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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

what to do with step child staying weekend I'm due to give birth

56 replies

Muppet2012 · 15/11/2013 19:43

I'm due the weekend of the 8th December and we have my husband's daughter for that weekend.
He seems to think that when I start having contractions it'll be ages and if his daughter is round we will just sort something out. eg. Nanny will at somepoint come over for her.
I on the other hand I don't want her anywhere near me right from the start. Selfish I know but I want it to be all about me not having to worry about acting as if nothing is going on in the early stages so as not to worry his daughter.
What do I do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 15/11/2013 19:44

Erm
What your dh says (as long as nanny is available) which is what any family who has children says. You probably wont have your baby that weekend anyway

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 15/11/2013 19:45

Second says should be 'does'

MiserableCowWhenUpTheDuff · 15/11/2013 19:47

I'm due this Sunday and we have my stepson (8) here for the weekend, he has autism and will not be able to be left with anyone else... If I go into labour whilst he is here then I will have to go and have the baby on my own with DP coming to visit when he can... It isn't ideal but when children are involved then you sometimes have to make sacrifices, I would never give up or more importantly expect my DP to give up a weekend with his son on the chance that I might go into labour...

NachoAddict · 15/11/2013 19:47

Its quite unlikely you will have the baby the weekend you are due.

your contractions will probably start slow and mild anyway so you will have plenty of time to get nanny round and you shouldn't have to do much pretending.

if nanny (as in employed or as in family member?) is not available is taking dsd back to her mum an option?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 15/11/2013 19:49

Don't you sound lovely?

What your DH is proposing is exactly what all families do when they are having a second baby. And that is what you are doing, you are bringing a second child into your family.

Tinlegs · 15/11/2013 19:49

Many people have to make arrangements for care of one child while another is being born. Just get on with it. You wouldn't want to push your own child out of the way like this.

Original poster

Muppet2012 · 15/11/2013 19:51

DH doesn't seem bothered that she will be round. I'm concerned that I'll upset her when she sees me in pain or she'll take up all of his time, she can be very clingy at times. I don't think she is going to cope with the change in attention. I'd rather she just wasn't with us for the weekend but apparently I'm over reacting!

OP posts:

whatsmystyle · 15/11/2013 19:52

'...I don't want her anywhere near me...'

If your husband ever reads this post I am sure he will say the same about you labor or not.

You right said ... What a selfish selfish person you are.

somersethouse · 15/11/2013 19:53

Ha! The weekend you are due... count on at least two weeks after, if not more. I gave birth at almost 44 weeks.

Also, your husband is totally right... granny will come round.
Do not stress! All will be well. Congratulations on your impending arrival.

Also, you might want to start saying DSD instead of 'his daughter'. You are all going to be family, your DSD will be half sister to your baby.

bundaberg · 15/11/2013 19:54

your DH is right. if you go into labour then you can get someone to come and take care of your step daughter.

this is what anyone with more than one child has to do

Original poster

Muppet2012 · 15/11/2013 19:56

I'm not trying to leave her out of it at all. I just don't think its fair for her to see me in pain or struggling. I have a friend who watched her mum go into labour when she was younger and it almost traumatised her for life. That's what I don't want to happen to her.

OP posts:

TheXxed · 15/11/2013 19:56

OP if you were to have another baby with your husband would you want dc1 to not be at home?

Also you are not refering to her as your step daughter, instead your refering to her as your husbands daughter.

This gives me the impression that you don't feel she is a part of your family.

bundaberg · 15/11/2013 19:57

you won 't upset her any more than any of us upset our older children when we go into labour with subsequent babies;
it is rarely like it is in the films, where you get intense unbearable pains all of a sudden!

your DH is not concerned because, to be honest, there is nothing to be concerned about!

and I'm sorry but this is not all about you. There is a little girl here who deserves and needs to spend time with her father. She shouldn't have to do without that for weeks on end just because you don't want her around.

JemR234 · 15/11/2013 19:58

You're considered ready to give birth any time from 37 weeks, plus you could easily go 12 days or more overdue. That's a total of 5 weeks during which you might easily go into labour. Are you suggesting your DH doesn't see his DD that whole time?

Giving you the benefit of the doubt I am going to put this down to hormones and anxiety about the birth. But really you need to take a step back and remember that you are the adult here. Your step daughter is about to have a massive change in her life and presumably you want her to be happy and not to resent her new sibling. Please keep that at the forefront of your thoughts and actions.

