Sex after childbirth

[jenrose29]

How long did you wait until first having sex after giving birth?

DD1 was VB - 2 hours pushing, ventouse an episiotomy. We tried about 4 weeks later but it was agony. Tried again about 8 weeks - again, searing pain :( It was a slow return to normal, a little bit further in with each attempt but we didn't have proper sex for about 4 months. I would say then it was 7 moths before there was no pain.

DD2 was ELCS and we did it after 8 weeks. There was a bit of a head-trip for me, in the sense I was worried about pressure/discomfort on my abdominal area and scar. But once past that, it was fine :)

So good to have an intact perineum second time around

Am pretty shocked at the poster who had sex 4 days after childbirth

Fucking hell...

WHY would you even want to?? And to be really bloody beaky about it, why would your partner want to? Presumably they'd just watched you deliver and all that?

Think we tried after 6-8wks, whenever I had my check & DD had hers (I think it was a bit later than it should have been...) as I was still bleeding/having discharge, due to a minor infection. I wasn't that interested though really tbh so I didn't miss it, but it really, really hurt. Turns out it was nothing to do with the internal 2nd degree tear I had, but more likely a grumbling appendix!!!

I honestly didn't fancy it at all for ages after - my boobs leaked too much, my fanjo ached & was still 'yucky' so it was the last thing on my mind. Sleep was preferred definitely.

I am amazed, it was a year and half for me mentally but physically I def wasnt ok down there for a good three/four months! Yet I only had small tear and normal no intervention birth?

notnowbernard I assume that question was for me!

Why wouldn't I want to

You seem a little suprised that my DH would want to, well, he isnt squeamish in the slightest, birth isnt horrifying for him. My DS was 4.5lb so slipped out easily

I had a baby, came home, got on with life, and then we both decided we needed a shag. Dont understand the issue?

8 weeks, interesting, but nice to be intimate again.

Its nice to be intimate again, im with monkeyface on this.
My babies all ranged from 5lb 11 up to 7lb 8 so not big at all and i think the sooner you get that connection back, the better.
Obviously if i tore or had major surgery i may have done it a bit later, luckily i have never had them problems.
I cant see why a man wouldn't find you attractive after you have had his baby, after all they have seen you heavily pregnant & still made love to you

If I was the man I would be scared of hurting the woman, embolism, infection in cervix...not letting things settle down...

I think it's up to the particular couple. It's an intensely private, personal thing that requires no explanation - whether they left it one day or one year.

I think the OP will have asked out of interest. We've answered honestly. Let's not start judging one another, eh?

Am not suggesting you are not attractive to your partner because you've just given birth, or that you'd avoid sex because of a squeamish partner

More that, as a partner who has witnessed the birth and all that that entails, you may be thinking you might want to give your partner a bit of a break - that you might be scared of hurting them etc, or might be of the opinion that she might have bigger fish to fry at that particular time (am talking about those who have sex days after birth, btw)

Surely the 6w guideline is there for a reason?

At 4 days post birth my milk was coming in, my stitches itched like buggery, my fanjo looked like a baboon's backside and I couldn't sit down properly let alone contemplate entertaining a penis

I am just starting to feel mentally ready now at 10 weeks. I don't think physically I'm really there yet though! I still feel tender where I had my episiotomy and inside as well doesn't feel right yet. I'm nervous of putting pressure on my scar, and I have a bit of scar tissue internally which is putting me off.

The thing is, my friend the other day was shocked when I told her we hadn't done it yet, and it made me think maybe we should be at it already. I don't want it to turn into a big thing between us, although he isn't hassling me or anything. I just worry we'll get out of the habit of it!

I did have a bit of a hard time after the birth though, it's taken me a good while to recover, mentally as well as physically. I wanted to wait until my 8 week check, and am now waiting for my first period so I can go on the pill. I'll probably wait until then, it's one less thing to worry about!

Dc1- 6 weeks I think
Dc2- 5 months! Just no sex drive what do ever
Dc3 - two weeks, and it was lovely. Don't know what we were thinking though.

6 weeks here both times. 2nd degree tear and stitches both times.

However, I think it would have been 6 weeks either way as OH is Muslim and, apparently, there is a 40 day rule about sex after childbirth.

5 weeks - no stitches, just a couple of grazes. Just felt like the right time. I completely ruined the moment though by asking mid shag 'It's like throwing a sausage down Oxford Street...isn't it?

Dc1 4 weeks took awhile to be comfortable
Dc2 3 weeks not so good, then waited another 3 weeks back to normal by 8 weeks

I only had grazes, but was tender and always surprised at how it wasn't the Grand Canyon lol

I asked my MW when we could she said whenever I wanted to, no 6 week wait, just use contraception etc, as for infection condoms are sterile, last thing I wanted was the mess of unprotected!

Why? DH is Hot! And I love him :)

Sorry to intrude, but, just wondered... Those of you who had sex after only a few days or so, had you stopped bleeding or did you just do it anyway?? I did it at 5 weeks after all 3 and would have loved to do it sooner but couldn't contemplate the mess!

monkeyface

with ds1 it was about 3mths or so, as i had an episiotomy and it was sore, we did do other things that were non penatrative tho and took it slowly.

ds2 2 wks, very easy birth and it felt fine, again took it slowly.

ds3 and ds4 i cant remember! but they were both easy births so within a month or two.

and dd, um again i cant remember, tbh tho sex is lower down on our priority list than sleep! and we have always been happy doing stuff that doesnt involve penetration, so we werent desperate to get back to penetrative sex as there are plenty of alternatives! but it was always when i was ready and i initiated it, dp was happy to wait, so no pressure.

re bleeding, i wouldnt do it when heavily bleeding, but do happily have sex on my period (not the first few days when flow is heavy) so same with childbirth, once i was not heavy etc and i wasnt worried about the mess etc.

I'm in the minority then. With dc 1 it was about 9 months. Was too tired! Also baby was in my room and, personally, I wouldn't dtd in the same room (not bothered what others do that's just me!)

Gave birth to dc2 9 weeks ago and feeling slightly up for it so might soon!

Until now, though, its been the farthest thing on my mind!

About five weeks both times, DH very definitely the squeamish type so had to wait for bleeding to stop (not to mention my bits feeling like they'd been through a grater)

Can I ask a frank question? Did it feel different, in that, could you feel your partner inside you like you could before? Or is it slightly numb, and looser? I'm guessing lots of pelvic floor exercises help but right after I mean.

Good to hear from cs mums too as I may need one, who knows. I've heard some women say they can orgasm easier post child birth, I hope I'm one of them!