What do you tell other women about childbirth

[MBRaz]

I'm sure this has come up before so forgive me - I am fairly new here! But I was wondering what you all said to other (especially pregnant) women about, specifically, the pain of labour/childbirth. I only ask because I feel that a lot of my friends were extremely positive about it when I was pregnant and said it wasn't that bad etc and you forget it easily but after I gave birth (and had a pretty medieval time of it) they all said, 'well of course we couldn't tell you the truth about it - you were pregnant!'.

Now, I would much prefer to know everyone's truthful experience - painful or not, but am I in the minority here?!

if someone asks me i tell them my experiances where fine and i dont find labour that bad at all but i also say the truth is everyone finds it and copes differently

the truth, but only if they ask.

I tend to gloss over some of the more gory details of my labour unless someone really wants to know what a 4th degree tear, episiotomy, forceps and shoulder dystocia really feels like when your epidural has worn off and you have no other pain relief.

I do tell them I found it very painful but the relief from the pain is instant as soon as the baby is out (and that for me I haven't forgotten the pain and dont think I ever will).

I tell them that each contraction experienced is one contraction closer to the end and that when they think they are about to poo themselves it's almost over.

Honest and helpful without pretending it's fun or scaring the pregnant woman.

That I'm not going to lie - it is does hurt - but that it is all worth it once you have your baby in your arms.

Think it helps that I'm currently expecting DC4

I would just say it hurt, but it was fine, because for me that is true. MIL, bless her, spent a good hour when I was about 38 weeks gone telling me in great detail, exactly how painful it all was. That was not helpful!

I'd just say it's different for everyone and to keep an open mind about birth plan/pain relief etc as you'll never know how you feel until the time comes. If you find you're not coping let the midwife know and don't feel bad if you need the pain relief.

I have had two very different births in terms of pain and had an epidural for one of them. Don't compare your birth to anyone else's because they are all different. But you have to do it and it's obviously all worth it in the end

Interesting! I can totally see that there is no point scaring people, especially when it is different for everyone. I think I just didn't like feeling like I'd been lied to. And I was aware that of course it would be painful - what I didn't like was my friends (almost laughing!) afterwards telling me they hadn't been truthful!

I say that a c-section is fine and pain relief is good. But I had 2 planned sections and a whole 3 contractions between them.

I think people find it hard to be truthful because many women feel so vulnerable during labour and to properly describe it would be to reveal something extremely intimate about themselves.

Also - how do you describe pain? All my three experiences were completely different - all painful but in different ways. And how would it help a friend to know what it was like for me? Their experience will probably be completely different again.

Nothing anybody said could have prepared me for what it actually felt like to give birth, so it didn't really matter what anyone said beforehand.

If childless friends ask me what it was like I tell them the truth, that it hurt a LOT but that it was totally worth it! I also tell them that others I've spoken to didn't find it so bad and so to keep an open mind because it's so different for everyone.

Mostly the truth - that yes, it really fucking hurts, but also that you do space out a lot and so time doesn't seem to take that long. I hide some of the gorier ins and outs. Mostly I just try to remind them that things don't often go to plan. I seem to know a lot of mums to be that are so dead set on hypnobirthing and water birthing, so set on it they won't contemplate anything else, which I think isn't a great way to look at thing. So I just remind them that a lot of things are out of their control, illness, position of the baby etc., and that they are probably best to just have an open mind.

I tend to say that it's different for everyone. I had a really shit time that has put me off having any more children so they really don't need to hear about the ins and outs of ds's birth!

The truth. That it did hurt but not as bad as I was expecting. And that obviously everyone is different but that was ny experience.

Oh and that inductions are not all bad.

I'm only 6 days post partum with DC2, and when people ask when they come visit, I'll say this was a lovely birth. Quick and progressed well, but it still hurts like hell, and feels very much like pooing furniture.

I'll also make the point of keeping an open mind.

You don't wish to know the truth, or my truth, as that will not help you in the slightest but might terrify you unnecessarily. Why should I be so mean as to do that?!?

All you need to know is I did it twice. So, no matter how it was the ends justified the means, for me at least.

I told one person, unbidden, the utter truth and wish I hadn't because she was utterly freaked out. For general enquiries I say that it was painful but no more than I expected it to be. If I was specifically asked by someone to tell them honestly, then I probably would, but I had two straightforward relatively pain-free births so not much to tell really.

I didn't find either of my births that bad, although both had their quirks, and that's what I tell people. I also know I'm lucky. I'm far from being the only person I know who wasn't put through the mill in labour though so definitely worth pointing out it does happen.

That it's like squeezing a watermelon out your nostril.

I say very little as its not really fair to frighten pregnant mums. Just say that whatever they experience is worth it when they hold their new baby for the first time.

I don't because I can't really talk about dd's birth without crying.

I am the opposite. I've always wondered where people get off telling already nervous pregnant women the gory details. What good does it do?

I tell them if they're panicking that the uterus is an organ and the more oxygen you get to it the more able you can cope with the contractions. To try and remember that if it gets overwhelming and they panic.. which means shallow breathing and not enough oxygen.

I tell them to bear in mind that every woman is different and every labour is different. But that for me, with a 9+ lb back to back baby, it really fecking hurt. And that yes, I had an epidural and the subsequent 'cascade of intervention' but good god, I needed that pain relief and I wouldn't do a thing differently if I had my time again.