Man sleeping on ward

[heylottie]

I am on a 4 bed maternity ward, a small ward with beds divided by curtains. 5 day old dd currently in SCBU getting help with low blood sugar.

Its been awful but I can't fault the care and kindness of the nursing staff who are great

But

Last night a woman was admitted at 11pm, I didn't see her as curtains drawn. I was aware that someone was sat in the chair next to my curtain, ie two foot from my bed. I got up at 2am and went to the loo.

Turns out her husband was asleep on the chair.

I don't know if I am coming or going at moment, but I don't think this is appropriate is it? Woman was asleep. I mentioned to staff and they said oh he's waiting for his baby to settle in the incubator. Whilst I appreciate that, could he not have waited in the family tv room down the corridor?

Or am I being over sensitive? I just think this is a vulnerable enough time without this.

I'd like that Kooth. I consider my self a feminist but would love to see other views .

capsium really? so mixed sex changing rooms, public loos, wards?

You don't think it simply smacks of respect and privacy? I'm sure plenty of men would balk at mixed sex spaces too.

If women are repressed by being offered single sex loos, then ditto men. So your argument makes no sense.

I thought it had probably already been mentioned hunger but hadnt read the whole thread properly, just skimmed.

Also, when I was on the postnatal ward (I was in a private "room" as dd was in scbu) a father turned up in the evening very drunk, he had obviously been out wetting the babies head all day. Visiting hours for partners finishes at 10 so thankfully he got sent home, can you imagine how hidious that would have been for a) the other women b) his partner c) the babies and d) the staff.

Obviously if the hospital did have allowances for partners to stay overnight they could have still refused him because of his drunkeness but then that refusal could have had the potential to turn very nasty, because he was already well aware that he needed to leave at 10pm, he left without a fight.

And what about school changing rooms and looscapsium ? Quite happy for your 13 year old daughter to change, shower, use tampons in rooms with 13 year old boys?

You wouldn't consider that remotely a child protection issue? Because I bloody would.

YANBU
but
when DS1 was born he was in a bad way. We didn't know if he was going to make it. We didn't get to see him. DH was asked to leave the hospital. He refused. The midwives took pity on him and let him stay next to me in a chair on the ward. There were no private rooms available. The only beds available were in this room. We drew the curtains but thats the best we could do to give the other women privacy (this was about 3am)
Sometimes there isn't an alternative. There was no way DH was leaving.

Yep I'm all for mixed everything loos changing rooms etc. Loos have private booths and so can changing rooms. This is what I would prefer. This is what I would have preferred at school. I hated communal showers as did everyone I know.

I attended mixed educational establishments for the whole of my education btw.

^that is the communal single sex changing rooms and showers.

I've linked it. :)

I don't believe in women only spaces. I do believe in safe spaces. I think the difference is subtle but important.

I do not believe that by sticking to this idea that it MUST be women only that we are making things better for women. I think this means we don't explore alternatives and we don't consider other things that make women feel incredibly vulnerable or neglected.

Once again its about one group versus another group, rather than looking at women as having a variety of needs that DESERVE to be properly catered for, for their wellbeing and the wellbeing of their child.

But I don't think that people are willing to listen to that, as they only see one thing as important and all others are not.

We'll never improve anything, if only one group is ever considered important. There will always be other groups that are marginalised and neglected as a result.

caps - Except we are stuck with the reality. Our council run leisure centres have communal changing rooms and some still have communal showers. Some hotels that have pools have communal changing rooms.

I have been in hospital. I was actually put in a man's ward for a day when I was taken in as an emergency. I was very ill and my memory of that day is of men peering at me in my bed. I hated it and was happy when I was moved to a female ward.

And you cannot see that most people would balk at this, capsium?

Just said what I'd prefer not what we already have.

RedTooth - There is already a movement in maternity wards to let partners stay overnight. Those who don't want this have to lump it. It would be great if a solution could be found for all. That rarely happens. In reality one groups wishes do tend to be put before the others.

Hunger Not sure about the most. Unisex loos are popular in Europe.

The money required to make all single sex places safe mixed sex would be enormous.

Ah I'd be happy with a gradual changeover..

I remember someone saying on a similar thread that their local pool now had mixed sex xcommunal showers and changing rooms. The MNer no longer went swimming as a result.

Worry makes great points that bother me too. Just the sheer practicality of having another 20-odd people on the ward, and what facilities they need. The ward I was on was tiny enough anyway with barely enough loos, let alone introducing another 20 or even 30 people into the mix.

Those posters who have had or seen issues with poorly babies and dad's being asked to leave are at the far end of the scale - there is clearly an enormous failing with hospital policy there which I think is disgusting. But generally is a baby or even the mum is very poorly, they aren't on the standard postnatal ward. The baby will be in NICU, a very ill woman would I imagine be on a more medical ward. In those situations no one should be put on the postnatal ward and so there's less of an effect on other women.

This thread seems a very 50/50 split of people who feel strongly one way or another, which makes it a hugely complicated issue to address.

The thinking to me is that from a read through, the majority of women who wanted their partners there are saying it is because they needed help with the baby - an issue that is fixable with more medical staff and help on the ward, even if that isn't many peoples ideal. There seems to be a minority of women who need their particular partner to stay with them because of other concerns, which might be easier dealt with by private rooms and sidewards rather than a sweeping change to the ward's policy - if there is more help for women at night.

So many places now you don't have a choice which hospital you give birth in. If mine suddenly changed to saying partners can stay overnight that would be such an issue to me. There's a bigger picture which isn't just that first night in the hospital. Women might stay in several nights, partners might not be able to stay every night because they have other DC or perhaps, as some I know did, they go back to work for those first few days so they can start paternity leave when the baby is actually at home. And that creates such an awkward mix of people who have someone with them and people who don't, all in one 4 or 6 bed ward.

caps - What harm do you suffer having to use a single sex changing room or toilets? Surely you can understand those who hate the idea and compromise for them?

Good point grennie. I prefer personal places to be single sex and I am very comfortable in my skin and around men. I can only imagine how vital this is to women who are not so lucky.

Grennie Harm? The harm was due to encountering SEN with my DS. Being able to comfortably escort him in the toilets. Not got any visible disabilities, so can be awkward.

Single sex changing rooms also tend to cater less for a person's privacy. I found the communal changing rooms uncomfortable growing up.

Thurlow: To be fair most women who have had a straight forward uncomplicated delivery only stay in hospital for one night or don't stay overnight at all. Most of the women staying for several nights have had complications or C-Sections and probably need additional support which is difficult for midwives and nurses to provide at a sufficient level to meet everyone's needs. I do agree that the lack of staffing is something that needs to be addressed as a priority but due to finances it isn't going to be a priority any time soon and those women still need looking after by somebody.

Then we possibly need to look at extending disability access to loos etc capsium, not allowing mixed sex places.

I'll ask again - would you be happy with your 13 year old daughter changing in a mixed sex room by herself?

Did no-one else see the recent report that 44% of women have suffered male violence.

I don't think almost half the female population should be told that at what can be an incredibly vulnerable time they should be forced to endure nights with other adult males in the same room.

And as mentioned above, women may be forced to have partners there who are actively violent towards them.