What would you tell a first time mum about labour?

[LJHH]

I'm not scared of labour as I'm more excited to meet our DS, but I think (with 6 weeks til due date) it's time to start thinking about it and not having my head buried in the sand anymore...

Soooo, as a FTM, what do you wish somebody had told you or you that you had known before you gave birth for the first time?

(I'm thinking the books will give a rosy outlook with lots of smug looking couples and I'd rather be a bit prepared)

I realise a birth plan is just what happens in an ideal situation and can be thrown out the window in an instant. Was hoping to go into the midwife led unit, at the moment I don't want a epidural, not because I'm being brave and can take the pain and all that rubbish but because I'm a bit needle phobic and the thought of it already panics me. Again appreciate I may change my mind on that as well but am I right in thinking that you cannot have one in the MLU and need to go to the "proper" labour wards?
Trust me, I want drugs just not that!

Wow this turned out to be a massive post!

[middlings]

Oh stokes's last point is a really important one. It's such a clich but it goes so very very fast.

Also, I had quite a nasty tear but never had any trouble weeing afterwards as I just drank LOADS of water which made my pee really dilute. Also helps with the feeding if you want to breastfeed.

As silly little mantra of "Well, that one is never coming back" after each contraction to be helpful. Just keep thinking, I'm one closer to the end.

Good luck. You're about to start what is, in my humble opinion and limited experience, the best journey ever.

[londonkiwi]

I'm with you Showy.

Malory I don't think that "you should abandon all desires and preferences the moment you go into labour" is the message given on this thread at all.

I think people are saying you may not have the birth you want, despite doing absolutely everything you can to try and make this happen. This is an important message so that if you don't get the homebirth/natural birth whatever that you want, that you don't blame yourself.

Hardly anyone that I know who wanted a homebirth for a first birth ended up with one (they mostly did for number 2).

My experience with DC1 was completely different from all the advice I had read re natural birth. I had a (planned) hospital birth and 10 hours of active labour, walking, bouncing, consistent strong contractions and no drugs etc made absolutely no difference to my dilation. I was 5 cm at the start and end of that time. Why? Because of the baby's position!

At that point having a syntocin drip, epidural and lying flat on my back worked beautifully for me, forced baby's head to tilt into a better position and he descended down the birth canal and I pushed him out. Completely not what I was expecting or had read about but for me it showed that sometimes drugs and medical intervention are very helpful.

[Showy]

Actually, can I give you a piece of advice for the days afterwards too? It's normal to feel weird. I knew about the hormones and baby blues and odd outbursts but I didn't know how weird you could feel. I felt like I wasn't me and it frightened me. Because the world had contracted down to this tiny baby and nothing seemed to exist outside of its bodily fluids or my bodily fluids or one of us crying or sore or not sleeping properly or starving or thirsty, I felt so altered. It's hard to explain but whereas I'd normally have idle thoughts and whims and do, say or think something spontaneous, the whole day and night seemed to be consumed by just physically existing. Dressing and undressing and nappies and mopping stuff up just seemed to fill my brain. And actually it was fine and normal and part of learning to know and be in sync with a baby. But you do feel a bit robbed of your own brain. It's fine to go with it until it passes. And it might not happen to you but it one of the things which struck me the most.

[cherrylola]

My advice would be not to focus too much on the birth before it happens (know what you would ideally want and do some research about the major choices so you are informed) but focus your attention on what the heck you do with a new born baby! I thought I was prepared, good god I was not! Breastfeeding, healing stitches, baby blues, never ending bleeding (sorry if too much info), exhaustion, fatigue, sleep deprivation. All that stuff. Understanding what a new born baby is like (Eg feeding for 20 out of 24 hours, probably never being able to put them down at all for the first few weeks etc) will be much more useful for you to prepare yourself for!

[cherrylola]

I agree with Showy
But it does pass, has taken a loooong time for me to adjust but my LO just turned 12 months and I think I only really settled back into my skin/brain around 9 months.

[LJHH]

@strokethefurrywall
Well that made me cry, it's been a loooong day!! Bloody hormones

Thank you again for all the advice everyone, I honestly do really appreciate it x

[Cariad007]

Each birth is different so I don't think it's possible for the same advice to be relevant to everyone, but I will say something for afterwards - glycerin suppositories! Seriously, I don't know why all women aren't issued with a packet upon being discharged. You won't poo for a few days after birth and by then poop can get a bit hard and sore to pass. Believe me, if you have stitches in your nethers the last thing you want to do is strain! The suppositories soften things up and make that dreaded first post-partum poo SO much more comfortable. Lactulose helps too.

