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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Orgasm during childbirth?! Tell me this is a lie!!

493 replies

kitegirl · 09/06/2006 13:56

A friend of mine has a very competitive MIL. This friend has just given birth to her first, a nightmare labour with every possible intervention you could imagine (she's cool about it, bless her). Her MIL won't stop going on how amazing all her births were, saying how she just 'breathed the babies out' and how all her births were such ecstatic, spiritual experiences that she actually had an orgasm during each one!

Now I know a birth can be enjoyable, but an orgasm??? I've never heard this happening. Is this a case of one-upmanship? I told my friend that there's only one place to find out and that's Mumsnet... so what do you think?

OP posts:

MadamePlatypus · 10/06/2006 16:58

My childbirth experience was extreme period pains followed by excreting a water melon. Neither stage resulted in an orgasm, but maybe next time. I am pretty sure I experienced pain, and wasn't confirming to a stereotype. I don't have any problem with somebody having an orgasmic childbirth - I think thats great. My problem is with people who think that there is one definitive labour experience that everybody shares and that anybody who claims to have varied from this is deluding themselves. E.g. "Pain? there is no such thing as pain. Why must we keep labelling contractions as painful? ... This perceived pain, this misrepresentation of the contraction is the cause of so much unhappiness in the birthing room" - Frederick Leboyer, Obstetrician. GRrrr . However, I am equally annoyed by the bloke at work who kept insisting I should have a C-section because his wife did.

Rhubarb · 10/06/2006 16:59

I accepted that earlier down. Just all the talk of fisting and childbirth made me think that childbirth was being sexualised again. And I'm in a very fractious mood.

Rhubarb · 10/06/2006 17:01

Hear hear! I had a home birth with my second and used just gas and air. A different type of pain yes, but a burning, tearing pain nevertheless. And you can hardly say that contractions are pleasant! No-one says that periods have to be painful, but no-one denies that they can be extremely painful either.

SleepyJess · 10/06/2006 17:01

Yeah.. little do the 'too push to push' brigade realise that they are doing themselves out of an orgasm.. Maybe they're too push to come as well...?

dizietsma · 10/06/2006 17:05

I wasn't trying to sexualise birth by comparing it to fisting, I was simply giving a possible explanation as to why it could be enjoyable for people who don't understand by using a comparison.

Blandmum · 10/06/2006 17:05

Knit one, perl one...Oh God
Knit one , perl one, slip stitch OOOOG GODDD!!!!

Knit one, perl one,PSSO God, do it to me big boy !!!!!!!!!!!!

K2Tog Oh Yes, yes, yes, ARRGGGGHHHH!!!!!

dizietsma · 10/06/2006 17:08

It's so bizzare that you seem to think that just 'cos a few people have enjoyed birth means that we're all out on some sort of conspiracy to deny that it can be painful! It can be for some and for some it isn't, why is that so controversial?

FrannyandZooey · 10/06/2006 17:12

I don't think sex isn't something that has to be contained in its own neat corner, in case it gets out and infects other areas of our lives, though. Sex does seep into most parts of human existence, in a messy and uncontrollable way sometimes. It's our basic primal urge.

I also felt ravenously hungry and had a great big poo during childbirth, did I taint the experience do you think?

dizietsma · 10/06/2006 17:13

I agree Franny.

Rhubarb · 10/06/2006 17:37

I think mums have a hard enough time without having this thrown at them. Giving birth is bloody hard work (have you read blobsmummys account?) and the sense of failure some mothers have when it goes wrong is tremendous. This, to me, feels like another stick to beat them with.

Pruni · 10/06/2006 17:54

"This, to me, feels like another stick to beat them with." (Rhubarb)
But, it isn't, nobody but nobody has said it is - and since we have at least one (brave) person to tell us it happens, can we not discuss it like adults without it automatically meaning that the lentil-weavers are out to lynch everybody who didn't chant the baby out?

Rhubarb · 10/06/2006 18:19

As I already said, if it happens then lucky you! But to suggest that women masturbate during it, or to suggest that they do not relax enough during childbirth, or to suggest that pain is psychological - all of those things are demeaning to women who have had tough births.

madmarchhare · 10/06/2006 18:44

Well thats the last time I put money on a thread not making the home page .

