So frightened and emotional

[ElBombero]

39+2 and its happening, felt periody and crampy past few days, then past few hours had pains, tightenings, take my breath away nerve pains in my bum. I'm struggling. Just bringing it all back from horrific birth with DD, in bed crying and feel very scared. Having my DD was the best thing I ever did but god it hurts like mad doesn't it, I honesty thought I was dying last time. I'm so sad I'm gonna have to go through it all again.

It's OK. Have you called the maternity unit yet? I'm sorry you're scared Focus on how amazing it was when your DD was born and how beautiful she was.

Remember its only a tempory state, it won't last forever!

It won't be exactly like it was the first time.

Pain relief, can you request some strong pain relief?

Hang in there, every moment that passes is one less and you won't have to do it again.

Probably you've heard it all before, but hope it helps

Just remember with every twinge pain and tightening brings you closer to your baby. Won't be long once it's over, try to deal with one contraction at a time. Try to go with flow as tending up will make it seem worse. Wishing you all the best! New baby soon!

Do you have anybody with you? Partner/friend/mum?

I know it's a cliche, but please try to relax & breathe slowly & deeply, both in between contractions and whilst they're happening. Being tense & letting fear control you is only going to make you dread each tightening, and make the pain seem worse. Do you have anyone there with you? As others have said, each contraction makes the cervix dilate just that little bit more, and once that bit's out the way your body will guide you through transition & pushing. My first birth was horrendous, my second was hard, but I really only remember the joy of seeing dd2 for the first time, because I had faith in myself and in my body's ability. You can have that too.

Aww thanks guys, trying to be positive and remember the utter overwhelming joy for when its done. My DH is here with me. Not rang in yet, deffo feels like its happening but no show yet (had lots of discharge throughout day though but all clear, sorry TMI) no waters ??? Maybe false alarm. Didn't have any of that first time though, my first pains where labour so thinking it must be like that this time.

Big part of me thinks the only way I'm gonna get through this is with pain relief, but why do I feel like I'd be a failure for doing so? I had terrible post traumatic stress after first labour I just want that perfect labour we all here about but somehow seems impossible

If you need pain relief then ask for it - there's no shame in it and if it helps you to relax and makes for a better birth experience go for it. I also had a horrendous delivery with DC1 and when I found myself pg again only 7 months later was distraught at the thought of going through it all again.

I had an epidural and a 4 hour birth with DC2 - it was amazing and really special and pain free .

Best wishes x

Aw, sweetie, don't be scared - you've done it before, you'll do it again. A lot of second labours are easier than the first.

Every pain that passes will have done its job to help your baby on the way out and IT WILL NEVER COME AGAIN.
Phone your mat unit, go in when you feel you need to, get painrelief whenever YOU feel you need it.

How we birth our children is such a tiny part of being a mother and it's not a competition (well, it really ought not to be one).

Do you feel able to have a warm bath? Have you taken any Paracetamol? Does walking about help??

There is no way you should feel like a failure for having pain relief - the only thing that matters is that you and baby are fine.

I have never heard of a single person that didn't find it easier second time around - if that makes sense.

Be calm, have a bath, don't panic - as others have said, each pain is bringing you closer to having your baby.

Good luck and can't wait to hear your news!

Here's another thing that helped me: deliberately unclench your jaw - open your mouth. Also try and drop your shoulders when you remember.

I had to humm... loudly with every contraction...
Or was it mooing?

Stitching that sounds lovely. Did you manage an intervention free labour with epidural? Could you feel your body to push?

Remember them telling me to push when I'd had an emergency spinal anaesthetic, they were on their third pull trying to get DD out n I couldn't push I was completely numb, like I was acting with facial expressions cos everyone was shouting for me to give it my best!

And a 'perfect labour' is the one where you are happily lying there with your baby in your arms at the end - it doesn't matter how you get to that point!

Congratulations!! You will soon be holding a warm cuddly new born.
Pain does not have to be horrible and necessary. Ask for pain relief and remain positive!! It might not be even close to how it was last time. I have just hand held a friend through her second baby labour, and it was so cool. Her first was a nightmare enough to make me run after hearing about it. Second one was epidural that got topped, it was calm, pain was very limited to the last few minutes and the beautiful girl was breathtakingly awesome!!
Hang in there and ask for relief. They don't offer it unless you ask (in most places that is).
Good luck!! Keep us posted and get ready for the magic/miracle!!!
X

Thanks pacific had 2 paracetamol and doing some rocking on all fours whilst mumsnetting, feeling quite comfy at the moment.

This competitive thing really gets to me. Comments such as "I managed mine with just G&A" or "try without an epidural you don't want to be stuck in bed / have catheter / leak CSF / etc" midwife throughout says I can do it without, it will be easy this time. WTF
Is everyone against pain relief? In work with a lot of women I know it will be of great interest of a lot of there's how I manage, not in a nasty way but in a smug, blow their own trumpets kinda way.

Hey I really feel for you. I had a dreadful time with DD1 and was really not looking forward to it again so much so I considered termination. I had DD2 on Friday night and it was an infinitely more positive experience. Yes it hurt but it was manageable. Active labour was also a lot quicker, only 4 hours and then an hour and a half of pushing. Sounds ages when it's written down but it really did go by. I had no medication not even gas and air and no intervention was needed. I really didn't plan on that!

I am not saying this will be your experience but your body has done it before and will remember how to do it this time. Expect discomfort, really go with the energy but be open to all possibilities too. I made loads of noise during dilation but used that energy to bear down when I needed to push if you know what I mean using my breath to shift her down. And really do push down into your bottom like you are doing the biggest poo and couldn't care less even if you do (that really helped me as I was a tad worried about it, was glad when I did actually poo in the birth pool as it kind of sorted that one out).

