Man sleeping on ward

[heylottie]

I am on a 4 bed maternity ward, a small ward with beds divided by curtains. 5 day old dd currently in SCBU getting help with low blood sugar.

Its been awful but I can't fault the care and kindness of the nursing staff who are great

But

Last night a woman was admitted at 11pm, I didn't see her as curtains drawn. I was aware that someone was sat in the chair next to my curtain, ie two foot from my bed. I got up at 2am and went to the loo.

Turns out her husband was asleep on the chair.

I don't know if I am coming or going at moment, but I don't think this is appropriate is it? Woman was asleep. I mentioned to staff and they said oh he's waiting for his baby to settle in the incubator. Whilst I appreciate that, could he not have waited in the family tv room down the corridor?

Or am I being over sensitive? I just think this is a vulnerable enough time without this.

My OH couldn't get out of the hospital fast enough. Suited me fine!

Rhonda - please stop deliberately missing the point. We don't care if the man is the bloody pope - we don't want him shacked up with us for the night!

The fact that some men will be arseholes or worse just compounds this. Can you really not understand this?

If you have not been sexually attacked then you cannot even begin to understand the triggers involved in pregnancy and labour. It is of the utmost importance that the postnatal ward is the safest and calmest environment as is humanly possible, and that IMO means no partners.

The labour ward went through hell to make sure my husband could stay on the ward with me, we stayed in the labour ward though so private room. Unfortunately my Doula decided to announce he had to leave at 3 in the morning and we thought she was telling us that from the midwives and he left. I was alone after a traumatic birth with my new born and they turned up at six am and said 'where is X' they were gutted.

worst decision I ever made, having a Doula.

Kooth I fully appreciate your point but in my case care would have been lacking had my DH not been present, so safest is moot.

Absolutely Koothra.

Women only overnight on post natal wards. The mark of a civilised and respectful society.

Of course there should be adequate staffing levels to care for all patients, both mother and baby. But there aren't, and so what are people meant to do in the mean time?

There was not one single other option for me but to have my DH stay with me

The male parent, or the other parent who has given birth but may not even be male, is needed.

Unless you consider them a lesser parent.

It's a completly different relationship to any other and jsut as important as the mothers.

There is a huge leap from having the child's second parent available if needed to an army of paid uniformed staff with access to medical records.

Kooth - i still feel it is unacceptable for women to have no choice and you could have stopped there, that's the truest thing on this thread.

I can quite appreciate that Kahleesi

But this isn't really about husbands and partners, is it?

Boil this down to its essentials and its about there not being enough care and support on a postnatal ward for women who have had surgery or traumatic births.

It's almost confusing two issues.

They are not a lesser parent but they haven't given birth and they are not a patient.

Who has not given birth, sorry.

Hunger I am not missing any point, I am perfectly clear as to your agenda and I will not be shouted down by you.

But don't you see that by saying partners should be allowed you are taking away their choice as the healthcare system stands at the moment?

There aren't the facilities to allow women to opt out of a ward that allows men. By saying they should stay, you are forcing women into a situation that may be their worst nightmare.

I was terrified about being away from dh, but I managed. It took everything in me, using all my coping strategies to stay calm and focused because it was what had to be done. I would not have forced other women to share a room with my dh to help me with that.

Wards are for pateints. Not for husbands, partners, aunties and uncles, and next doors hamster. I don't see why the rules are different. When people are recovering from an operation partners aren't allowed to stay the night in the ward.

Men, rhonda, men have not given birth.

Koothrapanties Wed 05-Mar-14 21:30:11
If you have not been sexually attacked then you cannot even begin to understand the triggers involved in pregnancy and labour. It is of the utmost importance that the postnatal ward is the safest and calmest environment as is humanly possible, and that IMO means no partners.

Isn't about having people you trust around you? For me, it wouldn't matter how well staffed a ward was. Its HCPs themselves that are a major part of problem for me. I do not feel safe around them and I don't trust them. Which is a teeny tiny problem when you are having a baby. And this is the result of a previous experience too. Its not that uncommon.

Different things and people make different people feel safe/unsafe. Which is why I do think that you have to realise that there does need to be an awareness that there is a range of different issues that cause extreme anxiety and distress and have the ability to cater for them all.

None is more important or less important than another.

Thurlow - you are right. The lack of staff and adequate care almost needs to be taken out of this. If there was adequate care would people still think partners should be allowed to stay?

With adequate care I would not be half as fussed about my DH staying.

Well, if it comes down to having to make a choice, it's simple for me.

We respect the rights of women as patients and accept that for the majority, that trumps any rights of others to be there. And where possible we factor in the wishes of the others but never at the expense of women in general.

But you can't separate the two issues, since they exist together, one because of the other (and I include anxiety issues in that).

Red if you read my other post you would see that I also suffered from extreme anxiety relating to hcps. I saw them as a threat, did not trust them with my health or my baby. I felt violated by examinations, I was a nervous wreck. That doesn't change the fact that my dh should not have stayed on the ward.

Kooth I am saying the healthcare system as regards birth and aftercare may not be correct at present.

I would be very interested to see if there was a similar debate around fathers attending births some years back, and any need to overhaul birthing protocol in order to accommodate the shift.

I would strongly argue that the most important thing in this case is the needs of the baby and that in some cases this is best met by having both parents there. And that this should be closely followed by the needs of the mother, your own needs would have been better met by a system where you could have had your DH with you, no woman should have to be terrified either of other men or of being on their own.

The two issues being adequate care and partners / supporters allowed to stay.

A private room is different, but definitely not on the ward.

Blistory i think you are right.

There is a huge leap from having the child's second parent available if needed to an army of paid uniformed staff with access to medical records.

See, I dont think it is a huge leap. Just as we have seen paid birth partners come in in the form of doulas I could easily see the appeal to some to have a paid carer stay rather than the partner.

Once you say partners can stay then very quickly you will then have mothers/sisters/aunts staying. The step after that is paid care.