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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

My dh just informed me that....

90 replies

BekkiKay · 17/01/2004 20:02

if women in childbirth would just be quiet and go off on their own behind a bush it would be easier, safer and the more natural way to do things.
I've argued until I was blue in the face that there is no such thing as natural and how could keping quiet help the birth process. He has just said thats what plains indians do. Before we kill each other in this debate could someone shed some light on childbirth in times past or less developed countries. Statistics very welcome-Zebra?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

emmatmg · 17/01/2004 20:09

Bekki, ask him if he'd like to shit a watermelon in silence!

Not very consructive but hey-ho

WSM · 17/01/2004 20:13

Ask him how many babies he has given birth to ? ROFL emma

Original poster

BekkiKay · 17/01/2004 20:17

I've tried that but he is very stubborn and won't give up even when he knows hes wrong. His favourite thing to say to me is Why do women complain about the pain of childbirth if they don't want the pain then don't get pregnant.
I just have to walk away.

OP posts:

magnum · 17/01/2004 20:18

My dh watched me push my daughter into the world 7 months ago and afterwards commented " I could see where you were going wrong!!" Apparantly I was pulling back and not making each push count. he reckoned I could have had her in half the time if I'd done things properly. I thanked him for his constructive criticism.....not

twiglett · 17/01/2004 20:19

message withdrawn

Lisa78 · 17/01/2004 20:21

slam his b***ks between two bricks and tell him to be quiet then

GeorginaA · 17/01/2004 20:21

I remember during parentcraft with ds, the midwife solemnly informed us that we were all insane if we wanted drugs because women in africa only needed half a panadol for a caesarian.

I restrained myself from slapping her, but only thought of a good rebutal once I got home (which would have been "And what exactly is the mortality rate for childbirth in those situations then?"

This is not to say I don't really admire people who can get through birth without drugs and with barely a whimper (I'm hoping to avoid drugs myself second time around ... not sure about the whimpering), but it's really silly to beat yourself up if you need the pain relief or medical circumstances mean you need more intervention. It's a healthy baby at the end which counts, right?

Oh if only men could have the babies a la Arnold Schwartzenegger in "Junior"...

Original poster

BekkiKay · 17/01/2004 20:21

My dh fell asleep during the birth of my second nearly 5 months ago and when he was woken up by the midwife near to delivery time he said "I know what your going through but I'm really tired and should get some sleep!" I still haven't forgiven him.

OP posts:

Chandra · 17/01/2004 20:22

Oh God, the indians again, being one myself I would like to advise to tell your DH that it would be certainly more natural, definitively easier (for the father who as a a good indian would consider the birth a women business, and left you to it), but about being safer... well, that's why so many of our ancestors died during birth (though I believe the white population used to sufer from the same problem before hospitals were introduced... )

Sorry to be sarcastic but if the human race have worked so hard in developing medical technologies there should be a very good reason behind it, can't help with statistics though, but I don't have anyfriend who have lost a child during birth, nor have I kne somebody who died at birth, my grandmother in the other hand can name a few.

WSM · 17/01/2004 20:23

I yelled and grunted the place down during my 3 hour pain relief free labour and birth !

Sounds like your DH just says a lot of these things to get a rise out of you, pathetic I know.

Original poster

BekkiKay · 17/01/2004 20:23

ROFL! Oh thank god I came on here. If you spend long enough with my dh you'll start to believe anything.

OP posts:

lyndsey66 · 17/01/2004 20:24

Ask him that if he was having a limb amputated would he like to be sedated using the old fashion method of alcohol?!! Given the choice I am sure he would have a general anaesthetic!
Well I think child birth is the same prinicple!

Original poster

BekkiKay · 17/01/2004 20:26

Hes still not backing down. I've got to go now so I can't wait for any more info but I'll be interested to see if I can finally make him accept defeat onn this one.

OP posts:

WSM · 17/01/2004 20:27

Poke something abnormally large and knobbly down his ahem and see if he copes with it in serene and controlled manner ! A sort of reverse-birth experiment.

nerdgirl · 17/01/2004 20:34

How about these statistics -

The women of Nepal are currently in the situation where 87% of them have no help from a trained professional when giving birth. One of these poor unfortunates dies every hour!

Tell him to get off his arse (which has never been ripped open by someone elses head emerging into the world) and kiss your feet for giving him children!

Or better yet, get him to come on here and defend his position!!

Chandra · 17/01/2004 20:35

Bekky, by any chance is your DH following the Lakota philosophy of something of the sort? nothing against it-as long people realise that we don't live rough in the prairies anymore nor do we die trying to catch some bufalos for dinner...-
Indian philosophies are great but we need not to forget the context!!!

By the way, I forgot to clarify that I'm not an asian indian but a very mesoamerican one who happens to love asian indian names

Carolann · 17/01/2004 20:37

There was something on radio 4 awhile back that talked of pregnant women who wrote to thier unborn children because the chances of them dying in childbirth was so high.This was in the days before hospitals etc. It was quite a sad program.

Original poster

BekkiKay · 17/01/2004 20:44

I've quickly checked back as hes now going on about something else pointless. I told him I was coming on mn but he won't defend his point on here.
I blame his mother. She gave birth in a crouched position and she told my dh that was the 'right'way to give birth, so he thinks I'm stupid for not doing it right. It is all my mil fault.

OP posts:

Original poster

BekkiKay · 17/01/2004 20:45

Thanks fort he statistics I'll see how they comfortably they sit with his idea.

OP posts:

Chandra · 17/01/2004 20:48

Nerdgirl, I very much agree, Bekky has to take advantage of the fact that men in these cultures worship mothernature and we as women are nearer to that figure than men, so yes, he should be kissing her feet now.

Bekky, please keep him awake and looking when you next have a childbirth, so he can realise about the strain related to it. DH was with me the 27 hours my labour last, and since then he respects me a bit more because he saw how horribly painful it can be, and got the whole image of baby going out before his eyes which he considered brutal, he was in shock after the thing finished and erm he left me there, afterwards, alone with the baby because giving birth had left him exhausted. Men will be men won't they?

PS... and tell your husband that I was very silent and IT DOESN'T HELP AT ALL (I'm silent all the time anyways, not because of my indian background but because I'm very shy..)

hmb · 17/01/2004 20:51

What you do is when you are in labour grab hold of his testicles and squeeze them hard as long as each contraction lasts. Then tell him to do his breathing excercises and visualise himself somewhere safe and all the pain will go away. And if you need stitches grab his hand and bite it while they do it!

pupuce · 17/01/2004 20:58

Hey- call me mad (and I had 2 kids) I agree with your DH.... you need to read Michel Odent's book and you'll understand what he means.

pupuce · 17/01/2004 21:01

Ask women who have unassisted childbirth (with no one else in the room) - they have very easy births.... on their own and usually very quiet.

emmatmg · 17/01/2004 21:02

pupuce.......you're mad

only joking of course.

Chandra · 17/01/2004 21:03

I'm not going to comment on that....

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