VegasIsBest · 15/11/2013 20:01

You won't be 'in pain' in early stages. Like others have said, this is exactly the same position for all second (or third etc..) births). The fact she is your step daughter makes no difference. Whenever your baby decides to arrive you'll just have to make arrangements for your SD if she is with you.

Hope all goes smoothly.

OddBoots · 15/11/2013 20:02

It sounds like your main worry is how labour itself is going to be, the fear of the unknown - your dsd is just the focus for that. It's understandable to be worried but unless you are going to have an induction or section you have a 3+ week window when you could go into labour so you're best just carrying on as usual and dealing with it as it comes or you'll drive yourself nuts.

BrianTheMole · 15/11/2013 20:03

Well, the chances are it won't happen that weekend anyway. And if it does, then the chances are you will have plenty of notice! You will be very unlucky if you go straight into active labour, on that weekend (like I did on my due date . ). Even I got about 20 mins to hold it together though while my dd was sorted out. I wouldn't stress yourself, it hardly ever goes as planned anyway. As long as nanny is on stand by, take a step back and chill out.

Queenofknickers · 15/11/2013 20:03

OP I feel sympathy for you - and to all those who flame you they should note that for lots of people it is HARD at times no matter how much you try. I love my DSD v much but I didn't want to have to worry about her during labor. Sorry to everyone that wishes stepmums were saintly human beings but we aren't. We have feelings too, feel vulnerable (and sometimes irrational) when about to give birth and are...um.. Generally HUMAN. OP, if it makes you feel better to have more concrete arrangements in place ie DH having a specific plan not a general guess, then you are entitled to ask for that.

Handbagsonnhold · 15/11/2013 20:04

Op I can understand where you are coming from....think I would feel the same if I'm being honest

summerlovingliz · 15/11/2013 20:05

U never know the baby might come early and solve that problem for you! Although that would present another problem I suppose... Best of luck

FrauMoose · 15/11/2013 20:05

My baby's due date was on my stepdaughter's 8th birthday. I think my main concern was that if I gave birth on that date - and the cake/birthday meal had to be postponed as a result - that wouldn't be the best start to a sibling relationship. I remember feeling very relieved when the meal - at Harry Ramsden's was over, because even if I went into labour I knew that there would be two different birthdays.

Yes, labour - at its most intense - is incredibly painful. But we get ill when kids are around and lock ourselves into the loo, and throw up and crawl round for paracetamol and say stuff like 'I'm poorly so you might just have to be very good and watch a DVD.

I think if you want to hypercontrol and plan and micromanage stuff, having a baby isn't going to be easy. The real world of parenting is about blundering through as best as you can.

BigPigLittlePig · 15/11/2013 20:08

My dsd was staying at ours for the whole weekend, when my waters broke (unexpectedly early at 35 weeks) on the Friday night. ILs were called upon as I had to go straight in for assessment due to earliness, and basically did childcare. DD was born on the Sat afternoon and it was lovely for dh to be able to collect dsd so the two children could meet one another for the first time before anyone else.

TBH, I would have felt the same as you prior to the whole affair, but in the end, someone else was looking after her and it actually made very little difference. I would just ensure that you have friends/family on standby for any time of the day or night, so that you know help is only a phonecall away. DSD will probably be very excited if you go into labour, and thrilled to be a part of it all.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 15/11/2013 20:08

Queen, I'm not sure how you can be more concrete than when you go into labour we'll call Nanny. It could happen any time in the next five weeks and people have lives to get on with

TheRobberBride · 15/11/2013 20:10

OP. Please listen. Only 10% of babies are born on their due date. It is unlikely that you will go into labour while your DSD is staying.

But if labour does start, I don't know what you are expecting labour to be like but contractions usually start as very mild period-type pains with ages between them. There is nothing 'traumatic' about early labour. You will have more than enough time to sort out childcare for your DSD before it kicks into gear.

FWIW DD1 was present immediately after the birth of DD2 (homebirth). She saw a lot of my blood as well as her gungy newborn sister. She's never shown any sign of trauma or distress about the event.

YABVU and quite unkind. DSD will be sister to your baby.

lunar1 · 15/11/2013 20:12

Dh only made it for the very end of my labour with ds2 as he had to wait for my mum to get here for ds1. Him running into the delivery room was like something from a carry on film.

You could have your baby any time over about 5 weeks, you dsd is you husbands child, how long do you not want her anywhere near you for? How do you think it will make her feel to be banned from her home.

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