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Childbirth

She wants to know when I'm in labour...

91 replies

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 16/03/2014 22:50

The MIL that is... She didn't realise we were on speaker phone when she asked DH if he would "let her know when she's in labour" ... "She" FFS!! She couldn't give a rats arse for me any other time...

Is this normal to want to know?! Bear in mind she lives 300 miles away so of no use to anyone, apparently if she knows it will "add to the excitement" - oh bully for her?!

DH of course told her outright no, as I was letting the steam out of my ears...

This is after our last birth, when told DS had arrived over the phone, within the hour I might add, her first comment was not congratulations or how nice but "why didn't you let me know she was in labour?" Errr why do you think love, was about busy giving birth at the time

Does anyone really want the whole thing documented by text/phone/Facebook birth? Or am I odd?

Anyway, it's not happening as my DH values his eardrums, but really who would want such a thing?

OP posts:

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iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 18/03/2014 18:57

Indeed Penguin

OP posts:

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AntoinetteCosway · 18/03/2014 18:59

Didn't occur to me to tell anyone when I went into labour with DD. Was too busy thinking 'ow' and 'hurry up'! Though thinking about it I guess DH must have had to tell his work as he obviously didn't go in that day. So his boss knew before any of our parents!

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5madthings · 18/03/2014 19:13

Did she call you 'she' rather than your name? My mum always used to say "who is she? The cats mother"

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iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 18/03/2014 19:23

Yes I was She not my name, I think as MIL didn't realise she was on speakerphone, but nevertheless rude

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5madthings · 18/03/2014 19:31

Nice..

Thing is had she said "will you be letting me know when iam goes into Labour" and then accepted they yes/no as may be then fine. But it sounds more of a command than asking, and as you heard the tone etc then you will be the one to judge if it was s polite request or a command etc. The huffing and puffing that she won't be told is not ok.

Nth I don't think I would ask someone, I didn't ask my sister to tell me, I assumed I would get a message once baby arrived. She chose to tell me she was in labour.

It's fine to ask if they may be letting you know, but not in a way that is demanding and if the mother to be says no then you accept that.

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FabBakerGirl · 18/03/2014 21:04

The tantrumming would make me more determined to not tell her stuff.

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 18/03/2014 21:17

I think it is so much harder now, with everyone having mobile phones and mobile internet, and all sorts of news flashing around the world almost before it's happened. I think that's generated an expectation that we will know what's going on, pretty much in real time.

Most of us can take a step back, look at that with regards to a woman labouring, and have a bit of a wry grin at ourselves - and realise that there are still some things where we do have to wait for news. Some people, like the OP's MIL, take it as a personal affront that you won't be filming the entire birth and streaming it live on FB. Such madness should not be pandered to!

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Catsmamma · 18/03/2014 21:23

i wasn't keen for anyone to know I was pregnant, never mind in labour. I didn't tell anyone other than dh and my boss till I was well past 4 months.

and ds1 was a fortnight late, I date the birth of my phone phobia to those two weeks.

I think there's enough news in the world to keep most people busy without adding to it.

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iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 18/03/2014 21:39

SDT, they is exactly it, the worlds gone mad and I don't get it, each to their own but I have to keep something back for myself

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 18/03/2014 21:52

So you won't be streaming it live on here then?

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beela · 19/03/2014 08:27

It wouldn't occur to me to tell anyone apart from on a need to know basis.

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Kneedeepinshittynappies · 19/03/2014 09:59

It's surely entirely you and dh choice! With dc1, I has told my mum as I was looking for advice and was a bit nervous/excited! The following morning, still in labour , I get a text from my best friend who had bumped into my mum and the shops and she had blabbed so iwuivkly told dh to call mil and let her know before she found out through the grape vine. I did give my mum a bit of a grump about it but she admits if was just excitement and apologised/could see where I was coming from.

With dc2 my mum was looking after dc1 so had to know but thus time once we knew we were in hospital and going nowhere I told dh to text mil to let her know, wish we had g mind you, she kept texting questions/looking for updates every half hour! She then asked to take dc1 away from my mum, got told to piss off no!

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MiaowTheCat · 20/03/2014 14:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

weebairn · 20/03/2014 16:54

I am very close to my mum and I didn't tell her or anyone else when I went into labour because I wanted to be in my own little quiet bubble and not worry about worrying anyone else. I don't think this is that weird.

I told DP and my best friend who was coming to the labour.

Labour took 30 hours and I called both sets of parents about 5 hours after the birth. It was nice to have the time, to not worry about having to let them know I was ok straight away.

This time I'll let my mum know as she'll be looking after DD!

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PopiusTartius · 20/03/2014 17:25

It might be normal in your circles to ask to be told when someone's gone into labour, usual , but it certainly isn't in mine. So who's right? Neither of us. It's up to the person going through the thing to decide how she wants it played.

I would never ask to be notified. Some friends have told me, lovely. I didn't want people knowing, equally valid. But the control lies with the vulnerable person in the situation and that is not the OP's MIL.

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mlbear · 21/03/2014 10:51

I always knew I only wanted DH with me during Labour, but now the day I getting closer, I can't bear the thought of my parents & in laws knowing we're in labour. I have the pressure of 'performing' them worrying, & I know because they care they will be there in a heart beat. But I want me & DH to enjoy our baby before we have to share him with the world. Everyone knows my due date, friends & family, I get daily texts/calls asking "is baby here" "any news" ... my phone died each earlier in the week, when I turned it back on I couldn't believe the amount of texts asking "are you at the hospital" my mum missed my general chat call, rang back she was practically shouting down the phone "what's happening, are you ok, is baby ok..." the worry in her voice was awful, this really will not help me thinking about them worrying for me.
DH parent's are separated, SMIL very opinionated, but you can't tell MIL (great relationship) without telling FIL & SMIL.
it's a very personal decision, there's no right or wrong decision :)