What would you tell a first time mum about labour?

[LJHH]

I'm not scared of labour as I'm more excited to meet our DS, but I think (with 6 weeks til due date) it's time to start thinking about it and not having my head buried in the sand anymore...

Soooo, as a FTM, what do you wish somebody had told you or you that you had known before you gave birth for the first time?

(I'm thinking the books will give a rosy outlook with lots of smug looking couples and I'd rather be a bit prepared)

I realise a birth plan is just what happens in an ideal situation and can be thrown out the window in an instant. Was hoping to go into the midwife led unit, at the moment I don't want a epidural, not because I'm being brave and can take the pain and all that rubbish but because I'm a bit needle phobic and the thought of it already panics me. Again appreciate I may change my mind on that as well but am I right in thinking that you cannot have one in the MLU and need to go to the "proper" labour wards?
Trust me, I want drugs just not that!

Wow this turned out to be a massive post!

[Poolbirthx2]

I wish someone would have told me it isn't as bad as every one makes out.....yes it is painful but you can get through it (even without pain relief if you like )

Good luck x

[nugget05]

I said I didn't want an epidural because I hate needles and having seen how they do it I was terrified but I ended up having it and I didn't feel/notice/care about the needle, it gave me w chance to rest after 2 days in hospital with absolutely no sleep. I wish someone would've told me that when my waters break if they break slowly you really won't know if it's the waters or if your pissing yourself the midwife found it hilarious when I called her in and apologized for not knowing and feeling so mortified that despite the contractions I tried to clean it up

[ch1134]

It hurts. And it's not 'just one day'. Many people take a very long time to heal afterwards.

[Minifingers]

"how you get that result should not be subject to judgement or prediction"

I don't judge individual mums - all any of us can do is just try to get through labour, it's so bloody tough (three very difficult labours myself).

But as someone interested in maternity care and the way its delivered, I'm fascinated and appalled by what I see as a huge increase in problematic labours caused by the system. There's something wrong when the majority of healthy women can't get a baby out without drips, c-sections, forceps etc. It's not like the stillbirth rate or the maternal mortality rate has fallen in any really meaningful way in the past 30 years (not at all in the last 20). And yet the c-section rate has gone from 4% to nearly 30% in some hospitals. Without any corresponding decrease in forceps and ventouse rates. Now I know that some of this can be accounted for by increased maternal age/weight, but definitely not most of it.

I think the point I'm trying to make, that in the race to reassure each other that it doesn't matter how we give birth we're overlooking a really worrying preventable trend towards more and more interference in labour.

Which is why I think first time mothers need to be told what they can do to reduce the chance of a problematic labour - namely, choose your maternity care wisely (if you can, if you have any choice). I'd definitely tell any first time mum - go for caseloading care if you have it, and don't go to a hospital with a very poor midwife/birth ratio.

[qumquat]

That only one part of your body hurts, so focus on the rest of it.

To read 'Birth Skills' by Juju Sundin

That keeping fit in pregnancy (if you can) really helps (or it felt like it did for me

To spend time reading up on bfing and establishing how to get support (if you want to bf). I found bfing much more painful than birth.

[ImBrian]

Take an extra birthing partner as well as dp. I only had dh with my first but then the next 3 my sister came as well. She's brilliant at keeping me calm. It also helps that she qualified as a midwife after my 2nd baby so I get a lot of reassurance from her being there but I think someone who's done it before and could distract you a bit would help. My dh and then dp have both been useless.

Other tips, try not to lie down on your back and stay mobile if possible. Remember once babies out the pain stops and you forget about it.