What would you tell a first time mum about labour?

[LJHH]

I'm not scared of labour as I'm more excited to meet our DS, but I think (with 6 weeks til due date) it's time to start thinking about it and not having my head buried in the sand anymore...

Soooo, as a FTM, what do you wish somebody had told you or you that you had known before you gave birth for the first time?

(I'm thinking the books will give a rosy outlook with lots of smug looking couples and I'd rather be a bit prepared)

I realise a birth plan is just what happens in an ideal situation and can be thrown out the window in an instant. Was hoping to go into the midwife led unit, at the moment I don't want a epidural, not because I'm being brave and can take the pain and all that rubbish but because I'm a bit needle phobic and the thought of it already panics me. Again appreciate I may change my mind on that as well but am I right in thinking that you cannot have one in the MLU and need to go to the "proper" labour wards?
Trust me, I want drugs just not that!

Wow this turned out to be a massive post!

[ohtobeanonymous]

Don't even bother with a birth plan, unless it is 'Have baby'! Your body takes over and all you need to do is go with it.

DO NOT LET EARTH MOTHER TYPES MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY ABOUT ANYTHING - if you want drugs, have them (just make sure you know all your options in advance), if you don't, don't! The outcome of healthy baby, healthy mother is what matters so do whatever is in your power to make that happen because nature and your body are the ones in control in this situation. If you really can't breast feed, don't sweat it...formula babies and breast fed babies all grow and develop. The love and care you give your little one is what matters.

Don't let medical staff or midwives talk you into doing anything with which you are uncomfortable, unless failure to comply will threaten your health or that of your baby.

Be prepared for an experience for which you cannot fully prepare you will no doubt have new found respect for your own mother!!
Good luck to you and DS!!

[minifingers]

"Chuck the birth plan and be prepared to put up with whatever it takes to get a healthy baby and mummy at the end. If you thought you were a no-intervention hypnobirthing type and mid-labour discover a burning desire for an epidural, take the bloody drugs. If you have to have a CS, marvel at the modern medicine that allows you to live to see your child grow up; don't beat yourself up that you haven't done it "naturally".

Don't over prepare or over think it. Go with the flow."

Yes - accept that you may be caught up in the current huge tsunami of avoidable birth complications, and don't try to fight it.

Many, many, many c-sections and assisted deliveries are avoidable. If it's important to you to give yourself a chance of a straightforward delivery then you might want to think about whether you want to have your baby in a unit which has a very low rate of normal births. You have already chosen a birth centre over the labour ward so you're already giving yourself a better chance of an uncomplicated labour.

[minifingers]

"DO NOT LET EARTH MOTHER TYPES MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY ABOUT ANYTHING - if you want drugs, have them (just make sure you know all your options in advance)"

Yes - as long as you understand the trade off, drugs can be very helpful. Sometimes. But don't assume they always work and that they always work in the same way for everyone (1 in 8 women who have an epidural needs more pain relief afterwards, and about half of all women find pethidine useless).

[MJP1]

I wish I had read something about breastfeeding before I gave birth, I was so concentrating on the actual birth and baby I never took any time to speak to people or read about it, I think I was in denial and assumed it would come naturally, but it didn't after a 4 day stay in hospital it wasn't a beautiful natural thing, it hurt like hell and was emotionally draining. I did get the help and support afterwards and amazingly it clicked and I breastfed my baby for 6 and half months but I really think I should have educated myself about it beforehand especially as I think I read all the pregnancy books going.

Relax now xx and congratulations being a momma is great !

[minifingers]

"If you really can't breast feed, don't sweat it...formula babies and breast fed babies all grow and develop."

But remember, most people can breastfeed with the right help, and that if you want to breastfeed nobody should tell you that it doesn't matter. If it matters to you - it should matter to them. Their feelings and opinions about ff or breastfeeding - how important they are or aren't - are irrelevant because it's not about them. It's about you.

[MrsWedgeAntilles]

I'd agree with the person up the thread who said the only point of the whole thing is to get the baby out and you both walk away healthy and well. Don't feel pressured into feeling that one way is better or more worthy than the other.
The other thing that I found from my labour was that just coped with everything that came along, some pretty intense stuff happened and I just kept on trucking :)
Stuff will happen but you will cope, pretty much because you have to and that will make you feel stronger and more able to cope with the next thing.

[gelati3]

Remember to sip water (and have light snacks if you feel like it) while birthing.

Marie Mongan's Hypnobirthing course was a big help to me. Teaches breathing techniques through the different stages.

Try to relax and focus. I asked that the number of people around me be kept to a minimum and to keep talk to a minimum.

Trust in yourself and your body. If something doesn't feel right to you, be sure to say something.

