She wants to know when I'm in labour...

[iamusuallybeingunreasonable]

The MIL that is... She didn't realise we were on speaker phone when she asked DH if he would "let her know when she's in labour" ... "She" FFS!! She couldn't give a rats arse for me any other time...

Is this normal to want to know?! Bear in mind she lives 300 miles away so of no use to anyone, apparently if she knows it will "add to the excitement" - oh bully for her?!

DH of course told her outright no, as I was letting the steam out of my ears...

This is after our last birth, when told DS had arrived over the phone, within the hour I might add, her first comment was not congratulations or how nice but "why didn't you let me know she was in labour?" Errr why do you think love, was about busy giving birth at the time

Does anyone really want the whole thing documented by text/phone/Facebook birth? Or am I odd?

Anyway, it's not happening as my DH values his eardrums, but really who would want such a thing?

I think if you don't want anyone to know apart from DH, then that's fine. But if one grandma is being told then they both should be. Babies are just as much a part of their paternal side as of their maternal side, regardless of how much the woman prefers her own mum. I have two boys and these threads always really depress me. I live in fear of being a hated MIL.

We told both sets of parents and siblings each time I went into hospital. However, we asked that only one relative ring for updates, and DH only communicated with that person. That relative then texted everyone else to let them know what was happening. It was a good system-we didn't get bombarded with calls, but everyone was kept up to speed and both families were equally involved really.

Taht's kind of my point. Everyone is different. Ideally everyone within a single family agrees. But if they don't, I don't think MIL's/mother's 'right' to be told trumps the parents' right to decide not to.

For clarity, I'm not telling anyone, so there's no favouritism or inequality, I'm just baffled she thinks she has the right to huff and puff and demand it, it's not her labour, I'm not a side show and no one but me and DH will know, like he act that got us in this position, it's personal

I really hope I get to be involved with my grandchildren when my boys are older. The thought of being excluded does upset me a bit.

I guess it depends on how close you are with your in-laws and what kind of relationship you have. Having only read your OP I think you are being a little bit unfair to be honest, although it is entirely your own choice.

And by the way DH is not banned from anything, he quite agrees he might be busy enough as it is without being a messenger of updates to all and sundry

I have four boys and I think that it will be up to my dils as they are the ones going through Labour.

As it was my mil and parents knew each time as I was induced but we told them the day I was going in and said we would update them if and when we could, ie having to wait for waters to be broken so let them know nothing happening. And it was agreed we would call once baby was born,so none of them phoned or txt asking for updates. They were happy to wait for us to call with news,which we did asap.

Tho my parents were happy to be called in the middle of the night, my mil said not after 10pm or before 7am. Fair enough.

With ds1 and ds2 my mil had travelled up and saw us within 24hrs of birth, my parents waited til we were at home. They were lovely it was some other relatives who were not.

Well OP I agree your MIL should not be huffing and puffing about it. She's miles away, can't do anything, seems a lot of fuss about nothing.

My MIL isn't a hated MIL she is just as involved in DD's life as my DM is. It's just at that time, for me, when you feel so vulnerable and exposed and really have no control over what is happening I think the little things that you can control become really important. Be it who knows that your in labour or when people get to visit you afterwards.

That's my DH's view too iam. He's strictly of the 'need to know' opinion.

He probably would have lived with telling my mum last time if I'd wanted to, but still wouldn't have wanted to tell his mum. That's mostly about her personality though. We found out after we moved to our first house that for months she slept badly worrying how we'd pay the mortgage, despite only knowing the asking price of the house and not the sale price or either of our salaries. You can imagine how she'd be during a long labour....

Yes but all and sundry will know because she's addicted to facebook updates and about as discreet as a slap in the face... That's not for me, but all I wondered was is it normal to have people demand to know like it's a right

iamusually I don't think it is normal to have people demand to know like it's a right.

I'm not the demanding type, but I sure as hell clam up and go the polar opposite once people do start demanding things - needs to work on her negotiation skills!

I would say I look at it a bit like a cat would, I'd like to drag myself off to my basket and give birth in peace and quiet, undisturbed, and then show off my kittens afterwards... Not be a spectacle during the event, especially as until you know you have that healthy baby in your arms nothing but nothing is certain

Also, my MIL almost certainly didn't share her labours with anyone, that didn't happen 40 years ago did it

Usual - I can't put tone into text her, but when told no she did her best tantrumming three year old impression, huffing, puffing and whining about how unfair that was, even after DH explained why

It's normal to tEll family of you want to, it's also equally fine to not tell family and to call once baby is born.

No one has a right to know someone is in Labour be it their daughter, dil, sister, sil or whoeover.

I can see this is turning into the usual hormonal mumsnet rant thread, do I'm going to leave now because I don't want to get too stressed about it all, I was only curious!

Oh thanks, and by the way, a person who refers to me as "she" in accentuated terms, isn't thinking of me, but is thinking of themselves - and I'm no ones gratuitous entertainment, OBEM exists for that

If someone asks if they can have X and throws a huffing whiny strop if told that no, they can't, how is that materially different from their asserting a right to X?

Well, I think the biggest thing to take away before you go is that there are very polarised views on what is 'normal' and 'reasonable'.

I suspect that most people would agree, however, that if she really was huffing and puffing and complaining that 'that's not fair', well that isn't really the way for a grown adult to deal with anything. If it was something that deeply upset her, she should have talked to her son about it in a measured way.