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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

What do you tell other women about childbirth

60 replies

MBRaz · 28/10/2013 13:24

I'm sure this has come up before so forgive me - I am fairly new here! But I was wondering what you all said to other (especially pregnant) women about, specifically, the pain of labour/childbirth. I only ask because I feel that a lot of my friends were extremely positive about it when I was pregnant and said it wasn't that bad etc and you forget it easily but after I gave birth (and had a pretty medieval time of it) they all said, 'well of course we couldn't tell you the truth about it - you were pregnant!'.

Now, I would much prefer to know everyone's truthful experience - painful or not, but am I in the minority here?!

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1944girl · 28/10/2013 20:30

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cathpip · 28/10/2013 20:36

I relay what I was told "it's one of the most painful things that you will go through, but, you will do it again and then maybe again like me" she was right I'm on my third!

mumofthemonsters808 · 28/10/2013 20:37

I just say that for me both babies come quickly and the pain was on par with a bad period.

rachyconks · 28/10/2013 20:41

My mum spent a lot of time when I was pregnant telling me how bad it was, how she needed an episiotomy etc etc. mostly after wine the stories would start. Needless to say it scared the shit out of me!!! However, I had a very positive experience. Yes, it was painful, but exhilarating. I have never experienced anything like it, and when it was over I could have done it over again! Two of my friends are pregnant and so I tell them the truth. I think it's good for first timers to hear positive stories instead of negative ones all the time.

BloodiedGhouloshes · 28/10/2013 20:49

I tell them that it is different for everybody, and my experiences are a bit unique because 20 years ago I broke my pelvis and my spine and so my babies tend to get a bit stuck. I also say that if they feel they may need an epidural to make that known quite early in case the anaesthetist goes off duty.

I also say that my two closest friends had very easy births, and so they should not take what I went through as anything like normal.

BloodiedGhouloshes · 28/10/2013 20:50

Oh, and the most useful thing anyone told me was 'seriously it fucking hurts, but it's worth it'.

BloodiedGhouloshes · 28/10/2013 20:54

I also say that about 3 day later post partum, when that weird adrenalin thing kicks in and you feel like an utter goddess is the best feeling in the world.

I did it a second time just to feel that!

Mamabear12 · 28/10/2013 21:27

I tell the truth. First experience was difficult and painful bc they had no rooms and I was progressing fast. In triage w other women until 8cm! I was only one in active labour. Second time got a room right away and epidural 15 mins after I requested it at 4cms. It was a dream birth! So it really depends on your luck at hospital and pregnancy.

Piffpaffpoff · 28/10/2013 21:43

Bloodied ha, I'd forgotten about that amazing feeling. For about 3 weeks after DS's birth I really genuinely thought I could do anything, having done that. Happy days!

Northumberlandlass · 28/10/2013 21:49

I am exactly the same as CravingCake

People really don't want to know what I went through. I tell them the truth about my labour as it was fine. Hurt like hell but I always felt in control & took the midwives advice.

It all went wrong for me at the end & I don't really talk to anyone about it

kikid · 28/10/2013 22:11

I say it's a natural pain/ experience, yes it hurts, but for me nothing like a broken bone, trust your body & don't be quick to ask for epidurals..
stay at home as long as you can.
I say this after a 8lb back to back birth.

the worse pain I've had was toothache, i'd give birth again anyday over that sodding pain.

Coveredinweetabix · 29/10/2013 12:00

If they have had DC, every gory detail. If they haven't then I tell them to be open minded as how they think/ want their labour to be and what happens can be very different, that I had two totally different labours and then give practical tips on what to take, how the hospital works (eg when shift changes are) etc.

kotinka · 29/10/2013 12:05

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OrangeMochaFrappucino · 29/10/2013 12:09

That it's possible to have a great experience - I did - and to be as prepared and knowledgeable as possible. I recommend a book with positive birth stories (Ina May's Guide to Childbirth) to counteract the horror stories some people delight in telling. But I say that I also know women who have had a much tougher time so essentially - hope for the best but be prepared for it not to go to plan. I also say that lots of women do it again so it's definitely worth it! And I would say to be open minded about pain relief - I didn't need any as it turned out but I would have taken it happily if I had done.

AnythingNotEverything · 29/10/2013 12:32

Bloodied I can second that - DD is a week old today, we're well on with establishing breastfeeding, and I feel like superwoman. After the crash of day 3/4, this feels amazing!

MurderOfBanshees · 29/10/2013 12:34

Luckily no one has asked me, I've told the truth to friends who I know will never ever have kids, but I wouldn't know what to tell someone who would go through it one day.

OrlaNuttin · 29/10/2013 16:16

Depends on the person asking. A nervous friend would get an edited version full of positivity.
A friend who wants to know everything and be prepared for anything can have the whole gory story!
Fwiw I wsnted to know every detail when I was pg with dc1 and pestered all my friends for their details.

babynelly2010 · 29/10/2013 16:57

I tell the truth... It is unpleasant and very painful... but if you concentrate on positives it can be very rewarding. Plus it can be different each time, I have 2 babies and my birthing experiences were very different. I think I forgot a lot of unpleasant things of my first because there was a lot of positive moments that I could concentrate on and in regards to my second I will never forget... it was like being in a war and I was a survivor... no joking around...

havingastress · 29/10/2013 17:19

I thought I was dying, I mean REALLY dying. So I don't tend to tell the true story, other than to women who've already had babies!

Besides, different for everyone, isn't it?

Original poster

MBRaz · 29/10/2013 18:07

Kotinka - I suppose that is my point with my friends - I felt a bit like I was panicking because it wasn't supposed to be that bad etc. but of course it is worth it!

OP posts:

Hotbot · 29/10/2013 18:48

Rearm nothing because both times I had big complications, so wouldn't want to scare them. They did see me shortly,after and said later that il looked shit tho.

donteatthat · 29/10/2013 19:00

I get really cross when women tell pregnant women birth horror stories, what is the point in terrifying your poor friend, she has to give birth, that baby has got to come out one way or another! When I was pregnant a close friend told me in great detail about the horrors of her birth and how she thought she was going to die! I think that is such a mean thing to do! Completely unsupportive, so much for sisterhood!

I just say that every birth is different but that it's important to keep an open mind as a lot of the time it is out of your control (I laboured for 2 days, pushed for as long as they would let me and ended up having an EMCS against my will, although in hindsight it was probably a good thing seeing as my baby was over 10lb and I am quite little with no hips!!) I think it is probably a good thing to go in with an open mind rather than as I did thinking I absolutely don't want to have a CS (thanks NCT!)

kotinka · 29/10/2013 19:10

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Purplemonster · 29/10/2013 21:56

I would never tell a pregnant woman the truth, for what purpose? To terrify them? It's not like they can change their mind is it!
I had no concept of how bad it would be and I think it was a good thing as I went into it feeling positive. Now I know what it's really like, I'm not sure I will ever be able to face having another, though it was only 4 months ago so maybe in time I'll forget how bad it was. I doubt it though.

slightlygoostained · 29/10/2013 22:10

I told pregnant colleague that it wasn't not painful, but it was manageable. Because it was, for me. I definitely didn't give lots of gory details about my PPH! I did mention I had one.

I avoided bad stories quite deliberately during my own pregnancy. I had read plenty about how it can all go horribly wrong before and felt I really could do without having them foremost in my mind while in labour.

I definitely avoid scary sounding stuff in front of a colleague who wants children, loves babies, but is really nervous about anything medical - that would just be cruel.

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