Avoid watching OneBorn Every Minute, it's over- dramatised rubbish which would have given me nightmares if I had watched it when pregnant.

Wish you all the best and a healthy, happy baby.

[StampyIsMyBoyfriend]

Most importantly. .. don't listen to horror stories! So many people seem to delight in sharing how horrible a time they had, it's unhelpful & actually quite cruel imo, but you must remember that for every difficult birth, there are probably 20 great births.

I found reading up about it beforehand helped me & my MW went through my birth plan as soon as we arrived.

I used the pool as pain relief & gas and air. I don't even remember the pain now, just breathed through the contractions knowing that in 4 or 5 big long breaths it would pass.

Tensing up makes any pain more intense, so relaxing as much as you can really helps.

[EugenesAxe]

I guess that 'normal' can be surprisingly painful. I went in at nearly three centimetres thinking it hurt so much that I could be lots further along and I was just hanging about the hospital for ages. Book a home birth if you can then they can visit you to check dilation and allay any fears you have; if you want to you can transfer to hospital later.

And regarding breastfeeding; yes if it hurts and everyone is saying the latch looks fine, your baby may have tongue-tie - push to get seen by a TT expert in the first week (paediatrician, HV, BF counsellor) so it can be sorted quickly... before your baby starts dropping weight and/or your nipples are reduced to bloody, open wounds. Does it come over that I had a bad experience?!

I'm painting things in a bad light; despite what I've written labour was OK.

[StampyIsMyBoyfriend]

Oh and listen to your body! I had drinks, snacks, aromatherapy oils etc in my labour bag & didn't bother with any of it. I went into my own world, didn't want DH touching me & didn't have anything to eat or drink all day.

The best advice the MW gave me in the pool was push if you feel like pushing, go with your body, I had an uncontrollable urge to push, it was nothing like TV when they push for an hour, he was ready to come out & my body took over.

[Maomoo]

Best piece of advice I was given was that when it stings and burns like you would not believe you are at the end...the baby is almost out. Made me realise the end was in sight and that I could cope just that bit longer. Also agree with the post about preparing as much as you can for breastfeeding. In my head I thought it would come easy and really struggled when it didnt.

[Greengardenpixie]

Give birth upright..like squatting or Kneeling up. I have had two of my babies lying down and OMG i found it sooo difficult to push them out. They kept slipping back. I decided with baby no 5, this was not my way and gave birth to him kneeling up with my hands on the headboard. What a difference and gravity helped push him out in minutes. The same with my dd after that.
Make use of gas and air. Inhale deeply just before your next contraction so that when it peaks the gas an air takes the edge of the pain away. It does work.

Goodluck! :)

[Greengardenpixie]

• Sorry that should have said i had 4 of my babies lying down [ although i had twins first time round they were born naturally too and that was a nightmare!]

[morethanpotatoprints]

I would say don't get too hung up with birth plans.
I don't have figures or anything but most can't go to plan surely.

Also, don't take on board everybody else's stories thinking yours will be similar or you may panic when you find out yours is different.

I was having everything that was offered, in reality all 3 of our dc were very quick labours and there was only time for G&A.
Total time in labour during my life = 4 hours, between 3 births.

[KatharineClover]

Things I'd wish I'd known about labour / post partum:
First babies can be fast - this can be a bit shocking to your baby and to your body.
Meconium in your waters can look like pea soup! Not the little vial of faintly green water they held up at antenatal class :) And there might be lots of fluid or hardly any (big splashy puddles for me, egg cup full for a friend).
How you react to pain relief is very personal - for me pethadine didn't help with the pain, I actually coped better with contractions without it.
It might take you a little while to figure out the right muscles for pushing - it really didn't feel like a poo to me!
You might not have control over when you pass wind for a little while (a week for me!) so think about who you want visiting in the very early days!
Midwives are not necessarily breastfeeding experts and you might get conflicting advice - if you need help, speak to someone with 'breastfeeding' in their job title e.g. BF peer supporter, BF counsellor etc
You are likely to cry - happy tears, exhausted tears, sad tears, just because tears. It helps if people around you know to expect this.

[LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett]

Take more clothes than you need - I laboured for 3 days and ended up giving birth in an emergency purchased 'Zippy from Rainbow' Tshirt which DH bought in the nearest Asda cos he thought it would cheer me up.

A water spray or small fan really does help - hospitals are roasting.

Don't be afraid to ask questions and read up on all the options - I was induced which meant (at that time) constant monitoring on a bed, not the active birth I'd planned. Which would have been fine, if I'd known that one would automatically lead to the other.