[Showy]

It's funny isn't cherry? I remember trying to watch something funny and not laughing and thinking why isn't this funny, why don't I find things funny? And why can't I read and absorb a book? And why can't I relax? Who the heck am I? Why do I know so much about the consistency of poo and nothing about whether the season is unusually warm or what's happening in the world?

It didn't happen with dc2 at all because I wasn't in such shock.

[Showy]

Ooh I know. On the theme of constipation, the sluggish bowels especially after a cs can cause trapped wind. You aren't in labour again but it hurts sometimes. Peppermint capsules in warm water- all postnatal wards have them - clear it up in minutes.

[eversley2]

I was on my back giving birth to ds1 and on my knees/all fours with ds2. All fours is much better.

Also remember it is your big moment! No one else will do it! I just felt so empowered and strong. Women are amazing. Our bodies are designed to do this so it's your moment, feel brave and proud.

[Genesgirl]

Hi LJHH, some great posts here. I totally appreciate how birth can go different ways for a variety of reasons but also please don't discount Hypnobirthing. I did it as an experiment for my first birth 7 years ago. No-one could believe how calm and relaxed I was (me included) and I had a very straightforward easy 8 hour labour and waterbirth. I know a lot is down to luck and I would never take anything away from that but the techniques definitely enabled me to stay calm and relaxed. I also was lucky enough to have a second easy, fast hypnobirth two years later. If you are anyway interested please message me. You are welcome to have a Hypnobirthing book and a CD on me. Regards x

[combust22]

It will be the most painful experience of your life. But your body is built for it and it is survivable.

That birth is only the start of the challenging experience of motherhood.
Even the most painful and difficult birth will pale beside the next 18 years.

[herethereandeverywhere]

I'm with Showy.

My advice would be to be honest about how you feel after the birth so that you can access the help that you need. I tried to do the 'at least she's here and she's healthy' and it didn't work. If you're in pain, get pain relief. If you're exhausted, say so and get some support. If you don't feel like yourself, or if you don't feel anything at all (this was me) do mention it to someone so that you can be helped. I wouldn't wish my first fortnight as a mother on anyone to be honest, certainly never want to repeat it! So be honest with yourself and reach out for help, whether medical or practical. MN is a great place to start in terms of finding what you need.

[mycatlikestwiglets]

My tuppence worth:

• Don't be pushed into doing something which feels wrong. If you're most comfortable labouring in a particular position, don't let the midwives talk you into changing position because it makes it easier for them - your body may well be telling you how to get the baby out in the best way for you.
  

• Do NOT have fajitas a couple of days postpartum if you haven't yet gone back to normal in the pooing department. You will feel as though your insides are about to explode not that this happened to me, oh no

[Almostfifty]

If you can walk around, then do. It speeds things up. Don't forget to breathe deeply either.

Good luck, you'll forget it all when you hold your baby.

[Darksideofthemoon88]

Things I wish I'd known before having my DD (five weeks ago so still pretty fresh in my mind):

1. The latent phase can go on FOREVER. From Tuesday night until Saturday afternoon in my case.
   

1. There's such a thing as hind waters and it's possible to lose them without anything much coming away. If you don't realise that's what it is, it really scuppers your birth plan.
   

1. Once your waters have gone (properly!), the pain from contractions ramps up x100. I went from wandering around the room with nothing more than a couple of paracetamol and a few funny faces to screaming for diamorphine in five minutes flat.
   

1. Gas and air can make you feel VERY sick and can make you pass out between contractions so you only wake up when the pain is so bad it scares you.
   

1. Pushing isn't always the worst part. I'd thought that everything got worse and worse until the baby was out, but that wasn't the case for me and I found pushing much easier than the bit between my waters going and reaching the pushing stage. The diamorphine had worn off by then and I didn't want/need the gas and air; I found it uncomfortable and tiring rather than painful.
   

1. Labial lacerations may be 'minor' (to the midwife!), but they bloody hurt when you pee! Try covering yourself in vaseline/Bepanthen/Sudocrem before you go and then leaning right forward with your hands on the floor as described by a pp. Better still, go in a bath/bucket of warm water.
   

