Did you just push and push or wait ??

[JontyMyers]

Argh so confused when i think of giving birth i see 9-10cm as the green light to push like crazy until baby fully delivered but midwife has said this can increase the risk of tearing but i thought waiting and having the babies head hanging out would stretch even more and tear ?? did you go with your instincts and push like mad or pause and wait till she/he told you to push again

I couldn't wait until the midwife said to push; my body just took over! Both dc resulted in tears.

You don't really get to be in charge of it, your body just takes over and you can't help yourself from pushing. You really won't get to the stage of the baby's head hanging out without having done some pushing to get there!

i know that's what i thought your body takes over and you have to push and push this midwife think otherwise though DH hates her with a passion she's such a busy body it isn't just me either she does it to all the other ladies too. what kind of midwife thinks she is in charge of someone else's body.

Im having a water birth and i'm terrified of tearing if i push too hard or not enough

With my first I pushed on contractions and was terrified to push because I feared the pain, actually it wasn't as bad as I feared, I followed MW instruction, delivered with perineum intact, but internal tear due to dd having her hand up. I had pethidine which helped.
With second decided for some crazy reason to just have G&A, lots of pain and I pushed and pushed, very short second stage but tore.

Stitches aren't plesant, but not the end of the world either.

Can you go to another midwife? I think it is important to get along, as you need to absolutely trust her.

The advice is to wait to feel the urge to push. And you really do feel it. I went form breathing through the contractions to saying I think I want to push.
here Is hugely referenced article about pushing.

You also don't just push until the baby is out there are pauses because the pushing urge happens a bit like contractions.

Why are you worried about tearing? I only ask because I was really worried about it and it wasn't the tearing bit it was the after bit. I'm about sound really dumb. I wanted a non pain relief birth and thought I;d then have to just have the stitches. I didn't realise you can have gas and air while they give you a local anesthetic and then wait until you are numb before the stitches. I was so worried about not being brave about the stitches I couldn't even ask anyone about it before the birth as I felt embarrassed.

I pushed like my life depended on it as I found that was the only way to get through the pain.
I didnt scream or anything, all my energy went into pushing as i wanted it over with as fast as possible.
I only pushed for 15 mins and baby arrived, but i had a third deg tear.
Tearing isnt so bad to be honest. I will be thinking more carefully about it for the next one though, more because tearing meant a hospital stay which i really didnt enjoy.

Sorry, what has the midwife told you to wait for?

You're talking about two different things here, OP.
The urge to push will come, when you move onto that stage of labour. You will push through the contractions. IMO, this bit is good, as you are 'active', not just having to take the contractions and do nothing as you get to 10cm, IYKWIM?
When the head is actually coming out,crowning, the midwife will place her hand on the head to slow it down a bit, and she will ease your skin over the head. This helps to prevent tearing. It doesn't stop the baby from coming out, just makes it a more controlled exit.
This is the time that she will tell you to blow. By blowing you can't really push, therefore giving her control to prevent tearing.
You can try practicing this. Imagine you are pushing, pushing,pushing, then tell yourself to stop and blow,blow,blow. Sounds silly, but if you are prepared you can massively help to reduce your chance of tearing.
I have always told all my midwives , whilst I was in labour, to tell me loudly when to stop pushing and blow. Which they have done, and I was prepared to stop and blow. I knew why I was doing it.
All my DC were massive, just under 11lbs. Big head on 1 of them too, and not a stitch.
Good luck!

Which MW is it that youve met? Usually you get a community MW for your appointments and whichever Hospital MW is on duty when yoh deliver.

So many women are scared of tearing and obviously it's not ideal and it can be bad, but to be honest I have torn 3 times and never registered any pain (feeling the general pain far too much to notice) and have never had a problem healing from the stitches. I would listen to the midwife as you're delivering so it's controlled, but yes your body does tend to take over.

neverhad the urge to push. i was told to start pushing at 10cm, againts an overwhelming desire to lie there for a bit.
I did as i was told really. 2 hours of pushing, my baby was stuck really. One massive push at the end (still no feeling of wanting to) and she shot out very fast.
I tore alot, but not sure it could have been avaoided. One thing i will say it, that the midwife was horrible, and i bellieve a more competent one would have suggested being cut. Dd was really stuck.

