She wants to know when I'm in labour...

[iamusuallybeingunreasonable]

The MIL that is... She didn't realise we were on speaker phone when she asked DH if he would "let her know when she's in labour" ... "She" FFS!! She couldn't give a rats arse for me any other time...

Is this normal to want to know?! Bear in mind she lives 300 miles away so of no use to anyone, apparently if she knows it will "add to the excitement" - oh bully for her?!

DH of course told her outright no, as I was letting the steam out of my ears...

This is after our last birth, when told DS had arrived over the phone, within the hour I might add, her first comment was not congratulations or how nice but "why didn't you let me know she was in labour?" Errr why do you think love, was about busy giving birth at the time

Does anyone really want the whole thing documented by text/phone/Facebook birth? Or am I odd?

Anyway, it's not happening as my DH values his eardrums, but really who would want such a thing?

[iliketea]

Whatever you choose is "normal" for you.

I was induced for 5 days, so everyone knew - I was happy for the support and the distraction of text messages / Facebook. Being induced for 5 days is seriously boring, and it was nice that lots of other people were excited (made up for me being decidedly unexcited and fed up after day 2).

[ScarlettOHaraHamilton]

Equally true, usual. There are comments about IL's on MN that make me want to sob.

Sometimes I get the impression that some women think a baby is intrinsically more theirs than their husbands because they were the ones who were pregnant, but as if men had had the option and then declined...

(Not you, OP, not saying you're like that in case it reads like I am!)

[GingerMaman]

I didn't anyone to know, unless they were going to bring me a hot meal straight after it. (The only problem is you don't know how long labour will last).

If I lived closer to my family I would probably let DH text my sisters, just so they can prepare a hot meal for me

[ShadowFall]

I think it's fairly normal for people to want to know if a close relative (or their partner) has gone into labour.

But I don't really think it's on to demand that the expectant parents keep everyone updated, no matter how interested you are.

[PenguinsEatSpinach]

In my case it wasn't a MIL thing at all - though actually she would be the one more likely to pester for news, whereas my mum would sit on her hands and fret. Neither great outcomes TBH. I felt the same about my parents knowing as my ILs.

This time my mother will know as she will be childcare. My in laws won't and nor will anyone else. If I had my way, I wouldn't tell my mum either. But she can't babysit if she doesn't know it's going on . If my MIL lived close enough to babysit and my mother didn't, I'd tell my MIL but not my mum.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

I don't understand why people are so flipping cagey about everything.

DH was in a right twitch, and really wanted to tell his Mum when I was in labour with DS1. I didn't, and still don't, feel that it would have been my place to say 'no you mustn't tell her'.

So often I see threads like this 'oh the labouring mother must have everything her own way'. And of course she must in terms of what is going on around her, but banning your own husband from sharing his excitement and fears with his own parents or siblings? It smacks of control freakery and is just unnecessary IMO.

If parents or PILs are the sort to pester, then just turn your phones off once you've told them things are underway.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

bopoity but surely your MIL came to the hospital and DH took the baby to meet her?

That doesn't involve you being seen with a catheter?

[PenguinsEatSpinach]

Was that to me? Because I would actually be perfectly happy not to know until after the event. My mum, after going through a long period of worry about us during my very long labour with DD1 understands this and was very happy not to know second time too. She needs to know this time, but she would be happy not to otherwise. We're all in agreement on that.

My MIL is another matter, but she is prone to making all sorts of 'demands' about things. Thankfully for me, my husband feels exactly the same as me about labour - he doesn't want to worry that his mum is worrying, or that it has been x hours since she was updated. He wants to focus on me and the baby. And it's all very well saying 'just turn off the phone', but when you know you'd get 12 months of griping for insufficient updates and how worried she was, it isn't quite that simple. His view is that it's far better to ring her with happy news.