1. Sitting in warm water with a few drops of tea tree oil a couple of times a day REALLY helps the healing process.

[philnteds]

Good Luck and as another poster said above, you are sore afterwards. Not to be too graphic but my lady parts and bottom were quite swollen (gasp) so take it as easy as you can. Labour itself is a bit of a blur now six years on.....

[philnteds]

yes showy you are kind of detached from reality after the birth kind of floating into bits of sleep, hormone weirdness, tearfulness, sore boobs and then slowly things normalise....

[TallulahPumpkin]

My advice based on my birth (don't forget, as others have said, every birth is different, therefore everyone's advice is different, and yours will be different again):

• More important, imo, than a birth plan is to know your options and what may or may not happen, and for your partner to know too. Then when choices need to be made (some will be more urgent/important than others) you will be able to make an informed choice and not stick rigidly to a birth plan that may not be appropriate/helpful any more. Mine didn't leave the bag! This includes finding out what is available where - no epidural at my birthing centre.
  
• There is pain. I'm not going to lie. Be prepared for it. All your bits (up and down, iyswim) will take a battering and it may take a few days or weeks to get over it.
  
• You may poo (I don't actually know if I did, and dh didn't spot anything but I understand they are very discreet - it's less so, I understand, if you having a water birth!), be sick afterwards, bleed everywhere, have swollen ankles, cry buckets for no reason, walk like a cowboy....
  
• take an old or cheap pair of PJs for if you bleed all over them and have to throw them out.
  
• No matter how the birth goes, all that matters is that you and baby are safe and well. After a few sleepless nights you won't care if it went as you'd hoped/planned. After a few months it really won't matter at all. It's really not important. Just don't get your hopes up for a flowers-candles-mess/pain-free birth with bambi and co coming in to clean up bubs. It ain't gonna happen. Sorry.
  
• for the hospital, you may be home very soon afterwards but you may not. We were in there 4 days and dh had to keep driving back and forth half asleep to bring things in - make sure he knows where things are at home. Take snacks for both of you (except you'll be nil by mouth if you have an epidural). Find our what facilities there are for dad; we found out on the last day that he could have brought ready-meals in and heated them in the microwave.
  

-Pour water down your bits when peeing for the first (or second or third) time to dialute your pee. Owowowowow!
-Write up your birth story as soon as possible afterwards, every detail. You will forgot (lack of sleep does that to you!). I found mine recently and loved reading through it. It was only 2.5 years ago but I had forgotten little things.

• Remember, it will be worth it in the end!
  

Good luck!

[FryOneFatManic]

mycatlikestwiglets
Don't be pushed into doing something which feels wrong. If you're most comfortable labouring in a particular position, don't let the midwives talk you into changing position because it makes it easier for them - your body may well be telling you how to get the baby out in the best way for you.

I do agree with this. I had a VBAC with DS and found the position that helped me most when labouring and also in pushing him out was on all fours. The midwives kept trying to persuade me onto my back, but I wasn't doing that because it hurt more.

I also feel being able to be flexible with your birth plan is good. Things happen and sometimes plans need to change.

[middlings]

On the poo topic, lactulose is your friend. Get them to write you up a bottle before you leave hospital and then take it twice a day for a couple of weeks. Even if you think you're ok!

[PiratePanda]

Chuck the birth plan and be prepared to put up with whatever it takes to get a healthy baby and mummy at the end. If you thought you were a no-intervention hypnobirthing type and mid-labour discover a burning desire for an epidural, take the bloody drugs. If you have to have a CS, marvel at the modern medicine that allows you to live to see your child grow up; don't beat yourself up that you haven't done it "naturally".

Don't over prepare or over think it. Go with the flow.

[cailindana]

Having a baby is properly weird. You won't know what on earth to think. Best not to think at all IMO. Just wait it out and hope for the best.

I had fairly straightforward births (one at home) both with gas and air and no intervention. To this day I can't believe they happened. Nothing could have prepared me for it.

[Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses]

It fucking hurts, but the pain is optional and no one even needs to KNOW if you do it numb from the waist down.

[minifingers]

Decide what's important to you: less pain or a higher chance of a normal birth.

If you prioritise a normal birth then one simple thing will make a big difference: stay the fuck away from the hospital until you are very close to giving birth. If you can have a home birth even better.

And don't put all your hopes on pethidine: its primary action is as a sedative not an analgesic (at least when it comes to labour, not so in other situations where it's used for pain). You may find it makes you sleepy and dopey but you can still be in loads of pain.


And read this book: helps