was relatively short, but it was exhausting. I got through it with lucozade. Between contractions, I experienced awful shaking and I couldn't regulate my breathing - during contractions I seemed to be able to take charge again. I've not heard anyone talk about this, but I assume it was adrenaline.

[westcountrywoman]

Expect the unexpected and don't have a "dream" labour planned in your head so that you're not disappointed if it doesn't happen like that. Have a few ideas about what would be nice but be flexible.

This sounds negative - it's not at all. I just feel that lots of emphasis is put on doing a detailed birth plan but very few women get exactly what they want for so any reasons (pool not available, anaesthetist busy, labour too quick or slow for certain planned things etc).

[Strokethefurrywall]

I'm not going to give labour advice as you've gotten lots of that (I had one hypnobirth, one epidural birth, both amazing!) so I'm going to offer some practical tips instead!

1. When peeing after birth, lean far forward and place your palms flat on the floor in front of you. This helps to direct the pee away from any stitches (if you tear or have episiotomy)
   

1. Witch hazel on your maternity pads after birth will really help with any discomfort. Even better if you have it in the fridge. This also applies if you have a c-section, a sani pad with witch hazel tucked into your knickers across the scar will help healing and give it a little protection so I've heard.
   

1. Take some really lovely shower gel or some luxurious body lotion if you fancy. I had some crabtree & evelyn shower gel which I used in my first shower after DS1. It will be the best shower you've ever had (albeit a bit bloody) and soaping myself with some lovely smelling soap was wonderful. I used it again with DS2 and now whenever I use it it reminds me of the best days of my life when I gave birth to my babies.
   

1. If you plan to nurse, don't be alarmed if baby sets up camp on your breasts for the first 5 days to a week. The more they nurse the quicker your milk will come in. On day 2, DS1 cluster fed from 9pm - 2am, my poor boobs were in bits!
   

1. Take some goodies in your overnight bag, some chocolate, crisps, haribo, whatever you'd like to treat yourself with. Something to enjoy in the middle of the night if baby is nursing through.
   

1. Hormones - they may be a bit overwhelming. Don't be alarmed if you cry for no apparent reason or if you want to kill someone, it's totally normal. Be kind to yourself. I found the best thing to do was take myself off to bed with baby, rest and watch some comedy. Helps to lighten the mood.
   

1. Stare at your baby as much as humanly possible. Memorise those beautiful eyes, the tiny ears, their teeny weeny perfect fingers and be so utterly proud of yourself for growing a beautiful human. They are your miracle and it's the start of your fantastic adventure!
   

Enjoy and let us know how it all goes!

[Molotov]

Taket lots of pain medication if you want it. It's not a competition: you don't 'win' if you get through it without pain relief.

And be kind to yourself