Is it true...???

[mameulah]

My friend recently gave birth and has spoken a lot about the things she didn't expect or didn't know about before the baby got here.

One of the things she mentioned was having to explain to her dh how painful and impossible it is to see the baby cry when someone else is holding it and how she just HAS to get the baby back. I am natural worrier and I know I will be an overprotective Mummy.

How have you all coped socially when other people have been holding your baby, especially when s/he is crying? Are people understanding or do they get offended?

I've been mostly fine with other people having DC3 but I can hear him crying right now upstairs and I'm sitting on my hands and trying to stop myself wanting to go up and take him off DP.

Only trouble is he's nearly 11mo, I go back to work on Monday and as I work evenings we're having to get a new routine where DP can feed and settle him. I bf usually but this isn't an option when I'm not there!

I was way worse with DC1 though. Couldn't bear anyone near her and hated anyone holding her.

Well normal people do it when the baby is about 1 but weird none sensible people start trying at about 5 months.

Sadly the only way to stop them is by saying " please don't" this never works so you then have to threaten the life of the person doing it but I guess if you smile at the same time it's probably a bit nicer.

I was like this from the start. It was admittedly made worse by my inlaws taking then 10day old DD for a walk "round the block". They were gone over an hour I was in such a state DP had to get my mum round! tbf to him he did try to call both their mobiles to ask them to bring DD home again and they'd left them at home probably on purpose

It does ease with time though. But you do need to give yourself time. I think I would have got over my anxiety a lot quicker despite my PND diagnosis when DD was 3 weeks old, if PIL had not done what they did. It did NOT help either me or DD. We didn't bond until she was nearer 2 years old. coincidently, that was the same age I finally agreed that PIL could have her on her own again.

Wow!!! This all sounds more stressful than any aspect of labour or pregnancy. Why do people think it is okay to treat your brand new delicious baby like a toy?

I am a really emotional person at the best of times. The idea that I then have to cope with people entertaining themselves by playing with my baby makes me feel physically sick.

I am so worried about how I cope with it all when I am at my most vulnerable and emotionally charged. It is a big relief to me to know that I am not the only person who feels like this.

Please keep your stories coming, I appreciate them very much.

Well. My baby is 8 weeks now and I Have found the following helpful.

• take the baby back whenever you need to. Get your dp to do this for you if your not comfortable.
• if you are overly emotional then just be honest "I know your probably thinking I'm mad but my hormones are ruling my brain and I really can't bear it if she cries"
• remember its your baby and no is a complete sentence.
• the biggest help to me is my partner. He lets me know when I'm being ott (kindly) and when my hormones are clouding my judgement. He is also good at letting people know if I'm not ok or he isn't ok with something. He can say the words whilst I'm sat eating my fists.

Echoing what another poster said, be prepared to miss your 'bump'. Much as I was delighted to be able to see & hold my DS, there were times I just wanted him back inside me so that he was just mine. Sounds a bit creepy but you'll see what I mean!!

Whilst I agree about the crying thing I don't think you should wind yourself up too much about people 'treating your baby like a toy'.
Anticipating hating anyone else touching your baby is adding unnecessary stress. It's not just your baby, it's a grandchild, a niece/ nephew, a cousin etc... Unless you have genuine concerns for its safety, do try to trust people you would normally trust. Obviously once the baby starts crying all bets are off and just take the baby back, end of, no discussion. Hands out, smile, 'thanks, I'll take her back now'.

I feel physical pain if either of my DD's cry and I'm not holding them or able to comfort them. Since DD2 was born I've had to listen to DD1 cry and not be able to get to her and it breaks my heart plus hurts in my chest and stomach but I have 2 small kids and only one pair of arms so its unavoidable.

mameulah don't worry over this unnecessarily. We've all answered your original question and I haven't seen anyone saying 'oh that doesn't happen, how odd'.

Forewarned is forearmed and all those sayings. You can now discuss with people that you plan to do an own-version-organic-parenting-attachment thing. You're not sure how it will go but you want to maximise bonding opportunities. Look up some of the stuff on what secure and bright children it makes. Get DH on side (is he reading this?) and let him know it's nothing personal about him and ask him to support you with family.

Then do it your way. If you want to hold the baby at any time then you should. The same is true if you just want a bit of time for yourself - my daily showers (though brief) were sacred me time. Someone else can just cope for a bit, then hand the baby back at the speed of light when you're done.

sockreturningpixie were you referring to the baby-throwing-in-the-air thing as having been from about 5 months? My DD was being chucked about like a rugby ball from a few weeks old! bloody ILs

Itsmylast I'm almost certain that the ones who like baby throwing would probably try to get away with it before the cords even cut, they are really that determined but by god if you try and do it to there cat they get all antsy

Wankers the bloody lot of them

I had an epic meltdown when DS was 5 weeks old and DP took him out for a few hours with his mother and aunt. He was late back and DS missed a feed. I have never been so angry, I thought I might attack someone. . Crazy crazy hormones but I'm expecting the intensity with DS2 due next week and hope that will make it easier.

The madness faded over the weeks and although I am still very protective I really enjoy watching DS's relationships with his Daddy and our families.

Thank you everyone, this really is a great comfort.

Signet2012 Your advice is very practical and really helpful. My dh is very good at being rationale and kind and I have been able to rely on him many times before to help me find perspective when my hormones are ruling my brain. Also, a really good tip about eating my fists!

EMS23 I agree with everything you have said. I suppose that one of the biggest issues I am facing at the moment is that the idea our pregnancy becomes our baby is still really abstract. Almost to the day, this time last year, we suffered a missed miscarriage and that through self preservation I don't know that I will believe that all this is going to be okay until I am holding the baby in my arms.

Chubbychipmonk I can imagine wanting to hide the baby back inside me so that it was 'just mine' (and my dh's!) already. Last night we were watching the baby move inside me while I was in the bath. It was such a precious time and there is something so lovely that that only belongs to us.

socks You're absolutely right!

I totally agree that there will be times you miss being pregnant and having the baby to yourself. This baby doesn't move much compared to DD. I actually, rather selfishly, like that it's only me who knows when she's moving and gets to feel everything. I'm finding this pregnancy tough but I do keep reminding myself to enjoy it while it lasts as soon she'll feel like public property.