Rhubarb · 10/06/2006 18:49

Really?

Pruni · 10/06/2006 18:51

Agreed. But as people seem to be saying over and over again - that doesn't mean that there's nothing to discuss about those issues. EG it's well-known that stress and physical tension affect the perception of pain. That doesn't mean that every woman who found it unbearable was stressed and it certainly doesn't mean that every woman who had no pain was chilled out. But let's say it did make a difference to some women, knowing that if they used various techniques to change their stress levels and relax their muscles, and so turn the pain into something vaguely manageable, and so not needing an epidural, which might have led on to further intervention - is that not worth saying?? It's not a judgement fgs, and neither is it a straight fact - it's a bit of information that might make a difference. It's no comment at all on people who had bloody hard labours and births.

Rhubarb · 10/06/2006 18:55

Yes but Pruni, your argument there makes perfect sense, however this thread started off talking about those stupid websites that really do equate childbirth with sex, including having and giving oral sex, asking midwives to masturbate them and so on. It's a bit different to getting a woman to relax and give birth with little intervention - this is what I did and I certainly didn't orgasm!

Yes, having an orgasm whilst giving birth may come to some women, but actually undergoing sexual practices whilst giving birth, to me, debases the whole childbirth process.

Pruni · 10/06/2006 19:00

Don't read Spiritual Midwifery then, Rhubarb!

Rhubarb · 10/06/2006 19:02

I once went to a talk on that topic Pruni - by a male midwife! I thought what a bloody cheek for a man to sit there and tell us about "painless" childbirth! I was not impressed!

dizietsma · 10/06/2006 19:24

"Yes, having an orgasm whilst giving birth may come to some women, but actually undergoing sexual practices whilst giving birth, to me, debases the whole childbirth process."

That's really quite a prudish attitude, Rhubarb. "debases" huh? I don't find sex debasing and I'm rather saddened that you do. Sex is recommended to get things started isn't it? I can see the logic to it. More progesterone etc.

I don't think any of these websites are recommending coercing women into having sex, which is rape isn't it? If a woman wants to have sex whilst in labour then I see no reason why she shouldn't (obviously providing membranes are still intact). I don't think it's a good idea to get staff involved in any way, but as mentioned earlier that's a rather sensationalist angle isn't it?

And actually, just reviewing the initial post I think you'll find it doesn't mention any websites, just an annoying MIL who enjoyed her births and is hassling her DIL to (magically?) replicate her experience.

FrannyandZooey · 10/06/2006 19:25

"actually undergoing sexual practices whilst giving birth, to me, debases the whole childbirth process"

heaven only knows what you think of me having a big dump then Rhubarb :o

I think talking about debasing the childbirth process is daft. Birth is about as visceral and mucky as it gets. Whatever people want to do to get them through it is fine by me.

cluckcluckcluck · 10/06/2006 20:03

unpetitefili · 10/06/2006 21:52

I have had four births and before each one i had crazy thoughts that it might not hurt so much this time only to be hit by all consuming pain that was beyond my comprehension in the heights of this pain it was like being taken to a place within myself where the only conscious thought was extreme pain and wanting to be free from such torturous agony. luckily my labours were short. I think the pleasurable feelings are of overriding joy mixed with euphoric love at the tiny being you've born and joy of cessation of pain . Can't imagine orgasm's or how they could happen but each to their own and if that is someone's experience then preferable to pain any day.(smile)

NappiesGalore · 10/06/2006 23:59

ok, am just a newbie, and mostly a lurker at that (i have no time to read threads properly let alone answer them), but have read whole thread (taken 2 hours and no-ones posted since i started so not sure why im bothering really) and decided 2 things:
i like sophable and harpsichord and pruni (and some others, obv)
i think moondog and rhubarb (and some others obv) have issues.

thats it. i jotted down loads along theway but none of it seems worth saying anymore.

monkeytrousers · 11/06/2006 00:03

oh you do pick your fights don't you..

peanutsmum1 · 11/06/2006 00:17

jesus h.christ I thought I was going to die while I was giving birth I had such a bad experience, ds stuck in my birth canal for 5 and a half hours. The last thing on my mind was a f**king orgasm - wtf is that all about ???????

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