[sugarhoops]

(1) Don't be too brave / proud to have pain relief (as in drugs / epidural).
(2) Gas and air is ace - its like being drunk for 10 hours (or however long your labour goes on for!)
(3) It can be genuinely boring for your other half - my DH spent most of the time fiddling with the radio / snacking / having huge conversations with the midwives about anything and everything
(4) Don't be surprised if a midwife tries to milk you like a cow in the first 12 hours after giving birth - this is supposedly to help get breastfeeding going, but just completely mortifies you (well, it did me!)
(5) Don't worry if BF doesn't work for you & your first baby - I gave up after 4 weeks and vowed never ever to BF again (think it might have had something to do with the midwife milking episode ). Managed it for 9 months with my 2nd baby, then nearly 2 years with my 3rd. Some babies are made for it, some aren't.
(6) You may be on a high for at least 24 hours (if not more) after birth - its the most amazing, memorable time ever. I am still reminded of that gorgeous post birth high when I smell dettol wipes (which I took into hospital to wipe round toilet bowls on the postnatal ward!)
(7) Above all else, enjoy! I found giving birth completely amazing and I would do it over and over again if I could (I've had a forceps, a natural and a c-section birth respectively for my 3 babies)

[ChickenFajitaAndNachos]

I found being on all fours or leaning over a bed during my 3 labours and then on my back for the pushing bit worked really well. Do exactly what the midwife says, when they say push, you push and when they say stop, stop. I know that bit sounds obvious but it took me a which to get the hang of the pushing for DS1.

[allisgood1]

I just wish someone had told me that it probably wouldn't go the way i planned and not to let that get me down.

[JewelFairies]

To me the key thing is that giving birth is only a very tiny part of being a parent! I read up on the birth part and once dd1 was here I wondered what the hell to do next...

[Artus]

This thread just shows how different labours are and womens experience is. The advice I wished i had taken was to listen to the midwife when she said dont push now. I pushed my son out in one, he nearly shot off the end of the bed, and I tore badly.

I laboured on my back - they tried to move me but I was too exhausted to move. I couldn't have stood or knelt to save my life.

[CheapBread]

Your body is built to do it, and if it can't, we have lovely medical people to sort it. When I was in labour I had mad thoughts about all the women who'd gone throught this special experience and what a leveller it was and how WOMEN ROCK!

I was thinking things like
'god, they did it like this this hundreds of years ago, nothing's changed'
'blimey, the queen has done this 4 times'
'there's probably a woman in India giving birth in a field right now and here I am in a fancy hospital, lucky fucker'.
...I was off my face on nature and hormones and I didn't care.

[ColdCottage]

I wish I had know I could request a private room after delivery and if they had one it would be free. Otherwise pay for it. The most stressful time for me was after the birth (42h) being in a room with 3 other women as babies, it was hot and loud (buzzers going off, midwives running around and babies and women crying) and this was at 2am!! I was trying to leave as soon as I could, still took 12h though to be discharged.

Also although it didn't happen to me, it's good to know they won't let you leave until you have established a way to feed be that FF or BF. One friend was is 4 days because she had trouble with BF but wanted to keep trying.

Hold your ground if you want to keep your DH/birthing partner with you. I was in pieces when they said DH had to leave as I was only 2cm but too exhausted to leave. In the end they found me a private room where he could be with me. Thank goodness as only a few hours later at still only 2cm (20 hours plus at 3-5mins apart) I was about to pass out due to exhaustion (due to back pain I couldn't sit or lay down) and dehydration so I demanded an epidural. I am convinced if I hadn't I wouldn't have had the energy to push DS out and would have ended up with a section.
I too didn't like the idea of a big needle in my back, but had a go with the flow attitude to labour and this is what I needed.
Good luck, like you say as long as you are both well in the end that is the main thing.

[Spanglypinkpants]

That being relaxed is important because it means that you work with your body and what it's trying to do rather than against it.

I was REALLY stressed before I had DS and had an awful birth. I'm convinced my tension contributed to that. I had an epidural at 5cms and ended up with forceps and pph. 5 years later, I read some great birthing books and listened to hypnobirthing CDs and tried hard to be as chilled as possible with DD. It turned out I was 8cm dilated on first inspection at the hospital, midwives couldn't believe it!

Also that the position of the baby can massively affect your birth, but also that you can help your baby get into the right position. Have a look at the baby spinning website.

[PenguinsHatchedAnEgg]

Not labour but.... before you give birth, buy an insulated mug (like people take on their commute). In the early days, it is disproportionately cheering to come back to your tea an hour after you made it and have it still be hot!

On labour, I would say that you just have to roll with what happens to you. But try and keep it in perspective. It's easy to get so focused on delivery you forget you are about to have a baby!