Man sleeping on ward

[heylottie]

I am on a 4 bed maternity ward, a small ward with beds divided by curtains. 5 day old dd currently in SCBU getting help with low blood sugar.

Its been awful but I can't fault the care and kindness of the nursing staff who are great

But

Last night a woman was admitted at 11pm, I didn't see her as curtains drawn. I was aware that someone was sat in the chair next to my curtain, ie two foot from my bed. I got up at 2am and went to the loo.

Turns out her husband was asleep on the chair.

I don't know if I am coming or going at moment, but I don't think this is appropriate is it? Woman was asleep. I mentioned to staff and they said oh he's waiting for his baby to settle in the incubator. Whilst I appreciate that, could he not have waited in the family tv room down the corridor?

Or am I being over sensitive? I just think this is a vulnerable enough time without this.

It is a real shame professionals cannot just be consistently kinder during the child birthing process.

I don't know whether this is due to a kind of detachment or what. But I hated giving birth, hospitals, the whole process actually. Love my DC though.

I am not being selective. I've replied to these points upthread already. I just don't feel the need to repeat everything six thousand times, just as much as people can't be bothered to read my points on finance and timescales...

I agree capsium

I'm sure there are fab nhs midwives and staff out there. But I didn't meet them.

I had a home birth first time around soooouch better.

I'm not dependant on my dp. In fact I hate being on top of oartners all the time. I love my space. But during the birth had he not been there I'd have probably given birth on my own as no one was in the room. The man meant to deliver my baby didn't come back til other staff were busy checking her over. I honestly dread to think what would have happened as he had to press the call button multiple times.

As for after, well I wasn't spoken to or offered so much as a paracetamol for hours. I managed ok without him there at night BUT, I had already lost any trust in staff. I was lucky. No section, I could walk around and stuff if I needed to. I'd have been screwed if it hadn't been like that and I had needed help.

FWIW, I also do not think that a curtain really cuts it, but hospitals can argue the case because of this and thus in terms of RIGHTS it can be a difficult point to argue unfortunately. I personally think its hospitals who are deliberately not taking their responsibilities to patients as seriously as they should. And this includes both sides of the argument on this.

No vulnerable woman should be left in a compromised position that ultimately ends up being what is happening.

I think this is what can happen when people are overworked and places are understaffed Giles, sadly.

I suppose I could say I am not enthused about the possibility of spending the night with violent drug addict partners or demanding and vocal partners of other women, but I do understand why some patients may need someone there. This being the case it would, I guess, be my choice to pay for a private birth (very expensive) or just not bother to have children. Or just deal with it and hope to be out quickly and safely. Maybe the lack of care will limit the number of children we have thus fewer resources required thus better care in future. There is only so much cake to go round!

Lack of care has already limited the number of children in my case. I am not planning another, at the moment in any case, due to hating the whole child birthing process. Love children though.

I am thankful to the NHS staff though, without them I don't know what the outcome would have been. Assisted birth and all that...

Would you be less concerned about spending the night next to a violent drug addict mother or a demanding and vocal mother?

In either instance I would expect the staff to ensure that order and dignity was maintained on thr ward. I cannot understand why do many of you seem to think that men being there is so awful. Do you actually speak to many men?

What's the stance on male midwives, porters and doctors being on duty over night?

There were male staff where I was. A man delivered my DC. There were male midwives.

Male staff are presumably vetted, professional and unlikely to demand a blow job in the loo or shoot up, oddly enough.

And we have to tolerate other women as they are also patients and as they will have just given birth, also vulnerable whether a drug addict or not.

I'd have settled for staff. Male/female/both/neither/alien

Just someone who was kind and helpful and caring.

A woman is admitted at 11pm to the ward, and her newborn is in an incubator. Less than three hours after this trauma the husband is expected to have gone home?

I stayed for the first two weeks that dd2 was in SCBU (and was roundly judged for going home and leaving her there). Dh stayed for, I think the first three nights? Maybe two? The whole thing was so traumatic I didn't know whether I was coming or going or whether she was going to live or die. I know I needed him there. And I assume he didn't want to leave as her situation was so precarious.

And yes. With dd1 I had a male nurse doing my intimate care on the night shifts.

I have no problem with fathers being present on the maternity wards, particularly if the babies or mothers are in some way compromised and their situation might change abruptly.

I can do without dp at home because at home I am not immobile and catheterised, having recently had my abdomen cleaved open, with a helpless newborn dependent on me for everything. In such circumstances i need someone to look after me. I don't actually care who, but in the absence of a midwife, then dp.

The majority of men are unlikely to demand a blow job in the loo or shoot up.

And actually doctors have been known to do just that. Rare true but not unknown.

Beware, there are perverts with penises at every corner. They are even allowed out in public alone. Shocking.

Why are we talking about male staff? How is that relevant? Plus male staff dont tend to sleep overnightnext to women patients theyve never met.

You are being ridiculous rhondajean and using the argument of reduction to enhance your absurdity.

Good lord no, they are awake when you are asleep, they could be yknow LOOKING at you or anything.

No, I'm just testing your entire attitude and argument with the complete contempt which it deserves.

Contempt it deserves? What, women expectig not to hav estrange men sharing a room with them post birth? You genuinely feel that is contemptuous? Gosh.

Can I just make it clear to everyone else.

If you do not want to sleep in a room where the are men, that is your right. If you do not want to have male medics examine you, that is your right. I have no issue with that, I will stand up and argue for you if you need me to.

But if you are going to come on here or anywhere else and insult and entire gender, be that male or female, especially in the context where one of them is a parent, I will regard your attitude with complete disgust. A minority of women as well as a minority of men do bad things; the majority of both genders are normal decent people and to demonise an entire gender ( unless they have been through criminal checks) is idiotic.

I would tear apart anyone I spoke to who said women are arseholes, leering, aggressive, intimidating, gawping, etc as well, even though I AMA aware some women can be those things.

Did you miss the bits where quite a few of us have said we don't want any strange man in our ward sleeping overnight, let alone those who are unpleasant. And if you think there are no unpleasant pricks about you've clearly being living in cloud cuckoo land.

Is there anyone else who can explain to me how on earth you can relate that post to my last one?

Ok I get it. You dislike men immensely. Fair enough. I'd prefer to take people as individuals, and assess what each particular woman in a vulnerable condition needs and what would give her and her child and her family the most appropriate support and the best start in life.

But as you say, that is definitely cloud cuckoo land.

Rhondajean
a few of us have said this isnt about men. Its about having having extra people on the ward. Its bad enough sharing with 3 people, adding an extra 4 people would add to the stress of an already stressful situation.

Yep fair enough bruffin, did you see my comment where I said I wasn't thinking about funding but about the best situation for women and that just because something isn't possible with current finance and restraints does not mean we shouldn't aspire to it?

bruffin there were precious little staff there IME. Extra hands were vital to our care.