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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

what to do with step child staying weekend I'm due to give birth

56 replies

Muppet2012 · 15/11/2013 19:43

I'm due the weekend of the 8th December and we have my husband's daughter for that weekend.
He seems to think that when I start having contractions it'll be ages and if his daughter is round we will just sort something out. eg. Nanny will at somepoint come over for her.
I on the other hand I don't want her anywhere near me right from the start. Selfish I know but I want it to be all about me not having to worry about acting as if nothing is going on in the early stages so as not to worry his daughter.
What do I do?

OP posts:

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Wonderstuff · 15/11/2013 20:13

How far away is nanny? I think that the media representation of child birth gives us quite unrealistic expectations. Labour lasts hours and hours, for a first labour it tends to be 6-10 hours of intermittent manageable pain and the a couple of hours when it becomes a bit intense. As others have said it's fairly unlikely you'll go into labour on your due date.

MrsCakesPremonition · 15/11/2013 20:14

Labour in RL is nothing like labour on the TV. In the early stages it is much like waves of period cramps coming and going. Your DSD won't be watching you screaming and howling in agony, she might notice that you are restless and uncomfortable. You might be walking around, bouncing on a birthing ball or even having a bath. You will be able to chat normally and you may even welcome the distraction of having your DSD pottering around.
Once the contractions are coming regularly, give your MiL a call to collect DSD and at that stage you will be able to focus on yourself. Just like almost every other family with siblings.

Pearlsaplenty · 15/11/2013 20:15

I think you should try not to worry, it is very unlikely that you will go into labour with dsd around. Just keep telling yourself that and think positive.

Also about the comments about early labour being pain free and slow. This is not the case for everyone

Viviennemary · 15/11/2013 20:16

All you need is a plan for somebody to look after your step daughter. As others have said there's no guarantee anything will even happen at the weekend. So just have a plan in place. I think it's fair enough you don't want her to be there while you are in labour but you will most likely get plenty of warning.

Bakingtins · 15/11/2013 20:16

You probably won't go into labour on your due date, and it's not like the telly (waters break with a bang and baby arrives 10 mins later) you are likely to have a long time of mild contractions building up during which you can make arrangements for D SD to be taken care of.
It's not unreasonable to want your DH to be focussed on you when you are in labour, but it is unreasonable to stop him seeing his DD on the offchance that you go into labour on your due date. The first bit is likely to be boring, not dramatic.

SleepyFish · 15/11/2013 20:17

Most first times labours start slow, hours of uncomfortable contractions before it gets really painful. Ok it could go completely differently but as long as someone can collect her she won't have to see you in pain, if that's your concern.

optimusic · 15/11/2013 20:17

How do you think people with more than one child do it?
Do you think they ship off other children that live in the house to somewhere else from around expected day, to actual day? No
Do you think that they have planned C-Sections? No

They go into labour with, shock horror, existing children around. Heck some existing children go to the hospital and await for another adult to come and look after them.

Stop being so precious and understand your dh talks sense... And so bloody what if his existing dd becomes a bit clingy. Of course she will. The dynamics of the family are about to have yet another massive overhaul.

LEMisafucker · 15/11/2013 20:18

You don't want her anywhere near you??

fucking hell

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 15/11/2013 20:21

Oh give the OP a break. First baby worry and all of that.

People who have a child already have one kid under their belts and aren't so worried about stuff second time around. People with DSCs have the joy of all the worry about having a child around with no experience of what its like.

Op - chances are that you won't go into labour when she's there and if you do, then Nanny can be called on. My DS was packed off to my folks when I went into labour second time around with plenty of time to spare.

It will all be fine. :)

TheSurgeonsMate · 15/11/2013 20:23

Does she know that you are having a baby? It should be ok to act as if something is going on, I'd imagine, if she's aware.

Pearlsaplenty · 15/11/2013 20:23

Some more comments about how a first pregnancy labour is slow at first and not very painful

Not always true. Maybe it is because my waters broke but my early labour was painful and rapid right from the start. Nobody can predict how these things happen. And it is not helpful by telling everyone that early labour is slow and you should just go for a walk or have a bath I was very confused about what was happening as I didn't expect it. Best to say that you can't predict what labour will be like but to plan for all possible scenarios and be positive.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 15/11/2013 20:25

How very motherly to want the child out if the way, the birth is all about you, you don't need an entourage to do it, a child can't be expected to look after itself

somersethouse · 15/11/2013 20:25

I think you should be more worried about the first 6 months and sleepless nights and DSD still being around to see her DSM and her father on her contact weekends.