[DebbieOfMaddox]

"Took the baby to meet her" where, exactly? That's fair enough if you happen to have given birth in an imaginary hospital off of the telly, but IME they don't generally have visitors' rooms and won't let a baby off the postnatal ward without the mother (unless accompanied by a member of medical staff for tests or treatment).

[Kezzybear]

bo how long did in laws have to wait to see their grandchild? I'm not a fan of mine but I wouldn't delay them visiting grandchild (I had a catheter too).

I didn't tell anyone but I'm quite private. Have known when friends are in labour, which is lovely.

[DebbieOfMaddox]

"If parents or PILs are the sort to pester, then just turn your phones off once you've told them things are underway."

Ah, but then you get a midwife putting her head round the door when you are mid-push saying "Erm, we've got a Mrs X on the phone..."

[SauvignonBlanche]

I'd like to know if it was someone close to me, so I could say a prayer for them.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Debbie - when my niece was born we went to visit, and children were not allowed onto the ward. My brother brought DN out into the corridor to meet us, just for ten minutes. It was lovely :)

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Well then the midwife is rubbish.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

usual exactly.

[bopoityboo3]

Alibaba nope that didn't happen. The IL came up a couple of days after I'd come out of hospital and stayed for a few days for exclusive baby time with them being the only visitors around. It meant I was feeling more human and less stressed as back in my own environment and they got as much time as they liked with DD apart when I needed to feed her.

[5madthings]

Err in hospital they won't let you take the baby off the ward, unless you are being discharged and most hospital now don't have visiting rooms on the post natal wards, so where would a dh take the baby to meet relatives? If you want revisit baby you have to go to the bay/bed where Mum is. Fine if mum wants visitors, if nit wait till they are home and then Mum can hide in bed if she doesn't feel up to visitors.

Our family knew roughly what was going on as I was induced each time but only grandparents, didn't need nor want everyone knowing.

I wouldn't expect anyone to tell me when they were in Labour, be that my own daughter or a dil. I know my own mother worried when I was in labour and I was anxious knowing my sister was in labour (she called me when her waters broke) it was exciting but I wouldn't have minded not being told.

Tbh I get the excitement over a new baby but I don't understand why some relatives let this excitement overwhelm to the point that they can't stop and think that the New mum might want a a day or few days before visitors, that she might feel tired, sore or up to having people round. Yes everyone wants to see the baby but I would rather wait til New mum feels up to visitors.

My mil was lovely each time, in hospital with ds1 and ds2 and once home with the next three. She saw them before my parents actually. Apart from ds3 as my dad was childcare and we were discharged in four hours so he was home with big two. And my mum saw dd as she was childcare for big four.

Anyway each time my mil was kind and considerate and clearly pleased I was well as well as baby, I hope to be the same myself.

Shame other family members weren't so considerate with ds1 and ds2 but we were then stricter re visitors for next three, apart from mil and my parents and sister as I knew they wwould be fine.

Anyway we told people but I can understand that a woman might not want to, just as if my dp had to have a medical procedure I wouldn't expect to tell my family.

[bopoityboo3]

kezzy it was less then a week. my folks were around when I was in hospital then the day we came home the literally feed us a meal they'd cooked then headed home so we could have some family time just the three of us then IL came up a few days after that. DD was born on a Monday and IL came the following Friday.

[PenguinsEatSpinach]

Nope Usual - I won't for sure. But I know how my mum feels. And she is a grandma. And no, she isn't the sort to lie to spare my feelings (as I have detailed on other threads!)

[PenguinsEatSpinach]

And also, regardless of how I feel if and when my daughters have babies, I hope I'd also recognise that my feelings are quite low down the list of considerations.

[ShadowFall]

Re. taking the baby off the ward to meet relatives - in the hospital where I had my DC, all the babies were fitted with security tags, which cause alarms to be sounded if the baby is taken out of the ward.

So anyone who wants to see a baby either has to enter the postnatal ward and go to the mother's bedside (no separate visiting rooms) or wait until the baby is discharged from hospital.