Bringing DD to hospital day of c-section - your thoughts??

[Mummy252]

Ok, so dd is 21 months and I'm due for an elective c-section( after very bad birth with her) in 2 weeks!!
To be fair dd and I may have some attachment issues, we literally spend every waking and sleeping for that matter moment together. She doesn't go to nursery and is with me 24/7, we tried nursery but both of us hated it.

Anyway, I'm dreading being away from her overnight as I genuinely don't remember anyone else ever putting her to sleep/ getting her up etc and I know she will be very confused.
My mum is coming over in the morning as we leave very early for hospital so dd will wake up with her. I know there's 3 of us booked in that day and they usually only book 2 so no idea when I will actually go down to theatre.
My question is could dd come to the hospital with us? With my mum of course? Then we can be together and wake up together etc until its time to go to theatre? I want her to come see me and her baby brother after the birth anyway?
Just wondering how others played it with their little ones when they went in?

I am not so sure seeing the OP responses that she really wants to let go. I think she likes the fact that they are together 24/7. It sounds very odd tbh.

Handcream I completely agree. I understand people missing their DC and wanting to be with them but this is extreme.

Also a bit deluded about life with two in to. Sometimes DD will need to come second, when baby needs feeding etc.

Agree handcream. And some parents like the idea that their DC can only be looked after by them, that they're the only ones who can do it properly. That's all good and well..... until the child in question goes to nursery/school. I think the OP is setting herself up for a much harder time than is necessary. OP, your DD will be absolutely fine without your 100% attention. It'll teach her to be a little more independent and resourceful, all very useful skills to have

I love being together 24/7, feel very lucky to have that time with my kids. Also as I mentioned dh works away, he is home 2 weeks away 6. I also mentioned my dad has dementia so my mum is his full time carer so unlike many others its just me, I don't have anyone else most of the time.
Dd is not a princess and is independent but is also used to having mummy around! She is only 21 months old so I don't think a certain amount of attachment is a bad thing.
Dh will be home for 2 weeks after the section, to the day, after that I'm
Back on my own so saying I'm bring unrealistic, well that's nice for you if you have others to help but I don't. BUT I'm used to doing stuff on my own so I'm not worried about life after that. I have my nephew 2/3 nights a week overnight and in the days so I'm used to having 2 kids and my dd loves helping me with him. She is used to sharing me but that doesn't mean she gets ignored. There's a difference.

My DM (an ex reception school teacher) says you can always tell the ones who have never been to nursery (and I dont see OP sending her DD to one) They have a sense of entitlement (in the nicest possible way - one that only a 4/5 year old can have) about being the centre of the universe.

Their parents are a complete nightmare according to Mum. One even wanted to sit next to her child during lessons as she screamed and cried when her mum left. Complained to the Head when Mum said it wasnt a good idea.

OP - please please listen to others who have posted. You are setting yourself and your family for a massive fall. Please remember your DP in all of this too. How left out he must be feeling.

Also, tbh - this doesnt sound at all a healthy relationship.

Op -please - she cannot be independent - you are always there! She wont do anything without you. You are even planning for her to come to the hospital with you. What next, in the theatre!

OP you sound super human and I take my hat off to you but you will need some help after those two weeks.You will not be able to lift anything substantial ,certainly not a toddler( please do not ignore the medical advice on this,a friend ruptured her scar and got an infection which ended in more surgery) you also will not be fit to drive.Could you get a mother help for a few weeks just to help with the heavy stuff.

Also your daughter can only gain by forming more trusting relationships with other adults and there will be times when she has to wait whilst you finish feeding/ changing the baby or putting the pushchair together or cooking the dinner and this will be good for her ,being a parent is all about giving them skills to cope with life and having a sibling and learning to wait is all part of that.

I can see your anxious about ur dd but ur having major surgery as u have another child to consider as well. Saying u will be out in 2 days even if ur crawling out is foolhardy u don't know what might happen to u or the baby they might not feed well or u might be unwell. (Hopefully not of course) but u don't seem to be very prepared for what could happen just obsessing about ur dd. maybe ur mum should have her alot the next two weeks so she more used to spending time with her. I guess with a two week deadline there's not much u can do if she has a bad night going to sleep with out u she will soon be fine once everyone home. Don't mean to be harse u just need to think of urself and the new baby as well as ur dd

You cant drive for 6 weeks (someone correct me if I am wrong) . Dont make things difficult for yourself by setting unrealistic expectations of what you or your DD are going to be able to do or not do.

I also have a feeling that you both sleep together. What happens when your DH comes back? Having a friend who let her DS sleep in the martial bed until he was 8 (!!) her DH went to sleep in the spare room and then a few years later left her for a women who is his words 'paid him some attention and cared about him'

Having said that- millions of women have gone onto to have more than one child. I had two - if I had stayed at one he might well have become the centre of our universe.