You do need to change your attitude (meant kindly)

TheSurgeonsMate · 15/11/2013 20:27

True that pearlsaplenty. My own experience was pretty torrid, but unless I had been caring for a child on my own I think I'd have got away without traumatising anyone.

neunundneunzigluftballons · 15/11/2013 20:29

Muppet you have been watching too much tv it is very unlikely a child would be traumatised for life watching a woman go into labour. It is rarely like the movies most women, especially on their first , have a slow build up to labour. I agree with your DH.

somersethouse · 15/11/2013 20:31

It is irrelevent really if it is a sudden birth or not. I gave birth within 4 hours but the first 2 hours were fine. Everyone is different. There is help in place and on hand. The OP needs to accept her DSD, it sounds like she doesn't and that is really sad.

DSD is about to have a sibling, she is going to be there many weekends for now and forever more.

FrauMoose · 15/11/2013 20:39

I think a bit of consideration for a baby's older siblings does pay dividends. When my younger brother was born (at home) my parents tried to get us to bed much earlier than usual on a summer evening, and then became extremely cross when we resisted. (No explanation that the baby had started to come.) The next day there was a notice - yes really - on the spare room door that Junior Moose had been born. After being allowed to inspect him, we (self and older brother) were sent off to a horrible neighbour who threatened to hit me, because the next morning I was playing a game that involved crawling round wrapped in a blanket. I'm not sure that my relationship with my younger sibling ever recovered.

When my daughter was born, her big brother and sister (my stepchildren) saw her on the first afternoon of her life. There were presents for them both ('from the baby') hidden in her hospital cot. They have always been great siblings to her, and I think the fact that we just wanted life to go on as normal and for them to be included in everything in the ordinary way, was really important.

Pearlsaplenty · 15/11/2013 20:41

I had about 1 hour of being able to handle things somewhat before it totally went out of my control. Was painful and rapid from the start. Sometimes it is like it is on the telly and it is not very helpful to say otherwise

HuglessDouglas · 15/11/2013 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bundaberg · 15/11/2013 20:42

pearls you are right, of course. But I think what people are saying is that that is unlikely, not that it won't happen in a million years.
and also trying to reassure the OP that it's likely that she will have plenty of time to sort out care for DSD

Pearlsaplenty · 15/11/2013 20:49

Sorry, that is true. I guess I am just worried as I feel I cannot plan at all for my second labour and I have no idea what will happen with ds!! I just hope for helpful and friendly strangers being around!

Also I feel that I missed out on using my tens machine, lavender oil, heat packs and calming music

wickedwitchNE · 15/11/2013 20:54

OP I think you have had some overly harsh comments on here. I'm due mid-December, and the last thing I would want to be worrying about when in labour is DSD. Sorry but it's true. I didn't want her at my scans either so I really am evil. Most other posters ARE right though, especially about labour, I think with me personally a big part of it is not knowing what to expect and assuming the worst from early labour - imagining horrific contractions and water breaking while trying to stay calm and responsible for a 6yo. The chances are you will have plenty of time to arrange childcare for her should labour happen on due date. Just make sure that you aren't doing the childcare that weekend maybe, and good luck!

NoAddedSuga · 15/11/2013 20:59

The op doesnt have any other biological children to consider, its her first baby and shes entitled to have her partners undivided attention when in labour.

The op is about to have a baby of her own for the first time, her situation is different if she was a mother already.

However what i would do is have dsd over, if labour starts then take
her back to her mums or see if the inlaws can have her.

Its a special time for you becoming a mother for the first time. As you dont have any other children, then you are entitled to not want the dsd around

Blu · 15/11/2013 21:00

OP, I completely understand that you are anxious about this - it is your first birth and I think that is a bit different to going into your second labour with your child, your birth child, in the home.

This is what happened when I went into labour with my first / only baby(6 days after due date);
Bit of slow leaking of waters when out shopping.
Bit of v mild cramping.
Finished the shopping, stopped and had a long conversation with a neighbour on the way home.
Got home, called DP home from work.
We both sat around like lemons wondering what to do
Mild contractions
Decided to go out for dinner - on the grounds that it might be the last chance we got. I drove there, I think!
Went home, went to bed, mild contractions on and off
5am definite contractions
Made breakfast, sat out in sun reading paper
Contractions stronger all day - but I actually had a conversation on the phone to my Mum and didn't tell her I was in labour when I was about 7cms dilated
Got a bit hectic...

PLENTY of time in all that for Nanny to come and get your dsd.
And really focus on you.

bellablot · 15/11/2013 21:10

There are so many threads on here where step mothers complain about their step children being around when it's not convenient for them, it baffles me, it really does. Why on earth would you get with someone who already has children then complain when it doesn't suit. Your poor DH and his DD.

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