I know you are frightened, I was but you will be a champion when it actually happens. The first one is no indication of what the second one can be. It won't last forever and a the end you will meet your beautiful child and all will be forgotten believe me.

ElBombero, an epidural is nothing like a spinal anaesthetic!
I have experience of both; the spinal was quite scary, the way I had no control over my body. If they had sawn a leg off rather than getting DS2 out (emCS), I would not have known!
My epidural was fab (induction as T+15): I could move my legs in the bed (I don't think I could've walked, so not truly 'mobile' epidural), was painfree, but knew exactly in what direction to push when the time came.
I've also had 2 deliveries with no interventions and guess what: I love all my boys the same and I can find good things about all their different births.

I'd say the perfect birth is the one you can look back on fondly and really hope this will be one .

El, the MW told me when to push but that didn't bother me at all - you don't win a medal for giving birth pain free and now my kids are 3 and 5 it's rarely if ever mentioned and no one cares!

I loved it - no intervention required. Just my dh and one MW in the room and DS2 born quickly and easily. It was a beautiful birth and if anyone thinks I was pathetic for opting for an epidural that's their problem not mine !

Exactly 3yrs ago tonight, I posted the very same thread. I'd had a terrible labour and delivery first time round and I was up, in labour with dc2. I was terrified. Of the pain, of letting down dd by having another, of having ptsd/pnd again. I shook and cried and the first time round came flooding back.

To be honest with you, the labour went the same way and I had a repeat emcs BUT BUT BUT, it was a very positive experience. I knew categorically from first time round and I am telling you this now, you cannot control the method of delivery and your need for pain relief. You aren't the only person doing this. Your baby is there too and hasn't read any of the books. When in labour with ds, I kept reminding myself that I was doing it WITH him, if HE needed help and HE got stuck and we had to find a different way, then we'd do it together. My second labour was longer but didn't hurt the way the first labour did actually. I didn't need any pain relief and I wasn't out of control at any point so even though he got into the same difficulties as his sister and an emcs was required again, I didn't experience labour in the same way at all.

I'm currently cuddling my very nearly 2yo and that night seems a lifetime ago. The method by which he entered the world is irrelevant to who he is and who we are together. He has completed our family and his labour was a brief sneeze of time.

If you need pain relief, take it. Don't let the first weeks and months of your baby's life be crippled by ptsd caused by out of control pain. I've been there. Your comfort is important, your mental health takes precedence over the untenable goal of the perfect delivery. Perfect is subjective. Make decisions based on how you feel and what you need, not on what you think you arbitrarily should do.

If it helps, I'm here and thinking of you. You will be fine. This is the beginning of something very exciting. No guilt. Take a deep breath and know that it won't be forever.

And it really is no one else's business how you do it either - tell them you gave birth on your own in a barn !

Good luck.

I had a horrid time with ds1. With ds2, I managed for ages, then had an epidural. It was awesome and I'm absolutely proud to shout it from the rooftops.

It's your labour, you are in control. If you want pain relief, then ask.

Oh, I found breathing in deeply just as the contraction started, then starting the out breath before it peaked worked brilliantly.

This is YOUR labour and will be YOUR delivery - everybody else and their opinions can go and whistle Dixie .

If you're fine without painrelief - fine.
If you need something - fine.
If you need everything the hospital pharmacy has to offer - fine.

There is the famous 'cascade of intervention', meaning one intervention leads to another. And yet the vast majority of babies and mothers get through childbirth.
I'd also argue a new mother totally traumatised by her delivery and suffering from PTSD for months afterward because she did not have whatever support including painrelief she had during labour, is not a good outcome.

So, you go girl! Roar, or moo, or swear, or be v quiet - whatever works for you. Have painrelief or not. This is an amazing thing your body is doing - go with it as best you can.

I hope you don't think me flippant - but laughter is quite good against fear...

I did this last night!! It'll be ok. Really.

Take whatever pain relief you need but honestly the breathing makes ALL the difference.
I nearly lost it on Saturday morning at only about 3cm dilated because i was panicking but with proper breathing I got to 7.5cm with a tens machine at home (not that you should do the tens machine or stating at home but just to show how much the breathing matters).
Long, slow breaths in through your nose and then blow out through pursed lips like you're blowing out all the candles on a giant birthday cake.
Every time you grit your teeth or speed up get your birth partner to remind you gently and help you.

You CAN do it :)

Ps I wasn't trying to be smug about pain relief so I hope it didn't come across that way. I am as surprised as anyone else that I did it without but I just wanted to get across that for some reason being open to all options made me more relaxed. I stopped wanting the perfect birth and just wanted to get the job done in the best way I could. It helped to really lower my expectations and made birthing a whole lot easier.

I found hip rotation during my contraction, dilation stage really helpful, as was walking around as it brought the contractions on. Once my waters went things really picked up and I was in a birth pool pushing within hours. I finally delivered reclining on land and I had always said I would never do it on my back but when the time came it was the best way as I had knackered my back from being in the same position too long. My midwife also was able to push her fingers down on my perineum to help me get my focus down there. It really did the trick as I needed it after quite a long time pushing. Once I realised where and what I needed to push it was so much easier.

Excellent advice pacific!

Sod anyone who wants to judge you on your birth. Do whatever you need/want to. It's nothing to do with anyone else. Everyone's labours are different.

Thinking of you!

Congratulations!

Have you been able to speak to your mat unit yet?