Really? Because as an ex-teacher I always felt it was very sad to see kids (high school admittedly) who would rather be at school than at home. Kids who were being bullied etc who couldn't talk to their parents about it because they felt their parents didn't have enough time for them. Kids who quite frankly needed a cuddle a bit more often.
Dd is independent, she will go to grandma for a few hours, will go off with her friends, we do a lot of clubs and she will go to her teachers etc happily, but she also knows mummy is there if she needs it. How sad if people really want a 1 year old to be so detached from theirs they that they wouldn't be upset that they went away for acoue of nights!
As I said I'm not worried about her In the day, but when she gets tired and isn't sure where I am etc.
dh and dd are very close and I assure you be is as anxious as me at having her alone overnight. My original question was simply a question as I felt if she had seen us in the hospital etc it would help her understand what was happening more.

My mum may be able to help, she may not, it depends how my dad is, if he is bad she won't.

She's got to 21 months without getting used to Daddy putting her to bed? :(

Surely you need to spend as much time over the little time you have left getting her used to being cared for by other loving members of her own family. You've left it very late but she's not going to be able to be with you in the hospital and neither will you be able to look after her.

You are doing her no favours at all and thinking nothing will change for her in terms of attention with a new baby brother is completely deluded. You can't feed/comfort/put to sleep/change the nappy of a newborn baby while simultaneously playing the game that your dd is demanding or picking her up, or any of the numerous other things she will demand at the least convenient moment. Because that's what 2yo children do when their mum is suddenly focused on a new baby.

When I had DD by planned c-section (then) 20mo DS was allowed to visit me briefly in the high dependency unit at the end of the day for a few minutes. He was pretty much carried in by his Dad, had a little chat with me, peeked at the strange pink baby in the fish tank, charmed the nurses then off they went again. It was 10 mins max, a HD unit is no place for a young child. He saw me for quick 10 min visits over the next 3 days I was in hospital.

Please don't push yourself to get out of hospital just because of your DD, your priority should be resting.

She's not independent - you wouldnt be asking if she could go to the hospital with you if she was. I feel now that you have said you are an ex teacher that you really should know better.

Surely you dont think that taking a toddler to hospital is the right thing to do. What about all the other women often in labour. What if they need to put a drip into you.

And somehow - if your DD is with you 24/7 - then how can she be very close to her DF?

The fact is she WILL get over it... Your DH is scared that he will not be able to cope with her because - tbh - you havent let him. Now you are almost at D Day and you are panicing.

My children when they were young didnt want to go to bed early. So, one day during a sleepover with 2 friends I said providing they werent running all over the house I would let them stay up talking. He and his friends did - until 3am.

Never again. My DS still remembers how he felt years later when he woke up at 0700...

Dh just isn't that hands on a dad. No dd doesn't sleep in my bed, she sleeps in her own but I do cuddle her to sleep and when she wakes up she comes and cuddles in ours. Again she is 21 months old, if she can't have cuddles now then I think that's sad.
Dd really isn't demanding. If I have to feed or change my nephew then she helps make the dinners or passes me the stuff out of the bag etc. she just does whatever I do.

Hmm, if you're pushing a wheelchair, carrying a 28lb child and you're 37 weeks pregnant and have given yourself a bad back, I can see you pushing things too far after the c-section and ending up with a ruptured scar or worse.

You will not be able to give your DD 100% after the operation. You will not be able to carry her. You will not be able to have her on your lap for cuddles. You will also not be pushing a wheelchair for some time as it pulls your stomach muscles.

Please do not carry on ignoring your own health as after major surgery you could do yourself some real damage.

You know - what will happen will happen. You are in cloud cuckoo land and arent listening to anyone on this thread. Crawling out of hospital if you have to. Has it come to that? You are having a lovely new baby. You dont need to crawl anywhere.

And if you were rushed into hopsital having burst your stitches or whatever, where would that leave your poor family.

I feel a matryr here. Someone saying - you cannot do it without me - look at me.

Please - listen to others on this thread and just relax and let others help. Its not all about you and what you want....

I've just had a c-section & the written advice from the hospital re: driving is 3-4 weeks provided your insurance company are happy. I contacted mine & they were happy for me to follow the hospitals' advice.

The 1st few days post-op were a real struggle & even 2 weeks down the line, I am struggling with the physical aspects of looking after my DS (eg bathing, dressing etc) & we haven't been out & about much. So you will need help.

OP: the bond I have with my DS has changed, and in some ways I feel a bit sad about that. But having a 2nd child does change things.

I'm afraid to say that the relationship between you & your daughter does not sound healthy. I wonder if your close bond is more for your needs than hers?

I feel - regardless of what anyone says on this thread - the OP believe she will cope, she will crawl out of hospital and be good for what exactly?

And yes - cheese - I think its the OP who likes it like this and coming from a family of teachers that makes me sad - she should know better.

OP, when you look back and read this thread, you will wonder why you couldn't hear what was being said to you,

You have left it a little late to get your daughter use to her other parent, I suggest you use the time left to do so, not just for your sake but for her, and for your partner,

he can do it, just as well as you can, you just have to let it happen, does it worry you that he may be able to, and somehow that will make you 'redundant"? You seem to be holding on very tight.

It will do all of you the world of good,

Go away for a night this weekend,don't make a fuss, just go, no build ups, of big goodbyes, and no going daft when you get back, be matter or fact about it, and then do it again in a few days time, keep doing it, and then it won't be a stressful event for anyone, you have a few weeks left to get this going, I would grab every chance you can.

if you do, everyone will be a lot calmer when the real event happens.