Did you just push and push or wait ??

[JontyMyers]

Argh so confused when i think of giving birth i see 9-10cm as the green light to push like crazy until baby fully delivered but midwife has said this can increase the risk of tearing but i thought waiting and having the babies head hanging out would stretch even more and tear ?? did you go with your instincts and push like mad or pause and wait till she/he told you to push again

I told my midwife as soon as I had the urge to push - it was a strong urge but not irresistible. She then told me when to push and when to stop, and it was possible to follow these instructions. And I did not tear. (Mind you, that may be because DD was so tiny).

yes my midwife wasn't attentive at all, and when dd seemed to come unstuck from the position she'd been in for hours, midwife didn't tell me to stop. Mainly cos she wasn't being helpful. That's the reason i tore so much.

I had someone who just wasn't nice op, hopefully you will have a supportive team.

boudica you do realise that you don't have to look at the gear they use for the epidural? i faint at the merest sight of a needle but when i asked for an epidural with DC1 i never got so see any of the equipment!

Xlatia I don't need to see it, I know it's there iyswim,

The feeling of a needle pushing through my skin sends me in to fits of anxiety to the point I pass out. bloodwork has been oh so fun, I have needed to go to labour ward, where a team of anesthesiologist take my blood whilst I pass out, then wake up with oxygen masks and baby being monitored and me having a ecg :(

I'm not just scared of needles I am truly phobic. My heart rate jumps to 200+. It dosnt help.I'm also frightened of hospitals, well because that's where the needles live. It's all one big mess that I am completely helpless in! I hate it.

Boudica Have you looked into hypnobirthing it is meant to be really go to help reduce anxiety.

I have, and I'm just going to say it's not for me. I went to the hypnobirthing session and I just sorta stood there surrounded by people including the instructor that I just didn't understand.

I could tell that they really.found.peace, and we're really happy and good.for them...I just felt awkward :(

Far enough. I haven't done it myself. The only other thing would be a more general yoga thing. Less consternating on not feeling and more being mindful.
It does sound like you have a supportive midwife team and that is great.
Gas and air is pretty magic stuff. The other thing you could look at is tens machines. I've heard some people really like them.

Yes the hospital midwives are life savers, I love them all to bits :)

Think I'm just going to have to do it the old-school way. Labour at home for however is possible/safe

Get to hospital grin and bare it, and just do it. I have no other option really. Each time I think of pain or pain management I just think we'll my great grandmother pushed out my nan in a middle of a air raid with no pain relief so if she can do that, I can do this lol

Yes I know it's a strange way of thinking haha.

I really liked labouring at home and would have stayed there is circumstances (not birth related) were different.
I found having the hottest of hot showers pointed on my lower back while I knelled in the bath really good. I had towels under my knees to make the landing soft.

It's all a bit strange with pushing, really. I felt the desire to push before I was fullly dilated (but I dilated very quickly, in one hour). Then as I had epidural, they let the head descend on its own, ie my body do the work without me feeling/doing anything, for one hour. Then one hour of pushing where I was coached by the midwife/told when to push and could sort of feel the contractions start to tighten up myself. Not sure what to expect this time re pushing (I'm preg with DC2), hope I get an epidural again so perhaps it'll be similar?

Boudica if it's any consolation - I didn't even feel the needle for the local anaesthetic go in for my epidural, as I was in so much pain due to contractions! I also had G&A while the anaesthetist did it, so I felt quite spacey/distant - that might help? It must be dreadful to get such an overwhelming anxious feeling. In all seriousness, have you thought about having an ECLS? Possibly under general anaesthetic? Would an ELCS make you more comfortable/calm, ie better than the thought of an EMCS?

I was just reading your comments boudica and really recommend
Birth Skills by Juju Sundin too

Loads of great ideas on pain management so no need to grin and bear it! Great info/advice on pushing and crowning too

Good luck!

Thanks all, I will have a look at those books :)

Oh no I could never elect to have needles put in me :( even GA is through a cannula which I also can't have due to anxiety. Stupid phobia!!

Boudicca, is home birth an option?

OP, you sound really aggressive and misinformed about the mechanics of birth. 9cm is absolutely NOT a green light to push like crazy. You have to feel the urge to push and go with it. Your midwife is referring to letting the contractions get the baby's head low in the pelvis before starting to push. You can be fully dilated with a high head still, with no urge to push - in that situation pushing would be pointless and exhausting.

On the day, when it comes to pushing, just do what your body and your midwife says. They can see what's happening, you can't, and they've dine this a hundred times before.

No home births are not allowed for first births in my area. :(

If you are in the UK it is your legal right to have a homebirth. It's really if you have the strength and energy to "fight the system".

Mw told me to push even though I had no urge. Tore pretty badly, but had good repair so no after-effects. I would wait

You can try and fight it, but they will have a reason to decline it and if you continue with a home birth against there wishes they get social services involved. It's a well known fact on our area.

They can't decline though. Even a high risk mother can choose home birth. And I cannot imagine overworked ss being keen on that type of referral. As Hazchem said, fighting the system can be tough and exhausting though, so understandable if you don't want to.

Its not worth it, they cause you hell afterwards and during. One woman we know who had a homebirth against their wishes nearly had her baby taken off her, and she had a berating from the community midwife in the middle of a packed waiting room, she was in tears. The midwife kept telling her you could have killed that baby (pointing at the pram) told her she was selfish and all sorts. We all just sat in the clini like this

In my circumstances however with a baby that might have a genetic condition, it is safer for me and baby to be in a hospital setting unfortunately so my anxiety will just need to be pushed aside best I can. When I think about it rationally baby might need a lot of care immediately so the hospital is the route to go in my circumstances.

That is awful and that whole trust should be reported. Were ss really willing to go along with such crap?

I don't know the ins and outs only the whispers from the clinic, she did have a fair few SS visits though.

The rule of thumb here is what midwife says go, or face the wrath of her and others. They can be bloody brutal. Just smile and nod. It's gets you out quickly without too much attention.

The hospital ones are far nicer than the community ones, I've managed to draw a lucky straw and get one of the very nice ones, a bit old school but nice. The younger ones are like vipers, and are to be avoided. They are millitant about things and very overbearing.

Boudicca what are you going to do when yr lo needs its immunisations? I wouldnt rule out needles in yr delivery. No matter how all consuming yr phobia is.... Labour can be sooo full on you'd be surprised what you have no care or strong recollection of.... Catheters, suppositories I was surprised to find I'd had them for example. And I staggered naked from my failed waterbirth to theatre for an emcs being chased by a midwife w a sheet. That is so not me!!

He will have immunisations, I don't mind people sticking needles in others just don't stick them in me if possible.

If I need a cannula or epidural for babies sake, then I'm gonna have to swallow my phobia and do it, it's not my life at steak. I've signed paperwork to say if I say no don't listen to me, and to class me as practically crazy :/

Boudica Wow! that is not a fight I would have either. I wanted a homebirth with DS but they said he needed to be seen by a peds doctor within 4 hours of birth and I was like know point having him at home if I have to get dressed and drive to the hospital.
it sounds like the hospital midwives are able to support you better anyway.