I fully intended to breathe out both my children! My body had other ideas. I vividly remember being asked to give just a little push. I couldn't. I pushed with all my might. The MW said "or you could just do that!" DD shot out.
I tore a bit with each of mine. Needed stitches. Healed fine.

Have you actually given birth before?

I ignored the MW's instruction to pant and wait after the head was born and pushed like crazy. As a result his body didn't turn and I got a 3rd degree tear down to my arsehole. They don't tell you what to do to be bossy bitches but because they know about childbirth

Some interesting comments around midwives stopping or reducing tearing. There is no evidence that says being hands on holding the head back, applying pressure to your perineum vs hands off and watching/encouraging to slow pushing/blowing etc will change the outcome of your perineum. Episiotomies increase perineal damage risk.

That's good to hear mummymidwife I really didn't like the hands on and will be asking to have my fanny left well alone while I push this time round.

Im shocked at hearing stories of women pushing for hours! With both my dcs i was told i would only be allowed to push for 30 minutes before the midwives would intervene. With ds1 that meant and episiotomy. Ds2 no intervention was needed. I was exhausted after just 30 minutes, i couldnt imagine going for 2 hours!

An episiotomy is only of use at the point where the head is almost crowning but only to a certain point. Before or after that point it's, well, pointless.

Is this your first? Just a gentle comment, you are not 'having a waterbirth'. You are planning a waterbirth at this point in time. I just say that because things can happen that make a waterbirth a bad idea, or you may simply not like it. If that happens, it can be easier for you emotionally if you have made peace with different possibilities.

9 or 10cm also isn't really a green light to push like crazy. It would be 10cm, and in most cases you should get an urge to push, or just realise your body is doing it (that might not happen if your baby is in an odd position, and is far likely likely to if you have an epidural). It comes and goes in waves, basically with the contractions.

Your MW is also right that simply pushing' like crazy' increases the risk of tears. If all is going well, you just want to push, and probably have some guidance around the time of crowning to take things gently - basically if you take it steady it gives the tissues more time to stretch rather than tear.

Finally, you talk about 'having the baby's head hanging out'. Do you understand how the pushing works? Most of the pushing is when none of the baby is out. It is pushing the baby down the vagina. Then there is crowning, when the head has to be born. That is the bit to take gently. Finally, the shoulders and body are born. Barring complications, the head being out at the body not is normally only a contraction/push or two and is basically the easy bit. If you are going to tear, you probably do it as the head comes, not after.

I had no idea I was in labour until my DS 2 and then 3 was born, I was happily doing my own thing and suddenly felt like I needed to
Push, luckily I was already in hospital both times with the same midwife (6 years apart so was a fab coincidence) both times she just stood back and told everyone out leave me to it as My body was taking over. No tears for those 2. I had a 3rd degree tear with DS1 though after a very 'managed' birth.

Honestly, I have no idea.

I'm pretty sure I didn't push until the MW said to, but really can't remember all that well...

If you don't feel comfortable with your midwife, you should ask to change I think. You have to trust them. It might be an idea to do NCT classes or any other classes on child birth offered by your hospital. This will tell you a lot about the mechanics of things. You may well find that your thoughts are way out, I know I did. Your body takes over, but the midwife helps and can try to maintain some control over things to try to ensure that damage is minimised! When I had DS2, he was very quick and born at home before any medical professional arrived. At the point he was crowning (at the bottom of the stairs) I was desperately trying not to push but to let his head ease out slowly. I knew to do this from DS1s birth and from watching OBEM! As a result, his birth was smooth and I only had a very small tear. Not bad considering labour was 20mins and he was 9lbs 10.

OP there are no awards for getting your baby out quickest or for being the best pusher so pushing like mad would not only be pretty impossible but also silly. The midwives have a wee bit of knowledge about what needs to happen so listening to their guidance, especially with a first baby is sensible.