What do you tell other women about childbirth

[MBRaz]

I'm sure this has come up before so forgive me - I am fairly new here! But I was wondering what you all said to other (especially pregnant) women about, specifically, the pain of labour/childbirth. I only ask because I feel that a lot of my friends were extremely positive about it when I was pregnant and said it wasn't that bad etc and you forget it easily but after I gave birth (and had a pretty medieval time of it) they all said, 'well of course we couldn't tell you the truth about it - you were pregnant!'.

Now, I would much prefer to know everyone's truthful experience - painful or not, but am I in the minority here?!

I tell people the truth about how I felt about the level of pain as I think women should have realistic expectations, but I only if they ask and I don't go into detail.

That it was really no big deal but to be prepared for anything.

I had a very traumatic first birth which left my son disabled and nearly killed me. It led to pp and I suffered for years. Couldn't talk about it for years without crying and shaking.

If someone who is pregnant for the first time asks me what it was like, I say it hurts like hell but the drugs are great.

I don't tell them what actually happened because it would scare the shit out of them and what happened to me is not what normally happens. They don't need to know and it would frighten them.

But if I am swapping birth stories with a fellow parent, I tell them about it.

I have been asking women about their experiences for a long time before DC because its something I had an un natural fear of and I always wanted the truth.

I never like quiet whispers whilst lying really....I much prefer people to tell the goddam truth, then you can properly prepare.

I tell them the truth, as it was for me. it hurt. Quite a lot. but was a walk in the park compared to the horrendous 9 months you spend pregnant! it wasn't the labours that nearly put me off having more- it was the pregnancies! just hated it! but perversely, almost enjoyed my labours with all 3 (thinking thank God it's nearly over

I kind of wish I'd been told the truth by other mums - it was only after the birth that everyone admitted how painful and challenging it really is! I feel like if I'd known, my birth plan would have been quite different. I even went to a natural birthing group, who I now feel, glossed over the pain aspect. That said, I do know some people who had much easier births than mine. I think women are just really stoical and tend to down play things - I wonder how childbirth would be spoken about if men gave birth - I imagine the descriptions would be much more graphic and macho. That said, everyone copes because there's no choice but to cope - and all babies get born eventually (hard to remember at the time if you've been in labor a long time like I was). I told everyone who came within earshot all about my experience in gory detail for the first few weeks, but I felt like I needed to, it was a way of avoiding PTSD - I had to relive the experience in a safe way with people who cared about me. Must have worked as I want another baby now!

I give them the only tip that helped me immensely.

Before I had DD a good friend who had 3 DCs said 'there comes a point with contractions where you can't take any more.... That's it, that's the worse it gets as you're hitting the wall..... Get through that and you'll find the pushing is easier; don't think 'shit how much more is pushing going to hurt' and panic because the worst is over.'

That is exactly how my transition happened and thank god she had told me as I clung to it and she was right. Pushing did hurt less!

I've passed it on to a few friends having DC1 and they have said afterwards that I was right.

That staying upright if they can, and if they want to, is a good way to keep pain from being completely overwhelming.

That even a straightforward birth can feel like you've been right through the wringer a few times.

That they can do it.

Stay upright and open.

Move around as much as poss.

Gas and air can help as can TENS.

I say that it hurt a lot but not as much as I thought it would, that it is sooooo worth it as you get a lovely baby at the end of it, and that most people go on to have a second/third/fourth baby so it obviously isn't unbearable.